While I was driving down the M4 the other day, (going a little faster
than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a copper on
the other side with a radar gun laying in wait.
The copper pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic
patronising smirk, asked "Runway too short?" To which I replied, "I'm
late for work."
To which he asked, "What do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," I
responded. The copper was surprised and confused. "A what? A rectum
stretcher?? "And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up
to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, I
work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but
surely stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."
Then the copper asked questioningly and cautiously, "And just what do
you do with a six-foot arsehole?" To which I politely replied, "You give
him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
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cos yer worth it