well i really dont give a stuff if people can spell properlly or have brilliant grammer
by the time i get on the board after work im to tired to care anyway
but if i can read it and it makes me giggle .... well that'll do me
im not in any clicks and to be hounest i really dont wanna be
why not have a swingingheaven be friendly to newbies week
:twisted:
what more is there to add?
one - I wanted to make a public apology as I sometimes (tho most only in the chat room?) call people on their spelling... I try to do it in a teasing way as it's my way of flirting really and not meant o put anyone down.
two- I have no suggestions about how to make this site better, I didn't know it needed that...and as a newbie I don't know what it was like *before* but I do sometimes feel bad for being a newbie. A lot of times I feel lost and don't know the "right" way to interact here, I just do my best to be friendly, thoughtful and honest. I'm shy, so is my partner, and being shy can sometimes make this place feel intimidating.
But I'm glad I found SH. I don't know anyone here too well, but I'm slowly getting there with some, and those I do know a little are so very lovely and so much fun, and so much nicer than any people I've met in the "real" world here in Oxford. It was a little scary moving to England but SH has helped make it less lonely for me. Even if this is a bad/slow period on the forums, I want to stick around a little longer.
so I guess essentiall all that rambling was to say "thanks"?
Since reading this post I have just realised somthing that I have been trying to put into words for a long time now! I am an artistic sort and its so in my nature to feel the need to hang out in places to experience the world around me rather as famous creative people in history frequented places to draw upon and be inspired .SH forfills that need for me at present . While sex is a possibility its only one part of me, and while this site is primaraly about sex its not as seemingly full of desparate for sex type people, as other sites, indeed the forum seems a good place maybe as true swingers are free to express themselves without that " I just want sex " sort of attitude and as many have partners it is a good sort of atmosphere in that we can all flirt but in a secure sort of way . As I am now single (although not looking for a committed relationship at present) I find it a great place, one can talk , listen to even argue with a wide selection of society !
Just a little comment !!!
I thought new Members joined everyday ?
If a subject has been covered B4........ so what? Newbies will not have had the chance to share their views !
If a thread is boring..... people wont answer it and it will slowly drop off the bottom of the page !!
Everyone should have the right to debate and discuss issues in here as it is supposed to be a free and open place. I think too many threads are locked for apparently no reason or dependant of the mood of the moderator who happens to see it first. I've seen some threads locked and I cannot, for the life of me, fathom out why!
Is this a democracy or an autocracy?
I've been a member for a while and might be viewed as 'old guard' and yes I do remember a cafe that was better and I also remember working a lot harder at posts than I do now. I joined at a time when there were half the members there are today and if the ratio's are about right, presumably half the number of regular posters, we really did know each other better.
Threads wether serious or humerous, on topic or off, ran for longer, were better constructed and members generally enjoyed them more. There wasn't the proliferation of one word, one line posts and 'list' threads that there are now, these are piss easy options and symtomatic of a larger membership who do not know, understand, nor much care for the content of others posts or indeed where those posts might go. Little gem touched on it earlier when she said that there was an effort to leave a door open for posters to come back, there wasn't an all pervading need to have a final say, to deliver the punchline or the defining point, we all knew our turn would come, if not in that thread, then another one on a different day.
My particular style and the style of other posters, wether liked or not, is wholly dependant on others recognising where I'm going and where I'm coming from, without that recognition we are sunk. You can't have humour nor debate without a participating audiance, the audiance is still there, the participation and the oppurtunity that good participation brings, isn't as easy to find. It really does seem at times that some of us for whatever reason struggle to move out of the clique we are in (yes that word again) and cross pollinate with others, there is a fragmentation of groups where there was once just the one. New posters still need to break into the main throng, the trouble is, now there is more than the one which was in existance when I joined.
If I go back to my laziness regarding my own posts, I can see that I've allowed myself to make less effort in tune with the general direction and therefore, contribute to what is being seen as a move within the cafe that isn't what most of us really want to see. I havn't got more terse nor more rude, what I do see are members that might view me and others as being just that, because for what ever reason, there isn't the interaction between us that allows you to understand my style and for me to understand yours, with that comes a degree of frustration, which can turn sour.
I do believe that we have got less tolerant, but I also believe that there are more occasions where thats justified. I also believe that after a while, some of us might have lost that intial excitement of posting here and perhaps hang around a bit longer than we should, hence the shouts of "the search button is your freind" or the simpler "FFS!!" It may well be time to bow out for some of us, because our frustrations at not getting what used to be, can at times, boil up.
What I would say to newer posters is scan back to this time last year, read some old threads and you might get a feel for a cafe that had humour in it on a daily basis, it might have been bollox, but it was funny, with well thought out clever posts, good bollox ain't that easy despite what some may think, but we managed it, there didn't seem the time to partake in a thread that required us to list our favourite tog rating for duvet covers, thank fuck.
All of the above may well be complete twaddle and is more comment than fix, but I do think that by giving each other a bit more breathing space, perhaps stepping outside of the comfy group that we normally hit it off with the best, you might just get some of the feeling back that used to exist.
As a new member - allbeit one who is trying to get to know folks and take things slowly - this discussion sems to reflect that SH is possibly becoming a victim of its own success.
It appears to me that the "old guard" may have built up an excellent community that works for them and is so attractive that it is bringing in new people that want to join in. There will always be the idiots or trolls of course and the best way to deal with them is to ignore them and let their posts simply drop off the page.
Personnally, although I may feel more in tune with some of the "old guard" as I find text speak, bad English etc. difficult to follow people must also recognise that new members and their views are what keeps the site going - if you do not agree with something then say so as it will open up a discussion.
There must be room for all sorts here whether you are old guard or a newbie and it can not be that hard to join in the threads you feel happy with, have a joke with etc. and let others join in the threads that they feel happy with but not get upset with those that you do not like. Again personally, I do not want to waste time talking about which CD I am listening to but clearly some people find this a good topic of conversation. We do not have to be part of every thread or every discussion here!
Having spent some time looking at other sites I still believe that SH is one of the best - and that is thanks to the attitude of the members who support (in general) the moderators so I am not going to have a go at them!
I feel I can relate to some of the humour and banter of the "old guard" but perhaps that is because I am on the same wave length as they are - I hope to God they stay because they make the place interesting for me.
So, what is the message? New members are essential for the SH site to continue, Mods need to be more vigilent and work harder as more people join in, members need to be more understanding of others and yet be prepared to accept that as the site grows cliques will inevitabbly form and that people within those groups will develop their own jokes, fun catch phrases that up to now have been exclusive to the whole - but much smaller site.
Right, that is it! Am off to bed and will discuss with anybody else tomorrow!
I have also noticed that whilst some threads are locked as being seen as redundant or offensive,some are left open to provide a form of perverse entertainment. These usually being where someone is attempting to hold an offensive or absurd conversation, both of which generate even more abuse and offensive remarks and even more redundant and inane conversation.
What McCloggie said! :thumbup:
The site is evolving. People are evolving. The very fact that this thread has been started, and contributors contributing suggests that what is being said is also being heard. I've just sat here reading through and nodding my head in agreement to everything that has been said.
Why everything ? - its all different perspectives.
I don't correct people's spelling because, a) both my kids have dyslexia and i KNOW the efforts that have to go into the postings without consideration of the grammer and punctuation. Neither of my kids are stupid, there IQ is well above mine, but there problems extend to both short term memory difficulties and sequential memory difficulties. b) If i was to concentrate on all the grammatical errors/spelling errors, then i might miss the point that the poster was trying to make. Damn shame when someone has taken twice as long to post a piece that looks as though half the effort has been put in.
I also refuse to kick off about how others pull people up for there spelling up etc. My views on the subject are expressed above, the people who do all the corrections have the same right to be as opinionated as i am. Perhaps the difference is that i respect there right to moan about it.
I respect the right of married people to be here, single people to be here, married and cheating etc etc. My life so far has determined where i am. I am in no position to make critisism of where someone elses life has brought them or why. Again, i'm not in a positon to agree or disagree.
I'm sooooooooo not perfect. I love the fact that i'm not perfect. I love the fact that part of me is an unsociable bastard who can't be arsed to post something witty and funny, or who can't be arsed to send really nice and cute pm's to folk. As a not perfect being, as a not perfect being who loves the fact, accepts the fact that i'm not perfect, means that i respect everyone elses RIGHT to not be perfect either.
When someone comes along who is nothing more than an arsehole, it amuses me somewhat. They are my interpretation of a perfect arsehole. When someone moans like feck, i love the fact that i can moan along with them. The site is a whole encompassing community. All walks of life, professions, personalities etc. When we recognise in others something of ourselves, we can learn/or not learn something valuable.
The posts that go up now are exactly what the posts are. When you recognise a post which has been done to "absolute death" its because we have had the opportunity to form our opinions on somehting. We've been here, involved in the thread, been in the evolution of that thread. Newbies have just come on board. There mentality has by definition of them being newbies, have not had the benefit of the "done to death" threads.
My point ? - sometimes i wish i new what the point was. Perhaps its, when a perfect being comes along and shows me a different way of doing things, i'll stop doing what i'm doing now. Perhaps i'm learning how to be a perfect being. Perhaps i already am a perfect being with things to learn. Perhaps we are ALL perfect beings with our own stuff to learn. Perfect arseholes???
This has turned into a big long speel on nothingness, so i'll disappear back to being an unsociable bastard.
Lots of love, hugs, kisses, respect and tollerance,
Little
XXX
) but I thought I might add another perspective to the mix. I am a newbie on this site but I am a veteran of quite a number of internet forums and I would say that this forum is far from the worst I have frequented and is, in fact, among the better ones in many ways. There is a lot of dross here, as there is everywhere, and there are a number of posters who make a bad name for themselves, but that is not at all unusual. What is good to see is that the core members generally seem to be a decent bunch who, while they might be bit rough around the edges at times :shock:, are as supportive a group of people as I have seen anywhere. But people are people and you are always going to get the good and the bad and the decent majority in the middle.
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