im suprised no-one has thought that a man may stay with his wife... despite having no sex.... because they have kids and it may break his heart to leave them...
surely some of you Dad's on here can have a thought about that.. i mean who would want to swap seeing their kids every day... for seeing them every other weekend ... and maybe see some other bloke get called Dad in a year or so's time.
twisty and turny like a twisty turny thing.
not saying it's right... just another point of view
im really glad you have countered that as i know people in this situation... relatives...and i do worry about what the right thing to do is.
OK I'm one of them b*st*rds - I (try to!) swing as a single but I'm married. At first my profile said I was Almost Divorced but when my wife came on webcam with me in a chatroom I got comments from a moderator saying I/we should be registered as a couple or she shouldn't be seen! Well, she doesn't want to swing but, as proven by her appearing on cam, she knows what I'm doing and has demonstrated her acceptance of it. (Her being on cam can be verified by one of the regulars in the NW chatroom who, realising I wasn't looking at the screen at the time, later informed me about the moderator's messages).My wife often sits with me while we look at the conversations in the chatrooms (and usually gets bored...) and has a laugh at my inept attempts to meet singles or couples via the Photo Ads. So, before you have a go at all of us "married singles", just think about it more deeply and make allowances for the exceptions. And, for the record, I don't condone cheating. I would not have joined SH if my wife had not agreed to it but it's all academic anyway, no-one will meet me!
So, just practice a little tolerance and understanding, ok?
Another viewpoint ... maybe they are perfect soulmates except for sex. Deeply in love but a very imbalanced sex life for whatever reason. One half of the partnership is normally (?) sexed, the other is quite happy at birthdays and Christmas but "don't trouble me otherwise". However, the one with the low sex drive does not see a problem and, despite much talking about it, certainly does not want to share their partner and now has a closed mind on the subject.
Who should we blame? The partner with an unnaturally low drive that is resulting in lack of sexual fulfillment for the one with the average drive, or the partner that feels the need for sexual contact with someone other than themselves? Or should they divorce and end a marriage made in heaven except for one detail, ending a lifetime of shared experiences, children, house etc.
Isn't there a difference between having sex and making love? If one partner desperately wanted to play golf, and the other desperately didn't want them to, would divorce be recommended or would a sneaky 18 holes during a work afternoon not seem so bad?
Who out there hasn't told lies to their partner, whether about the cost of shoes, how much was drunk the night before or how the car got scratched? As swingers we should be able to put sex with third parties in perspective and divorce it from lovemaking. It might well be better for both parties if the partner got relief by swinging rather than having an affair. There are probably many spouses who turn a blind eye to infidelity because they do not want their relationship to end yet cannot increase their own libido to match their partner's.
I've been cheated on myself and don't want to be the 'other woman'. If the relationship really is that awful, you are better off alone
im one of those ppl who r "cheating"
although id still call it "swinging"
im married and do it without my O H knowing
most the men who contact me r married
id say half the men i met r married
i always told them im married straight away in a pm
only one had a problem with it
i had no problem meeting men who r married wether or not they told their wives
i hav reasons for wat i do (mainly that i luv sex and get none at home!)
its not easy to just leave a relationship wen its not working how ud like it.............kids house etc
belive me id hav luved more freedom but i do wat i do and i dont judge others
i dont know their circumstances anymore than most dont know mine
my swinging life is slightly differnt now to wat it used to but thats how i still feel even if i dont meet ppl as i used too !
ls
wow, deep thread... Amazed at how many other 'single' peeps out there with partner knowing about SH, but not wanting to know more. Maybe being seen occasionally on a webcam or typing the odd message. I to got warned that I must become a couples account since my other half was seen and getting involved with our chat session. Thanks to that she backed 100% away from the site, rules are meant to help, not hinder...
There is a simple problem as Morbious correctly identified from my earlier post about how do we see ourselves on here? I swing as a single male, my wife does not go to munches or have any interest in the site so I am on as a single but marked as married. Or maybe my wife and I both have our own single accounts since we play seperately, have our own adds, as per Morbious, same issues.
We cannot show that status in chatrooms/the site, and get abuse because of this. There is no way for anyone to know that I am part of a couple which leaves those who only want single players finding it hard to decide at a glance if they want to take things further.
All this in the end leaves a large part of the SH community, male and female feeling left out and chosing the 'wrong' status since RL and SH worlds are often different. I return to my point that we need a couple of further statuses and icons to the non extra member community along with guidelines on what these statuses are for that show should we be talking about RL, or SH worlds when we select one. (Losing the £5 charge to change would not go amis either, circumstances change in RL so maybe 1 free change per 6 months is in order for 'full' members?)
I suggest the following icons and ideas:
Single Male
Not in LTR, not married (or at least marked as seperated / divorced)
Single Female
Not in LTR, not married (or at least marked as seperated / divorced)
Single Male with partner
Non swinging partner, married but playing away with or without consent (That is something you should cover in your profile since people will expect to know), or couple with indipendant accounts who swing alone. This indicates that although you have a partner who may occasionally be involved in the site your primary activity on this site is as a single player.
Single Female with partner
Non swinging partner, married but playing away with or without consent (That is something you should cover in your profile since people will expect to know), or couple with indipendant accounts who swing alone. This indicates that although you have a partner who may occasionally be involved in the site your primary activity on this site is as a single player.
Couple
Used in either a single joint account, or as status in 2 individual accounts where these exist and swinging / site activity is normally undertaken as a couple. You should expect to meet as a couple more than as single players (although a couple may still chose to play as singles)
In 50/50 should we be couples or singles where both partners feel their play is really not more as a couple or more as singles they can simply decide which they like best icon wise.
Idea for icons below:
Couple / 'Single' Male with partner / 'Single' Female with partner
I know as per Polo's comments people will abuse this, but at least those of us looking to be honest could be.
now that is more the kind of thing I'm used to! ;) 
