Quantas Airlines

9 Oct 2006

Not sure if this has been postde before, So will post it anyway!!
After every flight, Qantas Australia pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the ground, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'
pilots(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S)
by maintenance engineers
By the way Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever,had an accident.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Hi Vik

9 Oct 2006

:rotflmao: Just like the droll Oz humour!1
(but, it's Qantas not Quantas - Queensland and Northern Territory Airline Service)

9 Oct 2006

fantastic.......
had me crying....
thankyou
x x x

9 Oct 2006

Quote by Jags
but, it's Qantas not Quantas - Queensland and Northern Territory Airline Service

Beat me to it!

9 Oct 2006

:lol2:
My faves have to be:

Quote by foxyandbeasty
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
And
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

9 Oct 2006

:giggle: :giggle: :giggle: wiping tears from eyes and have sore head from laughing

10 Oct 2006

brilliant.....best laugh i've had in ages

10 Oct 2006

absolutley brilliant....haven't laughed so much in a long time

10 Oct 2006

Seen it before, very funny indeed.
The bit about Qantas not having any accidents is a little out of date though.

10 Oct 2006

Fantastic - crying with laughter... passed it to my hubby and he couldn't talk with the laughing biggrin

Thanks
Aud xxx

10 Oct 2006

That is so funny. Anyone have any more? It reminds me of the Jasper Carrot sketch with the description of insurance claims.
DirtyDuo

14 Oct 2006

Quantas, Doesn't that stand for Quite A NiceTakeoff All Survived???

15 Oct 2006

love it
just passed it on to a mate who works for an airline ,she`s going to take it in to work

15 Oct 2006

Seen this one before , but always good to read it through again. Can't laugh much though, as Sat night has merged into sunday morning cloudy head day.

15 Oct 2006

Very funny,Just sort straying off the joke line but staying on the quantas theme,In 2001,I was on an internal flight between Melbourne and Brisbane,one of the cabin crew made the announcements at the start of the fight of which part of it went"on behalf of captain Travolta and the crew,we hope you have a pleasant flight,I thought ,no,It couldn't possibly be who I thought it was,I asked if I could go and have a look at the cockpit as I'd never been in one before,I was allowed in the cockpit and sure enough the guy flying the plane was John Travolta,he apparently does this for quantas in between making films just because he loves being a pilot,he doesn't do it for the money(which he gives to charity),it was a real buzz,got his autograph and what a nice guy,sorry to ramble on but its not everyday you meet a hollywood star,john