'Kin 'ell.
Never let girlies near computers, bloomin kit has been on bloomin all night!
Girls, you can beg all you want, but this boy 'aint for trashing.
I can see you are all gagging for it, but you will just have to dream your dreams babes.
Now, us boys have serious stuff to talk about, so havn't you all got some nails to polish or something??
God, this was a good idea!
lhk
Kat
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Opening weekend
Sex God
Confused, Kat? That's comes of having a male brain
If I had been here, I would have sorted them out. :( Sex God
All in a good cause, I bet 
hi all
Caz & Gav here ,,,new to the forum so l thought it only right to throw this in ...
Official Male Sensitivity Test..
1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've
both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
3. You carefully pace yourself to time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss the footy.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The very best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the lastn month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no consequence to how you love her and your affectionate feelings
for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym if she'd like to.
C. A very conservative estimate.
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. An important model to strive for
B. A myth or an oxymoron.
C. A moron.
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "This time together has been meaningful for me. I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time, understanding, and gentle encouragement before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
Evaluating Results:
* If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check inside your pants to be
sure you ARE a man.
* If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy.
* If you answered "C" more than 7 times, YOU DA MAN!
LOL Caz&Gav
xx
Caz & Gav here ,,,new to the forum so l thought it only right to throw this in ...
Official Male Sensitivity Test..
1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've
both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
3. You carefully pace yourself to time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss the footy.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The very best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the lastn month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no consequence to how you love her and your affectionate feelings
for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym if she'd like to.
C. A very conservative estimate.
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. An important model to strive for
B. A myth or an oxymoron.
C. A moron.
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "This time together has been meaningful for me. I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time, understanding, and gentle encouragement before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
Evaluating Results:
* If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check inside your pants to be
sure you ARE a man.
* If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy.
* If you answered "C" more than 7 times, YOU DA MAN!
LOL Caz&Gav
xx
Sex God
I got 6 B's and 4 C's - how did I do? (Better than my GCSE results, at any rate )
) Sex God
The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as good husband to his bride
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love to you
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry for your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain
He never makes you cry
And doesn't hurt you in any way
To hell with this endless poem....
The perfect man is gay....
I didn't write it, I'm just missing Overthehill....
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as good husband to his bride
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love to you
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry for your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain
He never makes you cry
And doesn't hurt you in any way
To hell with this endless poem....
The perfect man is gay....
I didn't write it, I'm just missing Overthehill....
Sex God
I'm in the corner, Biker - where are you? :wink:
Good point - the perfect woman - who is she???? Maybe a lipstick lesbian? She gets my vote, anyway :P :P :P
:wink: Good point - the perfect woman - who is she???? Maybe a lipstick lesbian? She gets my vote, anyway :P :P :P
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING HERE!!!! Were you lot bored at the weekend? Out of your tree? Drunk as skunks? High as kites??
You men, if you crave a female free zone then you are withering souless, sexless, joyless and many other words ending in 'less'. Women, of all shapes, sizes, shades, varieties and assortments are the light of your life - they give you colour, definition and bring depth and texture to you and your surroundings, soul and heart!
Anyway, I've heard more interesting stuff at the Saracen Head bar...
Men in frocks works for me, but it's cos I'm from Glasgow - a kilt, no undies, rolled down socks and cat boots is such a sexy look and guaranteed to get a positive reaction from this jagy person.
Men in sussies and benders??? Never tried it.
A man kneeling at my feet and pandering to my every sexual whim???? YES PLEASE!!! Can I use my black rope???
Love all of you bits and a few of you loads, most of you lots and one of you more!!!
*opens a window in the men's room, sprays the air with lavender smelling stuff and tidies away the empty tinies*
You men, if you crave a female free zone then you are withering souless, sexless, joyless and many other words ending in 'less'. Women, of all shapes, sizes, shades, varieties and assortments are the light of your life - they give you colour, definition and bring depth and texture to you and your surroundings, soul and heart!
Anyway, I've heard more interesting stuff at the Saracen Head bar...
Men in frocks works for me, but it's cos I'm from Glasgow - a kilt, no undies, rolled down socks and cat boots is such a sexy look and guaranteed to get a positive reaction from this jagy person.
Men in sussies and benders??? Never tried it.
A man kneeling at my feet and pandering to my every sexual whim???? YES PLEASE!!! Can I use my black rope???
Love all of you bits and a few of you loads, most of you lots and one of you more!!!
*opens a window in the men's room, sprays the air with lavender smelling stuff and tidies away the empty tinies*
OOOOOOh Jags, you are so brave,
I've been wanting to spray that Lavender stuff in there since Kat started this, but after the telling off I got for playing in there when he was cooking the dinner I restrained myself.
'Plumps up the cushions, puts some nice lace doyleys on the table and fresh flowers in a crystal vase - then leaves quickly'
Kit
xxx
I've been wanting to spray that Lavender stuff in there since Kat started this, but after the telling off I got for playing in there when he was cooking the dinner I restrained myself.
'Plumps up the cushions, puts some nice lace doyleys on the table and fresh flowers in a crystal vase - then leaves quickly'
Kit
xxx
Sex God
Jags, this is what happens when you're not here, we all go mad, we miss your calming influence :wink: :wink:
:wink: :wink: Mark, you were right, I take my hat off to you. 8)
You said that if we left the mess for long enough, a wholesome buxom wench would appear to tend our needs.
An lo, on the third day, did one appear, not one, but two forsooth :shock:
Now, who had three days on the sweepstake???
Biker guy, I think you have got all the blokes names in your shiny red helmet havn't you?
lhk
Kat
You said that if we left the mess for long enough, a wholesome buxom wench would appear to tend our needs.
An lo, on the third day, did one appear, not one, but two forsooth :shock:
Now, who had three days on the sweepstake???
Biker guy, I think you have got all the blokes names in your shiny red helmet havn't you?
lhk
Kat
Sex God
I need the lavender tonight as I'm feeling delicate. I'm afraid the cigars in the men's room are my fault but there's no way I'm admitting to knowing anything about the spent spunk
and on that note:
A group of students had a biology lab lesson. As a part of this lab they were supposed to scrape some bacteria off their teeth with a toothpick and then examine it under the microscope. But this one girl had some problems identifying her bacteria and asked the professor what they were. "Those are sperm cells."
lhk
Kat
Tacks a 'girls keep out' sign on the door - That should stop them!
A group of students had a biology lab lesson. As a part of this lab they were supposed to scrape some bacteria off their teeth with a toothpick and then examine it under the microscope. But this one girl had some problems identifying her bacteria and asked the professor what they were. "Those are sperm cells."
lhk
Kat
Tacks a 'girls keep out' sign on the door - That should stop them!
Sex God
*Fiercely ripping the "girls keep out" sign into several peices and littering them on the floor before entering*
Speaking of bacteria and sperm (what a subject!), I've got a gum infection at the moment - who is going to own up to having dodgy sperm? :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Off to go and gargle some more salt-water - YUK!!!
Speaking of bacteria and sperm (what a subject!), I've got a gum infection at the moment - who is going to own up to having dodgy sperm? :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Off to go and gargle some more salt-water - YUK!!!
All sperm is dodgy - I always think of us women having the bodies of babies in our eggs and the men providing the arms and legs!!! Those sharp angles MUST get caught in teeth now and then which is why I don't swallow - no, actually it makes me very ill!
Here's a joke from the ever absent from here but oh so lovely Allgood:
If blackbirds bring black babies and whitebirds bring white babies, what bird brings no babies??? A swallow.
Yes, he got a slap (and a bit of tickle) for that one but then he enjoyed it too much!
x xx xx
Here's a joke from the ever absent from here but oh so lovely Allgood:
If blackbirds bring black babies and whitebirds bring white babies, what bird brings no babies??? A swallow.
Yes, he got a slap (and a bit of tickle) for that one but then he enjoyed it too much!
x xx xx
Those sharp angles MUST get caught in teeth now and then which is why I don't swallow
Help! Kit has taken your advice, I think the arms and legs bit frightened her, and has just said to me:
"numph umpt unooo aii unoo owww!
Which I think means "what do I do with it now?"
Quick reply would be appreciated .....
:lol: (Blondes!)
lhk
Kat
I think your topic has probably broken records for the speed of it's growth
I am sure psychologists would have a field day finding out "why". I think I am going to get a pair of boxer shorts with "girlie free zone" printed on them. 8)
only problem is - how the hell am I supposed to top this?? I may have just peaked!! and so young, all downhill from here!
lhk
Kat
