Newbies... Party Etiquette and Do's/Don'ts?

Hey!!

My boyfriend and I are new to the swinging scene and so want to try going to some of the adult parties advertised. There are some in our area too which makes it pretty convenient. We want to go as a couple and see how we like it, to explore different things and work out, as a team, what our boundaries are when it comes to this! We have amazing sex between us, but we are both very young and want to have more fun beyond just monogamous sex.. so we're giving this a try.

There's a party coming up in a few weeks that we are interested in attending, but as it's both of our first time doing something like this, we're wondering if anyone has any advice on party etiquette and particular do's/don'ts or what to/not to wear etc. We've seen the suggested 'strip down' midnight rule on lots of events, and we're more than comfortable with that, but we're just trying to get a bit of a clearer picture of what to expect really as it sounds really exciting but there isn't much more info on the event descriptions.

For example, with it being our first time at such a party, if we went and decided we just wanted to play with each other or watch others.. is that accepted? I know there is, of course, always a 'no means no' disclosure for any event or meet-up, but I was wondering if there is a certain type of discrete pressure at these types of parties to get involved even if you're not really ready to venture outside of your own relationship the first time attending? Just wanting to ease in slowly, so do you think a good way to go about it would be to just attend and mention that it's our first time and we are taking it slow? Or are these parties more for experienced/'hardened' swingers?

We appreciate any advice or tips!!

Ruby and Leo

Hi and welcome!

My advice would be contact the party organisers first off and ensure what their rules actually are as every party seems to be different in our experience. Some want you dressed down straight away, some have fetish themes or even a fancy dress type vibe. Some parties don’t want non participants watching, some love it. It’s a bit of a minefield so it’s best to ask the organiser. Big tip - if the organiser is giving you a ‘vibe’ you don’t like, DONT GO! Very early on we were planning on going to a party and the organiser was promising us the world and my gut told me he was full of shit. We got to the party and there was no one our age and within minutes I had people (men) pawing at me. Then I realised it was about 80% men at this ‘party’ and I’d been billed as the main attraction. Follow your instincts!!!

You’re absolutely right about the no means no rule. If anyone anywhere, private party or a club tries to pressure you into something you don’t want, then leave! Can’t tell you how important that is. Especially as newbies. If you’re pushed into something you don’t want to do, or worse, you get separated and one of you does, it will cause issues and potentially ruin swinging for you forever. Take it nice and steady and only do things you’ve agreed you’ll do beforehand. ALWAYS set your personal boundaries before you go to any event is a great bit of advice we were given and it really does help. The key to a successful experience is to ensure you BOTH enjoy it! I hope you find what you’re looking for and have a great time if you decide to go 😇

Mare

Xx

Quote by WolfandMare

Hi and welcome!

My advice would be contact the party organisers first off and ensure what their rules actually are as every party seems to be different in our experience. Some want you dressed down straight away, some have fetish themes or even a fancy dress type vibe. Some parties don’t want non participants watching, some love it. It’s a bit of a minefield so it’s best to ask the organiser. Big tip - if the organiser is giving you a ‘vibe’ you don’t like, DONT GO! Very early on we were planning on going to a party and the organiser was promising us the world and my gut told me he was full of shit. We got to the party and there was no one our age and within minutes I had people (men) pawing at me. Then I realised it was about 80% men at this ‘party’ and I’d been billed as the main attraction. Follow your instincts!!!

You’re absolutely right about the no means no rule. If anyone anywhere, private party or a club tries to pressure you into something you don’t want, then leave! Can’t tell you how important that is. Especially as newbies. If you’re pushed into something you don’t want to do, or worse, you get separated and one of you does, it will cause issues and potentially ruin swinging for you forever. Take it nice and steady and only do things you’ve agreed you’ll do beforehand. ALWAYS set your personal boundaries before you go to any event is a great bit of advice we were given and it really does help. The key to a successful experience is to ensure you BOTH enjoy it! I hope you find what you’re looking for and have a great time if you decide to go 😇

Mare

Xx

Thanks so much for your advice- we really appreciate it!

You're right, I will message the organisers and find out the specifics as hopefully that will ease the nerves a little bit and paint a better picture of what to expect! We've had conversations about our boundaries and talked through lots of different scenarios and what we are both comfortable with in theory, but we want to see how it pans out in reality in the situation! That's why we think a party might be a good way of easing into it and exploring if we've set our boundaries to match reality!

Thanks again for all of your advice!

Ruby xx

This is something we have talked about doing from time to time, but never quite plucked up the courage. Would be interested to hear how you get on as a newbie. Only how you found the visiting experience, not the naughty bits 😉

G&S X

I think a club might be a better introduction than a party, most clubs will have it's people that go there often while a party will have more random group of people there and somewhere that most people know each other self polices it's self more and people tend to call out anyone being stupid (Well I'd like to think so).

You can have chat with the club owners and I'm sure that they'll be more than willing to keep an eye on you (Repeat custom and new people are the life blood for clubs) and maybe even have one of their other couples chaparone you (I know when I helped run a few places that's what I used to do, as well as finding out what the couple wanted and tried to guide them in the right direction)

Some great advice here, from wolf and mare, and stevierich. Parties do have the potential to be a little more leading, in terms of expectations... that doesn't mean they all are. Clubs have repeat custom to think about.

The one key factor, we would suggest, is that the 2 of you keep up your communication, sounds like you have spoken at length.... keep doing that, chats about what went well, and more importantly what didn't go well, are critical to lots of fun in the lifestyle.