Well, I'm probably opening a can of old worms with this one, but here goes anyway.
Having been a member of this site for some time now, I have actively participated in the chat room most days, I have posted in the forums, I have replied to adverts and have a profile with pic, on the site.
The net result ? Two meetings in the last 8 months, constant rejection from rude couples in the chat room (and not just me but other guys as well) that is when they dont ignore any attempt to start chatting anyway, a lack of response to messages sent of approxomately 98%, not a single response to my advert and a general feeling that single guys are not wanted by the majority of couples single ladies, who use this site.
There is one couple (no names) in particular who post on a regular basis in the forum wanting to meet guys and NEVER reply to anyone who posts back. I know because I have contacted guys who have tried to meet them. There is one couple (again no names) whos chat room nickname makes it quite clear that they are anti-single guys. Regulalry in the chat room couples and single ladies make derogatory comments about single guys and have at times been very abusive.
Now perhaps its just me, perhaps others do not find me attractive enough to want to meet. Fair enough, each to their own. But is there any need to be rude ? Is there any need to be abusive when guys just want to start a conversation ? A simple "thanks but we/I are not looking to meet a single guy, but if you just want to chat thats ok"
How can people make a decision about what you are like if they won't even speak to you !
I realise that the vast majority of members of this site are single guys just looking for a quick shag, most of whom are probably married anyway and that couples and ladies can take their pick of the bunch
Having spoken to many other guys who use this site I have come to the conclusion that it is almost certainly a waste of time trying to meet anyone. I had thought about leaving but do still enjoy talking to the few (very few) people in the room who will talk to a guy, so I will stay for a little longer.
Perhaps I am wrong in what I have just said - please feel free to agree/disagree and post your own experiences as a guy, trying to meet people. if you are a couple/single lady, let us guys know what we are doing wrong in trying to attract your attention.
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Quote by adventurer
Having spoken to many other guys who use this site I have come to the conclusion that it is almost certainly a waste of time trying to meet anyone.
What you have to remember is that single guys on this site are what you might call a resource. A bit like coal, or iron. Or fish. On the rare occaisions that a couple or single girl want a fish, they'll put some bait on their hook and dangle their line in the water until they get a bite. But why would they shed a thought for the other fish in the water? And otherwise... well, how would you feel if a fish came up to you and started talking?
And of course, for some anglers the fun is more in catching the fish than eating it. In fact, some will throw the fish in the trash rather than actually consume it.
Quote by roger743
Having spoken to many other guys who use this site I have come to the conclusion that it is almost certainly a waste of time trying to meet anyone.
What you have to remember is that single guys on this site are what you might call a resource. A bit like coal, or iron. Or fish. On the rare occaisions that a couple or single girl want a fish, they'll put some bait on their hook and dangle their line in the water until they get a bite. But why would they shed a thought for the other fish in the water? And otherwise... well, how would you feel if a fish came up to you and started talking?
And of course, for some anglers the fun is more in catching the fish than eating it. In fact, some will throw the fish in the trash rather than actually consume it.
Interesting analogy Roger.
It's all a question of approach... AND making your pitch to the right woman or couple.
A lot of single guys are pushy. In fact, some of them are rude, coarse and blatant. This makes women defensive and after 50 such approaches we think the 51st will be the same... so we play a little. And yes, sometimes we even mess guys around...
But the right approach WILL pay dividends in the end.
A few months ago, a gent made his approach to me via this forum. He was polite and witty and made me feel at ease, and the net result is he is STILL shagging me three weeks from Christmas on a regular basis and I can't wait to get my sticky paws on him again. And considering the amount of approaches I get this is something to be held aloft as an inspiration to all! :twisted:
It is easy to make your mark when the rest of the tank are behaving like sharks...
Hxx
A lot of single guys are pushy. In fact, some of them are rude, coarse and blatant. This makes women defensive and after 50 such approaches we think the 51st will be the same... so we play a little. And yes, sometimes we even mess guys around...
But the right approach WILL pay dividends in the end.
A few months ago, a gent made his approach to me via this forum. He was polite and witty and made me feel at ease, and the net result is he is STILL shagging me three weeks from Christmas on a regular basis and I can't wait to get my sticky paws on him again. And considering the amount of approaches I get this is something to be held aloft as an inspiration to all! :twisted:
It is easy to make your mark when the rest of the tank are behaving like sharks...
Hxx
Quote by Fun365
Having spoken to many other guys who use this site I have come to the conclusion that it is almost certainly a waste of time trying to meet anyone.
What you have to remember is that single guys on this site are what you might call a resource. A bit like coal, or iron. Or fish. On the rare occaisions that a couple or single girl want a fish, they'll put some bait on their hook and dangle their line in the water until they get a bite. But why would they shed a thought for the other fish in the water? And otherwise... well, how would you feel if a fish came up to you and started talking?
And of course, for some anglers the fun is more in catching the fish than eating it. In fact, some will throw the fish in the trash rather than actually consume it.
Interesting analogy Roger.
I've never been any good at fishing.
Quote by Fun365
On the rare occaisions that a couple or single girl want a fish, they'll put some bait on their hook and dangle their line in the water until they get a bite.
Interesting analogy Roger.
That's what happens when you open a can of worms.
:lol2:
In seriousness though, all I can say in answer to Adventurer is "yeah, I know". I think most single guys are where you are, asking the same questions. And, as people can tell, the whole anti-single-guy thing gets on my nerves big-time. I still maintain there's nothing actually wrong with single guys - some of us are rude, some of us are ignorant, some of us are prize pillocks, but the same can be said of single women and couples (I have the emails to prove it) - it's just that there's a hell of a lot more of us.
Roger.
P.S.
Quote by EmmaPeel
I've never been any good at fishing.
It's all down to what you do with your rod. :silly:
Roger;
Agree with you. This topic will be revisited again and again as people join the site.
It's all about attitude. Using the Internet is just another way of meeting people. Some people find it easier to use the Net as it takes away the 'fear' that some have about meeting people in a bar, club or wherever. The anonymity that the Net provides allows people to be more gregarious... but what happens too often is that people use this as an excuse to be downright rude / offensive. They think that as you have placed an ad on a Swingers Site that you must be up for a fu*k at anytime and that you are eternally grateful for their interest.
I am lucky now in that I don't have to be the single guy anymore .
Such is life
Paul
Agree with you. This topic will be revisited again and again as people join the site.
It's all about attitude. Using the Internet is just another way of meeting people. Some people find it easier to use the Net as it takes away the 'fear' that some have about meeting people in a bar, club or wherever. The anonymity that the Net provides allows people to be more gregarious... but what happens too often is that people use this as an excuse to be downright rude / offensive. They think that as you have placed an ad on a Swingers Site that you must be up for a fu*k at anytime and that you are eternally grateful for their interest.
I am lucky now in that I don't have to be the single guy anymore .
Such is life
Paul
Well - thats started something.
In response to the last poster, sorry if I came across as bitter, I'm not. I'm just a bit fed up with all the negative attitudes to single guys.
As regards my lack of posts, I only post when I have something to say, as in the case of the member who was posting all the time but never responding to posts. In that instance one of the moderators actually contacted the person involved and supposidly got an answer which satisfied him. However I have noticed that the same member is once again posting for meets and failling to reply to any of the answers he/they are getting.
I have spoken to loads of people in the room but for some reason my log in name and chat room name are different, I dont know why. If anyone can tell me how to make them the same, please do.
neandy (for some reason logged in as adventurer)
In response to the last poster, sorry if I came across as bitter, I'm not. I'm just a bit fed up with all the negative attitudes to single guys.
As regards my lack of posts, I only post when I have something to say, as in the case of the member who was posting all the time but never responding to posts. In that instance one of the moderators actually contacted the person involved and supposidly got an answer which satisfied him. However I have noticed that the same member is once again posting for meets and failling to reply to any of the answers he/they are getting.
I have spoken to loads of people in the room but for some reason my log in name and chat room name are different, I dont know why. If anyone can tell me how to make them the same, please do.
neandy (for some reason logged in as adventurer)
Orgasminator
Quote by EmmaPeel
I've never been any good at fishing.
I'll be more than happy to fish with you :twisted:
adventurer
I have hesitated to reply to your posting, as I have said what I am about to say before and Im sure I too will get criticised for being negative.
Do not think that the problems you are having only happen to single guys. I gave up on the chat room after being told I was "fat and ugly" (Im a size 18) and he hadnt even seen my face. Another reason for not going there was that when I did I was usually ambushed by about 20 pms all at once!!
Ive advertised and got a response probably the direct opposite of the one you would receive. Ive had well over 200 replies, about 75% of these clearly hadnt read my ad. A large proportion of the others were illiterate. My ad must now be coming to the end of its 90 days and its really only today that I think Ive come anywhere near to finding the guy Im looking for and hes about 300 miles away from me!!
Like you I dont like posting just for the sake of it !!
I suppose what Im saying is its not easy for single women either!! Perhaps coulples have it easier but I doubt it!!!
I suppose we have to decide do we want to contiue trying, with some hope or give up and have no hope. Try not to take it personally after all how can they judge you if they have never meet you?
I wish you luck
I have hesitated to reply to your posting, as I have said what I am about to say before and Im sure I too will get criticised for being negative.
Do not think that the problems you are having only happen to single guys. I gave up on the chat room after being told I was "fat and ugly" (Im a size 18) and he hadnt even seen my face. Another reason for not going there was that when I did I was usually ambushed by about 20 pms all at once!!
Ive advertised and got a response probably the direct opposite of the one you would receive. Ive had well over 200 replies, about 75% of these clearly hadnt read my ad. A large proportion of the others were illiterate. My ad must now be coming to the end of its 90 days and its really only today that I think Ive come anywhere near to finding the guy Im looking for and hes about 300 miles away from me!!
Like you I dont like posting just for the sake of it !!
I suppose what Im saying is its not easy for single women either!! Perhaps coulples have it easier but I doubt it!!!
I suppose we have to decide do we want to contiue trying, with some hope or give up and have no hope. Try not to take it personally after all how can they judge you if they have never meet you?
I wish you luck
well i must say that my experiences have been just the same as foxy's,my ad was very of the replies i received couldn't have read my ad cos they were offering what i said i didn't a result i have withdrawn mine,but instead of getting all wound up about it,i've joined in more here and i'm having a blast.
In regards to the number of posts,most of the conversation that most people have everyday is nothing but useless hot 's it's a good way to connect to other human beings. So talking useless rubbish is not so bad after all
In regards to the number of posts,most of the conversation that most people have everyday is nothing but useless hot 's it's a good way to connect to other human beings. So talking useless rubbish is not so bad after all
Mod
This crops up probably every month. Someone will come along and complain about their lack of success on the Site. They say how hard they have tried, the number of times people don’t reply to their emails, the lack of responses to their ads, how they are ignored in the chatroom, how they turn up and the other person/couple doesn’t, then they say no single guys meets anyone from the site, that they are wasting their time and might leave, except that they have met a few friends on here – and it goes on and on and on and on…………………
Well, sorry to piss on your argument, but this site does work.
I have been on here since September last year. I average more than 6 posts a day, as opposed to 2 a month. I have met someone new on average once a month since I started and nearly all of those I have met more than the once, some very regularly. ALL the people I have met I am friends with. We chat as friends, we met as friends and we swing as friends – do you see a theme developing? I was friends with them before I swung with them and we stayed friends afterwards.
When I first came on the Site, I was like any other singly, tongue hanging out, looking for women. Very quickly, and I mean very quickly, I learnt that I had more fun here making friends, than I did constantly worrying if I was going to get laid. My main aim then became to make friends with as many people as possible and I did. I have a lot more friends than I do swinging partners and enjoy coming on the Site every day. This isn’t my life; I do many other things as well that are completely nothing to do with swinging or the site. It’s a balance you have to decide on personally. You get out of this what you put in - 1565 posts against 26? Don’t look at the site and ask ‘what can I get out of it?’ See what you can bring to it and enhance not just your time here, but for others as well.
If your sole aim here is to shag someone and it isn’t working, perhaps it might be a good time to look at what others are doing who are having the time of their life and consider changing your attitude and motive. You never know, it just might work!!
Mal
Well, sorry to piss on your argument, but this site does work.
I have been on here since September last year. I average more than 6 posts a day, as opposed to 2 a month. I have met someone new on average once a month since I started and nearly all of those I have met more than the once, some very regularly. ALL the people I have met I am friends with. We chat as friends, we met as friends and we swing as friends – do you see a theme developing? I was friends with them before I swung with them and we stayed friends afterwards.
When I first came on the Site, I was like any other singly, tongue hanging out, looking for women. Very quickly, and I mean very quickly, I learnt that I had more fun here making friends, than I did constantly worrying if I was going to get laid. My main aim then became to make friends with as many people as possible and I did. I have a lot more friends than I do swinging partners and enjoy coming on the Site every day. This isn’t my life; I do many other things as well that are completely nothing to do with swinging or the site. It’s a balance you have to decide on personally. You get out of this what you put in - 1565 posts against 26? Don’t look at the site and ask ‘what can I get out of it?’ See what you can bring to it and enhance not just your time here, but for others as well.
If your sole aim here is to shag someone and it isn’t working, perhaps it might be a good time to look at what others are doing who are having the time of their life and consider changing your attitude and motive. You never know, it just might work!!
Mal
Well - what can I say that was a bit savage. I am so pleased that you have met and made so many friends from this site. I quite agree with you that making friends is just as important if not more so than having sex. But lets be honest here. We are only in this site for one main reason and that is to meet people for sex. Why else join a swingers site. I do not believe any one who says otherwise.
You seem to have mised my point entirely.
I would love to chat to new people, to meet them for friendship, build up a relationship but if they won'y bloody talk to you then how can you ?
Answers on a post card to ........
You seem to have mised my point entirely.
I would love to chat to new people, to meet them for friendship, build up a relationship but if they won'y bloody talk to you then how can you ?
Answers on a post card to ........
Quote by adventurer
Well - what can I say that was a bit savage.
To be honest, I don't wish to criticise Mal, who clearly is having much more success at making friends on this site than you or I, but I didn't think you'd come across in this thread as the usual kind of horny moron with a "9 inch" erection and no idea what to do with it. (I confess I haven't bothered to look at your posting history so maybe there's a skeleton in that cupboard that Mal is reacting to.)
Quote by adventurer
I would love to chat to new people, to meet them for friendship, build up a relationship but if they won'y bloody talk to you then how can you ?
I think the theory is that you say something interesting on the forums or the chatroom, a discussion develops, people get to know you a little more and you get to know a little more about them. This happens a few times, and as people learn more and more about you some of them will feel attracted to what you're showing, you will start conversing in private... and from there, if all goes well, you progress to a face-to-face meeting and from there -
Maybe this is how it works in practice too. All I can say is that I've been posting in various newsgroups, forums, mailing lists and so forth for nearly ten years and this transition has very very rarely happened for me.
Maybe it's because I'm such a chronic whiner.
Roger I think Mal was more having a go at the regularity of the thread more than Adventurer
I could be wrong but hey thats not unusual
anyway matey no luck here either, mind you I havent really been trying as I thought Id settle in and get to know people a bit better first
I love the site though , as much for the fun as anything
Thanks to all who keep it running . Great job
I could be wrong but hey thats not unusual
anyway matey no luck here either, mind you I havent really been trying as I thought Id settle in and get to know people a bit better first
I love the site though , as much for the fun as anything
Thanks to all who keep it running . Great job
Mod
Quote by adventurer
Well - what can I say that was a bit savage. I am so pleased that you have met and made so many friends from this site. I quite agree with you that making friends is just as important if not more so than having sex. But lets be honest here. We are only in this site for one main reason and that is to meet people for sex. Why else join a swingers site. I do not believe any one who says otherwise.
You seem to have mised my point entirely.
I would love to chat to new people, to meet them for friendship, build up a relationship but if they won'y bloody talk to you then how can you ?
Answers on a post card to ........
Savage? Not a bit. Whatever you do in any walk of life, if it isn't successful, find out how it can be done successfully and copy or mirror it. If you found it difficult to drive your car with the handbrake on, you take the brake off and the next time, you don't drive with it on. Why? Because you learnt it didn't work properly that way. What's the difference to what I said earlier? You have tried a way which you agree doesn't work, I explained what works for me. Yes, we would both like the same outcome, but for me it works. Perhaps if you tried it, it may work. If it does, great. If it doesn't, what have you lost? Absolutely nothing.
I don't use the chatroom at all. I have my conversations on here and by PM and that's how I build up my relationships. It's not rocket science. I'm not Brad Pitt, I can't wrap my willy round my neck, but whatever I have comes across to the people I chat to and it obviously works.
Nobody is forcing you to change what you do - that's your choice. All I have done is tell you what works for me so that you can see if it works for you. It's no skin off my nose if you are happy to continue doing it as you have in the past.
If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.
Mal
I just wanted to highlight what I think is the important line in what Mal said:
That's two hurdles the rest of us have to get over. The first is succesfully projecting whatever we have through our keyboards onto other people's monitors. The second is making sure that whatever we have is something that's attractive to the people we want to attract.
Quote by mal609
whatever I have comes across to the people I chat to
That's two hurdles the rest of us have to get over. The first is succesfully projecting whatever we have through our keyboards onto other people's monitors. The second is making sure that whatever we have is something that's attractive to the people we want to attract.
Quote by JudyTV
I am afraid that moaning about success rates, hit rates and no replies from people wont change a damn thing unless you make changes yourself.
Adventurer, there were a couple of threads from last week that you might want to look at if you've not seen them already:
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/11162.html
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/11257.html
They're discussing much the same ground, but with some different contributors and you might find some of the opinions expressed to be useful in working out how and what to change, which is the hard part.
Sex God
i have a confession to make here that i have hesitated to post before 
it's only fair to people here i think, and i'd like to unburden meself of it! ;-)
i came to this site a complete fraud!!! there! t'is done!!! i knew b**ger all much about swinging, or anything else much either :lol: i stumbled on the chatroom at work. you know...call centre/cubicles/internet/chatrooms as a private network etc :lol: and then people found dogging sections and foto-ads etc etc.
maybe because i was either a naive young lad or maybe because accomodation of meets at short notice underneath a tiny cubicle is kinda problematic i had no expectation of meeting anyone!! i just thought the chatroom was damned funny with some obviously great people in it, and i watched for a long while just throwing in the odd hi to people i recognised.
when i actually found myself being offered my first meet not long later, i was stunned, thought absolute beginners luck, they don't know what they're doing, i'm absolutely scared to death now it comes down to it, i'm off anyways!!! ((( well they came a long way! t'would have been rude to refuse!!! ;-) )))
well i thought it went very well for a swinging virgin all things considered :lol2: but it did turn out for a while to be absolute beginners luck, just as i thought, but hey, chatrooms still funny as, and i got to know people i could have some occasional light flirtation with, and a long friendly talk!!! i don't know a fraction of the users on here, i don't expect to, nor that everyone is a potential mate let alone a potential swinging partner! the rooms as real as any other, just an especially manic one, and you'd expect to see occasional short tempers, occasional rudeness, mishearing, not-noticing, engaged elsewhere, or just general sat-in-a-cornerness!! ( ??? ) etc.
the single male thing least from a single male, comes down to people not understanding that friends are already mingling when you arrive, they may not see you, they may misunderstand you and sit back till they grasp the thread, and even maybe, something daft was said in haste to try and keep up and now they just don't fancy talking to you!!
since then all i can say is the sites fantastic, it most definitely does work, if you come to make friends first and be very patient and restrained, no matter how good they look on their ads??? swingers do i believe tend to quite like swinging with friends as a general rule! :lol: but friends are good!!! though that does need to be more thoroughly explored in the near future!! ( still learning but t'is a fun education! )
know no more than that it worked for me!!
good luck!!!
neil
it's only fair to people here i think, and i'd like to unburden meself of it! ;-)i came to this site a complete fraud!!! there! t'is done!!! i knew b**ger all much about swinging, or anything else much either :lol: i stumbled on the chatroom at work. you know...call centre/cubicles/internet/chatrooms as a private network etc :lol: and then people found dogging sections and foto-ads etc etc.
maybe because i was either a naive young lad or maybe because accomodation of meets at short notice underneath a tiny cubicle is kinda problematic i had no expectation of meeting anyone!! i just thought the chatroom was damned funny with some obviously great people in it, and i watched for a long while just throwing in the odd hi to people i recognised.
when i actually found myself being offered my first meet not long later, i was stunned, thought absolute beginners luck, they don't know what they're doing, i'm absolutely scared to death now it comes down to it, i'm off anyways!!! ((( well they came a long way! t'would have been rude to refuse!!! ;-) )))
well i thought it went very well for a swinging virgin all things considered :lol2: but it did turn out for a while to be absolute beginners luck, just as i thought, but hey, chatrooms still funny as, and i got to know people i could have some occasional light flirtation with, and a long friendly talk!!! i don't know a fraction of the users on here, i don't expect to, nor that everyone is a potential mate let alone a potential swinging partner! the rooms as real as any other, just an especially manic one, and you'd expect to see occasional short tempers, occasional rudeness, mishearing, not-noticing, engaged elsewhere, or just general sat-in-a-cornerness!! ( ??? ) etc.
the single male thing least from a single male, comes down to people not understanding that friends are already mingling when you arrive, they may not see you, they may misunderstand you and sit back till they grasp the thread, and even maybe, something daft was said in haste to try and keep up and now they just don't fancy talking to you!!
since then all i can say is the sites fantastic, it most definitely does work, if you come to make friends first and be very patient and restrained, no matter how good they look on their ads??? swingers do i believe tend to quite like swinging with friends as a general rule! :lol: but friends are good!!! though that does need to be more thoroughly explored in the near future!! ( still learning but t'is a fun education! )
know no more than that it worked for me!!
good luck!!!
neil
If you really want to maximise your chances of receiving a reply to all your contacts, consider an old marketing trick.
Send a short initial e-mail and finish it with "I am aware you must be get dozens of e-mails, so I thought I would send this short one, then send another one in a couple of days with more information about myself. Please let me know if you feel there is no need for further e-mails"
But before you do, consider this. If you send 100 e-mails out, and 99 people do not respond, it means that from the details you put, you have offered them nothing which makes them want to talk to you. Do you really want 99 e-mails saying this?
If it REALLY bothers you that people do not have the courtesy to reply when you want them to, get in there first.
"I am aware you must get dozens of e-mails, many of which are not what you are looking for. If I am one of those, do not feel the need to reply out of politeness, I am sure your time would be much better spent chatting to those who are what you are looking for"
lhk
Kat
Send a short initial e-mail and finish it with "I am aware you must be get dozens of e-mails, so I thought I would send this short one, then send another one in a couple of days with more information about myself. Please let me know if you feel there is no need for further e-mails"
But before you do, consider this. If you send 100 e-mails out, and 99 people do not respond, it means that from the details you put, you have offered them nothing which makes them want to talk to you. Do you really want 99 e-mails saying this?
If it REALLY bothers you that people do not have the courtesy to reply when you want them to, get in there first.
"I am aware you must get dozens of e-mails, many of which are not what you are looking for. If I am one of those, do not feel the need to reply out of politeness, I am sure your time would be much better spent chatting to those who are what you are looking for"
lhk
Kat
Sex God
Judy!!!
Thank you soo much hunni!!! you have a knack of saying the nicest possible things at the best possible moment!!
i came in to delete my post and found your reply!! i'm really bloody touched hun!
you have a pm!
neil x x x x
Thank you soo much hunni!!! you have a knack of saying the nicest possible things at the best possible moment!!
i came in to delete my post and found your reply!! i'm really bloody touched hun!
you have a pm!
neil x x x x
people,people....remember this is cyberville,instead of moaning about people not chatting to you listen to what the experianced posters here have to say, it maybe you should get out in the real world and see how many people want to chat to a single guy,....listen to whats being said in the chats try joining in with a comment every now and again when people get used to seeing you in chat then they feel happy to listen to what you have to say..if they dont it doesnt matter sit back and enjoy the ride........sorry if I seem like Im having a go,I'm not its just that Iv'e been there pal and so have a few people here................ Crikey - wish I'd never started this topic, it was never meant to be a moan or a complaint aboutthe site, because, believe it or not, I enjoy the site !
I only intended it to be a debate as to why so many were "anti single guys" and despite what has been said, I still belive that to be the case.
i still maintain that as a single guy, it is very very difficult to get any of the established couples/single ladies to talk to you.
I do join in the patter, I do crack jokes both at myself and others, if there is an online debat going on I join in.
But ask yourself this, just keep track of who is talking in the room. It is the same people day after day, they share "in jokes" with each other, talk about shared experiences etc.
Now there is nothing wrong with that at all, after all it is a chat room, but if you are not part of the "in crowd" it is very hard to take part in the chat.
For example, recently, there was a guy trying desperately to get someone to talk to him (no it wasn't me) he repeatidly asked if there was anyone from where he lived. No reply. He then tried asking people if he could pm them. No reply He then tried starting a conversation by asking people questions. No reply. In other words, this guy, who I assume was new to the site, was completely ignored by everyone !
No doubt I will be heavily criticised again for moaning, be told to alter my strategy, or even "if you dont like it bugger off"
Let me emphasise again. I really enjoy this site and the patter in the chat as a place to actually meet people, I suspect very few guys actually do.
I only intended it to be a debate as to why so many were "anti single guys" and despite what has been said, I still belive that to be the case.
i still maintain that as a single guy, it is very very difficult to get any of the established couples/single ladies to talk to you.
I do join in the patter, I do crack jokes both at myself and others, if there is an online debat going on I join in.
But ask yourself this, just keep track of who is talking in the room. It is the same people day after day, they share "in jokes" with each other, talk about shared experiences etc.
Now there is nothing wrong with that at all, after all it is a chat room, but if you are not part of the "in crowd" it is very hard to take part in the chat.
For example, recently, there was a guy trying desperately to get someone to talk to him (no it wasn't me) he repeatidly asked if there was anyone from where he lived. No reply. He then tried asking people if he could pm them. No reply He then tried starting a conversation by asking people questions. No reply. In other words, this guy, who I assume was new to the site, was completely ignored by everyone !
No doubt I will be heavily criticised again for moaning, be told to alter my strategy, or even "if you dont like it bugger off"
Let me emphasise again. I really enjoy this site and the patter in the chat as a place to actually meet people, I suspect very few guys actually do.
Mod
Nothing wrong with starting a controversial topic to stimulate conversation, as long as it’s not abusing anyone, so no worries there.
It seems your gripe is not against the Site as a whole, but the chat room. You may or may not be aware that some chat room users don’t even know these forums exist and never use them. Conversely there are many forum users who never use chat, me for one. Then you get those who join in both. So the people this is aimed against may never know you wrote all this! I can understand the frustrations of no-one responding in the chat, but in that area I cannot advise, but it does work for some. Perhaps if you recognise some of the names from chat on the forums (Judy, NeilinLeeds, to name a couple) that you PM them and ask them if they would hold your hand in Chat and get you into a conversation thread next time you are both in there. They speak to others who may not speak to you now, but may do if you are talking with someone they normally talk to. A bit like meeting a group of people in a pub where you only know one, but that one knows others and can introduce you.
The guy you mentioned who was struggling to talk to people – did it not cross your mind for you to chat with him? Perhaps others may then see your conversation and want to join you?
Another option – have you made any attempt to attend any munches? The last one had over 130 people there. You would meet single men, women, couples, from both the forum and the chatroom. What better way of meeting people than face to face?
When I started on here, I knew no-one. Then I chatted to one lady, who introduced me to others and so on and so on. It builds gradually and you need patience, but also a bit of oomph to keep on top of it. Don’t chat to someone once and not again for 2 months or you lose momentum.
You will find that any criticism levelled at you is constructive to help you get the best from the Site. If you bring positives here, you get positives back.
And just one more thing for you to ponder on – how do couples arrange MMF threesomes without a single guy?
Mal
It seems your gripe is not against the Site as a whole, but the chat room. You may or may not be aware that some chat room users don’t even know these forums exist and never use them. Conversely there are many forum users who never use chat, me for one. Then you get those who join in both. So the people this is aimed against may never know you wrote all this! I can understand the frustrations of no-one responding in the chat, but in that area I cannot advise, but it does work for some. Perhaps if you recognise some of the names from chat on the forums (Judy, NeilinLeeds, to name a couple) that you PM them and ask them if they would hold your hand in Chat and get you into a conversation thread next time you are both in there. They speak to others who may not speak to you now, but may do if you are talking with someone they normally talk to. A bit like meeting a group of people in a pub where you only know one, but that one knows others and can introduce you.
The guy you mentioned who was struggling to talk to people – did it not cross your mind for you to chat with him? Perhaps others may then see your conversation and want to join you?
Another option – have you made any attempt to attend any munches? The last one had over 130 people there. You would meet single men, women, couples, from both the forum and the chatroom. What better way of meeting people than face to face?
When I started on here, I knew no-one. Then I chatted to one lady, who introduced me to others and so on and so on. It builds gradually and you need patience, but also a bit of oomph to keep on top of it. Don’t chat to someone once and not again for 2 months or you lose momentum.
You will find that any criticism levelled at you is constructive to help you get the best from the Site. If you bring positives here, you get positives back.
And just one more thing for you to ponder on – how do couples arrange MMF threesomes without a single guy?
Mal
