My mom has developed this wonderful habit of just letting herself in to my house.
I am in bed this morning and as Smudge flys off the bed and scratches me in the process due to the sound of the door opening I groan thinking "It had better be a fucking stranger so I can cuss him"
"Cooooeeeeee it's me Abi ...I'll put the kettle on shall I?"
Great. So I get dressed and stumble downstairs only to see my mom frozen to the spot staring at the coffee table.
Seems I left a bondage collar out. :shock:
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No mom, I'm not that innocent afterall.
Quote by Abilene
My mom has developed this wonderful habit of just letting herself in to my house.
I am in bed this morning and as Smudge flys of the bed and scratches me in the process due to the sound of the door opening I groan thinking "It had better be a fucking stranger so I can cuss him"
"Cooooeeeeee it's me Abi ...I'll put the kettle on shall I?"
Great. So I get dressed and stumble downstairs only to see my mom frozen to the spot staring at the coffee table.
Seems I left a bondage collar out. :shock:
At this point you should have screamed, Oh my god where’s the flucking Dog!!!!!!!!
Don't worry about it.
A) She knew it was something sex orientated, so she can't be that innocent.
B) Look on the bright side - maybe she will learn to stop letting her slef in.
Mrs Kiss' parents had a habit of doing that until early one evening they 'popped round' only to see the living room door slam in their faces and hear the both of us, who were a little hysterical, shouting "Don't come in!" and "Wait there!"
It had been obvious that we had been shagging on the living room floor but none uf us mentioned it and now they always ring the bell.
PS: You spelt Mum wrong. :lol2:
A) She knew it was something sex orientated, so she can't be that innocent.
B) Look on the bright side - maybe she will learn to stop letting her slef in.
Mrs Kiss' parents had a habit of doing that until early one evening they 'popped round' only to see the living room door slam in their faces and hear the both of us, who were a little hysterical, shouting "Don't come in!" and "Wait there!"
It had been obvious that we had been shagging on the living room floor but none uf us mentioned it and now they always ring the bell.
PS: You spelt Mum wrong. :lol2:
Quote by Abilene
Great. So I get dressed and stumble downstairs only to see my mom frozen to the spot staring at the coffee table.
Seems I left a bondage collar out. :shock:
Oops! But a timely reminder to the rest of us to check round before the family arrives this weekend - thanks for that!
Sex God
I was getting my washing out of my bag after a weekend away recently, when my leather paddle fell out of my !
I swiftly shoved it back in my bag hoping no-one in the room had seen it.
I decided that if anyone had witnessed it on the floor and asked what it was that i'd say it was an oversized bookmark.
I swiftly shoved it back in my bag hoping no-one in the room had seen it.
I decided that if anyone had witnessed it on the floor and asked what it was that i'd say it was an oversized bookmark.
Quote by Warmer
I was getting my washing out of my bag after a weekend away recently, when my leather paddle fell out of my !
I swiftly shoved it back in my bag hoping no-one in the room had seen it.
I decided that if anyone had witnessed it on the floor and asked what it was that i'd say it was an oversized bookmark.
Maybe you would have gotten away with it...... if you had been reading this book that is!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: Sex God
I wouldn't even need to wear my glasses to read that 
Sex God
Quote by Gothic-punkwe could have a thread..
The beauty of being a weirdo punk/goth hybrid person is that I can pass stuff like that off as club-wear :>
'How do you disguise yours'?
Sex God
My parents used to have a habit of calling me at work and saying "we're gonna come in and cut the grass this afternoon!"
I've seen me coming home from work at lunchtime to hide any incriminating evidence and making sure the place doesn't smell of ciggies!
We've since had a bit of a chat about cutting the apron strings and I think I'm safe from unexpected visits now!
Oh... and I have a man who cuts the grass now!
I've seen me coming home from work at lunchtime to hide any incriminating evidence and making sure the place doesn't smell of ciggies!
We've since had a bit of a chat about cutting the apron strings and I think I'm safe from unexpected visits now!
Oh... and I have a man who cuts the grass now!
Sex God
Quote by Dirtygirlie
Oh... and I have a man who cuts the grass now!
Does he travel?? :lol:
Quote by Dirtygirlie
....
I've seen me coming home from work at lunchtime to hide any incriminating evidence....
Ahh the old "De-sex the house routine" I remember it well
Quote by dambuster
A little background.
As some know, I've been a bit off colour lately. I don't start to get mobile until around 1 or 2pm, and can't use my hands/fingers too well for most of the day. Can't even roll my fags some days. And I get quite a dig in the back and chest if I try to breath deeply, sneeze, cough or laugh
Well. A couple of days ago HLB started to feel pain in her neck (other than me) We're thinking trapped nerve or similar. Last night, as she really struggled to get up off the duvet on the floor, about 1am, I was half an inch from ringing for an ambulance.
Obviously, she has the same problem coughing, sneezing or laughing.
So this morning we decide the best place for her was A&E.
Options
1 - Risk me driving her there. A none starter that early in the day really.
2 - Taxi. Not really suitable. Taxi drivers not that well known for being sympathetic and ill passenger considerate.
3. - Ambulance. Well ............ not strictly speaking a 999 case.
4 - Phone a friend.
We decide on 4. No problem, I think about ringing an SH'er that's been a real pal to me recently, picking me up to get me out of the house for an hour or so, but realise it's the weekend and she'll be with family and not want to disrupt her Saturday. HLB decides to phone her dad. He lives about 15 miles away.
I've met her parents a few times, but they've not been here before.
While she's on the phone I look around the lounge.
Me "I'll have to tidy some of this stuff and de-sex at least the downstairs"
HLB "Hmmm. You're probably right"
Me "Baby, if I went to pick my daughter up from a blokes house to take her to hospital in pain; and walked in to find a duvet and pillows on the lounge floor with a camcorder or camera facing it, mounted on a tripod and connected with wires to the TV - I'd smack the fucker"
HLB " Have you moved all my toys out of the bathroom in case he needs the loo ?" (Toy wash day)
So there we were, me either on my hands and knees, or bent double, her unable to move from the chest up, trying to roll up duvets, disconnect the HLBPorn gear, pick up or move the flavoured lubes, condoms and toys, munch badges and other sex/SH paraphernalia that are scattered about the place, both in agony - pissing ourselves at the situation, trying not to laugh and giggle like girls but failing miserably.
I know you probably had to be there.
Sex God
I was told by my mother that there was a lot of 'wife swapping' going on in the seventies and that i was silly to be so naive to think she was some sort of saint :shock: That was a surreal Sunday morning going to see my mom for a coffe and chat moment!
That was all she said Never mentioned it since. Don't really want her too. And I dont think about it from one year to the next.
That was all she said Never mentioned it since. Don't really want her too. And I dont think about it from one year to the next.
Why would your mother just walk in?
my mother and mother in law both have keys and always knock or ring the bell, not that i have anything to hide, thats the way we were brought up, we all respect each other, i would never walk in there houses either. TBH if my mother or mother in law just walked in I wouldn't be to happy.
my mother and mother in law both have keys and always knock or ring the bell, not that i have anything to hide, thats the way we were brought up, we all respect each other, i would never walk in there houses either. TBH if my mother or mother in law just walked in I wouldn't be to happy.
My parents have a key to my sisters house and just let themselves in all the time without knocking :shock:
I couldnt possibly guarantee that we'd be dressed/respectable/not at it across the dining table screaming at the top of my lungs :shock:
I dont give out spare keys for all of the above reasons :P :lol:
I couldnt possibly guarantee that we'd be dressed/respectable/not at it across the dining table screaming at the top of my lungs :shock:
I dont give out spare keys for all of the above reasons :P :lol:
My Grandma sometimes helps me tidy my room....and she decided to do it one day while I was out...
I came back to find a very tidy room and my Vibrator smack in the middle of my bed
She hasn't mentioned it and neither have I LoL
I'm sure my Mum knows about my lifestyle...I don't come directly out and say it but she knows that I have met up with married men with their wives approval... LoL...and she's fine with it!!
I came back to find a very tidy room and my Vibrator smack in the middle of my bed
She hasn't mentioned it and neither have I LoL
I'm sure my Mum knows about my lifestyle...I don't come directly out and say it but she knows that I have met up with married men with their wives approval... LoL...and she's fine with it!!
Sex God
One of my inlaws once moved to an area within Bristol, my Mother commented that that where they use to have all the key swapping partys in the 70's. My mouth opened to say "how do you know" but paused just in time 
My Mother also has a key to our house and whats worse is she lets herself in when we dont open the door. Luckily its never busted us for anything sexual only normally means I am asleep in the front room when I am supossed to be somewhere else Havent been sexualy busted since we lived in my parents house where she would just knock then enter, thats bloody annoying.
My Mother also has a key to our house and whats worse is she lets herself in when we dont open the door. Luckily its never busted us for anything sexual only normally means I am asleep in the front room when I am supossed to be somewhere else
Havent been sexualy busted since we lived in my parents house where she would just knock then enter, thats bloody annoying. nothing to do with my parents but i remember years ago a little old lady who lived next door used to pop round to give me eggs of her daughters (chicken eggs that is).one day i was in the kitchen cooking bacon and had the back door open when i turned to find with surprise a box of eggs on the look at it from her perspective... "ohh that nice young man next door is cooking his breakfast i'll just pop these eggs round"and off she shuffles to find the door open and tries hard not to drop the eggs as she sees me butt naked,singing loudly and talking to myself in strange voices and practising loud raised leg farts !! "oh.... i just better pop these down here and speak at a more convenient time" and off she shuffles
Quote by Bigpaul45
nothing to do with my parents but i remember years ago a little old lady who lived next door used to pop round to give me eggs of her daughters (chicken eggs that is).one day i was in the kitchen cooking bacon and had the back door open when i turned to find with surprise a box of eggs on the look at it from her perspective... "ohh that nice young man next door is cooking his breakfast i'll just pop these eggs round"and off she shuffles to find the door open and tries hard not to drop the eggs as she sees me butt naked,singing loudly and talking to myself in strange voices and practising loud raised leg farts !! "oh.... i just better pop these down here and speak at a more convenient time" and off she shuffles
:eeek:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: When I split up with my ex, I had to move back home.
The first thing I did was buy a lockable bedside cabinet.
One morning in a rush to get to work I left a vibe on the windowsill, (its ok it was a pretty one) when I got home from work, it was laid on the bed. My Dad had been in and cleaned the windows!!!
Now I make sure I put them away, even if it makes me a little late for work!!!
The first thing I did was buy a lockable bedside cabinet.
One morning in a rush to get to work I left a vibe on the windowsill, (its ok it was a pretty one) when I got home from work, it was laid on the bed. My Dad had been in and cleaned the windows!!!
Now I make sure I put them away, even if it makes me a little late for work!!!
