single bi female...the holy grail?

14 May 2006

Quote by sexkittenhfx
find it really hard to compose a mail to a bi fem......it`s way easier to meet with them in a club and let what happens happen.......we`ve met a few "bi fem" couples that r not really bi...... 2 minute play then push their hubbys forward .............think they just use the bi bit as bait............... me i really enjoy the girl girl bit & mikes happy to watch and let us get on with it.......and i give as good as i recieve.......

ahh but when ive been to a club as a single female no ones approached me, probably an ettiquette thing, and as im a bit shy at first.............its a catch 22!
as for women getting pushed to play by their husbands i have experienced that and wouldnt want to go back there so i always try the best i can to ensure shes as bi as me from chatting and flirting. well i try to flirt.......lol
can`t believe that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if u were in a club in london you would disappear in a scrum :D
maybe you`re just politer oop norf
:D

14 May 2006

Quote by twos_company
find it really hard to compose a mail to a bi fem......it`s way easier to meet with them in a club and let what happens happen.......we`ve met a few "bi fem" couples that r not really bi...... 2 minute play then push their hubbys forward .............think they just use the bi bit as bait............... me i really enjoy the girl girl bit & mikes happy to watch and let us get on with it.......and i give as good as i recieve.......

14 May 2006

i just wish there were enough sbf's to go round for single bi males like myself....... lol

14 May 2006

Quote by sexkittenhfx
find it really hard to compose a mail to a bi fem......it`s way easier to meet with them in a club and let what happens happen.......we`ve met a few "bi fem" couples that r not really bi...... 2 minute play then push their hubbys forward .............think they just use the bi bit as bait............... me i really enjoy the girl girl bit & mikes happy to watch and let us get on with it.......and i give as good as i recieve.......

:D :D :D
we dont do those sort of clubs................hate getting dressed to go out doing make up hair etc......then winding up looking like a drowned rat 5 minutes later
:D :D :D

14 May 2006

As part of a couple I have to say that I'd love to get together with another female just so that we could both have some great sex... before my other half joined in. The only way I think you get really GREAT sex is if you know someone and can relax in their company and have a laugh with them. Perhaps thats why we approach so few people.
however, as its been said.. I too am guilty of thinking that a single female would be far too piccky . There are thousands of couples on this site, and theres nothing particularly special about me..( cant say that about the other half... he's gorgeous lol) I just think that if they like the look of us they'll approach us ( which after reading these threads is a crazy way to look at it.. so I'll alter that immediately)
People mailing you on here, in my experience, even as a cple, are looking for sex firstly . They make an immediate judgement on your looks ( which is human nature I know) but for us it has to be a balance of the people involved AND the way they look. Guess we're looking for likeminded people who want fun... but not at the expense of who they are, or what they need, for me anyway, half the fun in recieving pleasure is knowing that you've given it to someone else!

15 May 2006

Quote by Andromeda
As part of a couple I have to say that I'd love to get together with another female just so that we could both have some great sex... before my other half joined in. The only way I think you get really GREAT sex is if you know someone and can relax in their company and have a laugh with them. Perhaps thats why we approach so few people.
however, as its been said.. I too am guilty of thinking that a single female would be far too piccky . There are thousands of couples on this site, and theres nothing particularly special about me..( cant say that about the other half... he's gorgeous lol) I just think that if they like the look of us they'll approach us ( which after reading these threads is a crazy way to look at it.. so I'll alter that immediately)
People mailing you on here, in my experience, even as a cple, are looking for sex firstly . They make an immediate judgement on your looks ( which is human nature I know) but for us it has to be a balance of the people involved AND the way they look. Guess we're looking for likeminded people who want fun... but not at the expense of who they are, or what they need, for me anyway, half the fun in recieving pleasure is knowing that you've given it to someone else!

15 May 2006

Having just read the sbf 'holy grail' topic I wondered if that was lifted from our ad as that is part of the introduction. We don't treat sbf as meat or just for our pleasure as we both get immense pleasure from pleasing her between us. We don't think 100 miles is a quick trip in the car for a night of fun and one of the reasons we find it so hard to find sbf is because we set limits to a reasonable distance. Also there has to be an attraction and a 'good company' feeling that you just can't get across in mail or text. We speak quite quickly on the phone and get a bit of feeling from that before we meet. Even as a bloke I would not want to be with a sbf just because she was sbf and I certainly would not want that for my partner. BUT because we limit our area and look for the person not just the pleasure and fail to get a reasonable or polite reply to any mail we send they do seem to be very rare. Thousands of sbf's beyond a reasonable travelling distance to us does not help. How can you develop a friendship and a reasonable friendly relationship no matter how slim,sexy,friendly and bi they maybe. How often do people visit family when they live some distance away?
Anyway, someone saying they will travel huge distance for a few hours seems a bit shallow to me. Had my moan and I hope it has shown another point of view.
We just wish there were more sbf's in Essex. biggrin

15 May 2006

Well I have found this a very interesting topic, although I had to stop reading at page 3 as I'm at work, so I apolgise if I'm repeating any previous posts!
My personal view (from experience) is that if it was the female half of the couple that went searching for a sbf they would have a much better chance - or even together. I understand that there are a lot of timewasters and fakes on here and that could be why some folk feel loathed to much effort into their messages and profiles.
95% of the time when I'm in a chat room and a bloke is talking to me, he is all nice and interested and having a chat etc, then pretty soon he's asking if I would meet him and his gf - which is fine with me as I always like to know where I stand etc. What I do have a big issue with is if I happen to show any sign of saying no, he then uses the exact same lines on the next fresh female who enters their orbit, while I'm still there lmao!
Surely I can't have been the only one to notice this? lol

Also I just wanted to pick up on a point from the sart of the thread - I too have been amazed by some of the strict criteria set by couples supposedly desperate or unable to find a sbf. Anything from "must be slim and attractive" to "a face pic a must".
Whilst I too am attracted to a persons face and body I also love lots of other things. I'm not saying at all that other men and women shouldn't be choosey, just maybe include things like "enjoys a laugh" and "a great smile is sexy"?
Ahhh who know's where the feck I'm going with this lol! I've typed it so now I'm posting it! xxx

15 May 2006

Quote by Kiss_Me
95% of the time when I'm in a chat room and a bloke is talking to me, he is all nice and interested and having a chat etc, then pretty soon he's asking if I would meet him and his gf - which is fine with me as I always like to know where I stand etc. What I do have a big issue with is if I happen to show any sign of saying no, he then uses the exact same lines on the next fresh female who enters their orbit, while I'm still there lmao!
Surely I can't have been the only one to notice this?

nope you're not the only one, and its not just chatroom (although that's where it's most prevalent) - I've actually had this done in person, right in front of my face :shock: :lol:
bloody glad i said No too!! :lol:

15 May 2006

Quote by Darkfire

95% of the time when I'm in a chat room and a bloke is talking to me, he is all nice and interested and having a chat etc, then pretty soon he's asking if I would meet him and his gf - which is fine with me as I always like to know where I stand etc. What I do have a big issue with is if I happen to show any sign of saying no, he then uses the exact same lines on the next fresh female who enters their orbit, while I'm still there lmao!
Surely I can't have been the only one to notice this?

OK - Blokes are lazy, what can I say... rolleyes

15 May 2006

Quote by H-x
As part of a couple I have to say that I'd love to get together with another female just so that we could both have some great sex... before my other half joined in. The only way I think you get really GREAT sex is if you know someone and can relax in their company and have a laugh with them. Perhaps thats why we approach so few people.
however, as its been said.. I too am guilty of thinking that a single female would be far too piccky . There are thousands of couples on this site, and theres nothing particularly special about me..( cant say that about the other half... he's gorgeous lol) I just think that if they like the look of us they'll approach us ( which after reading these threads is a crazy way to look at it.. so I'll alter that immediately)
People mailing you on here, in my experience, even as a cple, are looking for sex firstly . They make an immediate judgement on your looks ( which is human nature I know) but for us it has to be a balance of the people involved AND the way they look. Guess we're looking for likeminded people who want fun... but not at the expense of who they are, or what they need, for me anyway, half the fun in recieving pleasure is knowing that you've given it to someone else!

fankoo kindly surprised

ops: but I can assure you Id love to play with an arse as fab os yours.... puts mine to shame! and..... some couples are looking for other ladies to play with, not to make up numbers but, to satisfy that streak of lust that only playing with another woman can. Iits not all about playing with men or the men having fun with women ( well not for me.)
The good thing about these threads (sometimes) is that we gain an insight as to why people respond/ dont respond to contact initiations. This seems to have nothing to do with status, but rather deeply held misconceptions about what couples / singles ( male or female i now presume ) are actually looking for. The psychology of this has me rather intrigued. I'll be reading the rest of the posts on this subject with interest and certainly altering the way I initiate contact with anyone in the future.

15 May 2006

Quote by H-x
As part of a couple I have to say that I'd love to get together with another female just so that we could both have some great sex... before my other half joined in. The only way I think you get really GREAT sex is if you know someone and can relax in their company and have a laugh with them. Perhaps thats why we approach so few people.
however, as its been said.. I too am guilty of thinking that a single female would be far too piccky . There are thousands of couples on this site, and theres nothing particularly special about me..( cant say that about the other half... he's gorgeous lol) I just think that if they like the look of us they'll approach us ( which after reading these threads is a crazy way to look at it.. so I'll alter that immediately)
People mailing you on here, in my experience, even as a cple, are looking for sex firstly . They make an immediate judgement on your looks ( which is human nature I know) but for us it has to be a balance of the people involved AND the way they look. Guess we're looking for likeminded people who want fun... but not at the expense of who they are, or what they need, for me anyway, half the fun in recieving pleasure is knowing that you've given it to someone else!

I'm only speaking for me here, obviously, but the reason I don't reply to couples is cos usually the female half is (as in you case) pretty damn gorgeous and I'd feel like I was just making up the numbers.
H.x
its the same for me H, even in this thread earlier on (i think it was this thread anyway, correct me if im wrong) a few people actually said they werent that bothered about who that second female is as they already have their perfect partner...so i think our worries are understandable!
only why you worry at all is beyond me your photos are lovely

15 May 2006

Even when I was playing as a single bifem, I was constantly aware of the company I chose to keep and if I met anyone new, I'd PM or phone a close vanilla friend and tell them I was out, general location and sometimes (ok, stop laughing at the back) their number plate or phone number just in case. Saftey was always my biggest proirity.
Feeling like a piece of meat was an awful feeling that left me emotionally drained, empty and hollow. I swore that I'd never do that intentionally to another within the swinging scene.
One occasion that boiled my blood though was talking to a couple in the chatroom about couple/couple meets. Moved to instant chat so we could keep up with conversation and almost immediately everything I had said about not playing on my own went out of the window. I was quite insulted because I would never have tried to sepparate his wife off so Neil and I could fuck her senseless, so why was it fair game to do it to me because I chose to show our independence by not having a 'couple' profile? I don't belong to my other half, I choose to be with him... what is so hard about understanding that??? confused

Anyway... I remember all too well being treated like a hen's tooth and a few of the singlebifemales clubbed together about it all and made light of the situation. smile

Laughter is the best medicine sometimes and respect for fellow human being's cost nothing.
kiss

Gem. x

15 May 2006

Hello there everyone
I've been following this with interest as it concerns myself and Stormwalker as a couple. I wanted to see if we had made any faux pas in our ad or profile. I have checked and I don't think we have although I'm sure I'll be alerted to that fact if we have poke

We hav'nt asked for specifics as to us a sense of humour and a personaltiy are important...HOWEVER we do of course like everyone else have things that turn us on and things that turn us off and the nicest personality in the world when it comes down to sex and getting the juices flowing (so to speak) is'nt going to help if there is something that definately is a no no for us such as a big hairy wart on the tip of one's nose for instance :giggle:
Stormwalker would like Kylie and I would like Keira Knightley so again there we have differences in preferences within the same couple! This was never going to be an easy experience for us to realise, but we have made some great friends along the way and really feel like we have found a community we can be ourselves in, even if it is only on cam, and in the forums at the moment. We will get to a munch one day!!
SO... I think instead of getting all hot under the collar at what is perceived to be mishandling of bi-fems (for want of a better description) just ignore the winks and posts you dont find attractive and reply to the ones you do and concentrate on getting to know the interesting ones. Of course there are going to be couples out there that are going to think of a single female as just "something they want" but this will soon become evident and you will be able to identify it and move on.
On the other side of the coin we as a couple looking for..... have to cope with men pretending to be female thinking they can change our minds, females who contact us and then suddenly decide they want a partner present once they think they have us hooked and of course no doubt we are going to come across a gorgeous perfect lady one day only to find that we don't float her boat. So its not a bi-fem thing really, it's just the pitfalls of trying to pull all over again, only more complicated as there are 3 people involved rather than 2.
Just my observations of course. Thanks for reading!
Love
Firelizard xxxxx

15 May 2006

Quote by firelizard
Stormwalker would like Kylie and I would like Keira Knightley
Love
Firelizard xxxxx

Er, just for the recordâ€¦I like Keira Knightley tooâ€¦..um and Dannii Minogue..Oh and defiantly I mention Anastacia? :inlove:
P.S. And by the way , Jessica Rabbit is a bit of a babe too redface

Stormwalker

15 May 2006

Ok, not commented for a while, been otherwise engaged with uni lol
Where to start???
Firstly what i say here is my/our opinion, I cant speak for everyone/couple.
The thought/idea of having a SBF join us in the bedroom is one we have been mulling over for a long while, those that know us know we don't rush into anything!!
It is true that some couples just want 'a' SBF so that THEY can have THEIR fun with her. All I can say is NOT US! If/when we invite a SBF to join us we are doing just that, asking her to JOIN us, we're looking at having fun WITH a SBF, as in all 3 of us having mutual fun. This is a 3 way!! 3 people, 3 times the fun, 3 people having equal fun.

Quote by twos_company
we`ve met a few "bi fem" couples that r not really bi...... 2 minute play then push their hubbys forward .............think they just use the bi bit as bait............... me i really enjoy the girl girl bit & mikes happy to watch and let us get on with it.......and i give as good as i recieve.......

I also get the impression from a couple of posts, can't find them at the mo, that some SBFs that are interested in joining a couple and having mostof the fun with the bi-fem of the couple. Now as far as we are concerned, at this moment in time what we're looking for/interested in is having a SBF join US, 3 people equal fun. Not for Cal to predominently watch me with another fem, not me to mainly watch Cal with another Bi-fem, we're looking for a SBF to join US, 3 people equal share of fun. I'm not saying that its wrong for a SBF or even the bi-fem of the couple to want to have fun togeher and the male mainly watch.... each to their own, if thats what all parties want and agree to then thats up to them!! We're looking for 3 way fun with all 3 having fun.
At the end of the day while our fantasies of what we want to experience with a SBF come into the equation, so do theirs. Again to us, if a SBF is to join us we would need to know what they want/are looking for and if those desires are in line with ours.

Quote by Darkfire

I want a woman around 5 1/2 feet, brunette, big boobs and an arse to die for .....
..... oh hold on :confused: .....
...I have that one, so yeah not really fussed on the 3rd of a 3some :twisted: :grin: :scared:

I know this is a tongue in cheek hun, but it really does sum up the majority of my experience so far.
It's true that is, very true.
I am already tired of being the token sbf, and of being approached by couples not because they're interested in Darkfire, but because they see the single bi fem status. Like I sayMorb, I know your comment was tongue in cheek but it really does feel like that sometimes - not fussed on the 3rd, as long as we find one kinda thing.
I've had it from couples who are looking for 'a' single bi fem to play with because of what she can do for them - thier sex life, their fantasies etc, and from single guys who latch on to us because they cant make it on their own.
SBF's in my oppinion are not the holy grail, we're either pieces of meat that, in general, everyone wants a piece of... or a status enhancement. confused

It appears my comments were taken in the wrong light. I was refering moreso in direct comment to what Cal had already written. What I meant was that, yes I have my ideal woman, but I didnt mean that as a result 'any 3rd party will do' I love Cal and she is my ideal, what my comments were meant to show was that, when looking for #3, they need not meet my criteria of 'an ideal life partner', however that doesn't mean that ANY will do, there needs to be an attraction, either/or physical, mental, psychological for the 'chemistry' to work. We're not looking for a SBF to 'permanently' join us in a kind of 3-way 'marriage', but at the same time we're not just looking for quick, 'wam bam thank you maam' encounters. We'd like to think that if we hit it off there can be friendship that lasts and pleasures too beyond the one night.

Quote by poshkate
at times i think people on here forget that SBF's are here for their own needs and wants not just to fulfill the fantasy of others.
by no means am i saying that is everyones attitude to SBF's but especially if you look at the couples seeking women adds all there is there is people wanting to satisfy there own need with seeningly no thought towards what the 3rd person may want or desire!

This is a tricky point. I DO TOTALLY understand where your coming from. SBFs aren't just there as a toy or for the whims of couples. That would never be that way we would treat a SBF, for us their desires/wants/fantasies are equally as important as ours. However one thing i would point out is that as much as a couple have to bare in mind a SBFs needs, she has to do so with theirs. I would hope that either sides desires/fantasies are discussed well before the meet stage, if not then how do you know that you're compatible? How do you know that all parties needs are going to be met? It's not just down to the couple to address that!
This is a genuine question, not just one asked because of what you've said Poshkate....
What do SBFs look for in a couple? What do you want? What are your needs/desires/fantasies??
There seems to be some levelling of criticism of couples and their attitude towards bi-fems - which I do understand, but there's no helpful suggestions or pointers as too where they are going wrong!

15 May 2006

Quote by Morbius
What do SBFs look for in a couple? What do you want? What are your needs/desires/fantasies??
There seems to be some levelling of criticism of couples and their attitude towards bi-fems - which I do understand, but there's no helpful suggestions or pointers as too where they are going wrong!

morbius, thanks for your thoughts.
i think the single women on here have given some good advice but mainly by talking about bad experiences.
i cant speak for everyone but personally heres a few of my do's and donts for couples, singles...and.....well....anyone!
do read my profile and ad
dont contact me if im not your type
do compliment me, as i will you, but dont go overboard, i wont be able to live up to it!
do be friendly and talk to me when you see me online or at socials
dont ask me to only play with one of you....
yes im bi but i choose to meet couples becasue i also like the male involvement - key word here...threesome
dont expect me to be able to (or want to) meet you at the drop of a hat
dont get upset with me when i say i cant make it
do remember that im as nervous as you are
and remember im not lounging about in a lacey number waiting for sexy fun 24/7....sometimes i go to work! or clean the house! or go out and do things! lol
be yourself, be relaxed and let things happen naturally
hmm is that enough for now?
am i being too prescriptive?

15 May 2006

Quote by Morbius
What do SBFs look for in a couple? ...
There seems to be some levelling of criticism of couples and their attitude towards bi-fems - which I do understand, but there's no helpful suggestions or pointers as too where they are going wrong!

I cant answer this properly without giving a really personal viewpoint that I guess only applies to ME - but I'll have a bash.
Personally - this sounds perfect (for me) :

If/when we invite a SBF to join us we are doing just that, asking her to JOIN us, we're looking at having fun WITH a SBF, as in all 3 of us having mutual fun. This is a 3 way!! 3 people, 3 times the fun, 3 people having equal fun.

However - again, I can only speak for me, -

I also get the impression ... that some SBFs that are interested in joining a couple and having most of the fun with the bi-fem of the couple. Now as far as we are concerned, at this moment in time what we're looking for/interested in is having a SBF join US, 3 people equal fun.

My ad does state that I would primarily be looking to play (soft swing) rather than shag the bloke of a couple. That includes just about anything (in edit: exept feet lol

:lol: ) you can think of - bar actual penatrative intercourse. That one would depend entirely on the bloke, the couple as a whole and how I feel at that particular moment in time. dunno

it doesnt come as a guaranteed 'shag' .
I get my kicks from pleasuring the fem and seeing what that does for them as a couple, but it only works if its on my terms, and only if I feel it's something I'm 'giving' them, not them 'taking' or using me/ the sbf for ( :shock: I know that probably doesnt make sense but it does to me lol :lol: )
I'm looking for fun, giggles, some bloody good company where everyone feels comfy, unpressured and has a good time. I have a particular 'type' I will be attracted to sexually in both men and women, but more importantly, the couple must be people I click with, feel at ease with, can be myself with, no bullshit pretences or false airs and graces - they have to be the sort of people you can get up off the bed from and say 'hold on hun I need to fart' and everyone collapse in fits of giggles , not look at each other like I have two heads, ya know? :lol: They would also need to be people who dont get all awkward after we've played , or let any 'issues' or even the fact we've played affect our friendship (thats my big fear). And they'd need to be solid as a couple because I dont want any issues afterwards.
I do state in my ad that I prefer to take a back seat as far as the penatrative sex is concerned because (a) its not something I freely give out and (b) because I am not interested in couples who use the fem as bait when its actually the bloke who wants a shag. I know someone will say 'dont flatter yourself luv' , but its my way of 'filtering' people. Add onto that the fact I want to play with couples who want to play with 'Darkfire' not just another sbf.... and I seriously have my work cut out! :lol:
I dunno if that's of any use at all to anyone, but thats what I want, and MY personal pointers as to where couples go wrong with the sbf thing.

15 May 2006

kitten and darkfire........2 bloody good posts........sorry am too tired and had too much vino to add anymore to this but will do tomorrow lol

15 May 2006

I agree with Kate..... Dark and kitten top posts :thumbup:
I dont need to add anything as the girls have pretty much summed it all up for me :lol2:

15 May 2006

Quote by Shireen_Mids
I agree with Kate..... Dark and kitten top posts :thumbup:
I dont need to add anything as the girls have pretty much summed it all up for me :lol2:

good plan shireen......... lol

16 May 2006

Interesting thread.
I am a single bi fem so I think i'll put my 2p in here lol . I guess I am on the "edge" of the swinging scene in that although I enjoy group sex I do not really consider myself a swinger, rather a fetishist who likes more than one partner at once. It makes sense to me OK lol. I actually know very few "straight" swingers and the people I have "swung" with in the past have been BDSMers primarily, and most BDSMers dont swing, in the way that might be defined by a lot of you lol. There is a cross over of the two lifestyles, though not as much as you might think. Virtually none of my BDSM friends go to swing clubs for example -- most consider them too straight lol. I know what they mean! For example, swing clubs are traditionally for straight sex, plus some girl on girl. You rarely see a TV or a TS at a swing club and people with alternative genders or sexualities are not made welcome in many settings. I'm thinking here male on male bisexuality but also sub dom/me games at clubs. In the fetish and BDSM arena, even if there is less full on sex happening, the people who attend are much more accepting of alternative genders and sexualities. TVs are the staple diet of the fetish scene lol. Actually they are - so much so that regulars who get in free at a certain fetish event local to me are mainly TV/TG.
Anyway, my point with reference to this topic. I do tend to digress. As someone who is primarily a fetishist I am looking for a certain type of person/people to "swing" with. As someone on the "edge" (in more ways than one lol) I appreciate that most of the people who reply to me are not going to be exactly what I am looking for. I am prepared to compromise but not to the extent where I am going to engage in actibvities that are "not my thing". In my ad I state that I am looking for bi couples. You might think well why does the male half have to be bi if your a single fem? well, I am generalising madly here but in my experience straight males are much less likely to be open for exploration in the fetish scene than bi males. I feel more comfortable with bi males generally, they are more likely to be up for arse play like strap on domination or whipping than straight men --- actually I cant name one straight man in my life who would let himself be dominated in such a way lolol. Yet, even though I state I am looking for a bi couple every reply to my ad, except perhaps one, have been from couples where the male is straight! Most send just those "winks" and I can tell little about them --- there might be some straight male fetishists in the world lol, they are just being lazy and selling themselves short by "winking" at me lol.
Playwise, I am not opposed to straight sexual activities, but I want more than just straight sex. I only want to meet couples who share the same philosophy. A scene where I am with a couple that is just "traditional" swinging, something like, fem fem play while male watches followed by male joining in with both tbh bores me silly lol. Weeding out most of the people that reply to me after just one reply happens a lot, but thats OK, I can wait LOL.

16 May 2006

OK...
Just a quick one, I'm supposed to be revising for my next exam on Thursday :notes: lol...
Thanks Sexkittenhfx, DF and paradoxinpink for your contribution, and poshkate - look forward to your views as/when you have time.

Quote by sexkittenhfx
do read my profile and ad
dont contact me if im not your type

I would hope that people wouldnt do that, its not only a waste of your time but theirs also

Quote by sexkittenhfx
do compliment me, as i will you, but dont go overboard, i wont be able to live up to it!
do be friendly and talk to me when you see me online or at socials
be yourself, be relaxed and let things happen naturally

I think that these are very valid points. I/we always get to know a person/couple before we even consider swinging with them. I do think that sometimes initial contact from one party to another can be misinterpreted. I/we have sent initial PMs to people before and had no reply at all. Now there may be a number of reasons for this i know:-
1) the other party are just not interested - I/we are not their sort. Fine, each to their own, its not a problem.
2) the other party is inundated and hasn't had the chance to reply - I would imagine that the SBFs out there are swamped with messages daily so again thats understandable. But...
3) this is what i mean when i said that i think that sometimes an approach to a couple or SBF can be misinterpreted. I/we (again I can only speak for the way i/we go about things) may send out an initial "Hi saw your ad/profile, you look like fun ect ect...... we'd love to get to know you ect ect.... heres our details" kind of message. I have the feeling that sometime that kind of approachis takenas a "I/we've seen your ad, we want to get your detail and jump into bed". That may be the case with some, but not us. If/when we send an approach out its a "lets get to know each other" message, online, socially, as friends and then see where it goes.
As I've said before, we're here to make friends and if there are 'added bonuses' then great, if not - we've made new friends. biggrin

Quote by sexkittenhfx
dont get upset with me when i say i cant make it
dont expect me to be able to (or want to) meet you at the drop of a hatdo remember that im as nervous as you are
and remember im not lounging about in a lacey number waiting for sexy fun 24/7....sometimes i go to work! or clean the house! or go out and do things! lol

I think anyone who always expects an initial approach to lead to bed 'at the drop of a hat' is fooling themselves. I think most of us have 'real life' to deal with sad

lol

Quote by sexkittenhfx
dont ask me to only play with one of you....
yes im bi but i choose to meet couples becasue i also like the male involvement - key word here...threesome

This I think is the bit that tells us about you and your desires/needs the most, its the bit that says "this is the bit that me and a person is looking for, regardless of if I'm a SBF or not". This is whatwe as couples need to know, find out about the people on here we may consider approaching, its what makes you YOU not a token SBF. thank you.
ok.... DF hun....your turn passionkiss

lol
Firstly, again, thank you for your honest insight. I think the majority of your post is exactly what couples looking for a SBF need to know about YOU. It reveals what your needs/desire and likes are and then a couple can look at themselves and see if the fun they are looking for coincides with what your looking for. Then and only then can a decision be reached by all 3 parties as to whether your/our goals are compatible.

Quote by Darkfire
My ad does state that I would primarily be looking to play (soft swing) rather than shag the bloke of a couple. That includes just about anything (in edit: exept feet :lol: ) you can think of - bar actual penatrative intercourse. That one would depend entirely on the bloke, the couple as a whole and how I feel at that particular moment in time. it doesnt come as a guaranteed 'shag' .

I agree. For example We once had a great couple stop with us for the weekend. The general concesus was that we were going to play at some point over the weekend. It was a munch weekend and by the time we got back and finished chatting the time was flying by. We ended up basically soft swinging.. even though a full swap was 'available' (for want of a better word).
This isn't ment as a 'look what we've done', just an example of where NOTHING should be taken for granted. You may spend a while getting to know each other online, meet socially to see if you click ect ect, but its not until you get down to the actual 'playing' that you know for sure that your all comfortable and get on physically. So to assume fun/penetration is guarenteed is a folly IMHO.

Quote by Darkfire
Add onto that the fact I want to play with couples who want to play with 'Darkfire' not just another sbf.... and I seriously have my work cut out! :lol:

Again i think this is important. Its difficault to describe how, as a couple, we think (about looking for a SBF) because putting it into words isn't easy without causing offense before i can fully explain what i mean. Firstly when/if we're looking for 'a' SBF yes we are looking for 'a' SBF. I dont mean here 'anything will do as i've already got my 'ideal' therefore it doesn't matter' kind of thing. What i mean is we are looking for a PERSON who falls into the category of a SBF, because what we're looking for is a female to join in with us in some sexy fun, not just with me as the male but also so Cal can enjoy her bi side and there can be a full on 3 way set of fun. To fulfill this we look for 'a' SBF.
Then when we have seen 'a SBF' who we like the look/sound of, we'd get to know them, as a person. We may have found a person who looks like what we're looking for, but until we have talked, maybe even met up and had a drink and a laugh, really found out what THEY want from an 'encounter' then we wont know if we're looking for the same things. I think it comes back to what i said earlier about approaches being misinterpreted. An approach by us (again I can only say what is relivent for us) doesn't mean that we expect the person if they reply, to jump into bed. Its an approch to get to know you.
Now paradoxinpink :twisted:
Firstly, the comments i'm making here are personal observation, thought. My replies are aimed at, hopefully, letting people know me by repling to your thoughts, i don't mean this to be an advert (I just know that as i read the post certain things sprang into mind that i wanted to say but i'm very well aware it may be taken as a kind of ad or 'look at me, come get me' and its not ment that way)

Quote by paradoxinpink
As someone who is primarily a fetishist I am looking for a certain type of person/people to "swing" with. As someone on the "edge" (in more ways than one lol) I appreciate that most of the people who reply to me are not going to be exactly what I am looking for. I am prepared to compromise but not to the extent where I am going to engage in actibvities that are "not my thing".

I think this is an important observation. I think that when looking to include a person/couple into any regular relationship your very rarely if ever going to find exactly what your looking for. Its important to be flexible and willing to prehaps exhange your 'ideals' in the interest of having fun, but still remembering what your boundaries are. Theres no point doing something you don't enjoy - at the end of the day its about having FUN.

Quote by paradoxinpink
In my ad I state that I am looking for bi couples. You might think well why does the male half have to be bi if your a single fem? well, I am generalising madly here but in my experience straight males are much less likely to be open for exploration in the fetish scene than bi males. I feel more comfortable with bi males generally, they are more likely to be up for arse play like strap on domination or whipping than straight men --- actually I cant name one straight man in my life who would let himself be dominated in such a way lolol.

She's obviously not seen the photos of my ass after Blues party last year confused

:twisted:

:crazy: lmao But seriously I can understand where your coming from, but do agree that its a striking generalisation, and the some straight males may be open to more kinky fun than others.

Quote by paradoxinpink
Yet, even though I state I am looking for a bi couple every reply to my ad, except perhaps one, have been from couples where the male is straight! Most send just those "winks" and I can tell little about them --- there might be some straight male fetishists in the world lol, they are just being lazy and selling themselves short by "winking" at me lol.

I suppose this is difficult - I can understand that, just as a couple will have their 'checklist' if you like of characteristics ect that they are looking for in a SBF or other couple, so a SBF will have likewise. I must admit that as yet i've just read your ad (will PM you later to chat about a couple of bits in private if thats ok). In your ad you say, as you do above, that you are 'looking for a bi couple, where both parties are bi'. I totally appreciate that this is your perogative, but above (in bold) you seem to suggest you'd be open to a 'straight' male/bi fem couple as long as the male is open to 'pushing boundaries' for want of a better term (again NOT a criticism just an observation). For me, its info like that that is important, its that kind of imfo that tell us a lot. Myself, i would say i'm straight, but i'm not homophobic, sqeemish or going to run a mile from male contact.
For chris sake i got a good whipping off a butch TV lol. But there doent exist a category for a male to say he is 'stright but open to more kinky play and willing to push his boundaries with the right person if all got on and felt relaxed' lol I'm not bi - at this moment in time i enjoy the female of the species and male contact of a strong sexual nature doesn't excite me, not to say it never will. But to say i'm a rigid 'straight' male also doesnt hit the mark. So i can see there can be difficulties. A straight male/bi fem couple like us may not contact you even if the rest of your ad really appeals, because the male isnt a 'full blown' bi.
The rest of your reply, as with the others are good personal indicators and show couples what your looking for beyond your advert.
I think in the main this goes to show just how difficault it is to write a good ad. We've all seen the 'this is us, conatct us if your interested' ads. But just how much of what info should we all include?? It a difficult one.
I for one certain very the SBF as a cheerished 'class'. Not all are going to fit the ideas of what I/we would be looking for when we consider having fun as a 3 some, but as a 'group' I think you are important and no just pieces of meat or trophies. Its a pity that it can come across as this, from my point of view i hope I don't give that impression. As i've said before. at the end of the day, we (Cali and I) are here to make friends. We have made some real great freinds, some we have had fun with, other we hope to have fun with and still other we may not want to have fun with for whatever reason, but they are still friends. We are a community here and I think that tollerance and acceptance are the most important issues.
My god what a post!!! sorry for boring you all, my mind anf fingers went into disseration mode lol. My last thoughts (for now lol) are that i just want to reitterate that these are my thoughts and are not ment to offend anyone, if any of them do I APPOLOGISE NOW.

16 May 2006

OMG!!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
Thats the longest post I have ever posted...... sorry for the ramble guys confused

/me sinks off quietly..... best get some revision done..... bolt

16 May 2006

Quote by Morbius
OMG!!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
Thats the longest post I have ever posted...... sorry for the ramble guys
/me sinks off quietly..... best get some revision done.....

Bad Morbius

get back to your revision :smackbottom:
Long posts like that are for after your exams, now move it back to your :notes:

16 May 2006

I propose we hereby ban Morbius from this thread for the duration of the exams lol

:lol: - not because you dont raise vaild points and make interesting posts - but for your own bloody good.
I dont disagree with anything you've siad luv, but it is my oppinion that finding people who can identify with such personal posts as ours is a rareity .
Now sod off and do your revision!!! :lol:

16 May 2006

sneaks in for a quick look..........
:moon: flipa

:grin:

16 May 2006

Quote by Morbius
sneaks in for a quick look..........
:moon: :grin:

Like Darkfire has said sod off and go do your revision, you will thank us in the long run.
Failing that I know a very friendly Mod, who has a deactivate button and will use it!! lol

16 May 2006

When's this dissertation due? Easier enough to keep you off the site until it's finished!!
Let me know lol

Mal

(PS - good luck with it!)

16 May 2006

Quote by sexkittenhfx
i was just sitting here, contemplating my illusive and superior status ....(yeh right......)
so i wondered....what exactly do you want in a single bi female?
its just a discussion point.....afterall....were forever discussing what single men need to do to improve their chances....so why not turn it around?

I'm bumping this bit of the original post, cos now I'm really interested in what people think wink

and Morb, you are banned from answering lol