Can anyone help?
All this talk of Trust being the key element of swinging is all good and well but how do you know when the truth is real or fake?
I never seem to get it right.
Is their some kind of facial expression, or tone of voice, or particular body language to keep an eye out for?
Is it just gut instinct?
Is it a question of only believing females and remembering that men generally have a hidden agenda?
Is it just me - am I that easy to lie to because I'm too trusting and honest?
It's not just in swinging. I'm talking life generally. I need some advice because I am getting to the point where I really haven't a clue who to trust anymore.
How do I sift through the bullshit to find genuine truths?
Or is it a no-hope situation?
Please don't tell me to only trust my 'friends' - even that can be dangerous...............
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Promises & Lies
Sexpert
i find t hard to trust anyone myself sunbunny due to some werd thngs that wont drag up .
but what will say s ths there is only one way to know wether u can trust someone and that is to trust them a lttle and over tme the trust will ether grow or diminsh depending on the persons actons
oh and dont trust or distrust anyone on someone elses advice or maybe thats just my inate paranioa but i allway begin to mistrust the person giving an evaluation of someone else more than i would distrust the person they were saying not to trust
erm did that make any kinda sense?
hmm think i might need to finish my coffe then rewrite it when awake :P
matt
and dont trust anyone who thinks they are insane like me hehe
but what will say s ths there is only one way to know wether u can trust someone and that is to trust them a lttle and over tme the trust will ether grow or diminsh depending on the persons actons
oh and dont trust or distrust anyone on someone elses advice or maybe thats just my inate paranioa but i allway begin to mistrust the person giving an evaluation of someone else more than i would distrust the person they were saying not to trust
erm did that make any kinda sense?
hmm think i might need to finish my coffe then rewrite it when awake :P
matt
and dont trust anyone who thinks they are insane like me hehe
Quote by SunBunny
Can anyone help?
All this talk of Trust being the key element of swinging is all good and well but how do you know when the truth is real or fake?
I never seem to get it right.
Is their some kind of facial expression, or tone of voice, or particular body language to keep an eye out for?
Is it just gut instinct?
Is it a question of only believing females and remembering that men generally have a hidden agenda?
Is it just me - am I that easy to lie to because I'm too trusting and honest?
It's not just in swinging. I'm talking life generally. I need some advice because I am getting to the point where I really haven't a clue who to trust anymore.
How do I sift through the bullshit to find genuine truths?
Or is it a no-hope situation?
Please don't tell me to only trust my 'friends' - even that can be dangerous...............
the face is used more than any other part of the body to cover up lies. we use smiles, nods and winks in an attepmt to cover up, but unfortunatly for us, our body signals will tell the truth and there is a lack of congruence between our body gestures and facial signals. our attitudes and emotions are continually revealed on our faces and we are completely unaware of it most of the time unless you know how to spot the micro clusters that tell the true picture.
quoted from my bible ( the definitive book of body language )
i could go on and on about facial clusters and tell tell signals. most people think they have covered up the little white lies and the huge whoppers when if fact their whole body is shouting IM A LIER!.
the whole of socierty is based on lies. if everyone told the 100% truth about every thing, they would have no friends and the world would fall apart. sad and unfortunate but true.
x rache x
Sex God
Trust between two people is the most precious thing they can have. Even if they love eachother the absence of trust will generally mean the relationship is abusive.
Untrustworthiness is definitely not just a man thing.
The unfortunate thing is that trust can be broken in so many ways and for so many reasons. Sometimes they can appear to be good reasons by the trust breaker at the time but that is almost invariably not the case.
I am sorry I am not being much help here but I don't think there is an easy answer to the question. If you trust people naturally, you get a lot out of life that is positive but you are liable to get hurt. If you turn to being naturally suspicious, you lose so much and your life can be poisoned and poisonous.
I think it is possible to tell when someone is lying but it is a skill that most don't have (barristers are trained in it) and besides do you want to spend the whole of your life watching out for negative things like that.
I'm sorry, I know there is hurt behind the question. Dealing with that hurt is another matter. There's real good advice about on that.
Untrustworthiness is definitely not just a man thing.
The unfortunate thing is that trust can be broken in so many ways and for so many reasons. Sometimes they can appear to be good reasons by the trust breaker at the time but that is almost invariably not the case.
I am sorry I am not being much help here but I don't think there is an easy answer to the question. If you trust people naturally, you get a lot out of life that is positive but you are liable to get hurt. If you turn to being naturally suspicious, you lose so much and your life can be poisoned and poisonous.
I think it is possible to tell when someone is lying but it is a skill that most don't have (barristers are trained in it) and besides do you want to spend the whole of your life watching out for negative things like that.
I'm sorry, I know there is hurt behind the question. Dealing with that hurt is another matter. There's real good advice about on that.
Nope i have to admit i find as a rule most men have a hidden agenda, sorry to say that in swinging most men are here for the sex and will say and do anything to get it, i have been used and lied to many times by guys and i'm not even single :shock: to be honest i think its a case of trial and error, and the old saying 'u have to kiss many toads b4for u find ur prince'
Saying that b4 all the nice guys jump on mere there are genuine ones out there u just have to look hard for them
Saying that b4 all the nice guys jump on mere there are genuine ones out there u just have to look hard for them
Sex God
Sunbunny....ltns.... hope your ok..
I always go along with gut instinct... 9/10 times ive been right!!
I always go along with gut instinct... 9/10 times ive been right!!
Sometimes those lies stare us in the face but we don't want to know the truth. We lie to ourselves for awhile. Then realise it's not just the lies that smart as much as the realisation that we've sold ourselves short.....once again.
I found it helped to set my standards higher and not settle for anything less.
I found it helped to set my standards higher and not settle for anything less.
Quote by naughtynymphos1
Nope i have to admit i find as a rule most men have a hidden agenda, sorry to say that in swinging most men are here for the sex and will say and do anything to get it, i have been used and lied to many times by guys and i'm not even single :shock: to be honest i think its a case of trial and error, and the old saying 'u have to kiss many toads b4for u find ur prince'
Saying that b4 all the nice guys jump on mere there are genuine ones out there u just have to look hard for them
well said i totally agree with you a lot of men not just on this site will say anything they think will get then a quick lay how sad there is a lot more to some of us and the genuine ones will show thru in the end
you have to trust a little to start with and see how things develop
colin
Sexpert
Quote by marmalaid
sorry to say that in swinging most men are here for the sex and will say and do anything to get it.
That's a horrible thing to say, I demand recompense, a shag should sort it!
It may be a horrible thing to say, but its pretty accurate unfortunately when it cums to 90% of men at least. I've always said that if I was a woman, I would be gay.
There is no easy way to tell if someone is being honest with you, and its worse over the net when you are talking to someone cause they can even lie about their appearance or age or anything they like.
I would personally rather be an open book and just be honest. If people dont like you for you then knackers to them, you are better off without them anyway. A true friend sees the real you and loves you for that doesnt want you to be anyone else.
Besides, I have a terrible memory sometimes and wouldnt be able to remember my lies anyway.
I think I have been pretty lucky not to meet people who are liers, or at least I think so - but maybe I'm just so gullible that I believe anything that anyone tells me.
Quote by Vix
Sorry dudes but leave the men alone!
This agenda is not hidden.
We are ALL (pretty much) here for sex.
Flower it up as much as you like, girls, but if you weren't, surely you'd be better off in the WI or the PTA?
yes i agree we are all here for sex but not all of us will lie to get it, i am only speaking from my own experiences but i have found that most men i have met have not been upfront and will pretty much say what they think i want to hear to get a meet, of course swinging is about sex, some like the social side some do not but people should always be honest even if it does cost them a meet
Quote by Vix
We are ALL (pretty much) here for sex.
Flower it up as much as you like, girls, but if you weren't, surely you'd be better off in the WI or the PTA?
If sex is all they want why not just bloody well say so? Why pretend to offer more?
I always put my cards on the table and expect the same back. Unfortunately men lay out a fake pack just to mess with our heads. And how are we supposed to make an informed decision based on a pack of lies?
If everyone said "Hey! Let's meet up and maybe we can have sex!" There would be complaints about "One liners".
Personally, I appreciate making friends and knowing that a shag is not out of the question.
Some peoples social skills are a bit sparse, I know, but I don't think we can label all those people as "men".
Not all men are like this and not all people like this, are men.
Personally, I appreciate making friends and knowing that a shag is not out of the question.
Some peoples social skills are a bit sparse, I know, but I don't think we can label all those people as "men".
Not all men are like this and not all people like this, are men.
Quote by naughtynymphos1
Not all men are like this and not all people like this, are men.
actually i have 2 agree with that
I also concur with this....... women can be just as devious and manipulative as men to get what they what....... Its down to the person and not just what sex they are......
equi-princess xxx
To me, it seems like you aren't being totally honest here Sunbunny. Is this a thread about " promises and lies" or is it just a surreptious way to get your point over about you being annoyed with someone?
Maybe you are honestly looking for an answer to your question, but I get the feeling you aren't really interested in the answers.
Yep, some men lie, so do some women, some people lie for good reasons, others do it because it is in their nature. Do people make promises they know they wont keep, or do things and events change? Do people tell white lies to not hurt those they care for? Or is it all just one horrible big black lie designed to cause hurt? Who knows!
I was accused of lying recently. On here, without being named. And yes I had. But was it so awful? When a few people who knew me asked what was going on, I told them my side of the story. Because there is always 2 sides. And I was lying in the sense that I didn't tell them something they thought they had a right to know. My view was it was none of their business.
Did I lie? ... yes.
was it malicious? .... No.
Did I mean to lie? No...
Honesty is important, I agree. Personally I wouldn't lie to get a shag, not all fellas on here are lying sods, I am constantly surprised by how genuine and decent some of the fella's on here are, who really aren't into all that typical male chest beating thing.
Anyhows, thats just my view.
Maybe you are honestly looking for an answer to your question, but I get the feeling you aren't really interested in the answers.
Yep, some men lie, so do some women, some people lie for good reasons, others do it because it is in their nature. Do people make promises they know they wont keep, or do things and events change? Do people tell white lies to not hurt those they care for? Or is it all just one horrible big black lie designed to cause hurt? Who knows!
I was accused of lying recently. On here, without being named. And yes I had. But was it so awful? When a few people who knew me asked what was going on, I told them my side of the story. Because there is always 2 sides. And I was lying in the sense that I didn't tell them something they thought they had a right to know. My view was it was none of their business.
Did I lie? ... yes.
was it malicious? .... No.
Did I mean to lie? No...
Honesty is important, I agree. Personally I wouldn't lie to get a shag, not all fellas on here are lying sods, I am constantly surprised by how genuine and decent some of the fella's on here are, who really aren't into all that typical male chest beating thing.
Anyhows, thats just my view.
Quote by postie
To me, it seems like you aren't being totally honest here Sunbunny. Is this a thread about " promises and lies" or is it just a surreptious way to get your point over about you being annoyed with someone?
Maybe you are honestly looking for an answer to your question, but I get the feeling you aren't really interested in the answers.
I am angry, yes, extremely, but I have been lied to by more than one man on this site and I am genuinely at a loss at how to continue in my own life with regards to trusting people.
I always seem to get it wrong and end up trusting the wrong people with the wrong information.
People I think are my friends turn out to be fake and in-it-for-themselves.
This has happened on several occasions and not just on Swinging Heaven.
I wonder if I am just too naive and gullible.
This is a genuine question, and I am reading every answer.
Sexpert
SunBunny - being trusting is not a crime... Taking advantage of someones trusting nature for your own ends is the crime.
You are not responsible for the actions of other people and don't go changing.
You are not responsible for the actions of other people and don't go changing.
