smokerjim, I'm glad it wasn't worse.
I gave up smoking yestarday, but I will never give up wanking
ok you wont none pyro let me see this was a few years ago but me and a few mates were out getting a little tipsy ( in a smaal town called ashby de la zouch know it ? naa didnt think so) on the way home we decided to cut through the lesure center grounds. once there we decided to play on the playground (usual stuff roundabout slide swings) and some 'springy chickens' baisically a large spring with a chicken shaped seat you rocked back and forth on. any how on i get and i start rocking for all im worth.
the next thing i remember is coming round in my mates front room aparantly the spring snapped i fell backwards and knocked my self out. the spring catapulted across the playground and took out another of my mates ive not gone near them scince
SMOKERJIM!!!
I have a piccy for you.
I will post it tomorrow when you are on!
Can't be arsed finding it now, it's late!
Dear Jim,
Please can you fix it for me to get absolution for my transgression?
This is a stroy that is related to people by my mother on odd occasions, it's funny enough, but soooooo dangerous too!
Setting the scene.
Chris is about 18 months old and into everything, climbing up things, falling off things, jumping around, a bit like he does now actually, but I can reach higher now!
Mum was in bed with my sister, who is 12 months younger than me (she was 12 months youngre than me then too, coincidentally, so she was about 6 months old).
Chris finds a box of matches and set light to mums bed! Being only 18 months old at the time I don't recall what happened next, but I still have a mum and a sister, at least my mum and dad gave up smoking not too long after that!!!
Take note kids, if you want your parents to quit smoking then just become an arsonist!
Chris
Ohhh i have done something like that b4, i threw a fag out the windoow and it blew in the back window and set the back seat on fire lol
On a serious note tho people should watch where they throw their fags cause i was walking down the street once and a guy threw his fag out his car window and it landed in a womans pram :shock:
lucky i saw it and told her b4 it had time to burn
I was driving a post van a couple of summers ago, with the drivers window open, when i heard a very small thwack sound... and then felt a tingle in my lap..
A wasp had hit the edge of the door as i drove along and fell, slightly stunned, but mightly pissed off at being hit by a big red van, straight into my lap, landing on my most sensitive parts...
I am doing about 60 mph at the time, with vehicles behind me and no where to turn off, so being ultra cool calm and collected, i decided it the wasp was too stunned to do anything and i would be ok for a minute until i found a layby or had a chance to stop.
But looking down i saw the pissed off wasp was crawling around on the creases in my trousers, repeatedly stabbing its sharp pointy back end into the material but not hitting the skin... this is when i lost it completely, as it was getting nearer with each stab to my bollocks... so i braked sharply, drove up on the verge, exited the vehicle in a mighty hurry and tried to shoo the wasp off frantically by batting it with my hand... would it dislodge itself, would it feck!
Gawd knows what the other drivers who had pulled up behind me in a squeal of brakes thought of this postman who had drove off the road, and then appeared to be inspecting his knackers as his hand brushed over his tackle.... i just remember looking up with a big smile on my face as the wasp fell to the ground, as 2 old biddies drove by with a look of shock on their face.... :shock: :shock:
omg where do i start,
sorry but this is a burning incident... when i was younger i decided to be good and get all my washing done, stripped the bed, chucked all my clothes on top , went to fill up the twin tub ( yes it was years ago) and then sat having a cuppa. well i smelt this horrible burning smell, and looked outside thinking the bloody neighbours were burning rubish again. ( they did this all the time )
well half hour later still stinking so my mum went around banging in their front door , no reply, so put a nasty note through saying she was fed up with it all.
ok so a hour later still stinking ( not me the smell of burning), i went into my room to fetch the washing and bugger me my bed was on fire. pmsl
fire brigade called and apparently the electric blanket ( yes it was years ago i did say , so no central heating in them days) although turned off had shorted and been slowly burning untill it had managed to set alight to the matteress, bedding and clothes all ontop.
needless to say had all the comments since about what a way to get out of doing the laundery and i must be hot stuff to set the bed alight.
xxx fem xxxx
Think we might have to rename the site
Pyromaniac Cockjockeys
As for the others that have posted, there are two kinds, the lambs and the goats. The lambs have posted non-hot and burn-y related replies ( any fire related posts have been ignored ) they shall go to swinger's Heaven, yea, where the sex is plentiful and fantastic for one and all.
The goats however, unless they repent, shall be sent to eternal damnation into swinger's Hell, where they are surrounded by vanilla people, that think sex is not worth the time of day, where you never get a minute's peace for a wank, where on the rare occaisions that sexual congress takes place ( with your monogomous spouse, natch ) it ends shortly and unsatisfactorily, usually due to erectile dysfuntion, or premature ejactulation on the part of the male partner ( for women, this is compounded by the man saying " Oh dear, well never mind - there's always next month ).
So learn from what I preach, repent I tells ye - become a lamb, and praise each other! ( I always knew I'd have a use for 19 yrs of Catholicism, and all it's dogma )
Here endeth the word of Padre Jim Murphy
Amen
check the dash and see nothing out the ordinary, phew, but kept my eye on it, 
looked at the traffic going past and couldn't think what might be burning oil - even the van in front was fairly smoke free 
even looked around to see if any farmers were burning the stubble in their fields - still drawing a blank.
and beeping at me, while driving :giggle: :giggle:
ops: :oops: :oops: 
