My mum had MS for 27 years before it finally killed her, in all that time my dad stuck with her and i have no idea how long they went without sex but he stayed.
I respect him alot for that but i also wouldnt blame him if he did have some flings that we knew nothing of.
Mids
i see what you're saying, but i don't want to just have sex to release tension. i want to make love with my partner, which is a whole different kettle of fish. sure, i could have masturbated when i was with my ex, but i find that so unfulfilling. he was willing to go down on me anytime, but sometimes you just need a good hard shag with the man you love.
simple as that.
This is a thoughtful thread and it is close to home for me too. After the birth of our second child my wife went off sex though she was reasonably enthusiastic before. That was 24 years ago. She would brush me off if I held her, would sigh audibly if I aked her to use her hand. You can't understand how those rejections make you shrivel inside. I think the last time we had anything resembling sex was more than 10 years ago. She hates to see anything sexual on TV and will switch over with scornful comments and says she will leave if I play around with anyone else.
So why haven't I left? Well, I care for her. She has had depression, a repressive mother, she hasn't had a job for 30 years (she has played at trying to get a job but always finds some reason to throw it in) and couldn't support herself and I think she would be emotionally adrift too. In the past there were the children too though now they are independent. If she became sexual again it would be the greatest thing in my life but I don't expect it.
So what do I do for sex? I have always been a sexual person, not just a push it in guy but thinking about it and relishing all the varied pleasures of fore and after play. So it has come hard. The idea of using those poor abused exploited prostitutes offends my morality. So does the idea of having a girlfriend who gets strung along with vague promises of eventual divorce. I have neither the opportunity nor desire to go out clubbing for one night stands and anyway I can't stay out overnight anyway. Masturbation after the first five years becomes a lonely business. My solution eventually has been to find a couple or two that I can have uninhibited sex with. I have done so and it has been a life line for me. A fuck buddy with no strings expected on either side would be great too.
What I like about this site is not the expectation of a quick legover (not knocking it though) but the chance to speak to people with a similar attitude to sex as me.
Sorry it's a downer. I can do humorous too. I just wanted to put the point of view of a married man who was 'playing away'.
I dont know hun cos i dont really think i have beeni n that situation.
I did end up in a sexless marriage, or when we did have sex it was more like he was trying to hurt me or take something out on me, but i think the lack of sex stemmed from more underlying problems which resulted in us splitting.
Unless i was put in the situation i dont think i would really know
Earthy xx
Having been in that situation I know how hard it is, knowing that the one thing you really need from them is the one thing they can't give you and if you seek it elsewhere it would destroy the person you love. Anyone currently in that sutuation has my sympathy. Unfortunately I don't have a solution to it.
H.x
As I've said I think I could live without the sex - but living without any intimacy is a very different thing all together.
Its a tough question, and I'm sure one only most people could answer totally truthfully when put in that situation.
I'd like to think that my relationship could survive if it ended up being a celibate one through disability/illness. Like already mentioned, I'd be more than capable of satisfying my own needs and although I would miss the physical side of our relationship, I trust that we'd be strong enough to survive without sex being part of our relationship.
That said, I don't think I'm naive enough to think it wouldn't make a difference from both sides. Guilt I believe would be a big contributory factor, mainly from the partner who felt they were letting their partner down by not being able to satisfy them in a sexual way.
However, although it's been touched on that if celibacy was caused through illness or disability, would it be different if there was no longer sex in the relationship and it HADN'T been caused by anything physical? Do you think your relationship could last if there was no physical cause and possibly caused by one partner just no longer wanting sex? How long do you think you could continue?
I don't know how I'd feel, never been in a sexless relationship.
I do think that if you love someone enough, you have to deal with it and make the best of what you have. And yes, I do realise that might be easier said than done.
I don't think sex is always necessary - intimacy can be achieved through cuddling and touching but without actual sex. If you're in a position where you don't even have to speak when you're with someone, I think that's really special. More than words.
it makes sense, and I have to say its refreshing to see some good discussion and honest answers :thumbup:
your post makes a lot of sense to me Robin hood, dont have the children but the rest is pretty spot on
Earthy x
Rob, just for the thickies in here like me, could you maybe try to use some punctuation in your posts honey? Make it easier to understand?
Willxx69 -
you know I think that has to be one of the most awful relationship situations I have ever heard about. :sad:
wow willxx what a fascinating post, thanks for sharing. I felt so sad for you, but happy too that you have found fulfillment now in all aspects of your life. It amazes me from talking to people how many are in sexless relationships. I was shocked the other day talking to a friend, mid 30's, incredibly handsome, and hasn't had a physical relationship with his wife for 7 years. I was gobsmacked. He's staying for the kids, which is admirable, but at the same time I felt he was sacrificing an essential part of his being...
Imho sex is an absolutely essential part of a relationship, and I mean 'sex' in the wider sense to include physical contact, cuddles, kisses, shows of affection etc. I would certainly not expect Mr Pink to go without should anything ever prevent me physically from doing it. Come to think of it if I found myself emotionally incapable of a sexual relationship I think that would be unfair on Mr Pink too. In either case I suspect I would actively encourage him to look elsewhere. I expect most people on this site are capable of separating 'sex' from 'love'!
Having said that I'm sure he won't mind me saying that the variety and frequency of our sexual relationship does go in cycles, usually dependent on my libido levels I have to admit - it's all bound up in my self-confidence etc - too deep to go into here! Suffice to say at times I want it every day, and at other times I start to think I could live without it all together. However, I'm talking about a matter of weeks rather than months or years. Yes of course friendship is important in a relationship and sex isn't the be all and end all, but to be consistently sexually rejected by your partner must be one of the most damaging things to the self esteem. If one partner is physically incapable of sex, then I totally admire and respect those that stay together in spite of this. However, on an emotional level I believe it is unacceptable to expect your partner to 'do without'.
Well that's my two penneth worth anyway. God hope Mr Pink doesn't ever go off it!
i loved her to bits, i know she loved me, but there was no passion. kinda killed things.
) but I think it was down to other things going wrong. Since we split and I've explored my bi-sexuality, my libido has shot through the roof ! 
ops
and sappho of course 
assionkiss: