This morning, I was in deep discussion with the lovely Mrs Gufun over the sorry state of English football. We bemoaned the lack of talent, drive, ambition and discipline lacking in our Premiership and national teams. The current scandals with alcohol and infidelity hardly makes these players ideal role models for the next generation. It seems that all one needs to do to earn £70k+ a week is to get your leg over with anyone other than your wife, get caught dogging, have yourself ejected from some dodgy loking establishment at 0400 hours or, at the very least, wake up in a gutter with a stinking hangover covered in your own vomit. At this point, we had a eureka moment as we realised that we, along with most of our friends here, have been doing this repeatedly for many years without pay. With these qualities in mind, we believe Swinging Heaven should enter the Premiership next year.
The bed-hopping antics of Beckham, Crouch and Terry will pale compared to the epic levels of deviancy I am prepared to carry out for £50k a week. Media coverage of Wayne and Colleen would vanish into thin air as the Paparrazzi fight each other to the death for snaps of SH Dribblers FC (props to Mrs Gufun for the team name) post match celebrations. We'd sleaze our way to the top of the table in the smut leagues and the tabloid press will have to find another word for 'romp' as it's going to appear in every other page, every day. We'll have Pfizer as our team sponsor, although I might do some work for McVities promoting their Jaffa Cakes.
This is a brilliant idea, we get paid a small fortune doing what we've done for years and we're also helping to restore footbal back to its' former glory. Because, without the attention of the media massaging their over-inflated egos, our footballers may actually have to spend more time playing.
All we need now is a team kit colour scheme. I imagine that whatever the design, it'll need to be made of that stuff what repels stains and fluids really well.
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SHFC
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Orgasminator
Bring on the SH Fantasy League 
Warming the Bed
Brilliant Idea - I volunteer to play that specialist position between midfield and attack - In the hole I think they call it.......:-D
Sex God
um can i just join the guys in the bath...
and mike wont yr toys get wet???
how u doing?
and mike wont yr toys get wet???
how u doing?
