ALL ARE WELCOME OPEN TO MEN ONLY
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each. Sign up early and get a discount on registration. The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:
DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation
TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper. Pictures and graphics.
THE AFTER DINNER DISHES & SILVERWARE - DO THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.
LOSS OF VIRILITY:
Losing the remote control to your significant other Help line and support groups
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
Open forum
DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS: DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play
HEALTH WATCH - BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
PowerPoint presentation
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did.
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation
LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE
Online class and role playing
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class
GETTING OVER IT. LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Mrs Fc
Is it about time that you presented youself over my agreeable knee?
you are a naughty naughty naughty girl, and you know what you deserve!!
Jerry
Mrs Fc why is it that I suspect that you are being disingenouous?
Perhaps you ladies would care to spend the evening whilst your good men folk are at the other class attending Professor G's women skills seminar.
9am LIGHT REFRESHMENTS
That means a cup of tea and perhaps a couple of biscuits . No cream
cakes , no chocolate , no icecream sundaes no long deep chats about
relationships , no early morning chat shows and must be over in fifteen
minutes.
CONVERSATIONAL TIMING
At this early hour our speaker explains that now is not always the best
time to give a long list of very important information . How to discuss
important subjects when spouse is not waking up / falling to sleep - its
theory and practice.
BASIC CAR MAINTENANCE
Specialist mechanical experts give tips on subjects such as " yes the
tyre pressures are still written on the tyres , like last time you asked him
to fill them for you " . Yes the best type of oil is the same stuff he told
last time you asked and the old favourite - do you really think we still
believe you dont know how to do that stuff ??
PREMATURE WASHING UP
A lecture from the authors of " Plates are from Venus Sinks are from
Mars" on the reasons why the pots will still be dirty in the morning , and
putting emphasis on the assertion that you will not die or get ill if the
washing up is left until the morning.
12noon LUNCH BREAK
Attendees are asked to try and get back from the shops in time for the
afternoons talks , space will be provided for a maxium of two hundred
weight of uneccessary purchases at the bursers office.
MOVIES AND THEIR PURPOSE
Practice in watching a movie all the way through without making coffee
then coming back half an hour later and asking questions until the end
of the film . How best to avoid pointing out who everyone in the film is
married to in real life ( or who their sister is ) and how to resist the
urge to watch the movie until five minutes from the end and then
yawning stretching and saying youre going to bed.
SELF CLEANING PAINT BRUSH 'THE MYTHOLOGY"
One womans talk on the path to realisation that her own mother had
cheated her by letting her live her whole life believing that if you put
an expensive paintbrush in a cup of white spirit it will clean scrub
and dry itself over the next few weeks.
HOW TO ORDER FOOD
A practical guide to ordering portions in restaurants . Including " No I
didnt get all dressed up to eat salad" and " I want my own dessert
not half of his" .
SUMMING UP
To familiarise you with the process of summing up , our head
lecturer will round up the days experience , briefly , to the point
and factually . Without reference to any friends , relatives their
experiences or any magazine articles or what Oprah Winfrey had
to say about it .
SISTERS ! YOU ARE WOMAN YOU ARE STRONG
Mrs FC ..... that was wonderful ...
having sat trying to watch a programme whilst Hubby channel hopped I am definitely thinking about signing him up ;)
Course we can Corrie . A power point is where we plug the playstation in silly !
Ah, my good friend Prof G,
In your oppinion, would it be too soon to suggest a follow-up seminar on the effects of telephone calls to mother, friends, daughter, daughter in law, etc, and relaying the conversation acroos the lounge, word for word, while husband, boyfriend, lover, lodger, swinging mate, (either or all of the afore mentioned) are sitting watching the football, golf, table tennis, horse racing, tiddly-winks etc?
I would imagine this would be a lively discussion/shouting match, and my only concernwould be that unless the doors were kept locked for the half hour or so, ther could be a mass exit, with stamping feet, of those ladies who cannot possibly see any reason for males to be interested in such pastimes, when their inain news of what whoever bought when at the supermarket that afternoon seems to be the mostimportant news in world affairs of that day.
Your grateful guidance would be appreciated
Keith
How about some courses in how it isn't cheaper to talk to your friend for 30 minutes, landline to vodafone, because your credit has run out on your mobile ?
Or about how NOT to click yes to every applet that rolls up.
Excellent stuff, Professor G.
If your timetable permits, I'd like to host a guest lecture, entitled Supermarket Checkouts: The Quick Way.
We shall discuss why hearing the words "That's , please" is NOT the best time to realise you have to pay for your goods, search the contents of your handbag for your purse, count your money, realise you've only got £20, discuss with the checkout person that you forgot that you paid the vet earlier that morning and that's where your money's gone, attempt to pay with a library card and finally write a cheque.
All excellent suggestions gentlemen . Of course one can only include a finite amount in one hijacked thread , but I would be most happy to see my colleagues above start their own courses or workshops and would of course support them fully .
Perhaps a collaboration between the experts here to write a small paper on the theory as follows.
" Cant help thinkin this thread wouldnt have slipped off the board so quickly if we'd left it just knocking men "
Discuss.
Dr G phdfc and much love and at the bar
Surely a course that is open to men only is discrminatory and therefore illegal. In any event those are all advanced courses some of us have still to do the intermediate courses.
:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: 
very good! 
