Have you ever arranged a meet based on chatting to someone as a couple or as a single and when you've met you've changed your mind ot thought errr no chance?
was it easy to do?
how did they take it?
would you go through with it to spare there feelings?
(no it hasnt happened to me, yet)
Yes it happens and that's the whole reason I insist on a social meet first. That way, we can suss each other out, get to know what we both/all like and see if we turn each others taps.
If it ain't happening then I just tell them, sorry but it's not going to work. I've had it said to me too but I'd rather know so I don't waste my time or theirs.
Yup honestly but put across in a polite manner is the best for all. TBH I think most people can tell if the situation isn't working and sometimes there really is not need to say anything offical atall as happened to us once.
pink x
This has just happened to me over the weekend.
I met a guy off here, we were getting on really well over msn, and the numerous times we spoke on the fone.
But when we met we just didnt click sexually. We were in a pub, and having great food, and drink, and the conversation was flowing. But when we kissed for the first time, it just didnt 'feel' right.
Luckily we both picked up on it at the same time, and we both just laughed. I guess in that respect I was lucky, I've never not clicked with someone, who felt differently.
The evening went to a hotel room, but we just got plastered and ordered room service, and pay per view porn!! And still nothing happened!!!
We parted as good friends, and have spoken numerous times since, so yeah I didnt get laid, but I've made a good friend. Proof that if handled right, rejection can lead to avenues unexpected
This is why we have a rule book and number one is we will never play on a first meet
We will meet people for a drink a night out or a meal and make it plain that its just a social meet to see if we all get on. Afterwards kaz and me will sit and talk about it .and then we will go out again with them with a view to play ......
It works for us and avoids wasting people's time ..even people we don't want to play with still remain as friends
think it best to say we will meet for a drink and see how we get on as people can say out on hear lol and we have meet people and thought no way but yes it is hard to do but find it best to say no thks as go along with it just becase you have met that person ,people as it can lead to bad feelings allround
Honesty is best, I like to arrange a meet over a drink only and I tell the other person that I dont automatically expect that we`ll want to go further than that. If we do then that`s a bonus but if not I`d rather be told it`s no go than feel somebody went through with things because they felt they had to to be polite.
I think anybody on here who is genuine will have that consideration for their swinging friends and potential partners.
And as some of you have already said, even if you dont play some great friendships can be made.
Hello everyone, my first post!! It happened to me once, it was not easy because I didnt want to upset her but I was suprised, she was fine about it! We had a drink and a chat then went our seperate ways. If it dont feel right dont do it!
I was told a couple of times that I wasn't what the other person(s) where looking for. They did tell me why, in a polite but fair way. I hope I took it well. In life you have to take the knock backs. I haven't been in a position where I've had to say "Er, no thank you" yet, but I hope I can do it in the same fair way it was done to me.
Well I guess we push it to the limit, cos most of our meets are at our place, but we make it quite plain that we are meeting for a drink in surroundings where we are all free to talk without being overheard (we live in a small village and are very well known, so the pub is out)...
We've never had a problem, as we've always ended up playing, but maybe one day either we, or they will say no thanks.
M
I do get narked when I meet someone for a social and everything goes well, I get messages back saying how they want to meet again but when the time comes to make a date, they fall off the edge of the earth never to be heard from again. That's more hurtful than being told 'no thanks' after the initial meet
No one takes Offence if your polite and Honest.....
No one is for everyone, would be really boring if we were..
Just be honest... not brutal!
Mike
For us to play there has to be a strong connection - without it, the resulting events would not be worth it - either one of us would get upset that the other had more fun etc. I speak from experience.
When first joining SH I made a mistake, took a step back and thought hard about everything we'd done. I should have said 'no' at the time as I knew it wasn't quite right, but thinking I was being selfish, I didn't. the result was emotional fallout on a mahooosive scale.
It was a learning curve. We will always meet socially first and then discuss afterwards how we feel, unless of course it's a party, in which case we have our codewords and have so far not had to use them but are not afraid to.
If in doubt - i'd say don't do it. As for letting people down, so far we've done it and not had any problems, clearly they were upset but not out-of-order about it and we did it gently.
:giggle: 
