Nervous 01st Timers

16 Jul 2006

Hi all,
In the absence of the chatrooms sad

I thought I would just share our thoughts on our experience in meeting couples.
We have been members since Feb 2006 and have had some good meets, making friends and having great fun along the way. We have also had some not so great experience...
On the whole we have been disappointed when we have arranged to meet a 'new' couple. In many cases, but not all, it appears that the male partner of the couple is keen to get into swinging. The lady on the other hand is often very nervous, uncertain about wether this is something she wants to try and as a result is very uncomfortable.
We are a relaxed couple, happy to go at a pace all feel at ease with but, to be frank, ladies should not be placed in this position. I feel so sorry for them, the 'threat' of being laid bare and perform with people she does not know is more than is reasonable to expect. We are happy to talk things through before hand and would prefer being told to what extent she feels unhappy about things. This would be preferable to either no shows or a atmosphere that is so on edge that no one enjoys themselves.
At least we get the place tidied up so not all is lost!
CnG

16 Jul 2006

Thanks de_sade
It seems that sometimes the guys fancy 'swinging' the lady is dragged along without really feeling it is something she wants to do...How on earth is she expected to enjoy herself when she feels so uncomfortable she cannot even get involved in harmless chat let alone, throw herself into having 'fun'!
CnG

16 Jul 2006

Thanks de_sade
It seems that sometimes the guys fancy 'swinging' the lady is dragged along without really feeling it is something she wants to do...How on earth is she expected to enjoy herself when she feels so uncomfortable she cannot even get involved in harmless chat let alone, throw herself into having 'fun'!
CnG[/quot
Know the feeling, but we are a little more mature cpl and have arranged meets with so call ed younger enthuiastic cpl but found that they are quite shy and take all night going round the houses before mentioning what we all got together for,,is it just us or have any other mature cpls found the same thing happend,,,,will keep on trying though,, !!!!!!!!!
C&M XXXX

16 Jul 2006

Hi bbw007 and carolmartin wave

welcome to you both
It's not that rare that the fem of a couple is just there to fulfil her hubby's fantasy rather than hers. My first experience was with a couple like that.
Still, I hope you all find what you're looking for in here. Hope to see more of you, so to speak :giggle:

16 Jul 2006

Hi Carol Martin
We are no spring chickens but havent been swingers for long. When we did our first meet we were both so close to being physically sick with nerves. We were lucky teh couple we met put us very much at our ease, we enjoyed a relaxed meal and they had us for dessert!!!
I suppose what we did was we both discussed this with each other in an honest and open manner, felt very secure in our relationship and agreed that it would be good harmless fun. We set our own parameters in that if either of us felt in any way uncomfortable we would call a halt.
Now there is no holding Mrs bbw back!!!!!! lol

Because we remember how tense we were making the other couple feel 'at home' is important, as is making clear that we will do nothing more than all are happy with. Its not always teh ladies who are too tense, we have met some couples where the man is so on edge as well.
CnG

16 Jul 2006

Hi Sassy-Seren
You are so right and isnt that a real shame!
As a man (I use the term loosely!), I really do not want to have fun with a lady who is there under duress and does not want to play.
CnG

16 Jul 2006

A good thread on a real subject which many face. I am certain Mrs T will enjoy it but the first step is the hardest. Particularly as a lovely BBW, she is really really sensitive.

16 Jul 2006

Thanks Tigger,
Do us all a favour, yourself included....remember Mrs T has a view and an opinion on what she wants and expects. You must respect that and involve yourself in something you both are happy to follow.
It is not fair on Mrs T or the couples you arrange to meet to have her there without her wanting to be.
CnG

16 Jul 2006

Quote by bbw007
Because we remember how tense we were making the other couple feel 'at home' is important, as is making clear that we will do nothing more than all are happy with. Its not always teh ladies who are too tense, we have met some couples where the man is so on edge as well.
CnG

:thumbup:
Welcome to the Cafe btw wave

16 Jul 2006

Quote by carolmartin
Know the feeling, but we are a little more mature cpl and have arranged meets with so call ed younger enthuiastic cpl but found that they are quite shy and take all night going round the houses before mentioning what we all got together for,,is it just us or have any other mature cpls found the same thing happend,,,,will keep on trying though,, !!!!!!!!!
C&M XXXX

The thing that i would say in defence of a lot of people is that they may not want to move as fast as you apparently do.... I know people who just want to get down to it, I also know people who want to get to know people and take it at a much slower pace so they feel comfortable to the situation...
Neither is wrong.........just remember that not everyone is the same (if they were wouldn't the world be a boring place....)
welcome to the forums...
sean xxxxxxxxxx

16 Jul 2006

Thanks for your input Sean.
On the contary, and I think you do us a dis-service. We spend what we think is plenty of time, chatting with people before the four of us agree to get together. We use the SH chatrooms, MSN, Camming and even...we talk on the phone!
Yes this is a swinging site but, making friends is just as important if not more so to us at least. But hey! No-one is perfect so we happily take on board others views.
CnG

16 Jul 2006

Quote by bbw007
Thanks for your input Sean.
On the contary, and I think you do us a dis-service. We spend what we think is plenty of time, chatting with people before the four of us agree to get together. We use the SH chatrooms, MSN, Camming and even...we talk on the phone!
Yes this is a swinging site but, making friends is just as important if not more so to us at least. But hey! No-one is perfect so we happily take on board others views.
CnG

I know the feeling confused

Some people (both singles and couples) find it difficult to seperate what they think they would like to do ,with what they would actually do.
It is easy to fool yourself that you feel confident when you are not in the situation and only discussing it.
I tend to avoid couples who are just setting out on the road to swingdom and I understand it makes a bit of a catch 22 for new couples when I say go and get some experience, to explore what you like and dislike - to find your boundaries and what you are confortable with. But there are ways and means.
I really do beleive it can be beneficial for couples to find a good club and spend an evening there just watching. Then discuss what excited them and what made them nervous. It does not mean they have to swing at clubs - but it may help having some form of benchmark.