Single Guys and Desperadoes

25 Aug 2004

Just wondering what the general view of single guys on the scene is, where they fit into it all and what your gripes/likes about them being on the scene are.
Being a single guy, I've attended a few 'singles and couples' nights at clubs like Arousal and La Chambre and it seems to me that 'swinging' is mainly an activity for couples and single women rather than single guys.
There are from what I've seen, very few single women who go by themselves but a lot of single guys and I'm forming the opinion that, it would probably be better if clubs restricted the numbers of single guys admitted to the mixed nights ... even more so than they may do already ... though it may be a business decision as they obviously bring in extra money possibly subsidising the other nights.
I'll try and illustrate my reason for thinking this ...
Arousal operate a 'booking' policy, La Chambre seems to be 'just turn up' but at both these clubs, there are far too many single guys because immediately anything happens, all the guys swarm round and it gets to feel like you're in a rugby scrum, everyone trying to get to the action ... I think most people are at least respectful enough and will back off if asked to, but it must be incredibly intimidating for the women involved.
When it gets like that, I have to be honest and say that I think, For fuck's sake, have some control, haven't any of you desperadoes ever seen a woman before? and personally I get out of it because I don't see where the fun is in that situation.
I can see why some couples only will go to Couples Only nights because they want to avoid those situations as I would like to think that you don't get that sort of behaviour then ... which are the nights I'd like to be going to BTW (just need to find myself a single female to go with smile

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25 Aug 2004

I have to be careful because I could win an Olympic Gold for boring SH people on this topic. I'm a single bird and I really like single guys and want to meet them in a group situation. But the Swinging scene doesn't support either of us very well. Yes, I can go to more parties than you but it seems to me I'm going in the role of bi-curious companion to the wife. I've dipped my toe, I'll be honest, and there is definitely an element of being the couples' plaything which isn't really what I set out to find.
If you check my posts you'll find one about a singles-only party which got a lot of favourable response. It is on my to-do list to make it happen but it won't be in the immediate future.
I've done a couple of club nights too and you're right. The bee-like swarming habits of the single male scenting action can be a bit intimidating. I enjoyed both nights hugely but was glad both times I had a 'protector'.
I don't know what the answer is. It would be good for all of us if more women could open themselves up to this lifestyle but there are decades of conditioning to be shed before that will happen.
Jezzay.

25 Aug 2004

I started some years ago "playing" , at the time I was lucky I had a hot partner and we had a great time. The partnership went down the tubes and I was totally into this "scene " (horrible expression) and ended up going as a single man. From there I started to work at the club as a doorman, and now have a lovely partner again. The point ??? Ive seen a lot of and been a single guy and Ive noticed a few things. Please note Im just putting forward an observation, Im a gorilla and nobodies gorgeous hunk.
Effort,,a lot of single guys think theyre just going to walk in and bingo then get their nickers in a twist when it doesnt happen. They make no effort to talk, make friends with the husbands as well as the ladies. Sell yourself is probably totally the wrong way to say it but following couples round waiting to pounce is definitely the wrong way to go about it. There are too many single guys at some clubs and when in numbers it spoils it for everyone, thats a fact and I cant give a solution to it apart from the same as Jezz says , there is a definite shortage of lasses. But effort, warmth ,fun and respect (starting with yourself ) go a long way on the club scene. Without that you look like a labrador chasing a bitch and that dont look sexy.

26 Aug 2004

I have attended La Chambre twice as a single gal and can say first hand the amount of single guys can be intimidating to say the least sad

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There are considerate single guys out there who I remember having a laugh with in the pool but there are others who think that as soon as you change into your towel your classed as "fair game". I remember a guy who was sat next to me who thought that it was his "right" to touch me because I was naked in the pool mad

In an environment such as Swinging Clubs, in order to enjoy yourself and allow you to express yourself sexually, the atmosphere should be relaxed, non intimidating and certainly no pressure.
That is why I personally prefer parties and munches where you can socially mingle with fellow swingers in a non-pressurised atmosphere and build up friendships long before the sexual side enters the equation.
Flirting, laughing and fun can be seen as a prelude to foreplay, whereas pushiness is not.

26 Aug 2004

We haven't visited LC yet but I do know from first hand experience that Liberation does limit the number of single males really well. One night we went there were 150 guests and only 3 or 4 of them were single males.

26 Aug 2004

I have not visited one of the the swinging clubs but have had my fun while using the naturist saunas Rio's and City Spa.
Rio's, as I have just said in another post I find totally cliquey and the atmosphere cold to single guys. There is clearly a large number of regular single guys that go there and they do not welcome new blood.
I was quite a regular at City Spa while in E15. I had a fair amount of enjoyment there with adult fun. I found that like some of the other comments that you were far more successful if you took the time out to talk to people and have a relaxed attitude to them not being interested in you. It didn't matter. Relaxing did. Couples, particularly new people experimenting with this scenario appreciated this far more with a direct result that I was far more succesful than many guys who perfected the dog with two tadgers style of persuasion.

26 Aug 2004

Quote by jezzay
I have to be careful because I could win an Olympic Gold for boring SH people on this topic. I'm a single bird and I really like single guys and want to meet them in a group situation. But the Swinging scene doesn't support either of us very well. Yes, I can go to more parties than you but it seems to me I'm going in the role of bi-curious companion to the wife. I've dipped my toe, I'll be honest, and there is definitely an element of being the couples' plaything which isn't really what I set out to find.
If you check my posts you'll find one about a singles-only party which got a lot of favourable response. It is on my to-do list to make it happen but it won't be in the immediate future.
I've done a couple of club nights too and you're right. The bee-like swarming habits of the single male scenting action can be a bit intimidating. I enjoyed both nights hugely but was glad both times I had a 'protector'.
I don't know what the answer is. It would be good for all of us if more women could open themselves up to this lifestyle but there are decades of conditioning to be shed before that will happen.
Jezzay.

Hi Jezzay, yes, I remember your post about a singles only party and thought it was a great idea smile

It's interesting to read everyones thoughts on this too ... I was thinking that maybe I'd be making myself unpopular with some of the single guys by broaching what might be a touchy subject ... biggrin

... Hope to hear from some of the couples too on this too.

26 Aug 2004

Quote by morbiusUK
We haven't visited LC yet but I do know from first hand experience that Liberation does limit the number of single males really well. One night we went there were 150 guests and only 3 or 4 of them were single males.

I wonder if the problem is just that too many single guys ARE allowed through on a mixed night and that maybe, everyone would be far more relaxed if there were significantly fewer allowed in.
Would be interesting to know if the ratio you experienced at Liberation is typical as it does seem an extremely low number of single guys to me ... it's finding the right balance I guess.

26 Aug 2004

I'm in two minds about the single guys issue. On one hand limiting the amount seems sensible. Partners, for example, limits single guys to 30 per night (though some nights, they should admit there are more than 30 in, I'm sure wink

), and that does seem to work. However, Partners is very busy and gets loads of couples going there. If other less busy clubs limited the number of guys, I can't see how realistically they could stay open cos let's be honest, it's the single guys that keep the clubs running lol

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I've been speaking to lots of folks at clubs who have been going a lot more years than I have and practically all of them say the scene has changed loads in recent years - for the worst! Some of them blame the internet and the way the net allows easy access to other swingers for the decrease in good club nights :shock: . A lot of "oldies" say that they remember the days when clubs were regularly frequented by women who wanted to shag ALL the guys in the club :shock: . This rarely happens these days sad

. Of course, it's easy for these "oldies" to look back on the good old days, but even in the time I've been going to clubs (on and off for about 4 years now), I've noticed a change in the scene . It's not the fault of any particular club, it's the scene in general.
I really don't think the number of single guys at clubs is to blame. I really don't know what the problem is, or even if there really is a problem. Certainly less couples interact with each other in public than they used to..... maybe I'm just looking back with rose tinted shades on now confused

... Anyways, don't blame the guys, most are polite, most are decent blokes, and let's face it, clubs would not exist if it wasn't for them.
I wouldn't go to clubs if single guys weren't there. I'm not into couples only nights. Maybe I'm in the minority, but swinging is so diverse, we all have to get along together. I know, let's all have one big orgy then everyone will be happy :twisted:
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