Quote by Shadow_Walker
some ppl just cant be goaded properly these days :twisted:
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Over and out
Sex God
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Orgasm !
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hello again, i kind of entered this debate half way through, im a firm believer in fact and not ifs and buts. Yes a man can ejaculate and not come for the benefit of who ever it was that asked that question. before you jump all over that, just remember that the "come" is a mental stimulas created by the mind and the ejaculation is the bodily function caused by stuimulating the penis. My fact for that is male . you can make a man ejaculate but not come. Now, i could go into female ejaculation and a female orgasm but ive had ten pints and dont need the abuse.
Orgasminator
Quote by bluexxx
Lots of people are nervous about talking about sex, even with someone they are shagging. This might mean that they blurt stuff out that they want to know in a way that sounds naff, rather than chilling out and chatting about it like they would the plot of EastEnders (OK, bad analogy
). Or it may mean that when they are asked they clam up, go all coy, say they don't know, or try to change the subject. They might really want to say, but find it very hard... maybe with more chilled encouragement, they might be quite happy to tallk about it. That's why having a sexual chat whilst doing something completely unrelated to sex is a better idea.
That's me that is.
I get all flustered when I talk about likes/dislikes etc... I have my reasons for this and I'm working on improving my sexual communication skills ( :wink: ) but sometimes with certain people it's hard to articulate exactly what I mean.
If I'm forced to sit down and have a proper chat about things I'm much more likely to clam up and not say anything whereas if it's in a relaxed environment I can deal with it better.
Wading into this debate, I can see a lot behind the original post... I have been out with, and I hope helped a few women in my time who did not orgasm, ever. Alone or with me. Yes you can say I was a crap shag... I even agree with you when I was 17 so apologies to my girlfriends of that era
However having said that over time I helped 2 of these ladies relax, and achieve their first orgasms. They had previous good feelings, but not what they would call an orgasm. Again over time these became stronger, and eventually they became multi orgasmic before we went our separate ways.
This is not blowing own trumpet, I did nothing but be their partner. There is no magic way to make someone cum that works in all cases. The change in these people came from within themselves (no pun intended), they 'learned' how to cum and what they liked.
Now would 'wanking' help. Well I think it does, wanking is self discovery. If you are unsure of yourself, there is no hope for someone trying to guess what you like. I have also read various books in my youth (Desmond Morris, Manwatching is one title I remember) and there was a view that female masturbation was more uncommon than male. The suggestion was that as men handled their genitals to urinate, it may make them more comfortable with them.
Don't ask me to back this with a bibliography reference, I was about 13 when I read these books and I did not go on to study sexuality from books. Preferring a more empirical approach.
However having said that over time I helped 2 of these ladies relax, and achieve their first orgasms. They had previous good feelings, but not what they would call an orgasm. Again over time these became stronger, and eventually they became multi orgasmic before we went our separate ways.
This is not blowing own trumpet, I did nothing but be their partner. There is no magic way to make someone cum that works in all cases. The change in these people came from within themselves (no pun intended), they 'learned' how to cum and what they liked.
Now would 'wanking' help. Well I think it does, wanking is self discovery. If you are unsure of yourself, there is no hope for someone trying to guess what you like. I have also read various books in my youth (Desmond Morris, Manwatching is one title I remember) and there was a view that female masturbation was more uncommon than male. The suggestion was that as men handled their genitals to urinate, it may make them more comfortable with them.
Don't ask me to back this with a bibliography reference, I was about 13 when I read these books and I did not go on to study sexuality from books. Preferring a more empirical approach.
I think ive have posted a similar message, if its the case where one person is not feeling confident or happy enough to discuss what they actually would like or want, surely it would be better to spend more time on the basics of mood, setting, environment rather than the act. I think and this is only my view agian, That if i was thinking of becoming sexually active with someone i would want to know what makes them happy, what relaxes them rather than what makes me happy. If your partner is enjoying it, it makes it twice as nice for you.
Quote by tallnhairy
I have also read various books in my youth (Desmond Morris, Manwatching is one title I remember) and there was a view that female masturbation was more uncommon than male. The suggestion was that as men handled their genitals to urinate, it may make them more comfortable with them.
I do agree with that.. you cant really miss an erection when you are a teenage lad, so the masturbtion is a lot easier to discover. The clitoris is not so obvious (although i found mine by accident getting out the bath and never looked back) so I would suggest that whilst a lot of women may be comfortable with sex, perhaps it took a percentage longer to find their clit (if at all) which would certainly help some achieve orgasm.
There is a statistic that says a large percentage of women do not achieve orgasm through penetration alone. With this in mind, clitoral stimulation is probably going to be quite important in many situations. However its not just women who may not have discovered the clitoris. I have to say I have been with a number of men in the past, not kids, men with jobs and grown up lives, who dont know what a clitoris is, let alone where it is.
I'f I were a kid again id be tempted to provide a diagram showing them the way, in the style of an emegency card you get on aeroplanes.
Yes I also think women were discouraged from touching themselves 'down there' as I was .. Infact I was physically smacked at an early age to discourage self exploration so I never discovered the joys of masturbation till I was in my mid teens. Even then I felt I was doing wrong so was in conflict in my mind about pleasuring myself and felt terribly guilty even when I did do it out of sheer desparation and frustration.
Perhaps this too is a factor in why women don't have orgasms.
DD
Perhaps this too is a factor in why women don't have orgasms.
DD
If anyone has read the Orgasm thread posted by Bistokid in full you can see how much difference in opinion there is towards Orgasms and peoples experiences. I, like everyone else have my own view on the male/female orgasm which will not be the same as the next person. My own experience is that the rough and ready approach does very little for me, however I have done it in the right mood with the right person and enjoyed it. My preference is a more slow and easy chat, meal, bath, massage, plenty of talking and learning to be comfortable with that person then sex how ever it may be. That is just my personal view and experience. Maybe by sharing our experiences and preferences we can all learn from each other.
Always good to see a topic like this and watch the men boast about how good they are and the women get on a high horse and defend themselves, if the guys got a genuine question then answer it, don't worry pal eventually you'll find a woman who will orgasm instantly, but yoiu'll have to look longh and hard (no pun intended) oh and by the way never had any problems myself lol...AJ
Quote by frazzleadz
Always good to see a topic like this and watch the men boast about how good they are and the women get on a high horse and defend themselves, if the guys got a genuine question then answer it, don't worry pal eventually you'll find a woman who will orgasm instantly, but yoiu'll have to look longh and hard (no pun intended) oh and by the way never had any problems myself lol...AJ
thanx for all the feedback guys.I've always found the best way to find out what a woman wants/needs/likes is to just simply watch, look and listen.
So much can be told and learned during the foreplay period long beforethere's any physical contact.
Be that while preparing and cooking the food, or ordering and waiting; and then while eating.
Or just sat in the pub chatting and drinking.
Or the PMs, /msn, texts, phone calls etc.
Of course, that is all about a pre-arranged meeting, or even in an ongoing 'relationship'
Stranger sex (clubs and such) can be somewhat different.
*db - never made a woman come, in his life.
So much can be told and learned during the foreplay period long beforethere's any physical contact.
Be that while preparing and cooking the food, or ordering and waiting; and then while eating.
Or just sat in the pub chatting and drinking.
Or the PMs, /msn, texts, phone calls etc.
Of course, that is all about a pre-arranged meeting, or even in an ongoing 'relationship'
Stranger sex (clubs and such) can be somewhat different.
*db - never made a woman come, in his life.
sorry but I agree with the ladies that its mens inability to bring on a female ........but, I have known a couple of women who by their own admission never orgasm but love the the feeling they have during sex.....maybe thats a slow release kind of orgasm without the whistles and bells ,so to speak................myself, I never class the physical asspect of ejaculation as an orgasm as I have had deep orgasms that didnt involve cumming sometimes, I love those ones and I get very loud and vocal at those times,the benifits of yoga.....(Ive also had mental blocks that prevented me but thats a different thing altogether very frustrating).,..........but in eastern thinking there are I think 7-9 levels of orgasmic states each getting stronger and deeper as you go on....................
Quote by joe747
sorry but I agree with the ladies that its mens inability to bring on a female .........
how come in this day and age when women have full responsibilites for ther ow bodies, can they seriously blame men for not reaching orgasm? my orgasm doenst depend on someone else! must be nice to abdicate responsibiltiy when it suits. Admittedly there are some men who need an A ot Z of female anatomy but is that the mans fault entirely? seems far to easy and convenient to simply lay the blame at the mans door when in reality some women can be just as clumsy with men, yet if a man cums too soon/ too late/cant get a hard on....its all his fault??? all very odd
Quote by pleasureseeker
sorry but I agree with the ladies that its mens inability to bring on a female .........
how come in this day and age when women have full responsibilites for ther ow bodies, can they seriously blame men for not reaching orgasm? my orgasm doenst depend on someone else! must be nice to abdicate responsibiltiy when it suits. Admittedly there are some men who need an A ot Z of female anatomy but is that the mans fault entirely? seems far to easy and convenient to simply lay the blame at the mans door when in reality some women can be just as clumsy with men, yet if a man cums too soon/ too late/cant get a hard on....its all his fault??? all very odd
Oh fuck - here we go again. Popcorn anyone ?
