single bi female...the holy grail?

18 May 2006

Quote by Darkfire

One thing that does and always did, get my back right up was when people (doesn't matter whether it was singles or couples) said what they thought you wanted to hear in order to lure you into their lair. ....
For this reason, as a single bifemale, I stopped actively look for encounters with couples and 'single' females, taking a more relaxed approach where they'd come and find me if they were interested.

Its only 3 or 4 weeks ago that I came to that same decision :shock:

Phil_osopher wrote:

It's not sbf's fault, but they are objectified and treated as a commodity. But this can be overcome - it's up to sbf's to go looking for the people they want to interact with, rather than wait for emails and PMs and other types of contact. sbf's can take control of their own contacts with other singles and couples (just as Sheena has done) by looking for the people they want to meet, rather than just wading through the inbox and replying to people who take their fancy.

Oh god, dont tell me I need to have another rethink!!
:doh: you just did, didnt you lol

:lol:
:eeek:

18 May 2006

Quote by Darkfire
Oh god, dont tell me I need to have another rethink!!
:doh: you just did, didnt you :lol:
:eeek:

Well, it's not for me to say what people should and shouldn't do. I know what works for us, even though we sometimes revert to trying to find people on SH (and failing miserably each time) - going out and looking works for us.
All I'm saying is that if yougo looking, youhave all of the control.

Quote by Little Gem
For this reason, as a single bifemale, I stopped actively look for encounters with couples and 'single' females, taking a more relaxed approach where they'd come and find me if they were interested.

I'm not really sure what Gem is saying here, although I suspect there's another meaning in here somewhere, as I'd expect from someone as sensible as her.
Maybe she's talking about forum people, as opposed to ads? dunno

18 May 2006

Quote by phil_osopher
As I said, the best thing any sbf can do is not to have very much in their profile or ads, and go looking for the people they want to play with. It takes more time, but I'll bet it's worth the effort! I've seen quite a few profiles/ads like this already on SH. I think it's catching...

The main problem here is that the search facility isn't that honable, I can look for people who are premium members but I can't look for people who aren't married (really, where's the sense in that?) I end up with a list as long as my mail box with equally diverse profiles. Plus I figure if they haven't replied to my ad it's because they don't want to.
Dammie's point about only meeting people you've met before is an odd one though, I'm hoping that's not a widely held view, else how are us newbies supposed to meet? Sorry, I may have misinterpreted.
H.x

18 May 2006

<hijack>
like my new sig addition ?

:rotflmao:
<end hijack>
wink

18 May 2006

Quote by H-x

As I said, the best thing any sbf can do is not to have very much in their profile or ads, and go looking for the people they want to play with. It takes more time, but I'll bet it's worth the effort! I've seen quite a few profiles/ads like this already on SH. I think it's catching...

The main problem here is that the search facility isn't that honable, I can look for people who are premium members but I can't look for people who aren't married (really, where's the sense in that?) I end up with a list as long as my mail box with equally diverse profiles. Plus I figure if they haven't replied to my ad it's because they don't want to.
Hmmmm :confused:
That's just prompted another question in my mind, based on some of the site changes.
I used to value the difference between "Replying to Photo Ads" and the PM system. They were two very different methods of contact.
I'm guessing that the worst aspect of the whole single fems (note that lack if "bi") feeling as though they are being treated as a piece of meat, is in the actual playing, or face to face meets.
But how much of the problem is the . . . . . . . . . . dunno

(struggling for a name) "internal mail" they receive here.
How much of it is down to badly written/phrased responses/profiles/ads ? After all - it's very easy to create misunderstandings and misinterpretations in the written word, regardless of use of smileycons, punctuation and the like.

Quote by H-x
Dammie's point about only meeting people you've met before is an odd one though, I'm hoping that's not a widely held view, else how are us newbies supposed to meet? Sorry, I may have misinterpreted.
H.x

More :confused: for me.
I'm not sure whereto answer that.
Here, but fear of hijacking a very informative and imho important thread.
A new thread - because there's a question about newer members and meetings.
By PM because there is a personal answer from me - db - to H-x
Tell you what, I'll go write it in word, while I try to decide where to post rotflmao

18 May 2006

Quote by dambuster
Hmmmm :confused:
That's just prompted another question in my mind, based on some of the site changes.
I used to value the difference between "Replying to Photo Ads" and the PM system. They were two very different methods of contact.
I'm guessing that the worst aspect of the whole single fems (note that lack if "bi") feeling as though they are being treated as a piece of meat, is in the actual playing, or face to face meets.
But how much of the problem is the . . . . . . . . . . (struggling for a name) "internal mail" they receive here.
How much of it is down to badly written/phrased responses/profiles/ads ? After all - it's very easy to create misunderstandings and misinterpretations in the written word, regardless of use of smileycons, punctuation and the like.

Replies to ads/ pm's from people who obviously havent read my ad/ posts correctly are an just an 'annoyance' I guess , but that's the beauty of the delete button! biggrin

.
For me, it's not generally how pm's & replies are worded (although the generic pm and blanket coverage thing drives me mad) , its actually people's attitudes face to face, its in the way they approach you , and particularly what happens after you've played and the incessant flirting with anyone who'll pay attention that's done with the intention of 'getting a shag' (not entertainingly funny flirting , before Dammy gets the hump lol

) that really causes me a problem. That, and the misinterpretation of what 'coffee' means. rolleyes

The 'internal mail' system just backs up how things are face to face.

18 May 2006

Quote by H-x
The main problem here is that the search facility isn't that honable, I can look for people who are premium members but I can't look for people who aren't married (really, where's the sense in that?) I end up with a list as long as my mail box with equally diverse profiles.

Well, yes, that's true - the search facility isn't all inclusive. I used to do it by category and distance (e.g. Women seeking couples within 25 miles, etc) then trawl through these looking for someone who's profile I liked - it iswork. But hopefully worthwhile, in your case.

Quote by H-x
Plus I figure if they haven't replied to my ad it's because they don't want to.

...or maybe the perfect people for you here didn't find your ad, or thought that you were too attractive/intelligent/sensible/whatever for them... That's why it's a good idea to look for yourself too..
When I was younger, I used to fancy the pants off someone I knew, and just thought she was too good for me and would just laugh at me if I made it known that I fancied her - little did I know that she fancied the pants off me too and was just too shy to say so. A very good opportunity missed, and a valuable lesson learned! smile

Quote by H-x
Dammie's point about only meeting people you've met before is an odd one though, I'm hoping that's not a widely held view, else how are us newbies supposed to meet? Sorry, I may have misinterpreted.
H.x

I agree with Dammie and HLB - it's a damned good idea to meet someone through social contact first and thenplay if you get along. That's basically what we do now.
In that respect, your best plan is to get to the next munch as soon as possible! lol

18 May 2006

Quote by Darkfire
For me, it's not generally how pm's & replies are worded (although the generic pm and blanket coverage thing drives me mad) , its actually people's attitudes face to face, its in the way they approach you , and particularly what happens after you've played and the incessant flirting with anyone who'll pay attention that's done with the intention of 'getting a shag' (not entertainingly funny flirting , before Dammy gets the hump ) that really causes me a problem. That, and the misinterpretation of what 'coffee' means.
The 'internal mail' system just backs up how things are face to face.

You aretalking about blokes here, aren't you?
A bloke is a bloke. You know - genetically designed to think about shagging every 15 minutes? That kind of bloke? smile

If you want to swing with someone and then to talk about shopping over a cup of coffee, I'd suggest lesbianism... :twisted:

18 May 2006

Quote by phil_osopher
I agree with Dammie and HLB - it's a damned good idea to meet someone through social contact first and then play if you get along. That's basically what we do now.
In that respect, your best plan is to get to the next munch as soon as possible!

Ah - but . . . . .
That might work for you, but it won't work for all.
There's one particular single male that seems to slag off munches andthose that attend them, at as many opprotunities as he can. He swears by the ads.
I/we don't use the Photo Ads for "prospecting" . . .mainly because we don't actually "prospect"
If people catch my eye here in the forum, or out socially, I do read their ad and the now sometimes useful, informative and occasionally amusing profiles.
Each to their own ?

18 May 2006

Quote by dambuster
Each to their own ?

Absolutely! Agreed.
But then, not everybody knows what 'their own' is, always.
Some people have gone about things in the wrong way for years. I know, I've done that myself plenty of times.

18 May 2006

Old chinese proverb say;
"An error only becomes a mistake when you choose to ignore it"
H.x

18 May 2006

Quote by H-x
Old chinese proverb say;
"An error only becomes a mistake when you choose to ignore it"
H.x

Or when you can't find the delete button :giggle:

18 May 2006

Quote by Sassy-Seren
Old chinese proverb say;
"An error only becomes a mistake when you choose to ignore it"
H.x

Or when you can't find the delete button :giggle:
Or when you post under the influence of a few brandy's :giggle:
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

18 May 2006

Quote by dambuster
If people catch my eye here in the forum, or out socially, I do read their ad and the now sometimes useful, informative and occasionally amusing profiles.

I will assume that seeing asmy mailbox is empty that i'm not your type then DB :twisted:

18 May 2006

Quote by Morbius
If people catch my eye here in the forum, or out socially, I do read their ad and the now sometimes useful, informative and occasionally amusing profiles.

I will assume that seeing asmy mailbox is empty that i'm not your type then DB :twisted:
I hope Morbius you have done your exams and have no revision to do??
lol

18 May 2006

Quote by Darkfire
funny how most people on the site are avoiding this thread like the plague, isnt it.

When starting out in the swinging scene we initially wanted a SBF so Debbie could experience her bi curious side (and yes me being with 2 fems....every mans fantasy) so we both could fulfill our fantasy and pleasure the female at the same time as a 3 some.

Quote by sexkittenhfx
as a single girl on the forums im often reading posts by regular couples on the forum regarding the "need" for a single bi female...and yet ive never once been contacted by
anyone who i see on this forum....well..... maybe two couples that i can remember (one
of which im not sure i replied to and lost their mail......) i also recently posted in the "lets
meet up" section to no avail.

We have contacted some SBF's advertising on this site and have had no replies from them, we do read their profiles and ad's to see if we are suited and have responded to them.
Having not had any replies from them we have stopped sending SBF's replies thinking that their mail boxes were always full.

Quote by sexkittenhfx
so i wondered....what exactly do you want in a single bi female?

We are looking for a SBF with the same tastes as us that likes to kick back and have a laugh, one that we can go for a drink with, one that we can be relaxed around and have a good night/weekend of sex with, but also have a friendship with where we can go out for a drink and sex doesn't have to be an issue.

Quote by poshkate
at times i think people on here forget that SBF's are here for their own needs and wants not just to fulfill the fantasy of others.
by no means am i saying that is everyones attitude to SBF's but especially if you look at
the couples seeking women adds all there is there is people wanting to satisfy there
own need with seeningly no thought towards what the 3rd person may want or desire!

The SBF that we would meet would be a part of a 3 some, so if any of the SBF's fantasies as well as our own would be fulfilled as a 3 some.

Quote by H-x
I'm only speaking for me here, obviously, but the reason I don't reply to couples is cos usually the female half is (as in you case) pretty damn gorgeous and I'd feel like I was just making up the numbers.

This goes both ways i think. We have looked at a SBF before and thought she is slimmer and good looking so have not bothered replying to her ad.
As for making up the numbers if someone does reply to your ad then it should be because they want you for your qualities and your personality not to make up that extra person for their needs.
Ok hope i havn't talked bollox like i usually do and i'm sure if i have one of you will pick up on it
lol

18 May 2006

Quote by phil_osopher
You are talking about blokes here, aren't you?
A bloke is a bloke. You know - genetically designed to think about shagging every 15 minutes? That kind of bloke?
If you want to swing with someone and then to talk about shopping over a cup of coffee, I'd suggest lesbianism... :twisted:

No hun, I'm not.
In general I was talking about *some* couples, but it applies to singles too - male and female, especially the speculative flirting with anything that moves.
My issue with single blokes specifically is a whole different ball game, and another thread lol

and as for lesbianism - advice not needed luv, I'm probably 75% there already :twisted:

18 May 2006

Quote by Darkfire

You are talking about blokes here, aren't you?

No hun, I'm not.
In general I was talking about *some* couples, but it applies to singles too - male and female, especially the speculative flirting with anything that moves.

There go all my illusions about women being more human and less exploitative... rolleyes

What a world we live in nowadays!

18 May 2006

Quote by phil_osopher

Dammie's point about only meeting people you've met before is an odd one though, I'm hoping that's not a widely held view, else how are us newbies supposed to meet? Sorry, I may have misinterpreted.
H.x

I agree with Dammie and HLB - it's a damned good idea to meet someone through social contact first and thenplay if you get along. That's basically what we do now.
In that respect, your best plan is to get to the next munch as soon as possible! lol

I know my (or should I now say our) way isn't for everyone and if you look at the number of forum/users compared to the ads, we are obviously in the minority.
I've never ruled out meeting someone through the ads system and if someone we both liked contacted us then we'd certainly consider it.
The reasons I choose to swing with people I've met socially are varied:
1) I'm a much better judge of a persons character when I meet them in person
2) I can't judge chemistry with people over the internet - and for me there has to be chemistry
3) No worries about them sending pics from 20 years ago or going on cam in "subdued lighting"
4) You can judge if the the "Every holes a goal" type as they're trying it on with every single fem in the room
And speaking specifically about my Bi side. I see playing with another woman very differently than I do playing with another man.
Sex with another male for me can be a physical thing - yes I need to be attracted, but it can be a pure lust thing.
Sex with another woman for me has always been as much an emotional attraction as it is physical and there are very, very few women in life that I have actually wanted to play with.
For that reason I feel more compelled to want to not just meet them, but get to know them reasonably well.

18 May 2006

Quote by H-x
Dammie's point about only meeting people you've met before is an odd one though, I'm hoping that's not a widely held view, else how are us newbies supposed to meet? Sorry, I may have misinterpreted.
H.x

Yep, I was right - wrong end of the stick grabbed with both hands.
H.x
In edit: I realised I haven't explained what I got wrong - doh!
I thought dammie meant he and HLB only met people they already knew, which would mean, if others had the same view, no-one would meet anyone new, but having read it again he said 'meet socially', which is a differnt thing. Is this clearer?, sorry, my head's a bit fuddled today.

18 May 2006

Quote by H-x

Dammie's point about only meeting people you've met before is an odd one though, I'm hoping that's not a widely held view, else how are us newbies supposed to meet? Sorry, I may have misinterpreted.
H.x

Yep, I was right - wrong end of the stick grabbed with both hands.
H.x
Somehow I don't think finding people willing to meet you is going to be a problem for you hun kiss

18 May 2006

Did I get away with that ?
Obviously, it should have been a PM
redface

18 May 2006

Well, now I'm just confused...
..but that's fairly normal. lol

Edit:

Quote by H.x
In edit: I realised I haven't explained what I got wrong - doh!
I thought dammie meant he and HLB only met people they already knew, which would mean, if others had the same view, no-one would meet anyone new, but having read it again he said 'meet socially', which is a differnt thing. Is this clearer?, sorry, my head's a bit fuddled today.

...and there I was thinking that I was confused... :lol:
All better now then! :thumbup:

18 May 2006

Quote by phil_osopher
Well, now I'm just confused...
..but that's fairly normal.

hey, so am i....and i started the bloody thread! :lol:

19 May 2006

More like psycho than psychic! ;) lol

glad to know I'm not alone either! smile

Sometimes I do wonder if it's just me being a bit jaded.... redface

Anyway... back to the point at hand.
I've tried a lot of the possible ways of meeting people with a veiw to playing with them and the approach I found the most comfortable to get into a single bifem + couple = threesome situation, was to go through the social scene, seeing who I was comfortable with not to take the piss shoehorning me into things I didn't want to do. Personally for me, that particular scenario where I'm outnumbered, I need to feel secure enough to get naked with them and to feel safe. Also that if I got cold feet then it wasn't the end of the world and I hadn't suddenly grown two heads and scales. :lol:
The 'active seeking' didn't personally work for me because I again found that people would tell me what they thought I wanted to hear and I've become quite good at spotting those who are bullshitting me, even over the internet. Intution has stepped in a couple of times and I've so far been right in my choices.
I now much prefer face to face meetings with people, as HLB says, meeting someone in the flesh can tell you a thousand more things than a few words can. Even if it's clubbing where the sex can be pretty instantaneous, the fact I'm face to face with someone allows me to read their body language enough to know if I want to play with them or not. So I'd lean more towards the relaxed appraoch of seeing where the odd drink down the pub lead rather than hounding people and ferreting around in the adverts section.
kiss

Gem. x

19 May 2006

When I put my ( now removed ) ad up, I was looking for someone to hopefully become a good mate as well as a shag buddy, someone who I can call up whether for a night out on the tiles, a quite drink or any extras. Trying to wade through the guys who just want a quick hump before moving onto the next female was like walking through mud wearing flippers rolleyes

I do have a couple I've met through SH and we meet regularly for coffee, drinks etc and there's no pressure to get my pants off but they're always up for it if I do :giggle: I'd like to make more friends like that and hopefully will from here though I'm sure if I moved opp north, I'd have more luck :giggle: kiss

19 May 2006

Quote by Sassy-Seren
...I was looking for someone to hopefully become a good mate as well as a shag buddy, someone who I can call up whether for a night out on the tiles, a quite drink or any extras. ...

I hate to sound like a fckin new age male but I have to agree wiv ya on that statement sassy :thumbup: feckin spot on :thumbup:
Thats a damn good reason for being on SH!

Quote by Sassy-Seren
...I'm sure if I moved opp north, I'd have more luck :giggle:

You are in The North... :shock: I always thought anything further than The Watford is The North dunno

19 May 2006

Sassy posts a map to red........................I've marked where Wales is for you, muppet :giggle:

19 May 2006

can someone give us Â£60 to sort me frickin passport out!
Gonna havta see the doc to get anuva frickin jab up me arse for me tets
Wot currency do they use in The Wales's then :shock:

19 May 2006

Quote by redpantherman
can someone give us Â£60 to sort me frickin passport out!
Gonna havta see the doc to get anuva frickin jab up me arse for me tets
Wot currency do they use in The Wales's then :shock:

I'm sure they'll let you in without the passport hunni, though the Bridge prices are almost that much these days ! confused

As for currency it depends where you go. Still use good old Sterling here in the Capitol but up in the Valleys just asking a girl 'are you up for it?' will get you almost all you need for your stay :giggle: