Hi,I have a question for the women. How did you first get involved in the scene and how did you feel about it if it was your partner that initiated it? I guess it's obvious why I'm asking. We're married, & We've fantasised sometimes about taboos like threesomes (mmf) but taking another step just seems outrageous! How did you feel when your partner first suggested something like that. .. Our did you make the first move? Perhaps there's someone out there that wishes they'd started sooner? Please tell. I'm trying to decide whether to do something about it or just leave well alone. A big part off me feels we should give it a go.. you only live once! But I don't know how, help!
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Newbie question for the ladies, what was your first experie
Orgasminator
Quote by Katniss
first things first - you say you are married but have a single male profile :small-print: does your wife actually know you are on here?? and if so why not have a couples profile ;) first rule of swinging is honesty
You must be feeling better
Quote by Katniss
first rule of swinging is honesty
Not here to judge though are we? and in an ideal world the first rule of swinging might be honesty but in reality I would think it is very much not the case.
I've lost count of the amount of profiles I've read where a couple states 'we're very much in love' Why is that? Of course they hopefully are very much in love but I wonder if it's one of the partners posting that to sort of help to ease the concerns of the other re possible straying cos they like it? A sort of marker.
Also, most couples like to play, but methinks it's probably more one of the partners wanting to play and the other just going along with it so as to please the other 'arf / keep them happy (initially)
Swinging should be for liberated, open minded couples who equally enjoy sharing the boudoir and their partners with others but once the sesh is over they slip back into the vanilla lifestyle and carry on as normal and together.
In an ideal world swinging is couples for couples but now it's just a freeforall, single females/males all wanting to hop on (pun intended)
Forum Virgin
We just wanted to try different things as a couple. We have tried lots of things now and are getting to know ourselves better. I as the female have learnt that things I enjoy watching in films are not the same in real life. This is not in my opinion something to do if you are in an insecure relationship. We have what I call our sexy bucket list and at 41 I think I'm at a confident age.
Quote by dee_licious
first things first - you say you are married but have a single male profile :small-print: does your wife actually know you are on here?? and if so why not have a couples profile ;) first rule of swinging is honesty
You must be feeling better
nicotine withdrawal dee
makes me narky - apologies as i didnt mean to judge
so in response to the thread posters question - i got involved coz i was single, and i fancied a fuck without any ties (except maybe a few ropes) Ive had some awesome fun, met some lovely people, had my fair share of timewasters, dreamers and eejits - but on the whole wouldnt head back to 100% vanilla lifestyle for anything!!!
if i ever did get into a relationship again (which is highly unlikely after the last complete fuck-up) i think i'd have to insist on setting the ground-rules first - I dont think id ever give up playing with females, and i never meet anyone these days that isnt lifestyle so they would know this already ;)
Johno_101 - why not tentatively suggest to your partner that you'd like to try go to a club, just for voyeur purposes, that way if she feels open to that suggestion you can ease yourselves in gently
whatever you decide to do, have FUN and stay SAFE :bounce:
LOL fair point! I hadn't noticed that. Ok I'll fix it. But your right, my wife doesnt know I'm on here and that's the ppoint as well, I want to find out more before I even start talking about turning a fantasy into something real. We really are happily married and the sec is great and we do like to fantasise and we could leave it at that but there's a party of me thinks it could be the most exciting thing we do together or it could be a really stupid mistake to even stay talking about it. I would hate it if she felt she had to go along with it to keep me happy. ... especially if it's only initially Lol! Actually I laughed at that because I read somewhere once that men often instigate swinging but the women often get the most out of it which can leave the mam feeling a bit left out! So has anyone felt they should go along to keep there partner happy?
Forum Virgin
We started by chatting about what we wanted. I as the female then in some mad moment thought it a good idea to pay £200 for a woman to tie my man to a cross and together e played with him and each other. After that we met a man in a hotel where we played as a threesome. Next we joined chamelions and one Thursday night we went there and had the most thrilling which involved my partner, myself and two other men that was great and purely straight. Then this week we thought we were ready to go to a bi night. No regrets but I can honestly say never again it was awful and I hated it. We will continue to go weekly to straight nights though and hope to meet a couple. My point is really, enjoy whatever you decide to do but take it slowly and remember what we think we like may not always be what we like when it becomes real. I love chameleons because you can just go there and not get involved if you don't want to. When I was in a room on our first visit laying naked on the bed the men that came in politely asked my partner if it was ok to touch me before they did. It's laid back and you can wear towels provided which I like. Hope this helps .
Warming the Bed
I fell into it in a drunken haze in my mis-gotten youth!(I didn't know they were swingers and naively played strip poker lol can anyone imagine me falling for that now? haha)
Stopped when I was in a relationship with the father of my kids but knew it wasn't as 'satisfying as it could be'. He would never be part of the swinging life!
For years I found as a single fem there are always the occasions when you go to a couples for dinner and someone suggests some-think and the games begin!
My only regret is that I didn't find clubs earlier, about 3 years ago. Chameleons being my favourite!
Now I go when I feel like it and don't when I don't.
Made life so much simpler!
My advice for what it is worth is try a club, just to have a look, or...sometimes just having sex while being watched is enough to fulfil your fantasies! It's certainly easier to handle than all the emailing back and forth and arranging hotel meets that may or may not come off.
Have fun.
ps. cumlady you can pay me £200 to tie your husband up anytime!! And the first one to tell her I'd do it for free is in serious trouble. gggrrrrrr
Stopped when I was in a relationship with the father of my kids but knew it wasn't as 'satisfying as it could be'. He would never be part of the swinging life!
For years I found as a single fem there are always the occasions when you go to a couples for dinner and someone suggests some-think and the games begin!
My only regret is that I didn't find clubs earlier, about 3 years ago. Chameleons being my favourite!
Now I go when I feel like it and don't when I don't.
Made life so much simpler!
My advice for what it is worth is try a club, just to have a look, or...sometimes just having sex while being watched is enough to fulfil your fantasies! It's certainly easier to handle than all the emailing back and forth and arranging hotel meets that may or may not come off.
Have fun.
ps. cumlady you can pay me £200 to tie your husband up anytime!! And the first one to tell her I'd do it for free is in serious trouble. gggrrrrrr
Forum Virgin
That has really made me laugh maybe we will meet one day at cameleons lol xx
Casanova
Quote by Toots
I've lost count of the amount of profiles I've read where a couple states 'we're very much in love' Why is that?
OT - I met a lovely couple this summer that stated this on their profile... and before the summer was out, they'd broken up :/
To the OP - I am amused that you are doing research into this
Have you thought that maybe you could be looking into all this together with your wife? Like a shared interest? She sounds curious enough. When I first joined I went on the chatrooms and picked everybody's brains. You learn a lot by others' experiences, and it's then clear to see that there's hardly two couples that go at it alike! You could quiz anybody on this thread and they'd give you a different picture of what "the scene" is like. Truth is, there's nothing so concrete about the scene; at best there's a common ethos or approach, then you have the clubs, the holiday resorts and the socials, the rest is private meets, where anything goes - that's it. It is possible to dip your toe and nothing more. It is possible to go very slowly, on your own terms. You don't have to move on from the "fantasy" stage even (if you've been hanging about you must have seen the more active swingers' complaints about "fantasists & timewasters"). But all I can say is, at the end of the day, unless your marriage is on shaky grounds, even an extreme experience (by newbie standards) won't shake your world to its foundations. Thank you. Sensible advice and reassuring! I can't fault the logic of taking to my wife about it but we've only done that as a fantasy so it's hot but it doesn't progress beyond that. And for a long time I've kind of thought that s enough because the idea of saying actually how do you feel about doing this for real is terrifying. One because she might not want to and the other because she might be careful what you wish for they say! The big difference is talking about it with you guys first because you've been there before. Incidentally we do know of several friends that are or have been part off the scene. One thing my wife had always said though (of fantasies) is that it can never be someone we knew.
Anyway I'm convinced I need to have the conversation and it helps that I could suggest a club. I think that's a great idea for both of us.
Love the poker story. Cumlady. . What can I say but *wow*!
Most of all, thank you for your properly good advice! :)
be careful what you wish for they say! The big difference is talking about it with you guys first because you've been there before. Incidentally we do know of several friends that are or have been part off the scene. One thing my wife had always said though (of fantasies) is that it can never be someone we knew.Anyway I'm convinced I need to have the conversation and it helps that I could suggest a club. I think that's a great idea for both of us.
Love the poker story. Cumlady. . What can I say but *wow*!
Most of all, thank you for your properly good advice! :)
Casanova
Quote by johno_101
...the idea of saying actually how do you feel about doing this for real is terrifying. One because she might not want to and the other because she might
If both outcomes are terrifying, you're in a good place! You have nothing to lose - especially seeing you're not invested in either outcome (which cannot be said for many other guys asking for advice on convincing an unwilling partner). The other thing about researching on your own is, before you know it you've settled into a habit of trawling a swingers site or three... will she be happy to hear that? (Goes a bit like this: Amael went to see Prometheus without checking to see if I wanted to go along - I was quite upset over that!). Time to shake up those comfort zones. It's all fantasy anyway, the big reality of swinging is fantasy ;)
LOL! Fair enough, thanks Pebble, I think you're right! I've no doubts about our relatinoship that but I'm wary of putting in memories that neither of us want to have! That siad - I am reasearching on my own. That's a problem.
Here's soemthing I want to ask then, just to see if it's a common problem... When we do get to talking about fantasies we're normally both so wired and sexed that we can't be sure we're having a real conversation or just winding each other up. But the problem is neither of us feels particularly like talking about it when we're not feeling sexy. Not looking for answers here!
Pebble, thanks for your thoughts. It will help having the conversation with the person I really need to be speaking to
Here's soemthing I want to ask then, just to see if it's a common problem... When we do get to talking about fantasies we're normally both so wired and sexed that we can't be sure we're having a real conversation or just winding each other up. But the problem is neither of us feels particularly like talking about it when we're not feeling sexy. Not looking for answers here!
Pebble, thanks for your thoughts. It will help having the conversation with the person I really need to be speaking to
Casanova
Quote by johno_101
I'm wary of putting in memories that neither of us want to have!
The thing with memories, they're all made up. You give a memory what power you like, you spin it whichever way suits - certainly not consciously, but still a contraption. I totally understand your concerns, you don't want to step into an experience that will alter your balance, and that you won't be able to shake off. But the thing is, when you proceed cautiously, even on a shitty path you can keep clean - or just have a good wipe clean when you get home, and that's it. The disturbing effect of memories is because they trigger other underlying problems. In other words, if there are cracks they *will* be exposed, but if there aren't any you won't suffer a blow that will create them.
Quote by johno_101
But the problem is neither of us feels particularly like talking about it when we're not feeling sexy.
Yes, I don't think this is particularly unusual... You may find that high libido people will search out these chats and related activities, whereas low libido ones will only have them when they're turned on. Question is, do you not talk about these things because you're only interested in them when horny, or are you simply embarrassed to breach the subject? If your wife falls in the first category, you won't be going far with this. But if it's merely the latter, you're pretty much good to go. I think all you'd have to say is something like "you know all the crazy shit about others that we fantasize on when we have sex? It's been playing on my mind. Do you think it is pure fantasy or do you see us ever trying it for real?"
Yeah I think it's beneficial to sort out your thoughts before broaching topics that confuse the hell out of you. Just keep your dick off people's inboxes until she's on board ;)
My wife and I have been together for 31 years, since we were 18. Understandably,things do get a bit boring and stale after time.
I discovered the swinging scene by accident driving past a club in the North. Having plucked up the courage to go in, I discovered a wonderful lifestyle with a great bunch of people..
Over the last 10 or 15 years I have had four FBs where there has been total honesty. My only regret is my second to last FB where I was not completely honest and occasionally saw another girl. This was despite being told that there was no problem with me seeing someone else as long as she knew.
I have regretted this ever since.
I do not drink, smoke or gamble, this is my only vice and I would love for my wife to get involved even if it were just to watch.
Unfortunately, despite many hints serious conversations she just doesn't want to. I'm not going to force it and I feel guilty when I visit clubs or meet my FB but I just can't help myself.
I discovered the swinging scene by accident driving past a club in the North. Having plucked up the courage to go in, I discovered a wonderful lifestyle with a great bunch of people..
Over the last 10 or 15 years I have had four FBs where there has been total honesty. My only regret is my second to last FB where I was not completely honest and occasionally saw another girl. This was despite being told that there was no problem with me seeing someone else as long as she knew.
I have regretted this ever since.
I do not drink, smoke or gamble, this is my only vice and I would love for my wife to get involved even if it were just to watch.
Unfortunately, despite many hints serious conversations she just doesn't want to. I'm not going to force it and I feel guilty when I visit clubs or meet my FB but I just can't help myself.
