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Reasons not to cook naked!

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Unknown User
Reason 1: Hot Fat on Nipple :shock:
Being off work (to do some DIY stuff) I am being more lazy than usual.
So far today I have done sweet-fanny-adams (apart from loiter on here).
I decided to have breakfast and get my ass into gear - then realised it was already after 1pm.
As it was now lunchtime, I decided to make this breakfast something more substantial and pondered over the fridge contents - ah-ha! - steak! A steak sandwich with onions and horseradish sauce.
Just popped the steak in the pan and........... arrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Hot fat spit on the nipple! mad
HappyHerts69
Sexpert
Reason 2.
You may get mistaken for Jamie Oliver lol
Unknown User
Quote by Suffolk-cpl
Reason 2.
You may get mistaken for Jamie Oliver lol

I'd do Jamie Oliver :twisted:
meat2pleaseu
Sex God
Quote by PoloLady
Reason 2.
You may get mistaken for Jamie Oliver lol

I'd do Jamie Oliver :twisted:
and me, but with a shovel :kick:
Unknown User
Quote by meat2pleaseu
Reason 2.
You may get mistaken for Jamie Oliver lol

I'd do Jamie Oliver :twisted:
and me, but with a shovel :kick:
May be we should team-up.
You do him with the shovel - I do him before he comes round :twisted:
robhambledon
Master of Sex
never,never,never BBQ naked especially if you are using those big prongy things for spearing sausages.......ouch
Unknown User
Quote by robhambledon
never,never,never BBQ naked especially if you are using those big prongy things for spearing sausages.......ouch

I so hope Pete is reading this rolleyes I don't want to have to go into full nurse mode at the bbq :giggle:
Unknown User
I shouldn't :giggle: but that is amusing Polo!
Another reason not to cook naked... and this is 100% true.. is that last summer I was cooking bacon sarnies and as I was naked I decided to be sensible and put my apron on.
All is well until I decide that while the bacon is cooking I will quickly put the washing out - bearing in mind that my back garden is small and has a waist high picket fence around it - I dash out there and the guy who lives next door happens to be putting his washing out too!
I am facing him so I look perfectly decent enough and we make conversation about the lovely weather and the weekend etc - all the while I'm desperately trying to hurry him up because unless I walk backwards, which frankly would look more than little strange, I can't go back into the house.
Eventually as I feel myself panicking about my frying bacon, with only half an ear on the conversation with my next-door neighbour I just blurt out at the top of my voice to my gf to please check the kitchen! She sticks her head out of the bedroom window and is like "aye?" and I just bulge my eyes and motion my head towards the house as if to say "please hurry as I can't move!".
Anyway eventually he buggered off and I half side stepped/ran back into the house to eat my rescued bacon sandwiches – never to make the same mistake again!
smile
Unknown User
Quote by robhambledon
never,never,never BBQ naked especially if you are using those big prongy things for spearing sausages.......ouch

Please do explain.....
neilinleeds
Sex God
pololady?
did the steak, or the frying pan, have some kind of legal disclaimer stating that a burnt nipple may result from naked cooking? if not, i confidently predict you could make thousands from suing the cow, or tefal?
i'm currently advising a naked person on breadmaking injuries? possibly from tefal equipment? a joint action claim seems in order on this one?
they hate joint action claims so they do! :smug:
neilinleeds - no win, no fee! (( sexual favours accepted! )))
Unknown User
Quote by neilinleeds
neilinleeds - no win, no fee! (( sexual favours accepted! )))

Do you do divorces too? wink
Unknown User
Quote by neilinleeds
pololady?
did the steak, or the frying pan, have some kind of legal disclaimer stating that a burnt nipple may result from naked cooking? if not, i confidently predict you could make thousands from suing the cow, or tefal?
i'm currently advising a naked person on breadmaking injuries? possibly from tefal equipment? a joint action claim seems in order on this one?
they hate joint action claims so they do! :smug:
neilinleeds - no win, no fee! (( sexual favours accepted! )))

How did you know it was a tefal pan poke
neilinleeds
Sex God
How did you know it was a tefal pan

they always are goddammit! rolleyes
feckin' tefal!
not a wannabe-solicitor-type-person for nowt yer know! :smug:
neil x x x ;)
p.s. although maybe i've read your personality online, and just knew it would be tefal? :P lol ;)
Unknown User
Quote by neilinleeds
p.s. although maybe i've read your personality online, and just knew it would be tefal? :P lol ;)

That could be it - they are the easiest to shop-lift from Debanhams (being right next to the door 'n' all)
Unknown User
Had an unfortunate accident in the kitchen a few years ago.. wasn't actually in the kitchen naked but upstairs getting naked having got all horny like while cooking, we had gone upstairs to 'continue' but forgot I had put one of those treacle puddings in a tin on to boil.... sometime later there was a terrific bang... either the earth had moved upstairs or there was something very wrong in the kitchen...
... the pan had boiled dry and the tin had exploded, treacle pudding and sauce completely coating every single surface and a bent oven top from the force of the downward explosion...
... a sticky end in so many ways! :shock:
Unknown User
Quote by Sassy-Seren
Do you do divorcees too? wink

If Nil doesn't - I could be tempted :twisted:
Unknown User
I see nobody actually cares that I have an injured nipple here! sad
lovejoy68
Orgasminator
this topic brings back some nasty memorys confused
its not only hot oil to be carefull of while cooking naked! a couple of years back when one day i couldnt be bothered to cook i was heating up some tinned new potato's & stewed steak in the microwave an easy quick meal
after removing bowl from microwave i placed a spoon in it to give it a stir & some of the larger potato's exploded & i mean exploded covering me & my whole kitchen in tiny scolding hot pieces of spud :shock: i was covered in little blisters for ages afterwards sad
so remember this warning never put a cold spoon into something thats just been microwaved it hurts
Unknown User
Quote by PoloLady
I see nobody actually cares that I have an injured nipple here! sad

:therethere: :therethere: :therethere: :therethere: :therethere:
If I was so scared of you, you know I'd offer to come sooth it wink
:scared: bolt
robhambledon
Master of Sex
Quote by PoloLady
never,never,never BBQ naked especially if you are using those big prongy things for spearing sausages.......ouch

Please do explain.....
I will let you to your imagination on that one ........needless to say it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase " a hot prick".......interpret that in a number of ways
Unknown User
Quote by dambuster
I see nobody actually cares that I have an injured nipple here! sad

:therethere: :therethere: :therethere: :therethere: :therethere:
If I was so scared of you, you know I'd offer to come sooth it wink
Would you be scared stiff :rascal:
neilinleeds
Sex God
Quote by PoloLady
I see nobody actually cares that I have an injured nipple here! sad

cos we're all type B people? the question is . . . "how the fuck did you do that FFS?" and not "OMG are you ok pololady?" :P
see, see . . . . how many cross-referenced threads can we get in? i'm liking this game? :P
neil x x x ;)
Unknown User
kiss for your burnt area Polo!
biggrin
Unknown User
Quote by neilinleeds
I see nobody actually cares that I have an injured nipple here! sad

cos we're all type B people? the question is . . . "how the fuck did you do that FFS?" and not "OMG are you ok pololady?" :P
see, see . . . . how many cross-referenced threads can we get in? i'm liking this game? :P
neil x x x ;)
:giggle:
:thumbup:
meat2pleaseu
Sex God
Quote by neilinleeds
. . . . how many cross-referenced threads can we get in? i'm liking this game? :P
neil x x x ;)

bit like the time you hurt your ELBOW! Nil
Unknown User
Quote by neilinleeds
I see nobody actually cares that I have an injured nipple here! sad

cos we're all type B people? the question is . . . "how the fuck did you do that FFS?" and not "OMG are you ok pololady?" :P
see, see . . . . how many cross-referenced threads can we get in? i'm liking this game? :P
neil x x x ;)
Ah - but you know as well as I do there are plenty of group A's on here.
Aside from that - I did consider that point - which is why I explained what happened - to cover the 'why' and leave the group B's to just offer the comfort (whilst feeling uncomfortable doing so) ;)
Unknown User
Quote by Kiss_Me
kiss for your burnt area Polo!
biggrin

Ooooooooow - that's nice. Unfortunately it was on the wrong nipple - you need to do it again on the other side :rascal:
Unknown User
Quote by neilinleeds
cos we're all type B people...

Besides - if you were really a true group B, the question would have been "why were you naked?" lol
neilinleeds
Sex God
the question would have been "why were you naked?"

you see, this is why i'm so rubbish at this? the most obvious, pertinent question never enters me bleedin' 'ead? rolleyes confused
sooooo . . . . why exactly were you naked? hhhhmmmmmmm?
((( see? too pigging late now ain't it? :mad: )))
as for you meaty . . . below the belt! :P besides, i at least was fully clothed, if the tale i've heard is at all accurate? dunno still can't remember it FFS! lol ;)
neil x x x ;)
little__gem
Sex God
:therethere: for the nipple.
So.... why were you naked?
Gem. x - I sooo dislike half a story! lol