Oxymoron?

13 Jan 2004

Single Swinger...
Can such a person exist, or is it a contradiction in terms? It never occured to me before to ask the question although I have wondered a few times.
The (unfair) swinging stereotype seems to be middle class couples in their 40s, if you believe television - which we obviously don't. LOL
I just wondered if there were two sides to this argument, or if its cum one cum all. biggrin

When I had my threesomes and fun in the past when I was single I'm not sure if I considered myself to be a "swinger" as such at all, maybe just a guy having some fun before settling down again after a break up. But now I'm happily married and still having fun occasionally when I'm let out to play. Was I a swinger before or just now that I'm part of a couple?
Discuss... or not. :D

13 Jan 2004

Well in our opinion you can only be a swinger when you have to partner, as the term means to exchange sexual partners.
However single men and women do play an important role in the swinging community, what they should be called though is beyond us lol. Maybe one of our more intelligent members has a term we could all use.

13 Jan 2004

Just what I need to read when I've just come back from the night out.
My head hurts. sad

I believe that singles can swing. I thought I was a 'swinger' before I became part of a couple. This is because I was actively looking for mutual fun with no intention of a relationship. Ground rules spoken before hand so to speak.
I think to be on a 'swinging' site to meet up with others is a form of swinging. Going to a club by yourself is another form of swinging. Maybe swinging is just a frame of mind and not the actual act of sleeping around going to parties and clubs. I would like to hear somebody elses comments on the frame of mind.
Now that I am with somebody I no longer consider myself a swinger but just to have fun with other people, always together and never alone. I think this is because our relationship is very young and maybe not as strong as to go off galavanting around the UK on our own. We just like to reassure each other. We only look for somebody to join us when we both want that little extra.

13 Jan 2004

Quote by mattmoleman
I believe that singles can swing. I thought I was a 'swinger' before I became part of a couple. This is because I was actively looking for mutual fun with no intention of a relationship. Ground rules spoken before hand so to speak.

Here here! Singles and also married men without their wife's knowledge, can swing in our opinion. Swinging is one thing - having sexual release without strings or attatchment.
Jess & Dan

13 Jan 2004

It depends entirely on your definition of "swinger". You could take the "Recreational sex between consenting adults" view, in which case we're all swingers (or want to be swingers).
I personally agree more with we2wantu - swinging is a way of extending the boundaries of an existing relationship. Single people can certainly participate in that. Perhaps we could call them "swings".
Different people use different definitions. You're never going to get one that everyone agrees on. I think that'd be a bit too restrictive in any case - isn't this all about freedom?
In practise, it doesn't seem to cause too many problems. Swinging is whatever you want it to be. When it comes to the fine details, it's usually clear enough what all parties have in mind.

13 Jan 2004

Are you trying to say it's all 'swings and round-a-bouts' then DJohn. smile

I agree with what you say that there are so many different definitions. But who wants to be pigeon holed anyway? 8)
Everybody will be in a different spectrum of the swinging graph. If there is one. Couples will have more attributes to consider so maybe that is why a fair few believe they are more of a swinger than a single.
I think I need a beer to sooth my head now. rolleyes

13 Jan 2004

I'm all for a simple life - how about "you're a swinger if you think you are". There how's that? wink

As I said in a previous thread, traditional swinging involved couples swapping with other couples. However, I have no problem calling single people "swingers" because they, errrrr, swing. Swingers clubs would be dead without singles and many swinging couples are not looking for couples at all. Oh and what about the fetish scene - they have a whole different set of rules, it seems. I can't keep up!

13 Jan 2004

Quote by bluexxx
I'm all for a simple life - how about "you're a swinger if you think you are". There how's that?

Well said bluexxx. Maybe you should also post this on the Cafe in reponse to the post by Fredflintstone regarding swingers and doggin etc. It's gonna run and run . . . lol

Jess & Dan

13 Jan 2004

Just as I thought - "Swinging is a state of mind." smile

Thanks for the replies. Its good to see some ol' fashioned discussion and stuff going on.
You are a swinger if you think you are a swinger, if you have the swinging philosophy in your heart and you respect others.
Singple people can quite happily swing with the best of them - if they are polite and good to be around and get lucky. :)
However (from another popular thread) I would say that some married people arent swingers, the are just very naughty boys and girls, if they havent discussed it with their partners first. ;)

13 Jan 2004

I did put something pretty similar on that thread too 8)

13 Jan 2004

Quote by Andy_Wakefield
Just as I thought - "Swinging is a state of mind."
However (from another popular thread) I would say that some married people arent swingers, the are just very naughty boys and girls, if they havent discussed it with their partners first. ;)

The naughtier the better in my humble opinion Andy wink

We just love the naughty husbands who don't tell their wives. They are so much more adventurous redface

Jess x

13 Jan 2004

Quote by Cutechick
We just love the naughty husbands who don't tell their wives. They are so much more adventurous

So dogging is an extreme sport? I bit like bungee jumping or rock climbing then? LOL
I guess I can see the corrolation. Either way one foot wrong and you are in deep trouble, wether its falling off a mountain or getting beaten to death with a rolling pin. LOL
If I'm 100% honest I have played with a married woman who's husband did not know, years ago, and I must admit there was an adrenilyn rush, because I'm an abject coward (I'm a lover not a fighter) and wouldnt have fancied being beaten to a pulp - but I was seduced, and led astray.

13 Jan 2004

Quote by Andy_Wakefield
So dogging is an extreme sport? I bit like bungee jumping or rock climbing then? LOL
If I'm 100% honest I have played with a married woman who's husband did not know, but I was seduced, and led astray.

Andy I have heard that *so* many times in the last couple of months since we began dogging! Seems like all you men are the same when it comes down to it . . . wink

Extreme? Yes! Fun - of course or we wouldn't all be doing it would we? lol

Have fun everyone :giggle:
Terry-Jayne

13 Jan 2004

You are what you say you are.....I like that......can I be a fire engine? or even a spaceship?,,,go on let me!

13 Jan 2004

We just love the naughty husbands who don't tell their wives. They are so much more adventurous

Cutechick, so to condone and actively encourage partners to play away without consent is ok .... hmmmmm. What about all the harm that can be caused to a relationship, the breakup and to the kids if there are any??
Playing away without consent is cheating whatever words are used to package it. As said earlier if a relationship isn't working isn't it better to end it rather than keep the pretense going.
Cheating will always be cheating whether its done in a pub, nightclub or within the swinging community.

13 Jan 2004

Quote by we2wantu
Cheating will always be cheating whether its done in a pub, nightclub or within the swinging community.

That may be so, but we are not the cheaters. The married guy may be, that is a matter of conjecture anyway, but since we are out to have fun and so is he, what harm is there in that?
As Andy so eloquently put it, monogamy is a man made 'law'. Since we are all animals, name me another animal that would pair up for life and never mate with another creature for the rest of it's life confused

Some people may not like what we or married guys get up to, but I'll take my chances on judgement day. Besides if when I get to the Pearly Gates, they send me 'down stairs', I won't complain. I'll just keep having a ball - the place should be full of married men wink

Jess

13 Jan 2004

Wolves, beavers, gibbons and a small African antelope known as a dik-dik - all of which represent different groups of animals - are among the mammals thought by scientists to live in stable, monogamous pairs, while most mammals do not. Among birds, some of the most famously faithful are penguins, cranes, pigeons, and parrots. Geese, swans, doves, and albatrosses are generally believed to remain totally faithful to one partner death do them part. In fact, swans have become the symbol of life-long romance in popular lore, because when they swim off together to mate, their heads touch and their necks form a heart shape.
Gibbons, as well as orangutans and gorillas, are anthropoid apes, the primates that most closely resemble humans, physically and behaviorally. Regarded as monogamous, male and female gibbons pair up for life, forming a family that stays together until the offspring grow up and leave home. The bond between the couple is reinforced by the hours they spend grooming each other.

From the World Widlife Fund website.
Any other questions ....... cheating is still cheating and should not be encouraged.

13 Jan 2004

In non human animals, although plenty of species live in monogamous pairs, lots of individuals of many of these species are unfaithful. Some studies have shown that up to 40% of offspring from such pair bonds are genetically unrelated to the male partner, hence the female has been unfaithful :shock: .
There are problems with generalising any animal study to the behaviour of humans, but that said, the point is not that some people (human or not) cheat - they do and we know they do, the point is, should cheaters be treated as swingers?
My personal view is that cheating is naughty but I don't ask people if they are in a relationship before I play with them (call me hypocritical and I will agree with you), but so is smoking and eating cakes wink

. It is up to the individual as to whether they want to swing with cheaters, we can moralise forever, but we won't stop cheaters from cheating - better just get used to it, eh.

13 Jan 2004

Quote by bluexxx
In non human animals, although plenty of species live in monogamous pairs, lots of individuals of many of these species are unfaithful. Some studies have shown that up to 40% of offspring from such pair bonds are genetically unrelated to the male partner, hence the female has been unfaithful :shock: .
My personal view is that cheating is naughty but I don't ask people if they are in a relationship before I play with them (call me hypocritical and I will agree with you), but so is smoking and eating cakes . It is up to the individual as to whether they want to swing with cheaters, we can moralise forever, but we won't stop cheaters from cheating - better just get used to it, eh.

Thank you bluexxx. A breath of fresh air smile

for a moment, I though Dan & I must be the only ones with such wide ranging opinions :wink:
Jess

13 Jan 2004

It's a lot of words to digest so far so I'll keep my definition of what makes me inhabit here thus:-
"I'm swingle"
Carpathian

13 Jan 2004

Quote by Carpathian
"I'm swingle"Carpathian

Give that man an award. Genius.

13 Jan 2004

For Carpathian, with love kiss

13 Jan 2004

I believe people should have the freedom to do as they choose ( as long as it does not hurt in anyway or form another human being or animal )and not be put in to little boxes with labels on them just because of their marital status but I am single so what do I know.............