Rape | Swinging Heaven

15 Feb 2009

A neighbour has just been round to say that her friends partner has been arrested for . She went on to say how they had both met another couple as swingers & swapped partners. This lady has then reported him to the police.
no one knows what really happened apart from the people involved so I don't want to judge anyone here.
The reason why I'm posting this is that this has often been a concern for myself & His if we go into different rooms.
No means No no matter what.
My concern is that people may judge them for a start at being swingers as my neighbour has done straight away rolleyes

quote" they shouldn't have been swinging in the first place" :roll:
What do you think about this & do you like ourselves have concerns about being in seperate rooms?

15 Feb 2009

Wow.......that is a scary story. Struth!
I would never do anything other than same room stuff but, to be honest, it's only coz I wanna watch the management enjoying herself.
Very worrying

15 Feb 2009

Outside the swinging community people have a very jaded view..myself inc before I joined the scene...People assume swingers are at it 24/7 with anyone and everyone,
Once in this circle I discovered it was far from the truth but this doesn't give anyone the right to judge people by what they do.
This story is shocking but far from singular...I know of another case similar to this, this is why Geoff and I will never do seperate room because we want to know we can walk away at anytime if things become "scary" and say no when we need to.

15 Feb 2009

Quote by GnC29teeside
Outside the swinging community people have a very jaded view..myself inc before I joined the scene...People assume swingers are at it 24/7 with anyone and everyone,
Once in this circle I discovered it was far from the truth but this doesn't give anyone the right to judge people by what they do.
This story is shocking but far from singular...I know of another case similar to this, this is why Geoff and I will never do seperate room because we want to know we can walk away at anytime if things become "scary" and say no when we need to.

Likewise

15 Feb 2009

An update on my neighbours judgemental attitude :shock:
"If they met with another couple then that was their intensions from the start so how can she cry ?" :shock:
In my opinion, His & I meet people first to see if we all get on & feel comfortable with one another. Whatever stage of the evening No still means No.
I was very temped to tell my neighbour that we were swingers however shoved a boiled sweet into my mouth before I did lol

Some people only look at black & white, where's the colour these days?

16 Feb 2009

Sex is a dangerous game, swinging or not. There is a lot to be said for videoing the whole thing, with contacts signed at the beginning of the evening.
Getting back to reality, even in separate rooms, the life partner is still there, and gilt can make some deny what happened, or how it happened.
In this case we do not know what happened. If it comes down to 12 good men, I do not envy them their job!
Travis

16 Feb 2009

Quote by
In this case we do not know what happened. If it comes down to 12 good men, I do not envy them their job!
Travis

Sadly, the '12 good men' are likely to reflect society's prejudices. A friend of mine was allocated a case when she did her jury service - a case where someone had accepted a lift home after a nightclub from someone she knew and where it was her word against his what happened. Whatever the evidence (and my friend admitted there wasn't enough 'proof' to confidently convict him) she was shocked by the other jurors' attitudes about the woman and the comments dismissing her evidence - 'well, if she was out on her own/in those clothes/drunk/etc' she was 'asking for it'.

16 Feb 2009

We have often done separate room swinging in homes and in clubs, and sometimes separate room sleepovers in the same house. We just wouldn't do this with anyone we didn't trust - we have a very strict rule that no means no at any time during swinging. If anyone did try then the other one of us would be close enough to call out.
We were talking to a couple of friends in a club last week, and were told by the woman that she'd once been approached in the orgy room by someone she didn't fancy, and had said no. The man had replied that if she was in that room he was entitled to have sex with her, and she couldn't say no. She walked out. Sadly there are some evil men out there!

16 Feb 2009

Quote by Peakcouple
We have often done separate room swinging in homes and in clubs, and sometimes separate room sleepovers in the same house. We just wouldn't do this with anyone we didn't trust - we have a very strict rule that no means no at any time during swinging. If anyone did try then the other one of us would be close enough to call out.
We were talking to a couple of friends in a club last week, and were told by the woman that she'd once been approached in the orgy room by someone she didn't fancy, and had said no. The man had replied that if she was in that room he was entitled to have sex with her, and she couldn't say no. She walked out. Sadly there are some evil men out there!

this man should have been reported to the club. For me, its certainly made me think about going into seperate rooms.

16 Feb 2009

Quote by hisandhers
We were talking to a couple of friends in a club last week, and were told by the woman that she'd once been approached in the orgy room by someone she didn't fancy, and had said no. The man had replied that if she was in that room he was entitled to have sex with her, and she couldn't say no. She walked out. Sadly there are some evil men out there!

this man should have been reported to the club. For me, its certainly made me think about going into seperate rooms.
I was in a club last week when this exact thing happened, and not only did the man in question think he was quite within his rights, but the woman he was with did as well :shock: :shock: The other couple complained to the club staff and they came and checked the story with me and my partner. I believe the offending couple were escorted from the premises not long after that.
As far as within swinging goes, the OP was exactly right when they said that "No means no". is whatever your hobbies are, but false accusations of can be very damaging. And not always just to the accused as you'd imagine!!

17 Feb 2009

if he had her they will know from a examination, you can't someone without living signes, we have played in different rooms on many occasions and this has never entered into my head, and its never happened to us or by us either, the truth usually comes out in the end smile

17 Feb 2009

Quote by Peakcouple
We have often done separate room swinging in homes and in clubs, and sometimes separate room sleepovers in the same house. We just wouldn't do this with anyone we didn't trust - we have a very strict rule that no means no at any time during swinging. If anyone did try then the other one of us would be close enough to call out.
We were talking to a couple of friends in a club last week, and were told by the woman that she'd once been approached in the orgy room by someone she didn't fancy, and had said no. The man had replied that if she was in that room he was entitled to have sex with her, and she couldn't say no. She walked out. Sadly there are some evil men out there!

i have experienced such things myself, i had a man say to me once after i said no to him "i've paid my money i have the rights" :shock: sadly some guys do think when goiong into clubs they paying for sex rather than the accomodation, as i always say to them, i may not pay as much as you but i still pay to come in too in not a hooker!!

17 Feb 2009

Quote by naughtynymphos1
if he had her they will know from a examination, you can't someone without living signes, we have played in different rooms on many occasions and this has never entered into my head, and its never happened to us or by us either, the truth usually comes out in the end

Ummm and what signs would those be ? I believe you think that and violence are the same thing. A threat of violence is as likely to cow someone and is as much as is a physical strike or actual violence. I maybe wrong and you may be implying something else entirely.

17 Feb 2009

Quote by splendid_
if he had her they will know from a examination, you can't someone without living signes, we have played in different rooms on many occasions and this has never entered into my head, and its never happened to us or by us either, the truth usually comes out in the end

Ummm and what signs would those be ? I believe you think that and violence are the same thing. A threat of violence is as likely to cow someone and is as much as is a physical strike or actual violence. I maybe wrong and you may be implying something else entirely.
yep i fully agree with that but im guessing, and obviously i could be wring, that if they swingers and doing sep room her husbands going to be in the next room in which case i, like most women i would have thought, would fight tooth and nail if they knew their hubby was in the next room to help them, in which case there will be signs, just my opinion tho ;)

17 Feb 2009

Quote by naughtynymphos1
yep i fully agree with that but im guessing, and obviously i could be wring, that if they swingers and doing sep room her husbands going to be in the next room in which case i, like most women i would have thought, would fight tooth and nail if they knew their hubby was in the next room to help them, in which case there will be signs, just my opinion tho ;)

Yeah I agree... even if not in the same room.. but defo the same house... you could do have done SOMETHING to make anybody else aware?

17 Feb 2009

Quote by Bbw4umen

yep i fully agree with that but im guessing, and obviously i could be wring, that if they swingers and doing sep room her husbands going to be in the next room in which case i, like most women i would have thought, would fight tooth and nail if they knew their hubby was in the next room to help them, in which case there will be signs, just my opinion tho ;)

Yeah I agree... even if not in the same room.. but defo the same house... you could do have done SOMETHING to make anybody else aware?
ahhh to live in a world without fear.

17 Feb 2009

Quote by splendid_

yep i fully agree with that but im guessing, and obviously i could be wring, that if they swingers and doing sep room her husbands going to be in the next room in which case i, like most women i would have thought, would fight tooth and nail if they knew their hubby was in the next room to help them, in which case there will be signs, just my opinion tho ;)

Yeah I agree... even if not in the same room.. but defo the same house... you could do have done SOMETHING to make anybody else aware?
ahhh to live in a world without fear.
I know what you're getting at. I've been in a situation myself where I've 'ceased up' with fear... I just believe in those circumstances it would be highly unlikely...

23 Feb 2009

Our first time ever swinging we did at home with a long time swinging couple who liked seperate rooms,the girls having played and much drink having been drunk we seperated off into seperate rooms.
I steve quickly realised the lady i was with was far drunker than was apparent downstairs it was at this point it crossed my mind that she was no-longer in a fit state to agree or disagree to anything we did.
It was at this point that i got off the bed and asked the lady to do the same and then called on zoe to do the same and quickly brought our first taste of swinging to an end.
The couple stayed the night and left the next morning all smiles and wanting to meet with us again, No chance lol

23 Feb 2009

Quote by Zoe_steve
Our first time ever swinging we did at home with a long time swinging couple who liked seperate rooms,the girls having played and much drink having been drunk we seperated off into seperate rooms.
I steve quickly realised the lady i was with was far drunker than was apparent downstairs it was at this point it crossed my mind that she was no-longer in a fit state to agree or disagree to anything we did.
It was at this point that i got off the bed and asked the lady to do the same and then called on zoe to do the same and quickly brought our first taste of swinging to an end.
The couple stayed the night and left the next morning all smiles and wanting to meet with us again, No chance lol

:thumbup: We have backed off from a couple where the couple were almost comatose with drink this too us just wasn't doing anything or going anywhere so we left. I guess in these type of situations mistakes as well as more sinister thing could happen though. Makes you think sometimes how vulnerable people become be in these situations

24 Feb 2009

Quote by splendid_

yep i fully agree with that but im guessing, and obviously i could be wring, that if they swingers and doing sep room her husbands going to be in the next room in which case i, like most women i would have thought, would fight tooth and nail if they knew their hubby was in the next room to help them, in which case there will be signs, just my opinion tho ;)

Yeah I agree... even if not in the same room.. but defo the same house... you could do have done SOMETHING to make anybody else aware?
ahhh to live in a world without fear.
its not a world without fear, i do live in the real world like most people, but i know for a fact is someone tried to me and my husband was in the same house theres no way i'd lay back and let them because they threatened me, i would risk a few slaps in order to allert my husband, and i honestly think a lot of other women would too, obviously if i was in the middle of nowhere with noone to help me my opinions on this matter would differ, but its not a different situation we are talking about a woman being while her hubby (and his wife don't forget) sits in the same house!!! and your telling me you'd do nothing to help yourself?! confused

24 Feb 2009

Quote by naughtynymphos1

yep i fully agree with that but im guessing, and obviously i could be wring, that if they swingers and doing sep room her husbands going to be in the next room in which case i, like most women i would have thought, would fight tooth and nail if they knew their hubby was in the next room to help them, in which case there will be signs, just my opinion tho ;)

Yeah I agree... even if not in the same room.. but defo the same house... you could do have done SOMETHING to make anybody else aware?
ahhh to live in a world without fear.
its not a world without fear, i do live in the real world like most people, but i know for a fact is someone tried to me and my husband was in the same house theres no way i'd lay back and let them because they threatened me, i would risk a few slaps in order to allert my husband, and i honestly think a lot of other women would too, obviously if i was in the middle of nowhere with noone to help me my opinions on this matter would differ, but its not a different situation we are talking about a woman being while her hubby (and his wife don't forget) sits in the same house!!! and your telling me you'd do nothing to help yourself?! confused

As we don't know the circumstances behind the alleged events it is hard for us to comment specifically. I would like to imagine that there is always time to do everything that I want to do in this world. I would like to think that I would be able to get someone off me quickly and easily by asking politely or at least being strong enough to throw them off and tie them up with their own socks.
What I do know is that I am not the people who are being talked about in the original poster's scenario so it would be harsh, unrealistic and incredibly arrogant to think that I would be able to do anything different.

24 Feb 2009

I cant guess how I would react to physical or emotional intimidation.
I certainly cant guess how anybody else would react.
If one looks at the conviction statistics I think its fairly plain that its a difficult to establish guilt in cases. I think this has a lot to do with the prejudice and assumptions made by the members of the jury, male or female.
I'm only responding because I think its important to challenge the assumptions posted earlier in this thread.

24 Feb 2009

Hey nobody here knows what went on in that place so we cant really comment can we now.
Just food for thought tho how do we know that part of the game was not to be Bound & Gagged and it went too far or even the husband could have been drugged in some way and of course lastly the woman could be making the whole thing up for attention or whatever.
Hell thinking about all the options is enough to put you off meeting people.
Zoe & Steve xx

3 Mar 2009

Quote by benrums0n
If one looks at the conviction statistics I think its fairly plain that its a difficult to establish guilt in cases. I think this has a lot to do with the prejudice and assumptions made by the members of the jury, male or female.
I'm only responding because I think its important to challenge the assumptions posted earlier in this thread.

In my experience, I believe that you are right to think that Jury's make assumptions.... It is part of the deliberation process..... known as "inference".
It is now regularly the case ( not looking at the rights and wrongs of it, however)that the Jury are shown evidence upon which they are invited to infer ( make a reasonable assumption) are then advised by the judge on how to apply this inference to the question of guilt as set out in the complex law on what might constitute "consent".
I read somewhere that one of the main theories on why conviction rates are low in cases and where the blame lies, is at the hands of poor police work and prosecution lawyers.
If the "victim" is a poor performer then this is a recipe for a failed prosecution. IMO
So, based on that as a starting point, and as it seems to me ( and as shown in part in this thread) a genereal pattern exists of similar evidential features in cases that they (Jurys) dont like to convict upon. Those reasons being similar to those views expressed in general conversation and also on this thread.
There are some "stories of impropriety" that simply dont create sympathy for the victim and dont result in a conviction.
Maybe if women learnt of those types of situation, they could avoid the whole process altogether!!
Im sure ther ladies who have been recently prosecuted for making up allegations aren't freaks of nature peculiar only to this generation. many would and will contrive and fabricate to get someone into trouble, without remorse.
Im totally against improper sexual behaviour where consent may be an issue.....btw.
I believe we all need to be wary...