Ooooh this is my first topic!!!

29 Jun 2011

OK I thought I would throw one out to all you forumites (is that the correct terminology?)
Whats your stance and what approach would you take to the age old problem of your child being bullied in school? Im talking secondary education and not primary as they are poles apart. I had more communication and access to my sons primary school, however when he stepped into the world of secondary, its as if the doors closed, letters never land and communication is like trying to contact Elvis banghead

Now they have the standard "policies" in place which to me are no more than lipservice, but does the school at the end of the day have any powers and does that leave us parents feeling even more powerless when our most precious thing in the whole world is being verbally and physically attacked?
There are grievance and discipline polices in the work place and even in here, abuse has its consequences and ramifications e.g. you abuse, you get banned... but what is there in the forum of secondary education? I understand the bully has a reason for their behaviour, but what about the child on the receiving end and the impact this has on their self-esteem and confidence not only in the here and now but their future and their views on life?
What approach would you take and have you had any experience of this either on the receiving end of bullying or as a parent of a child that is being bullied?
All feedback greatly received. I am about to approach my sons school and thought I would gauage a broad spectrum and you guys are who I chose wink

29 Jun 2011

Tills my lovely a tricky one, I dont have children, but was bullied myself at school funnily enough by boys not the girls, not a very pleasant experience, but most of my bullying took place outside of school, but im fully aware that things have changed massively in the 20 years since I left school.
In all my dealings with people who we hold in a " responsible position", the moment I feel im not getting any answers, I generally use the tactic that im gonna be in your face until you, A, they listen and ackowledge , B, take action, and if your still not satisfied repeat steps A & B and take it right to the top until your heard. The school first priority should always be to the abusee not the abuser.
I hope you find a solution hunny kiss

:kiss:

29 Jun 2011

Thank you for the advice and kind words I really appreciate it xxxx
My son had his shirt ripped off his back, three boys pile on top of him, to the point where he couldnt breathe and they didnt inform me!! I had to find out when he came home.
Me being me, I was straight down the school, saw the head of year and was assured that the child in question would serve a head of year detention and the parents would receive the bill for his shirt.
Great, but the little ****** has only told all other members of his little gang and other classmates and they have now jumped on the bandwagon.
I am drafting a letter tomorrow and your advice really will have helped
Thank you from my heart x

29 Jun 2011

An additional tactic you may want to consider is at each and every meeting YOU write notes. It doesn't have to be much. The names of all attending, ask them to confirm full names and position in the school, what is discussed, what is agreed, what timescales actions will take place in; and don't leave the meeting until there is a set of actions on the school that are aceptable to you. (If they ask why the notes, you could just say your solicitor said you should. :giggle smile

I would hope they don't push all the action onto you (my son's school suggested he should keep a log of incidents - you can guess how much fun the bullies had with that stupid idea)
If they try, make it clear that while your child is at school, the school is morally and legally responsible for everything that happens to him and it is up to them to prevent bullying and having 'plicies' is irrelevant if nothing actually changes. It may also help to use the term assault rather than bullying wherever possible. Your son is being bullied, but each incident is an assault.

29 Jun 2011

Quote by flower411
An additional tactic you may want to consider is at each and every meeting YOU write notes. It doesn't have to be much. The names of all attending, ask them to confirm full names and position in the school, what is discussed, what is agreed, what timescales actions will take place in; and don't leave the meeting until there is a set of actions on the school that are aceptable to you. (If they ask why the notes, you could just say your solicitor said you should. :giggle

Now ...you see ..you are talking like me before I had to deal with a situation !!
Refering to solicitors at an early stage will have them putting you down as a confrotational parent ... the trick is to pick up on everything they say ...if they come out with platitudes such as "we have a policy on bullying and it is zero tolerance" ...ask them exactly what they mean and how they implement it

Quote by foxylady2209
I would hope they don't push all the action onto you (my son's school suggested he should keep a log of incidents - you can guess how much fun the bullies had with that stupid idea)
If they try, make it clear that while your child is at school, the school is morally and legally responsible for everything that happens to him and it is up to them to prevent bullying and having 'plicies' is irrelevant if nothing actually changes. It may also help to use the term assault rather than bullying wherever possible. Your son is being bullied, but each incident is an assault.

Be careful about escalating the situation before you know exactly how they are going to deal with things .....you will be much better served by a school that knows it has made a mistake and is dealing with a reasonable parent than one than sees you as a nutter !!
I take your points. I wouldn't advise going in with guns plazing at the first incident. But. My son's school a) NEVER told me when he had been beaten up. b) put him under the school shrink as if HE was the problem and c) never, not once, actually put an action in place on themselves or the parents of the thugs who made his life a misery for 3 years.
When he turned 14 he also grew 6 inches and learned Judo. Oddly enough the bullying stopped - but only then.

29 Jun 2011

Ask your kid who the toughest in the school is, then bung then a tenner to quietly kick seven bells out the little scrote causing all the trouble wink

29 Jun 2011

Ask the school if they have a bullying policy, if so ask for a copy.
See if they have a mentor scheme where you son can talk to other teens who provide support to their peers etc. especailly around bullying.
The school may also have an onsite Youth Worker who can give support.
Ask what support there is for your son.
If your son walks home on his own - suggest he changes his routine and walks a different way thats busy (no quiet lanes) or walks with mates. Is there a safe house he can go to on the way home if he comes across these other lads?

30 Jun 2011

The first thing to do tille is to ask to log the incident as an official complaint against the school
an official complaint iirc is the only thing that goes on a schools record as a minus and it looses it ability to boast a zero tolerance against bullying on the national points scheme
its seems to provoke a reaction far better than any lip service meetings, once started all the parents of the children involved have to attend a meeting and put forward how they plan to resolve the matter and prevent further incidents
make sure you have the names of all involved then hand them to the head of the school also demand a meeting with the head,the head of year,the children involved,parents of the children and the teacher who was on break duty when the incident happened
we had serious problems when our daughter was bullied at an all girls school we actually got some very good advice from a teacher at another school where we was looking at moving her too
do not accept lip service of any kind ask for written conformation of how they plan to deal with the issue
we found after this process was followed we had no further problems with the school
some usefull info here tilie

30 Jun 2011

Quote by Lizaleanrob
The first thing to do tille is to ask to log the incident as an official complaint against the school
an official complaint iirc is the only thing that goes on a schools record as a minus and it looses it ability to boast a zero tolerance against bullying on the national points scheme

:thumbup:
Ensure that it reaches both the school's board of governors, and the local education authority. Schools always want to keep bullying incidents 'in house' so they will be very reluctant to discuss it to the above.
Also, remind the school that they have a duty of care towards your child and should any further incidents happen now that they have been notified, then they will have failed at this too.

30 Jun 2011

Tillie,
Is this an 'academy' secondary school or an old fashioned 'state' one?
There is a difference in how they handle bullying.
As a School Govenor:-
State schools process is:-
The Anti-bullying policy (they must have one it's mandatory) is available on request to the school secretary (they may make a minimal charge for this).
In the 1st instance, the complaint should be made in writing to the Head Teacher / Principal (you should also .cc this to both the Chair of Govenors and the Local Education Authority Chief Executive).
Depending on the terms set out in the Policy, the school should provide a written acknowledgement of your compaint in 5-28 days.
Again depending on the terms in the policy, they should then respond officially within 2-6 weeks.
If you do not agree with the response, you can request that the Governors review the findings. Most Boards of Governors have an allocated Governor who Chair's any complaint reviews and logs the decision in the Governors meeting minutes.
Should you still feel agreeved, only at this point can you engage the LEA to investigate the incident via a neutral review panel and their decision is final.
If the bullying results in 'physical harm', then the Police should also be notified (at the time of the incident) as this may then lead to a prosecution for GBH/ABH or a restraining order issued. In these cases the Police Incident number should also be quoted in your letter to the school.
The Process for Academy's is slightly different and this should be detailed in their Bullying Policy as they do not have 'Governors' or the LEA and are directly controlled by the Dept of Education for escallation.

30 Jun 2011

Thanks to you all for your very helpful advice. The secondary is due to move to Academy status in September. I had an interesting chat with the "Director of Behaviour" today after I rang and asked to speak to the Principal. I was very quickly put through to this chap when I explained the situation, that I didnt want to speak to the Head of Year (as he was supposed to call me back on Wednesday and didnt) and I wanted a meeting with the school as a matter of urgency.
He was unaware of this incident and previous incidents that led to this, but did listen and seemed to be receptive to my outlining my concerns as a parent, my sons situation and his frame of mind (my son said to me "mum its ok I am used to it now" which made me sick to my stomach) and their failing in their duty of care to my child, the lack of communication with me, along with my asking whether they have, and keep records of this and other incidents and if they are monitored for patterns developing under their SEF as the DFE advise this as "good practice".
Upshot is, I am to receive a phone call tomorrow, at which point I will be insisting on a meeting between myself, the form tutor, the head of year and this Director of Behaviour. I will see where this goes and if not happy then we will continue escalating.
I am not going in guns ablazing, thats not how I operate, I like to be calm, decisive and clear on what I am, and am not prepared to accept.
The school decided to seek recompense from the other childs parents reference the shirt, however I have made it more than clear that this is not the point, sanctions need to be in place and not just a detention. There needs to be a strong message sent across the entire year group that this is not acceptable and there are ramifications and consequences to actions.
Especially when its my ickle man lol

await rumblings in Lincolnshire wink

Once again, thank you to all that have replied, my first time posting a topic in the forums and its nice to receive so many responses xxxx

30 Jun 2011

Quote by flower411
But there are three options ...sort the problem with the school viewing you as a responsible reasonable parent ...
Sort the problem with the school thinking you are a litigious nutter and treating your children accordingly ....
or
Change schools...

4 options, mines quick, cheap and effective :mrgreen:

7 Jul 2011

Write a "no pulled punches letter" to the school, and then, and this is the important bit, send cc's with a covering letter to your local m.p., to the head of the local education authority (by name), to the local newspaper if you feel you've already been messed about, to the education minister (I'm not kidding)....even to the local chief constable if it's serious or prolonged.
Stand well back and watch people jump.
You will not be ignored nor fobbed off.