There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died he said to his wife, "When I die. I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket; his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and the rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?
"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
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Never try to outsmart a woman!!!!
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Nice one.
A fella goes on a date with a women he met on the net, he gets her back to her place and they go to bed.
As they don`t know eachother that well and she is shy she wants the lights out.
So in the darknes there the bloke goes down for desert and starts to munch away, After a short while he realises that there is this wierd odour, so trying to be polite he says "is there a window open, there seems to be a funny smell."
The woman says Oh! I am sorry its because I have arthiritis in my shoulder.
The man who is by now puzzeled asks, " whats that go to do with it."
She says "it stops me reaching down to wipe my arse."
A fella goes on a date with a women he met on the net, he gets her back to her place and they go to bed.
As they don`t know eachother that well and she is shy she wants the lights out.
So in the darknes there the bloke goes down for desert and starts to munch away, After a short while he realises that there is this wierd odour, so trying to be polite he says "is there a window open, there seems to be a funny smell."
The woman says Oh! I am sorry its because I have arthiritis in my shoulder.
The man who is by now puzzeled asks, " whats that go to do with it."
She says "it stops me reaching down to wipe my arse."
A newly wed couple having there wedding night. She says I have to confess something to you before we start. He says ok go ahead.
She explains Oh I have an artifical leg and takes it off and puts it into the cupboard.
He says nevermind. She says Oh and I have an artifical arm. takes it off and it goes into the cupboard to.
He says never mind.
She says Oh and I have a glas eye, take it out and alos into the cupboard.
never mind
Oh and false teeth, of itno the cupboard
never mind
Oh and wig, of into the cupboard
never mind
She says and now you can come
He says where to? To you or into the cupboard
She explains Oh I have an artifical leg and takes it off and puts it into the cupboard.
He says nevermind. She says Oh and I have an artifical arm. takes it off and it goes into the cupboard to.
He says never mind.
She says Oh and I have a glas eye, take it out and alos into the cupboard.
never mind
Oh and false teeth, of itno the cupboard
never mind
Oh and wig, of into the cupboard
never mind
She says and now you can come
He says where to? To you or into the cupboard
Sex God
Still living at home and expecting to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Robert decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.
So he went to a singles bar and he searched until he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
"Right now, I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but within a month or two, my father will pass away and I'll inherit over £20 million pounds."
The woman went home with Robert that night, and four days later she became his stepmother.
Men will never learn...
So he went to a singles bar and he searched until he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
"Right now, I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but within a month or two, my father will pass away and I'll inherit over £20 million pounds."
The woman went home with Robert that night, and four days later she became his stepmother.
Men will never learn...
