Oh well - I can't play as my wife can't share me. Whilst she agreed it was logically a good solution for our situation, emotionally she couldn't allow it.
I guess I knew what her answer would be. But part of me was hopeful as you often hear people say, when they find out their partner is cheating, that the worse part of affairs is the dishonesty and not the sex.
The trouble is, divorce seems to be the only other option left - and that seems a selfish route to take just for my sexual needs. Mind you I don't think I can handle another 15 years of the same...
:cry:
36 x
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Oh well - I can't join the scene
Quote by 36openminded
Oh well - I can't play as my wife can't share me. Whilst she agreed it was logically a good solution for our situation, emotionally she couldn't allow it.
I guess I knew what her answer would be. But part of me was hopeful as you often hear people say, when they find out their partner is cheating, that the worse part of affairs is the dishonesty and not the sex.
The trouble is, divorce seems to be the only other option left - and that seems a selfish route to take just for my sexual needs. Mind you I don't think I can handle another 15 years of the same...
:cry:
36 x
keep on talking (not bullying or haranguing) lines of communication are really important...
all good things come to those who wait and all that stuff.
36... you will have loads of fun just being on the forum anyway....I promise
Sex God
Awww 36 I'm sorry hun. Are you sure divorce is the only option have you tried absolutely everything else?
As Splen said fun in the forum can be had so not all is lost eh?
Love
FIRE xx
As Splen said fun in the forum can be had so not all is lost eh?
Love
FIRE xx
I agree with the communication - swing was suggested to me a good few years ago and at the time i just did not feel comfortable with it - this time it was me that actuallly suggested it and its going fantastic.
We all have bad times and eventually get through them - i hope this is just a bad time for you and that you both come out the other end smiling.
Plz dont leave us all alone here - coz i am a very patient woman
I enjoy your postings and humour, as i'm sure many others do too, and it would be sad to lose that 
Our thoughts are with you hunni bun and
from mrs J.
We all have bad times and eventually get through them - i hope this is just a bad time for you and that you both come out the other end smiling.
Plz dont leave us all alone here - coz i am a very patient woman
I enjoy your postings and humour, as i'm sure many others do too, and it would be sad to lose that Our thoughts are with you hunni bun and
from mrs J. Quote by da69ve
swinging does not save marriages!.....do you love your wife?........you could end up leaving your wife.......and then find out swinging is a bit of an anti-climax!
Well put ... Exhaust every avenue before the "D" - love is a precious thing and can easily be thrown away for the wrong reasons - if there is love there, on both sides, its generally worth fighting for
Quote by da69ve
swinging does not save marriages!.....do you love your wife?........you could end up leaving your wife.......and then find out swinging is a bit of an anti-climax!
Although blunt I really do agree with what da69ve said 36.... As disappointing for you as it is your marriage and what's best for you has to come first....
But please dont include swinging in any decision you make about your future.... It's not everything hun
depends on the situation i think guys, if 36 is really that unhappy with part of his relationship (and sex is a big part of it for some) then maybe thats the only way forward!!
i think its a brave thing to do for anyone to turn round to someone they love and have a relationship with (in whatever form etc) and say that they are unhappy and must move on with their lives alone. Sometimes this gives both parties a chance to see what is available to them and sometimes the reality of it is that they were better off in the situation they left, sometimes they can get it back, sometimes they cant, life is a gamble and if your not happy with your hand then sometimes you have to fold and shuffle the deck (bit of a cliche but good analogy ). Seems the way im interpreting it this is what 36 feels he must do and if that is the case good luck to you my friend, life is about being happy and when the grim reaper comes along at least if your true to yourself you can say that you have done what you can and could do no more!!
i think its a brave thing to do for anyone to turn round to someone they love and have a relationship with (in whatever form etc) and say that they are unhappy and must move on with their lives alone. Sometimes this gives both parties a chance to see what is available to them and sometimes the reality of it is that they were better off in the situation they left, sometimes they can get it back, sometimes they cant, life is a gamble and if your not happy with your hand then sometimes you have to fold and shuffle the deck (bit of a cliche but good analogy
). Seems the way im interpreting it this is what 36 feels he must do and if that is the case good luck to you my friend, life is about being happy and when the grim reaper comes along at least if your true to yourself you can say that you have done what you can and could do no more!! Quote by Shireen_Mids
swinging does not save marriages!.....do you love your wife?........you could end up leaving your wife.......and then find out swinging is a bit of an anti-climax!
Although blunt I really do agree with what da69ve said 36.... As disappointing for you as it is your marriage and what's best for you has to come first....
But please dont include swinging in any decision you make about your future.... It's not everything hun
But i agree with these two reprobates
about the swinging thing not being the answer! 
:rotflmao:sorry to hear this 36. As the others said, keep talking as there might still be a solution yet. Thinking about divorce being the only answer, has your wife thought about her options? What I mean is has she thought how she would feel if you took that choice - what would that leave her with and what would she prefer given the option of either staying married but letting you play because she won't or being alone? Or to put the decision on her - what if you decided to play because you need sexual contact and left her with the choice to divorce or put up with it? What would she do? I don't necessarily mean put her physically in this position but get her to imagine this situation....might help?
If I can help you know where I am.
:therethere:
If I can help you know where I am.
:therethere:
Do I love my wife? What do you think? Would I had bothered to request her permission first if I did not?
Would I leave my wife for swinging? No. But I might to meet my sexual needs.
Have I tried everything? Don't know - I'm open to suggestions. We tried sexual counseling and it help a little but my wife hates counseling as it makes her feel at fault (even though they go to great lengths to avoid people feeling that). My wife doesn't like talking about sexual things - so communicating isn't exactly easy.
Am I scared that leaving my wife could be a big mistake - yup. There's plently to be scared of - leaving the woman I love so I can try meeting my sexual needs. Sleeping with the same women for 15 years on an infequent basis is also a great way to stir all kinds of sexual anxieties...
Thanks for your support.
Sorry if the above isn't great - my mind is all over the place - and yeah I know this doesn't really have anything to do with swinging I just don't know where else I can talk about this kind of stuff.
You guys are cool,
36 x
Would I leave my wife for swinging? No. But I might to meet my sexual needs.
Have I tried everything? Don't know - I'm open to suggestions. We tried sexual counseling and it help a little but my wife hates counseling as it makes her feel at fault (even though they go to great lengths to avoid people feeling that). My wife doesn't like talking about sexual things - so communicating isn't exactly easy.
Am I scared that leaving my wife could be a big mistake - yup. There's plently to be scared of - leaving the woman I love so I can try meeting my sexual needs. Sleeping with the same women for 15 years on an infequent basis is also a great way to stir all kinds of sexual anxieties...
Thanks for your support.
Sorry if the above isn't great - my mind is all over the place - and yeah I know this doesn't really have anything to do with swinging I just don't know where else I can talk about this kind of stuff.
You guys are cool,
36 x
Quote by 36openminded
Sorry if the above isn't great - my mind is all over the place - and yeah I know this doesn't really have anything to do with swinging I just don't know where else I can talk about this kind of stuff.
I dont think it matters a jot if it isn't swinging related or not to be honest.... It is something that you feel the need to talk about and perhaps those that are not emotionally involved can give different options for you to try...
Gah there are times when I want to say something but I cant find the words... This is one of them
36
Quote by 36openminded
the worse part of affairs is the dishonesty and not the sex.
:cry:
36 x
Personally I think a Friday night shag, (though I never did it), is no reason for divorce, it is the love for someone else that kills it. It was for me anyway, you can't play second fiddle in a marriage, it isn't a marriage if you do. You may worry about the dishonesty, but actually if you're not sleeping together it's not like you'll bring something home. An affair usually involves some expressions of love, and has all kinds of dangers for a man who isn't about to leave home.
I knew of a man whose sex life had ended and every Friday night he told his wife he was somewhere, probably bowling or something, doesn't matter, and he went to see a lady in the West End who kindly looked after his needs. It kept the marriage together and would work for some people.
I think it might have worked for me although I stuck the celibate thing for many years, I didn't want to blink first. Trouble was, her blink was the big one!
I have a friend in the same position. He claims he has 100% sucess rate as he has 2 kids.
I think sex outside the marriage is a thing both parties need to agree with and share. Sounds like to me that your wife has issues about herself and her sexuality.
Not everyone needs a good hard fuck, and women can go without for sometime before he desire gets to them. Maybe you need to go back to basics with a lot of stroking and cuddling?????
I think sex outside the marriage is a thing both parties need to agree with and share. Sounds like to me that your wife has issues about herself and her sexuality.
Not everyone needs a good hard fuck, and women can go without for sometime before he desire gets to them. Maybe you need to go back to basics with a lot of stroking and cuddling?????
Know where you are coming from, my wife hates sex, and its putting a strain on our relationship. Im the opposite, I love sex, you need physical attraction too. Im playing with fire. I did think of prostitutes but just cannot bring myself down to there level, swinging seems my best option.
36 we were in a similar situation last year, sex was not very often. So, (and my wife used to be very similar, didn't like talking about sex) I managed to sit her down and calmly talk about love, sex, fantasies and limits. So do we swing - no (not at the moment ) but we discoved other avenues - outdoor, dogging and other stuff.
36, it's difficult, and I'm not going to say that it'll work for you, it took me a long time and perseverance, but the example above, I hope, will give you hope.
Good luck.
K
) but we discoved other avenues - outdoor, dogging and other stuff.36, it's difficult, and I'm not going to say that it'll work for you, it took me a long time and perseverance, but the example above, I hope, will give you hope.
Good luck.
K
Sex God
Quote by 36openminded
Do I love my wife?
I think you do my friend - so I think yer in for the long haul. Come and enjoy just being here for just now.
Things will take their course.
.
Quote by m1970
Know where you are coming from, my wife hates sex, and its putting a strain on our relationship. Im the opposite, I love sex, you need physical attraction too. Im playing with fire. I did think of prostitutes but just cannot bring myself down to there level, swinging seems my best option.
Me too really. I always imagined me humping away for all I'm worth while they're thinking about the shopping list or what's on TV tonight. It doesn't have to be love, but it does have to have mutual involvement in the process doesn't it?
A bit of down and dirty sex is just wonderful, but sex for cash is just unsavory. However, that doesn't mean they don't provide a valuable service for those that can stomach it.
Adding to my last post for 36 though, what I meant to infer was that if sex has been removed from the marriage then I always felt that it was also removed from the agreement, and so I would salve my concience that way. As it happened I never did cross the line, (well only after we'd agreed on a divorce), but it was on my mind that if ever a shag offered itself I wouldn't say no. Of course it didn't though, one has to be a bit proactive about these things or they won't happen.
I'm sorry to hear you're having a few problems hunni. You fit in here very well and it would be a shame if you left though you don't have to. This place is as good as any 'vanilla' chatroom/forum site so I hope you stick around.
I can see where your wife is coming from not wanting to share you. I had the exact same feelings with my ex hubby and it put me off ever exploring my own bisexual side in case he found her more attractive/a better shag etc etc
Keep talking to each other without pressure, find other ways to please each other. In time, she may come around, she may not. There are lots of possibilities for improving your sex life with her and I hope you both work it out
I can see where your wife is coming from not wanting to share you. I had the exact same feelings with my ex hubby and it put me off ever exploring my own bisexual side in case he found her more attractive/a better shag etc etc
Keep talking to each other without pressure, find other ways to please each other. In time, she may come around, she may not. There are lots of possibilities for improving your sex life with her and I hope you both work it out
This makes me wonder just how many men (and women?) are in the same position?
My wife shagged for England when we met - well just for me, mostly, I think. Certainly I never remember her saying 'no'. We even had a few good experiences with one other couple. Then it stopped. She was 43 and it was suddenly 'never' - always an excuse as to why not. After 5 years of kind chat, encouragement, foreplay and no sex, I made the decision to join other couples for mmf fun. She objected and life was difficult, but I had to do it - for me. So after three years she has realised it's no threat to her and the anti feelings are not so bad. I take care to be as discreet as possible and it has worked for me. (I would much rather have good sex with her though!)
To 39, it must be his decision, only he knows all the factors, but in hindsight I really resent the wasted years of no sex - now I'm getting too old (body, not mind!) and it seems like I just gave away all that fun. And I'm fairly sure that you only get one go at life.
Good luck 39
jonb
My wife shagged for England when we met - well just for me, mostly, I think. Certainly I never remember her saying 'no'. We even had a few good experiences with one other couple. Then it stopped. She was 43 and it was suddenly 'never' - always an excuse as to why not. After 5 years of kind chat, encouragement, foreplay and no sex, I made the decision to join other couples for mmf fun. She objected and life was difficult, but I had to do it - for me. So after three years she has realised it's no threat to her and the anti feelings are not so bad. I take care to be as discreet as possible and it has worked for me. (I would much rather have good sex with her though!)
To 39, it must be his decision, only he knows all the factors, but in hindsight I really resent the wasted years of no sex - now I'm getting too old (body, not mind!) and it seems like I just gave away all that fun. And I'm fairly sure that you only get one go at life.
Good luck 39
jonb
Sex God
36 you are a brave guy posting on here, well done you, that says a lot to me that you can articulate your feelings which is a good thing.
I really (I mean really) feel for you, we have a very close friend in a similar situation. He loves his wife and will stay with her as leaving his kids is not an option, but has resigned himself to not ever having his sexual needs met as he won't go outside his marriage for sex. His wife a very good friend of mine, but she has a deep seated feeling that sex is dirty and not to be discussed, let alone practiced. I have tried talking to her, but she blocks it, I have invited her to Ann Summers parties, tame for me but far too scary for her (she declined btw). We try to joke about sexual practices but to no avail. I've tried for his sake to help without interfering, but her attitude to sex is the basis of the problem. The communication isn't there.
So I do understand that advice of candles, romance, improving your sex life etc are very well meaning but I suspect you are dealing with something much bigger here. I do wish you luck. Keep talking as much as possible and give her time. In my circle of friends this is not too uncommon sadly, please remember she may need time to digest what you are asking of her.
pink x
I really (I mean really) feel for you, we have a very close friend in a similar situation. He loves his wife and will stay with her as leaving his kids is not an option, but has resigned himself to not ever having his sexual needs met as he won't go outside his marriage for sex. His wife a very good friend of mine, but she has a deep seated feeling that sex is dirty and not to be discussed, let alone practiced. I have tried talking to her, but she blocks it, I have invited her to Ann Summers parties, tame for me but far too scary for her (she declined btw). We try to joke about sexual practices but to no avail. I've tried for his sake to help without interfering, but her attitude to sex is the basis of the problem. The communication isn't there.
So I do understand that advice of candles, romance, improving your sex life etc are very well meaning but I suspect you are dealing with something much bigger here. I do wish you luck. Keep talking as much as possible and give her time. In my circle of friends this is not too uncommon sadly, please remember she may need time to digest what you are asking of her.
pink x
Quote by blueandpink
36 you are a brave guy posting on here, well done you, that says a lot to me that you can articulate your feelings which is a good thing.
I really (I mean really) feel for you, we have a very close friend in a similar situation. He loves his wife and will stay with her as leaving his kids is not an option, but has resigned himself to not ever having his sexual needs met as he won't go outside his marriage for sex. His wife a very good friend of mine, but she has a deep seated feeling that sex is dirty and not to be discussed, let alone practiced. I have tried talking to her, but she blocks it, I have invited her to Ann Summers parties, tame for me but far too scary for her (she declined btw). We try to joke about sexual practices but to no avail. I've tried for his sake to help without interfering, but her attitude to sex is the basis of the problem. The communication isn't there.
So I do understand that advice of candles, romance, improving your sex life etc are very well meaning but I suspect you are dealing with something much bigger here. I do wish you luck. Keep talking as much as possible and give her time. In my circle of friends this is not too uncommon sadly, please remember she may need time to digest what you are asking of her.
pink x
My wife is the same, sex doesnt intrest her one bit, sex is filth, porn films are filth, give her fags, tv and money and she is happy. I love her to bits but I feel she is taking the piss when it comes to the sex side of things, no point trying as I just get knowhere. Hence why I am on here, just looking for some unattached fun. Wish it could be different, but it cant.
Quote by m1970
My wife is the same, sex doesnt intrest her one bit, sex is filth, porn films are filth, give her fags, tv and money and she is happy. I love her to bits but I feel she is taking the piss when it comes to the sex side of things, no point trying as I just get knowhere. Hence why I am on here, just looking for some unattached fun. Wish it could be different, but it cant.
I know of someone who is doing the exact same thing as I'm sure are a lot of marrieds on here both male and female. He needs sex but the wife, for whatever her reasons, won't deliver. I'm not condoning doing stuff behind your partner's back but I can understand why you're here. You just have to live with the consequences if ever she found out and the fallout could be devastating.
Quote by m1970
Know where you are coming from, my wife hates sex, and its putting a strain on our relationship. Im the opposite, I love sex, you need physical attraction too. Im playing with fire. I did think of prostitutes but just cannot bring myself down to there level, swinging seems my best option.
m1970....I dont want to hijack, but can't not have my say on this one. To be so disparaging about prostitutes is unwarranted and unkind. Yes, there may be some "rough as arseholes" whiskey swilling drug addled street walkers out there, granted. However, the majority are clean, intelligent,articulate women who have chosen to make a living this way.
I once knew one lady who was middle class, highly educated and a very respected member of her community. She worked as an escort to enable her to keep horses as this was her passion. She, and every woman doing the same job, had my respect.
Open.....pls excuse hijack.
Im not having a pop at prostitutes, they do a job, I was hoping to meet someone on here in the same situation as myself, you cant be a friend to a prostitute, you can another person who understands and are in the same situation as myself.
TBH its getting frustrating, nothing I can do :cry:
TBH its getting frustrating, nothing I can do :cry:
