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Serious advice needed on how to set up a MFM with a friend
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Sex God
Quote by NW30'scouple
We’ve tried to find a decent single male through this site for a mfm but without success. One of the biggest problems is that there are so many bi or bi-curious guys that advertise on here and there is no way of avoiding them through the search process for adverts. The other problem is the married guys who can only meet during the day.
Why is it a problem having bi guys advertise? You just have to not reply to them if you don't want a bi guy! Ditto for married guys.
Quote by NW30'scouple
We don’t want to have different guys due to time and family pressures and we really want to find another long term mfm partner. We’ve talked about approaching ex boyfriends but my gf isn’t keen on that. One idea we both agree on is to get involved with a close friend.
I'd completely avoid this. You don't even want him to know you're a swinger but want to swing with him?
You're also talking about meeting him without his girlfriend's knowledge - regardless of what you think his motives are for being with her, is it right to encourage him to cheat?
Keep looking through the ads and be prepared to wait for the 'right' one.
Casanova
im with varca 
I agree there are some lovely singlr straight guys - we've met some in clubs and we reckon the best way to meet them is in clubs, but we just don't have time!
We've had far too many guys reply to us who lie about being married and worse still, the guys who aren't really looking for a mfm they're looking for a single girl but as they're very hard to find, they'll settle for a mfm and pretend they're really into that just to get some action.
We reckonthat geunuine, single, straight mfm loving guys are hard to find. Not that we dislike bi guys - it's just that it's not our thing and so many guys are dishonest on their profiles.
We're also sick of cock shots and guys saying how good they are etc. How about a nice face shot and a line or two about their personality, or is that too much to ask?
Thanks for your advice we'll take it on board.
We've had far too many guys reply to us who lie about being married and worse still, the guys who aren't really looking for a mfm they're looking for a single girl but as they're very hard to find, they'll settle for a mfm and pretend they're really into that just to get some action.
We reckonthat geunuine, single, straight mfm loving guys are hard to find. Not that we dislike bi guys - it's just that it's not our thing and so many guys are dishonest on their profiles.
We're also sick of cock shots and guys saying how good they are etc. How about a nice face shot and a line or two about their personality, or is that too much to ask?
Thanks for your advice we'll take it on board.
Hiya,
I have managed to get myself into this situation with both of my latest partners. You are past the difficult bit, getting your good lady to indulge in this, she is the key to your success. Last time this happened we went out in a group of about 6 of us, 5 blokes and her. She had decided that she wanted to do it but we weren't sure any of the group would want to join us, my closest friend has always bragged that he had done mfm but I am not sure I believed him though it was obvious he liked the idea. So I told Lucie he may be the right candidate although she didn't exactly fancy him as such she wanted the experience so after a few drinks to loosen she got chatting to him and very early in the evening for her she turned the conversation to sex and how she was feeling really horny and that she was in need of a good shag, this was just to put the seed there. In the next bar she picked on him again inviting him to stay at our house and save him on taxi fares, he agreed. Few more drinks and she started telling him that I was a dirty fucker and was trying to get her to do stuff that she liked the sound of but didn't know if she had the bottle to carry out. He quizzed her as to what that was and she went (pretend) coy and embarrassed and whispered in his ear that I wanted to fuck her with another bloke. He told her that he really liked the sound of that and had always fancied a go at it without hesitation she invited him to join us!!!! He approached me about an hour later and said 'your lass is in a funny mood tonight she seems unstoppable' I just laughed. 2 hours later we were both fucking her and she took 4 loads of come one way or another that night and we got together as a 3 a few more times after. My tip is to let your missus plant the idea and flirt with him a bit. You won't get him in the mood but she will. GOOD LUCK! :twisted:
Cheers, Steve
I have managed to get myself into this situation with both of my latest partners. You are past the difficult bit, getting your good lady to indulge in this, she is the key to your success. Last time this happened we went out in a group of about 6 of us, 5 blokes and her. She had decided that she wanted to do it but we weren't sure any of the group would want to join us, my closest friend has always bragged that he had done mfm but I am not sure I believed him though it was obvious he liked the idea. So I told Lucie he may be the right candidate although she didn't exactly fancy him as such she wanted the experience so after a few drinks to loosen she got chatting to him and very early in the evening for her she turned the conversation to sex and how she was feeling really horny and that she was in need of a good shag, this was just to put the seed there. In the next bar she picked on him again inviting him to stay at our house and save him on taxi fares, he agreed. Few more drinks and she started telling him that I was a dirty fucker and was trying to get her to do stuff that she liked the sound of but didn't know if she had the bottle to carry out. He quizzed her as to what that was and she went (pretend) coy and embarrassed and whispered in his ear that I wanted to fuck her with another bloke. He told her that he really liked the sound of that and had always fancied a go at it without hesitation she invited him to join us!!!! He approached me about an hour later and said 'your lass is in a funny mood tonight she seems unstoppable' I just laughed. 2 hours later we were both fucking her and she took 4 loads of come one way or another that night and we got together as a 3 a few more times after. My tip is to let your missus plant the idea and flirt with him a bit. You won't get him in the mood but she will. GOOD LUCK! :twisted:
Cheers, Steve
Sex God
Well it works for some but you can't be sure. The introduction of sex can raise all sorts of complications in a friendship.
You need to weigh up whether you are prepared to lose your friend as a possible outcome. If you can stomach that and be certain that you won't lose your g/f then you might want to risk it.
To my mind friendship is worth a whole lot more than a shag - just my opinion.
FB's got it right in my view.
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You need to weigh up whether you are prepared to lose your friend as a possible outcome. If you can stomach that and be certain that you won't lose your g/f then you might want to risk it.
To my mind friendship is worth a whole lot more than a shag - just my opinion.
FB's got it right in my view.
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Thanks for the advice Steve - very helpful.
The other's that have replied seem to forget that we're not newbies and are simply looking for a replacement for the long term mfm partner we already had and the fact my gf finds my mate attractive is great, certainly not a reason for her to leave me lol!
And our friendship wouldn't fail if he found out we're swingers but didn't want an mfm, I'd just be embarressed.
The other's that have replied seem to forget that we're not newbies and are simply looking for a replacement for the long term mfm partner we already had and the fact my gf finds my mate attractive is great, certainly not a reason for her to leave me lol!
And our friendship wouldn't fail if he found out we're swingers but didn't want an mfm, I'd just be embarressed.
Sex God
Well just get on with it then!
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Sex God
Quote by NW30'scouple
Thanks for the advice Steve - very helpful.
The other's that have replied seem to forget that we're not newbies and are simply looking for a replacement for the long term mfm partner we already had and the fact my gf finds my mate attractive is great, certainly not a reason for her to leave me lol!
And our friendship wouldn't fail if he found out we're swingers but didn't want an mfm, I'd just be embarressed.
If you're not newbies you know how to find people then - so why come in here asking? The people who have posted have given advice which they thought was what you wanted. You only seem to like the advice which you want to hear, such as that from Puggs
Quote by NW30'scouple
Thanks for the advice Steve - very helpful.
The other's that have replied seem to forget that we're not newbies and are simply looking for a replacement for the long term mfm partner we already had and the fact my gf finds my mate attractive is great, certainly not a reason for her to leave me lol!
And our friendship wouldn't fail if he found out we're swingers but didn't want an mfm, I'd just be embarressed.
Well in that case, and if you're happy to go ahead given all the advice to be cautious, why not forget all the cloak and dagger stuff and just come out with it?
Actually it's not a case of taking the advice that I wanted to hear (but I can see your point) it's a case of asking for advice from people who've actually done it with a friend, that's all, and the people who advised cauton hadn't actually done it with a friend had they?
I'd really like to her from other people who have done it with a friend, rather than people who have an opinion that isn't based on personal experience.
I'd really like to her from other people who have done it with a friend, rather than people who have an opinion that isn't based on personal experience.
Sex God
Quote by NW30'scouple
Actually it's not a case of taking the advice that I wanted to hear (but I can see your point) it's a case of asking for advice from people who've actually done it with a friend, that's all, and the people who advised cauton hadn't actually done it with a friend had they?
I'd really like to her from other people who have done it with a friend, rather than people who have an opinion that isn't based on personal experience.
How do you know they haven't done it with a friend?
Sex God
Quote by NW30'scouple
I don't - good point!
Let's ask them.
Have you?
Yes - don't do it!
Sex God
Quote by NW30'scouple
Actually it's not a case of taking the advice that I wanted to hear (but I can see your point) it's a case of asking for advice from people who've actually done it with a friend, that's all, and the people who advised cauton hadn't actually done it with a friend had they?
I'd really like to her from other people who have done it with a friend, rather than people who have an opinion that isn't based on personal experience.
Shame we didn't manage to work the bit in bold into the long screed at the start then wasn't it?
Or was it just a way of creating an ad for straight single guys in the forum.
And yes you're right that I haven't invited my vanilla best mate into our bed because I wouldn't do it as a matter of principle.
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You have to be sure it won't cost you your friendship or partner I totally agree with that, I was confident it wouldn't and didn't. The times we did it after were absolutely brilliant we were all stone cold sober but had broken the ice already.
People do tend to err on the side of caution thats understandable especially when offering others their advice.
Fact is if it works then its mind blowing I say go for it let your missus work on him and get him going even if it means he gets first dibs
steve
People do tend to err on the side of caution thats understandable especially when offering others their advice.
Fact is if it works then its mind blowing I say go for it let your missus work on him and get him going even if it means he gets first dibs
steve
Sexlightened
Quote by varca
My immediate thoughts on this/gut reaction.
This is a recipe for disaster with you potentially losing your oldest friend, losing your wife/partner as she clearly fancies him and what about the oldest friend's new lady, doesn't she have some say in this? Never mind all the lies and deceit just to get him to play along. Keep looking through the ads, there are some lovely non bi single guys out there, trust me
Good luck :thumbup:
Sorry maybe its just me but, why is he in danger of losing is wife/partner just because she fancies him, i thought that there was supposed to be some sort of attraction to do anything with someone else anyway, wouldnt have thought that that would have been an issue if your relationship is strong enough and you are open then wouldnt have thought it would have been a problem.
Also I think 'swinger' has some kind of stigma attatched to it but its nothing to be embarrassed about, just like any other label e.g. gay, bi, lesbian tv, c.d. We are all just people doing our own thing none of them anything to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You do what you think is right when you are in the situation mate and above all have fun.
Quote by puggz
Fact is if it works then its mind blowing I say go for it let your missus work on him and get him going even if it means he gets first dibs
steve
alright, I know the fem needs to be an equal decision-maker, or even the instigator etc in this process....but doesnt this smack of using your missus as bait?
I just see a difference between the fem 'being the instigator of a 3some' and 'being the bait in order to have one'
and....this bit 'concerns' me a little:
We always used to have lads nights out when I was married and it wasn’t unusual for him to suggest this, so I agreed. Of course my plan is to say at the very last minute that my gf can make it and we’ll end up the three of us after all. I’ve booked a double room, with two double beds.
it just sounds too much like you're planning on setting him up :scared: - I've been on the recieving end of this before, twice, and I can tell you in aint nice, walking into a situation you thought was completely 'on the level' and then having the dawning realisation that they have in fact planned it all and set you up for their own gain
Under those circumstances, I doubt the freindship will last long :sad: just a thought worthy of consideration before you go ahead
Sex God
Quote by puggz
Or are you two failing to acknowledge that she wants this too??????????
Whoooaaa fella - you have an interest in this?
Valid questions from DF and Varca methinks.
There's an air of ulterior motive right through this thread.
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Quote by puggz
Or are you two failing to acknowledge that she wants this too??????????
Not at all - which is why I acknowledge 'her' as the instigator
I am however offering the opinion that the way you speak of your 'missus', sounds very much like not only is she the instigator, but as far as you're concerned, she's the bait, and you're offering that advice to someone hopeful of the same:
"let your missus work on him and get him going"
:dunno:
Sex God
Quote by puggz
Fair comments but no I have no vested interest only offering the benefit of my experience to someone asking for it
OK then job done innit??
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To be honest, i'd say reading this that the single biggest thing you should take into account is you have already pretty much opened the door to your mate, but he hasnt taken it.
That tells me he's either,
Not interested in the scenario,
Not interested in your partner,
Not interested in cheating on his partner.
You can only drop so many hints, if people dont take them, its probably better to believe he's not interested and leave it alone, your only other option is to ask him point blank, with all the fallout that could cause.
That tells me he's either,
Not interested in the scenario,
Not interested in your partner,
Not interested in cheating on his partner.
You can only drop so many hints, if people dont take them, its probably better to believe he's not interested and leave it alone, your only other option is to ask him point blank, with all the fallout that could cause.
If this person is your friend you need to keep it that way. It simply isn't worth losing a friendship over sex and this could happen. Feelings are already there as you have a bond that makes you friends.
I can speak from experience but ours was FFM. The young lady was a friend of ours not a very close one but a friend at the end of the day. We had a really horny brilliant night which was by chance after I had a night out with her. We repeated once more but after that everything more or less faded. She moved away (not because of us) and kept in touch for a while but then nothing.
This may sound awful, I love swinging as long as it's mutual swingers I'm with, but I really don't like sharing Jay with pals and he's of the same opinion with me. That's my bit anyway!
I can speak from experience but ours was FFM. The young lady was a friend of ours not a very close one but a friend at the end of the day. We had a really horny brilliant night which was by chance after I had a night out with her. We repeated once more but after that everything more or less faded. She moved away (not because of us) and kept in touch for a while but then nothing.
This may sound awful, I love swinging as long as it's mutual swingers I'm with, but I really don't like sharing Jay with pals and he's of the same opinion with me. That's my bit anyway!
I've taken part in quite a few mfm scenarios over the past few years, and for myself and the couples i've been with, discretion has been the most vital element. It has also been an essential part of the sexual fantasy for us to have entered into a private world that is completely separate from the way we would normally behave in the non-swinging world, and which is only shared with the people we are with. Mutual respect and trust are so important for them to really work, and I imagine other mfms would feel the same way.
It seems to me that trying to combine your close friendship with your sexual fantasy could be a dangerous cocktail. Whatever the outcome, I think your friendship will be seriously affected. Close friendships are hard to come by, so is it worth it?
Even if your mfm scenario happened, you will have changed the dynamic completely and your 'private world' will never be as private again, as you will have compromised it with someone who is not part of that private world.
Your friend's relationship with his partner should be valued just as much as your relationship with your partner. Its a breathtaking assumption to make that he is only living with her to 'help with the mortgage'. Relationships can develop, and she could end up as the love of his life. If you respect him, is it fair to be so callous toward her?
I know there are lots of single guys on here, but I'd suggest meeting a few single guys socially and taking it from there. I've met couples with families, and I appreciate that it is more difficult, but you are not selecting a variety of tomatoes from Sainsburys but a particular male who is going to tick a various boxes, both sexual and social, for you and your partner. Is that not worth the effort?
It seems to me that trying to combine your close friendship with your sexual fantasy could be a dangerous cocktail. Whatever the outcome, I think your friendship will be seriously affected. Close friendships are hard to come by, so is it worth it?
Even if your mfm scenario happened, you will have changed the dynamic completely and your 'private world' will never be as private again, as you will have compromised it with someone who is not part of that private world.
Your friend's relationship with his partner should be valued just as much as your relationship with your partner. Its a breathtaking assumption to make that he is only living with her to 'help with the mortgage'. Relationships can develop, and she could end up as the love of his life. If you respect him, is it fair to be so callous toward her?
I know there are lots of single guys on here, but I'd suggest meeting a few single guys socially and taking it from there. I've met couples with families, and I appreciate that it is more difficult, but you are not selecting a variety of tomatoes from Sainsburys but a particular male who is going to tick a various boxes, both sexual and social, for you and your partner. Is that not worth the effort?
Thanks again for all your comments. I have a few things to say.
Firstly we don’t know anybody else on the forum as been suggested.
This is a totally genuine question that some people seem to be reading too much into. My gf and I have been involved in swinging for 6 years and are certainly not newbies as suggested. Clubs we have visited are Silks, Club Manchester, Partners, Liasons, Cupids and Xanadu. We’ve also been registered on this site for quite a bit longer than some of the people who’ve suggested we’re newbies pretending to be experienced.
We had a long term friend that moved back to Europe, that’s the reason we’re looking for a new friend, nothing more.
We’re totally happy and confident with what we do which is why the suggestion that our relationship will break down and I’ll lose a friendship is totally wrong.
To recap – we simply wanted advice from people who had successfully had a mfm with a friend – we weren’t looking for advice on the pros and cons of it all. We established what we both are happy with re swinging a long time ago and we really don’t need that sort of advice. Maybe we should have been clearer in the first post.
I can understand the comments about my friend’s gf but she’s not a permanent fixture and you’d have to know him to fully understand the situation.
If we asked him outright and he wasn’t interested, it wouldn’t ruin our friendship at all – he’d probably be fascinated in what we do but politely decline. It’s just that we’d rather he didn’t know that we’re swingers if he isn’t interested, that’s all. Not that we’re ashamed of it, just that we’d rather keep it a total secret.
The fact my gf fancies him is fine – that’s what having an mfm is all about and in fact wouldn’t work without it. Total rubbish to suggest it’s a problem. Why would she leave me for him and not any of the other guy’s we’ve had mfms with? It’s purely recreational sex, whoever it’s with.
Any other comments from people who've had successful mfms with a friend and how they've acheived it, would be very welcome.
Firstly we don’t know anybody else on the forum as been suggested.
This is a totally genuine question that some people seem to be reading too much into. My gf and I have been involved in swinging for 6 years and are certainly not newbies as suggested. Clubs we have visited are Silks, Club Manchester, Partners, Liasons, Cupids and Xanadu. We’ve also been registered on this site for quite a bit longer than some of the people who’ve suggested we’re newbies pretending to be experienced.
We had a long term friend that moved back to Europe, that’s the reason we’re looking for a new friend, nothing more.
We’re totally happy and confident with what we do which is why the suggestion that our relationship will break down and I’ll lose a friendship is totally wrong.
To recap – we simply wanted advice from people who had successfully had a mfm with a friend – we weren’t looking for advice on the pros and cons of it all. We established what we both are happy with re swinging a long time ago and we really don’t need that sort of advice. Maybe we should have been clearer in the first post.
I can understand the comments about my friend’s gf but she’s not a permanent fixture and you’d have to know him to fully understand the situation.
If we asked him outright and he wasn’t interested, it wouldn’t ruin our friendship at all – he’d probably be fascinated in what we do but politely decline. It’s just that we’d rather he didn’t know that we’re swingers if he isn’t interested, that’s all. Not that we’re ashamed of it, just that we’d rather keep it a total secret.
The fact my gf fancies him is fine – that’s what having an mfm is all about and in fact wouldn’t work without it. Total rubbish to suggest it’s a problem. Why would she leave me for him and not any of the other guy’s we’ve had mfms with? It’s purely recreational sex, whoever it’s with.
Any other comments from people who've had successful mfms with a friend and how they've acheived it, would be very welcome.
