we parent as we have learnt/been taught etc. I am not a parenting guru and have no interest in looking at individual 'cases' in a public forum as 'it' isn't black and white. I do know what has worked with the parents that I have worked with and I understand that we all do the best we can with the information that we have available to us. I am in no position to judge or criticise and telling others what they should or should not do is not in my remit here. I don't believe that smacking works and have far more personal evidence that supports my way of parenting. Obviously those that disagree have other evidence.. that is the way of the world and a wonderful place it is too.
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Should smacking children be banned?
Quote by splendid_
we parent as we have learnt/been taught etc. I am not a parenting guru and have no interest in looking at individual 'cases' in a public forum as 'it' isn't black and white. I do know what has worked with the parents that I have worked with and I understand that we all do the best we can with the information that we have available to us. I am in no position to judge or criticise and telling others what they should or should not do is not in my remit here. I don't believe that smacking works and have far more personal evidence that supports my way of parenting. Obviously those that disagree have other evidence.. that is the way of the world and a wonderful place it is too.
Sexy, intelligent, wobbly kneed and a superb diplomat. :inlove:
Forum Virgin
My Parents never smaked me, but they taught me respect and when I crossed the line I was scared to death that they would smack me. If you teach respect smacking isnt needed, the threat should be enough
Quote by Skgirlgreen
My Parents never smaked me, but they taught me respect and when I crossed the line I was scared to death that they would smack me. If you teach respect smacking isnt needed, the threat should be enough
Sometimes the threat isn't enough. Afterwards the memory of it tends to have the same effect as the earlier threat only without the possibility of the kid thinking the parent is bluffing.
In spite of the fact that I did smack my kids, I rarely had to do so as they remembered the punishment and that memory, in my experience, works far better than a threat that they sooner or later realise will never be backed up.
My own observation is that one should never threaten a kid with something you aren't prepared to do. Sooner or later (in most cases) you're bound to get called on it. That's the nature of us humans, kids especially, we hunt for our boundaries.
Quote by Cherrytree
I said everything I wanted to, earlier in the thread.
It's such a strong emotive, emotional subject for me, that I'm burning to type some more...but it doesn't leave me peaceful, so I'm backing away again.
Cherry you have a right to express your feelings and your views, whatever they are. I am sure we are total opposites on this subject but...I would still love you to post. It is your right hun. x
Quote by Cherrytree
I said everything I wanted to, earlier in the thread.
It's such a strong emotive, emotional subject for me, that I'm burning to type some more...but it doesn't leave me peaceful, so I'm backing away again.
Ah, yes, I found the first post you made, and reading between the lines I see the reason for your reluctance.
Casanova
Here is an example of a situation with an early years child. The child is at the stage where they are discovering everything via their mouths and fingers. Everything they come across is a new venture and exciting. They discover if they bite a fellow child they react by crying. They don't understand that the crying is due to pain they have caused as it has never happened to them. How do you explain to a child that is not yet able to converse or understand that what they are doing is not nice or acceptable?
One way to do this would be to take them away from the situation. This does not help their social skills or face the problem, which means it will likely happen again.
Another way would be sensory. By this I mean every time the child bites another child they receive a small tap and a command (ie NO! or Ouch! or similar expression).
Parenting is not easy, there is no manual and you do have to learn as you go along and work with the personality of the individual child. For me the best method was segregation, he hated being by himself, for others it may be different. As a teenager he now responds better to explained reasons why he should do something or not etc, we discuss and debate. Meaning the goal posts change almost as rapidly. You have to adapt and amend methods to fit the child.
One final note. One of the hardest things I found as a single mum was my sons need to play 'rough and tumble'. He has had the hugest belly laughs when I've pretended to be cross with him (putting on a silly voice) and put him over my knee and play smacked him. He has pleaded with me to play fight with him on his trampoline when he was around 8 to 10. I had to stop because he was getting big and I was getting hurt. This is one of the times when I had wished he had his Dad around more to do this with him. I think children need physical contact to a point and maybe the reason for this is so they can experience elements of pain that is controlled and learn from it.
One way to do this would be to take them away from the situation. This does not help their social skills or face the problem, which means it will likely happen again.
Another way would be sensory. By this I mean every time the child bites another child they receive a small tap and a command (ie NO! or Ouch! or similar expression).
Parenting is not easy, there is no manual and you do have to learn as you go along and work with the personality of the individual child. For me the best method was segregation, he hated being by himself, for others it may be different. As a teenager he now responds better to explained reasons why he should do something or not etc, we discuss and debate. Meaning the goal posts change almost as rapidly. You have to adapt and amend methods to fit the child.
One final note. One of the hardest things I found as a single mum was my sons need to play 'rough and tumble'. He has had the hugest belly laughs when I've pretended to be cross with him (putting on a silly voice) and put him over my knee and play smacked him. He has pleaded with me to play fight with him on his trampoline when he was around 8 to 10. I had to stop because he was getting big and I was getting hurt. This is one of the times when I had wished he had his Dad around more to do this with him. I think children need physical contact to a point and maybe the reason for this is so they can experience elements of pain that is controlled and learn from it.
Master of Sex
Should smacking children be banned?
Your own - yes: other people's - no.
Your own - yes: other people's - no.
