Hi again... its the annoying one with loads of questions..
I've just been having a think about S & M...
Its something that i quite fancy being dominated a bit, but what if it goes too far.... i'm no longer enjoying it...and i ask to stop and stuff but he thinks its all in the act.#
I'm sorry i'm not very good with my words but do you know what I mean?
I would love to hear frm peeps that done S & M so i can learn more about it
xxxx
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S & M... My brains ticking again lol
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yeah i know what u mean, people as a rule have a safe word that they use summat like red and if u say that word they supposed 2 stop, but my worry is they will be a bit of a nutter and carry on :shock:
suppose the best thing would be to build up a friendship and get to know and trust someone b4 u let them tie you up
suppose the best thing would be to build up a friendship and get to know and trust someone b4 u let them tie you up
You need to establish some ground rules with whoever you're doing this with. Just as NN so rightly said, make sure it's with someone you know and can trust. Agree on a 'stop' word, know how far you want to go. You could start off with some light bondage, blindfolds and stuff and see how you like it, then move on to the 'heavier' stuff gradually if that's what you want. I've tried the light stuff and it can be very erotic knowing you're completely at his ( or her :twisted: ) mercy but I've always insisted on no blindfolds ( I'm scared of the dark 
) though a light scarf loosely tied is fine.
The main thing is make sure you trust the person you're doing this with implicately !
Have fun !
) though a light scarf loosely tied is fine.The main thing is make sure you trust the person you're doing this with implicately !
Have fun !
Have recently been playing around in this area myself and loving it.
As with anything you need to trust the person (as NN and SS have said) Code word is also essential.
If you are not sure that you could trust them to stick to the word... then walk away...don't be sharing your body with them.
am happy to give you a more practical demonstration :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Sex God
Its all about trust.
Simply put IMO, unless you trust the other person with your life, don't let them Domminate you.
Set up a safe word so even if youre screaming 'no no no stop please stop' as part of the game they wouldn't stop unless they heard your safeword.... something completely unrelated to sex like 'Circus' for example.
The other option is a traffic light system such as;
green = 'I'm ok'
amber/orange = 'I've had quite enough of that, carry on but do something else'
red = 'stop now please'
If you have a ball gag or other form of head restraint and can't speak, the normal thing is for the sub to hold a rag or have a certain hand signal, once this is dropped or shown, no matter what, the other person domminating should stop. You learn about your sub and get to know pretty much where their limit i even before they tell you to stop. A responsible Domme/ Dom will ask you throughout the process how you are and if you want to continue. Don't be afraid to take a break from it or ask to stop. Like I said before... it's all about trusting each other.
Eventually, you might get to the point where you want the safe word to be ignored... but thats a while off if you're just starting on the s&m route I'd think...
Gem. x
Simply put IMO, unless you trust the other person with your life, don't let them Domminate you.
Set up a safe word so even if youre screaming 'no no no stop please stop' as part of the game they wouldn't stop unless they heard your safeword.... something completely unrelated to sex like 'Circus' for example.
The other option is a traffic light system such as;
green = 'I'm ok'
amber/orange = 'I've had quite enough of that, carry on but do something else'
red = 'stop now please'
If you have a ball gag or other form of head restraint and can't speak, the normal thing is for the sub to hold a rag or have a certain hand signal, once this is dropped or shown, no matter what, the other person domminating should stop. You learn about your sub and get to know pretty much where their limit i even before they tell you to stop. A responsible Domme/ Dom will ask you throughout the process how you are and if you want to continue. Don't be afraid to take a break from it or ask to stop. Like I said before... it's all about trusting each other.
Eventually, you might get to the point where you want the safe word to be ignored... but thats a while off if you're just starting on the s&m route I'd think...
Gem. x
sorry for the subtle hi-jack....he he....this thread just reminded me............on a meet we were on, the other cpl had one of theyre mates round , and the subject of s&m came up ...and we wondered why we were getting perplexed looks from theyre mate..............turns out he thourght it meant Small and Medium....oh we laffed.....well actually pissed ourselves ha ha...<----not litrally....thats a whole other fetish lol
Quote by curvy-gal
Hi again... its the annoying one with loads of questions..
I've just been having a think about S & M...
Its something that i quite fancy being dominated a bit, but what if it goes too far.... i'm no longer enjoying it...and i ask to stop and stuff but he thinks its all in the act.#
I'm sorry i'm not very good with my words but do you know what I mean?
I would love to hear frm peeps that done S & M so i can learn more about it
xxxx
I can recommend a couple of good resources
"Screw the roses send me the thorns" is an excellent book
well worth a read. Website I would recommend are , htere are some wonderful essays on one of them dealing with BDSM.
Trust is the ultimate key ... knowing when your partner is a the limit before they need to use a safe word (which can only be gained over time and with practice), having a good safe word system (as mentioned above). Talking is very important, learn your partners, likes and dislikes and balance them, for example sensory place, balance the nice sensations against the notsonice :twisted: sensations. Understand their limits, what do they want out of the playtime, what to they find erotic, what are they expecting to happen? Understand that emtion can come into a playscene, be prepared to talk about why it was emotional, was it good was it bad. How far can the limits be set?
If you have a partner who is overstepping the mark then stop immediately. Spend time talking and reading and don't try your limits until you bothunderstand them.
A good Top (doer) will be willing to experience anything they are prepared to do to a bottom (being done to) that is the mark of understanding. If they are prepared to wield a crop hard then they should understand how much it hurts (not that I'm saying they HAVE to experience it just be prepared to). The rule "do only unto others as you would have done to you" is an excellent rule to stick too!
Pm box is always open for a chat :D
Cx
Sex God
I'm sat nodding in agreement! :thumbup: great post Cali
Thanks for all your advice folks xx
I havent got a partner currently so i think i'll save this for when i get a partner, even a regular meet.
A safe word sounds sensible! I just didnt know how you would tell your Dom if you'd had enough.... lol I could imagine saying "stop, i cant take it anymore", could just egg him/her on even more!! lol
thanks again for the advice xx
I havent got a partner currently so i think i'll save this for when i get a partner, even a regular meet.
A safe word sounds sensible! I just didnt know how you would tell your Dom if you'd had enough.... lol I could imagine saying "stop, i cant take it anymore", could just egg him/her on even more!! lol
thanks again for the advice xx
Quote by curvy-gal
Thanks for all your advice folks xx
I havent got a partner currently so i think i'll save this for when i get a partner, even a regular meet.
A safe word sounds sensible! I just didnt know how you would tell your Dom if you'd had enough.... lol I could imagine saying "stop, i cant take it anymore", could just egg him/her on even more!! lol
thanks again for the advice xx
Nice to see lots of advice from the ladies and all very very pertinent, you def need safewords, we went on from just a stop one to adopting 3 - traffic light style green - im happy, amber - im close to my limit dont go any further, red - STOP NOW, it makes it easy to communicate quite a lot without busting the play by talking, the dom can as for a word an know exactly where they are ( its worth noting that safewords are equally important for the dom to know that they arnt going too far), just my tuppence worth and as everyone else has said if youve any questions then feel free to PM and ask
GF2
:giggle:Quote by little gem
Its all about trust.
Simply put IMO, unless you trust the other person with your life, don't let them Domminate you.
You learn about your sub and get to know pretty much where their limit i even before they tell you to stop. A responsible Domme/ Dom will ask you throughout the process how you are and if you want to continue. Don't be afraid to take a break from it or ask to stop. Like I said before... it's all about trusting each other.
ok, genuine question for you lot then:
do you really think its possible to find that level of trust with someone on here?
Casanova
i was lucky enough to meet Rich 1st
Not sure if anyone mentioned "safe calls"
Always arrange with a trusted friend, details of where you are meeting a new Dom/me a phone call and a code word for you to tell your friend that everything is fine / not fine.
I was amazed how, so many subs went to meet people and didnt tell anyone.
good luck
dee xx
Not sure if anyone mentioned "safe calls"
Always arrange with a trusted friend, details of where you are meeting a new Dom/me a phone call and a code word for you to tell your friend that everything is fine / not fine.
I was amazed how, so many subs went to meet people and didnt tell anyone.
good luck
dee xx
Quote by Darkfire
ok, genuine question for you lot then:
do you really think its possible to find that level of trust with someone on here?
Yes hunni, I do think it's possible. There are a couple of people I think I could trust enough to do this with but it would have to be someone I've been in contact with for a while.
you offering btw? :twisted: :giggle:
Orgasminator
Quote by curvy-gal
Thanks for all your advice folks xx
I havent got a partner currently so i think i'll save this for when i get a partner, even a regular meet.
A safe word sounds sensible! I just didnt know how you would tell your Dom if you'd had enough.... lol I could imagine saying "stop, i cant take it anymore", could just egg him/her on even more!! lol
thanks again for the advice xx
OK listen carefully as I am only going to say this once.
Safewords and safecalls - RUBBISH!
Regarding safewords: in the throes of passion you are 99% likely to forget about this privilege and suffer intense mental and physical trauma. This is why you need a Dom/me or Master/Mistress who is experienced and can read your body. They will be able to call it a day if they notice things have gone too far. Again, they need to be experienced to do this and you need to have absolute trust in them.
Safecalls:
Bit dodgy.
Let's assume you ask your pal to ring you at a certain time and if you don't answer for her to call the police.
Not a good idea because:
your battery may have gone flat
you may be having such a good time that you may forget to answer the phone
you may have dropped your phone and it is no longer functioning
your friend may forget to ring you anyway
you may be enjoying yourself and the ringing may bring you crash landing onto Earth
you may be /abused/killed and the police may arrive too late
you may be embarrassed if the police do break down the door to find you tied up with a big after orgasmic smile on your face...
and many other reasons.
Of course you should never meet anyone in private or go into anyone's car first time and you must always let a trusted friend know where you are, who with (give them all details of this man/woman, if necessary copy the emails to them) and what is the expected duration of your meeting. Also let them know if you are changing locations. You can agree to ring them back in an hour or two just to verify things are alright but again you must remember to ring them or they will be worried sick.
Personally I would never ever agree to meet a person for S/M purposes unless I knew some vital info about this person, i.e. full name (verified by copy of driving licence or passport), address, profession. A genuine person would have no problem providing these details but of course they must trust you, too.
It is good to read up on the subject for entertainment value but beware of having ideas planted in your head about how things should be (they never are... experienced players have long ago thrown away the manuals or use them for a good laugh).
The best advice I can give you is log on to , seek the munch page, find a munch local to you, attend, meet people, ask questions, learn. But again you can't take everyone you meet as God's envoy on Earth as there are a lot of bullshitters in the Scene who take advantage of newbies.
A final piece of advice: If it doesn't feel right, it isn't right so walk away as fast as possible! Trust your instict and don't let anyone talk you into doing anything you are not ready or prepared to do. There are no 'musts' in the Scene - it is all consensual.
Happy to discuss all the above with you in PM.
Quote by Darkfire
Its all about trust.
Simply put IMO, unless you trust the other person with your life, don't let them Domminate you.
You learn about your sub and get to know pretty much where their limit i even before they tell you to stop. A responsible Domme/ Dom will ask you throughout the process how you are and if you want to continue. Don't be afraid to take a break from it or ask to stop. Like I said before... it's all about trusting each other.
ok, genuine question for you lot then:
do you really think its possible to find that level of trust with someone on here?
Nope .. only if I spent a lot of time with them, built up a good relationship with them, Morbius felt he could trust them implicitly with me, then and only then would I start to "think" about playing in a BDSM sense.
Cx
Ok here's my 2p's worth! I may echo some of the good points already made but I think it's just easier if I write down my opinion. I've been into areas of BDSM for several years now so obviously I've formed my own judgements etc.
I usually assume the role of Domme and for me I would not be comfortable at all doing this with a relative stranger. For me it's not about straightforward physical domination, it's mostly a psychological experience between two (or more!) people who are getting equal enjoyment.
To be truly submissive you have to fully trust the person you are with, that they know how far they can go and some people even have written contracts or simply use the traffic light system of amber for becoming uncomfortable to red for stop. A true Master/Domme should not get “carried away†because they should derive not pleasure from your ‘real’ suffering.
S&M and BDSM are an actual lifestyle for many of those who participate, it’s not a term for people who just enjoy hurting people or who enjoy being tied up now and again. I noticed that some useful links were mentioned earlier and I would agree with you reading them.
IMHO I would steer clear from people just looking for rough sex as I get the feeling that this wouldn’t meet your needs, it would be dangerous and would not doubt leave you feeling used.
Safewords and contracts do work – I’m lucky enough to have never had a bad experience, but that is mainly because I have created a bond with the person I am ‘playing’ with and that they are actually into the lifestyle of S&M/BDSM etc.
Good luck and stay safe!
I usually assume the role of Domme and for me I would not be comfortable at all doing this with a relative stranger. For me it's not about straightforward physical domination, it's mostly a psychological experience between two (or more!) people who are getting equal enjoyment.
To be truly submissive you have to fully trust the person you are with, that they know how far they can go and some people even have written contracts or simply use the traffic light system of amber for becoming uncomfortable to red for stop. A true Master/Domme should not get “carried away†because they should derive not pleasure from your ‘real’ suffering.
S&M and BDSM are an actual lifestyle for many of those who participate, it’s not a term for people who just enjoy hurting people or who enjoy being tied up now and again. I noticed that some useful links were mentioned earlier and I would agree with you reading them.
IMHO I would steer clear from people just looking for rough sex as I get the feeling that this wouldn’t meet your needs, it would be dangerous and would not doubt leave you feeling used.
Safewords and contracts do work – I’m lucky enough to have never had a bad experience, but that is mainly because I have created a bond with the person I am ‘playing’ with and that they are actually into the lifestyle of S&M/BDSM etc.
Good luck and stay safe!
Sex God
Quote by Darkfire
Its all about trust.
Simply put IMO, unless you trust the other person with your life, don't let them Domminate you.
You learn about your sub and get to know pretty much where their limit i even before they tell you to stop. A responsible Domme/ Dom will ask you throughout the process how you are and if you want to continue. Don't be afraid to take a break from it or ask to stop. Like I said before... it's all about trusting each other.
ok, genuine question for you lot then:
do you really think its possible to find that level of trust with someone on here?
yes . . . . absolutely!
;)the problem can sometimes be, that even though you trust the person doing it to you, you don't trust the people who suddenly wander in to perv with their cameras out!
;)i don't know enough about BDSM games to comment really, but as far as trusting the people you meet here, there are ways and means of establishing that trust. it might take a while, but i see no problem with it? and as a bloke, you need almost the same level of trust as you would as a fem when it comes to these kinda games, i think?
neil x x x ;)
Sex God
Ooooh, another interesting thread from the vaults.
Quote by Darkfire
Its all about trust.
Simply put IMO, unless you trust the other person with your life, don't let them Domminate you.
You learn about your sub and get to know pretty much where their limit i even before they tell you to stop. A responsible Domme/ Dom will ask you throughout the process how you are and if you want to continue. Don't be afraid to take a break from it or ask to stop. Like I said before... it's all about trusting each other.
ok, genuine question for you lot then:
do you really think its possible to find that level of trust with someone on here?
Yes.
There is one person who has earned my trust (no mean feat, as I hide behind my barriers) and the trust is so great, we don't need safewords, as we have excellent communication.
I think this is a good subject to re-dip my toes into the Forum.
I would never entertain play with someone who refused to have a safe word. Whether they chose to use it is another issue of course.
I have enough respect for myself as a dominant to cease tort...oops I mean consensual play once the word is voiced or other pre-arranged signal given. (Hard to talk with a ball gag in your mouth)
Serious talk re safe word/codes, boundaries, type of play first, then enjoy the journey.
edited for typo
I would never entertain play with someone who refused to have a safe word. Whether they chose to use it is another issue of course.
I have enough respect for myself as a dominant to cease tort...oops I mean consensual play once the word is voiced or other pre-arranged signal given. (Hard to talk with a ball gag in your mouth)
Serious talk re safe word/codes, boundaries, type of play first, then enjoy the journey.
edited for typo
Sex God
Quote by Mistress_39
I think this is a good subject to re-dip my toes into the Forum.
I would never entertain play with someone who refused to have a safe word. Whether they chose to use it is another issue of course.
I have enough respect for myself as a dominant to cease tort...oops I mean consensual play once the word is voiced or other pre-arranged signal given. (Hard to talk with a ball gag in your mouth)
Serious talk re safe word/codes, boundaries, type of play first, then enjoy the journey.
edited for typo
Sounds daft and obvious-stating, but not sure I would feel safe without a safe word/signal.
Casanova
BDSM and swinging are sometimes seen {not as in scene 
} as something that goes hand in hand.
Personally, i dont mix the two.
Rich is my Dom and i would feel "unfaithfull" being sub to another male half of a couple.
dee
} as something that goes hand in hand.Personally, i dont mix the two.
Rich is my Dom and i would feel "unfaithfull" being sub to another male half of a couple.
dee
Sex God
Quote by noladreams30
Ooooh, another interesting thread from the vaults.
Nola - d'you fancy a job on a dredger?
I've got an interesting story about a dredger when I see you.
.
