Open reply to PM

22 Dec 2005

Open reply to pm
I am sorry that I am not responding via the normal route of a private pm but this has been occasioned by a regrettable incident caused by the family hamster (Ferdinand IV, aged 17months) slipping from his observation post on the Xmas tree and landing nose first on the delete key of my keyboard a mere nanosecond before I could enter the send command and despatch my reply to your good self.
However, we wish to thank you for taking the trouble to include us as recipients for your enticing introductory offer of services.
We congratulate you on the careful planning and research which must have gone into your successful spamming of most of the 300000 (alleged) members of the site. Setting your parameters for the distribution of your message and the casting of your net, so tightly, will, I feel sure, render it a near certainty that you will obtain the response which you so clearly deserve.
However, I must alert you to the fact that setting a limit of 358 miles from your home base, whilst probably retaining the interest of those likely to travel readily towards you, does disenfranchise the poor sod who lives just beyond the Outer Hebrides surrounded only by sheep and seals (none of whom have expressed any interest in swinging activities). Jock of Kintyre, as he is affectionately known to his paramour, (a well presented black faced ewe) would have been a far more likely prospect than many others who did receive your pm.
None the less, I must tell you that on seeing your 3 line literary masterpiece, Mrs V was clearly overcome with emotion. Her eyes glazed and rolled upwards which, I am assured, is a clear sign of intense arousal.
Indeed, it was only my quick thinking and rapid response of hiding the car keys within the contents of a half consumed jar of Branston pickle, that prevented her from journeying northwards forthwith to avail herself of an opportunity of a shag. Bearing in mind, of course, that it was not any old shag, but one made available from within the heartlands of BNP activity in mid Lancashire from an unknown and undescribed male..
How could a girl resist? A" profound and sensitive piece of literary foreplay", was what I think she described your message as being.
I wish you well with your efforts and look forward to receiving many more Spam adverts masquerading as PMs.

22 Dec 2005

Do you want to send me details of this most interesting piece of spam and it will be dealt with in the appropriate and time-honoured method of the closed door.
cool

22 Dec 2005

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
well I my just copy your post and send it out to some of the pm ers I have had brilliantxx

22 Dec 2005

Hope the hamster is OK rotflmao

22 Dec 2005

Least the hamster got a jump biggrin

22 Dec 2005

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Pure Brilliance

22 Dec 2005

Quote by bumpkin
Hope the hamster is OK

Hope the Delete key is even better!!
Brilliant - love it!!
:rotflmao:

23 Dec 2005

Quote by Valton
However, I must alert you to the fact that setting a limit of 358 miles from your home base, whilst probably retaining the interest of those likely to travel readily towards you, does disenfranchise the poor sod who lives just beyond the Outer Hebrides surrounded only by sheep and seals (none of whom have expressed any interest in swinging activities). Jock of Kintyre, as he is affectionately known to his paramour, (a well presented black faced ewe) would have been a far more likely prospect than many others who did receive your pm..

i would prefer it if you didnt take the absolute cunt out of where i come from... joke or not!

23 Dec 2005

That is most prob one of the very best posts i have read on here in the last 6 months
thats i enjoyed it very much. I just wicsh it could be automaticly sent to all spammers.
cheers

23 Dec 2005

Quote by bumpkin
Hope the hamster is OK

Thankyou for your concern regarding the little creature's health.
Sadly he had to be transported on a spinal injury board to our local branch of VetZ4Petz, where he has been placed in traction, using an adapted Swan Vestas match box.
he prognosis is generally favourable but he will have to adapt to future living with a caliper on his left rear leg.
End of topic and Mrs V are off to Partners tonight pending a cessation of activity over the festive period.

24 Dec 2005

Quote by Valton
However, I must alert you to the fact that setting a limit of 358 miles from your home base, whilst probably retaining the interest of those likely to travel readily towards you, does disenfranchise the poor sod who lives just beyond the Outer Hebrides surrounded only by sheep and seals (none of whom have expressed any interest in swinging activities). Jock of Kintyre, as he is affectionately known to his paramour, (a well presented black faced ewe) would have been a far more likely prospect than many others who did receive your pm..

I have been mulling over your post - and am continuing to do so. Very clever. lol

24 Dec 2005

Quote by Nicola&Alan
i would prefer it if you didnt take the absolute c*nt out of where i come from... joke or not!

Sense of humour failure or what!
Where is a mod when you need one. mad

Absolutely brilliant post Valton.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE biggrin

24 Dec 2005

Thanks for that, I'll just go and change my kecks now before I get chapped legs. wink

:lol: :lol:

24 Dec 2005

Quote by Valton
Hope the hamster is OK

Thankyou for your concern regarding the little creature's health.
Sadly he had to be transported on a spinal injury board to our local branch of VetZ4Petz, where he has been placed in traction, using an adapted Swan Vestas match box.
he prognosis is generally favourable but he will have to adapt to future living with a caliper on his left rear leg.
End of topic and Mrs V are off to Partners tonight pending a cessation of activity over the festive period.
After that post, you should have come to Liaisons and I'd have bought you a drink . Brill.

24 Dec 2005

valton, that is IMHO an absolute masterpiece of pure, unadulterated bollox! biggrin

i can find no higher praise! ;)

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
neil x x x ;)

24 Dec 2005

:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: What a great thread... This just has to be the most wickedly written piece of sarcasm I have read for a long long time... (this'll probably end up a major spam piece cos it's so good ) <<< Kinda defeats the object a tad.... lol

.. But none- the- less it's brilliant..
Paul.

24 Dec 2005

Quote by Phoenix
Hope the hamster is OK

Thankyou for your concern regarding the little creature's health.
Sadly he had to be transported on a spinal injury board to our local branch of VetZ4Petz, where he has been placed in traction, using an adapted Swan Vestas match box.
he prognosis is generally favourable but he will have to adapt to future living with a caliper on his left rear leg.
End of topic and Mrs V are off to Partners tonight pending a cessation of activity over the festive period.
After that post, you should have come to Liaisons and I'd have bought you a drink . Brill.

24 Dec 2005

That's brilliant, it's about time people started laughing around here again :lol:
mrs ccr xxx

24 Dec 2005

lmao, thanks and have a goodun :doh:

25 Dec 2005

Bloody hell what a fantastic post. lol

:lol:
Nicola/Alan, I really don't think that Valton meant any offence, don't take it so personally. biggrin