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Some advice would be appreciated - UPDATE

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Okay,
Anyone who read this: - http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/42796.html, will know that I have had a bit of a problem with my best mate recently. She wants to meet up and discuss things on Saturday (hence me pulling out of Munch). I have had some great advice from friends on here on how to be on Saturday and I thank you kiss
Just wondering if anyone else had any advice to give me on how to cope with what will be a very hard conversation.
She has written me a letter saying that what I am doing is "wierd and an invitation for crap and trouble"
I really would appreciate any good advice.
Thanks.
Update: We met. We talked as though nothing had happened. We agreed that it is too soon to discuss the swinging stuff. We agreed that we have missed each other like crazy this week and we don't want to lose friendship. Agreed that we still have loads to sort out - but for now - friendship back on course biggrin biggrin biggrin . We even watched Dr Who together biggrin I am one happy 'Bows right now!!!!!
:happy:
Quote by Rainbows
She has written me a letter saying that what I am doing is "wierd and an invitation for crap and trouble"
I really would appreciate any good advice.
Thanks.
aRSexx :color:

I dont know your friend but to be honest if thats how she feels now then I personally wouldn't go and meet her.... She needs a little more time to think about it and maybe do a little research before she can understand what swinging is all about... My gut feeling is from that comment is that she is going to give you a lecture and "try to talk you out of doing it"
But like I said I dont know her and therefore couldn't really say if this is what is going to happen... Sorry crap advise I know sad
kiss
Shireen
xxx
Your presence on here is not weird and I think the evidence is already recorded here to dispel that. It could, however, lead to crap and trouble. What you'll have to remind your friend is that you are a wonderful, well balanced person and you will not let the crap and trouble happen to you. It is your qualities, which I'm sure your friend knows only too well, that will stop that happening - that and the fact that you have told her about SH and she's free to see how you treat and are treated on here - with love and respect.
Additional comment - I think Shireen is right that your friend may not be ready to accept the message I was promulgating.
Keep calm.
Don't drink too much.
Try and hear what she has to say.
Respectfully ask her to offer you the same courtesy.
Come back here and tell us all about it.
Get down to Somerset and let us make things all better.
Quote by Vix
Keep calm.
Don't drink too much.
Try and hear what she has to say.
Respectfully ask her to offer you the same courtesy.
Come back here and tell us all about it.
Get down to Somerset and let us make things all better.

Why do women always come up with the good advice FFS?
I would listen to what she has to say - then explain that you know exactly where she is coming from cos if someone had told you a year ago you where you would be in your life in a years time, you would've laughed at them.
Tell her that you are just being you, no frills, no pretences - just pottering on discovering more and more about yourself and yes one of them is exploring the swinging scene.
Tell her that you're not sure where this path will lead, you're not sure how long you're on it for - but you're doing all this 'not sure' stuff with absolute confidence and pleasure.
Thank her for being her, thank her for being a mate, cos she sounds like her heart is in the right place, looking out for you. I'm sure that when she sees that underneath all this discovery stuff there is the same adorable Bows that she knows so well.
Good luck with it - I really hope it does work out for you kiss
I'm speaking from the heart.
Recently, I told my best friend about swinging.
I was lucky in that she accepted it. I didn't take it lying down though. I wrote down a list of questions she might ask me and I answered them all quite clearly in my own way (this was before I ever broached her about the subject). She asked me most of the questions of my list and I can say that I am lucky to have an understanding friend but I appreciate that it could have been so much the other way so the only advice I can give is be prepared for a lot of questions.
I hope for you that everything turns out well, best friends are everything!
:therethere:
Hire a nuns costume , a serious one not one with the back missing!!!
Sit down and say , "well i listened to what you said before and ive taken advice, i will never have sex with anyone ever again (keep your fac straight) Now let me talk to you about God..........................." Hopefully this will so shock her that she will be begging you to swiing!!!
On amore serious note , good luck!!
I can't offer much advice, Rainbows, but I really feel for you in this discussion with someone you have known so well and care for so much, as you face what must feel like a crossroads for you.
I can only mention that for most people sexual orientation is not and should not be thought of as a "choice", it's simply what someone feels they are.
Good luck kiss
Mike.
What Missy and Vix said. she still wants to be your friend or she wouldn't be meeting you. A good friend will accept you warts and all,(visa-versa) so you might have to give her time and let her get used to the idea, also like a lot of other people her conception of swinging is probably way off the mark. If it was me I would print out your comments and replies on both threads and let her read them before you meet. She might at least see you in a new light, at least without the horns and tail. Stick with it Rainbows, will be thinking of you Saturday. kiss
:love: xxx
I'm not very good at advice concerning relationships Rainbows so wont even begin to offer you any.
But thinking of you all the same. kiss
hi
can tell where ur coming from as i told my friend last night.
she just laughed and said "u are joking" i said no.......but u usually find that people dont even know what is envolved or ur prefferences i.e. bi or straight.
at the end of the day ur extra curicular activities really your own buisness and i know that i wouldnt fall out with a friend ova this.
i have been told some things by my friends but you stand by them no matter what..........if my mate was up for murder id be there by her side every step of the way mind u i am or would like to see myself as a true friend.......what im trying to say is i she carnt accept it then myself would consider her true feelings,and if she's willing to thro ur friendship away it's her loss.
just be yourself and if people dont like it "fck em"
if things dont go well we are always here biggrin
lou xxx
Good luck with it Rainbows - true best mates are hard to come by but once you get them, they are truly the best. My advice (for what it's worth - and you may think it's not worth much) is to try and not be too on the defensive. You have nothing to defend... Ask your best mate to tell you what their true concerns and accept that as a mate this behaviour may be just down to wanting to make sure "you're ok". Don't lose a great friend but don't give up the things you love either... Hope it goes ok xx
Like some of the others had said.....she needs to do a little more research into the scene to lay judgement on be honest why you need to meet up with her to explain yourself i just don't understand,your a big girl and you know what your she logged onto this forum she may have a better understanding of the prople that use it,maybe try that some time with her.
What does your partner think of the issue? Perhaps it would be beneficial for him/her to tag along and discuss the matter openly as a couple, with your friend. Justify your lifestyle together (Not that you should have to)
Or could it be that your partner isn't involved and your friends a friend to both you and your partner..and doesnt want to see them hurt?
Sorry if this isn't relevant as haven't the background info on it as couldn't open your previous topic thread.
True friends will be there for you no matter what your beliefs/opinions are. Good luck.
be true to yourself and be proud of who you are , good luck . H`red n Dildo winkxxx
Some people can accept things easily, others take more time. Some people will never be persuaded to change their view on life.
Your friend sounds as though she either wants to understand or to try to change your view. If you stick to your guns I would guess she will eventually accept it, even though swinging may never be her cup of tea, It sounds as though she cares.
As an example, I might say –
I enjoy the swinging community, the people, and I enjoy the sexual experiences it brings. The people I mix with are no different to any other group of people, their morals and outlook on life are probably the same. The only difference may be their attitude towards sex. Perhaps they are more liberal and comfortable with it and their partners. Respect, safety and discretion are just as important to most of them as it is to most of the rest of society.
I don’t just have sex with anyone, only the ones that I like, feel comfortable with and trust. No different to real life. The website I use gives me the opportunity to find that out before I commit myself to anything. No different to meeting someone in the shop, pub, work etc, talking with them, going out with them and then perhaps having sex with them.
Being a swinger doesn’t mean that all we think about or do is sex. It is an interest, a hobby or a way of life no different than if I liked pottering around with cars, attended races and bought the magazines. Its not the only thing in my life, its not a disease that infiltrates everything I do or the way I think. I am not on a crusade, you are safe, you don’t have to lock up your children or hide your partner.
I was swinging a month ago, you didn’t know and we were the best of friends. Did you have any reason to be worried for me then, did I appear anything other than the way I always have?
Please open your mind and think about it before finalising your opinion of me
Good Luck Rainbows, we'll be thinking of you tomorrow. kiss
Fee
XX
Good luck tomorrow Rainbows!
I would echo a lot of what has been said already but would add that you could give her a gentle reminder that being lesbian is in, some people's (idiots!) opinion also "wierd and an invitation for crap and trouble" and if you (and she?) have gone through the experiences associated with being 'out' then how is this fundamentally any different from being 'out' as a swinger? If it is unfair for society to judge someone for being homosexual (and I ssume your friend thinks that this is unacceptable) why is it ok to react in a smiliar fashion towards another branch of the sexual tree? Or is this primarily about you being bi and not a 'proper' lesbian? rolleyes
All in all, you have nothing to defend or be sorry about. She is the one with the problem. Be prepared to tell her that if she isn't going to listen to you or try and understand where you are coming from that the conversation should be postponed to another time when she is ready to listen. But you might have to eventually accept she won't ever see your point of view... sad
All the best,
H xx
Rainbows, hun, a good friend should be there for you and accept you for what you are and what you're doing.....but that doesn't mean she won't have her own opinions.....so sit down with her and talk and try to explain to her that just because you're swinging it doesn't mean that you're having sex with everyone and everything in sight.....
As you know, I had a similar discussion with my best friend about this and she told me that I was disgusting and that she didn't want to know anything about it......I'm still not talking to her so if your friend has asked you to come and talk to her that's a great thing and hopefully you will sort some things out and have a more honest relationship with each other.....
All the best for tomorrow hun.....don't worry AT ALL about missing the Munch, there will always be other Munches but there is only one best friend.....go get her!!! kiss and <Hugs>
Your friend feels the way we would have felt a couple of years ago in that situation. sad
It simply is not her fault and you need to reassure her that there is nothing weird about this community (well not in the dark sense anyway cool )
Personally in this situation , I would postpone the meet, print off THIS thread with all its real passion and sentiments, print off the ENTIRE Davej avatar challenge thread, where there is NO "crap or trouble" insist she read all of it, THEN meet her. These threads and probably many others demonstrate that you don`t come on here at least , purely for sex with strange and weird people :scared:
Eitherway good luck, the LAST thing you would want is to lose a good friend as a result of lifestyle and I happen to think the onus is on you to try and bring her round to a more open minded approach to things.
x
i dont really see how it effects your friendship, its like telling her your gay, well sort of!!
If she gets all high and mighty, be proud of what your doing and if she cant handle it, then maybe you should be the one who decides if the friendship carries on.
The worse thing you could do is be all shy and apologetic about it, she'll pounce on that, say this is what i do, i enjoy it and do you still want to go for a beer next tuesday or not?
Try having a laugh about it.....see the funny side and maybe open her eyes abit..
Update: We met. We talked as though nothing had happened. We agreed that it is too soon to discuss the swinging stuff. We agreed that we have missed each other like crazy this week and we don't want to lose friendship. Agreed that we still have loads to sort out - but for now - friendship back on course biggrin biggrin biggrin . We even watched Dr Who together biggrin I am one happy 'Bows right now!!!!!
:happy:
:bounce: I love good news :bounce:
Quote by cu3b4ll
:bounce: I love good news :bounce:

Too right, it's bloody good to hear some happy stuff Bows, so hats off to your happiness right now :thumbup:
Glad to hear the news was good Rainbows.... the only way is up for now on lol
Quote by Rainbows
Update: We met. We talked as though nothing had happened. We agreed that it is too soon to discuss the swinging stuff. We agreed that we have missed each other like crazy this week and we don't want to lose friendship. Agreed that we still have loads to sort out - but for now - friendship back on course biggrin biggrin biggrin . We even watched Dr Who together biggrin I am one happy 'Bows right now!!!!!
:happy:

I'm really happy for you 'Bows - it doesn't sound like it's reached a conclusion - but your friend seems to have used the time away from you to think deeply whether you or your personal life is more important, and even if you both agree to disagree, it sounds like she still wants you as a friend! kiss :thumbup:
Lucky you, rainbow, my sister and I are not talking anymore because she says I am hanginging out with wierdos, misfits, perverts and child molesters, but fuck her, she is the one with the problem not me