Something to get off my chest and some newbie advice please

19 Aug 2004

Hello all,
Somethings been bugging me and I just wanted to get it off my chest and get some advice. Firstly I'm new to all this and although I've been member for a few months now, posted the odd message and enjoyed all the general banter and craic between you all, I've never had any swinging type experiences. I'm a single bloke but having just come out of a long marriage I was in no rush to dip my toe in (so to speak ).
Anyway after much deliberation I responded to a "Couples seeking men" ad up here in the NE. Attached a face pic and got a immediate response from the couple. We exchanged a few emails, clarified what we were both looking for and everything seemed to be going well. biggrin

I then asked for a photo of themselves which they sent back. It was at this point I had second thoughts as the lady in question (although attractive) wasnt really my type. I politely explained this to them but was immediately accused of being a time waster and picture collector, which was completely wrong. I was made to feel as though I'd done something very wrong by changing my mind, and to be honest I felt like I was being accused of being just a sad old perv.
The question here is did I do the wrong thing? :confused: I don't think the couple in question would have wanted me to meet up with them and spend the evening even though there was no
chemistry involved and it was just a case of going through the actions or am I wrong? (in fact don't think I could do that). I notice now they've changed their ad so that they will only send a photo once a meet has been definitely arranged.. but sad about it all to be honest sad

..guess I'm just looking for some advice...
TC x

19 Aug 2004

I don't think you did the wrong thing if there's no feeling there there's no feeling itâ€™s not your fault but I can also see there point they both liked you else they wouldnâ€™t have wanted to meet you.
Maybe when you talk to the next couple that are looking for a single man you should ask for a pic firstly and explain that you would like one to see if you all are right for each other.
Good luck
Molly xx

19 Aug 2004

I personally can't see that you've done anything wrong at all. Maybe some couples or single females just expect that the single guy will come running irrespective of whether there is a pic or an attraction. Maybe some will but a lot won't. As long as you were polite in the way that you declined to meet them I don't think you did anything wrong at all.
They're refusing to send a pic until a definite meet has been arranged?? Strange. dunno

No doubt when the guy changes his mind after seeing the pic then he'll be accused of being a timewaster as well.
Steve

19 Aug 2004

Personally I think you were right to say that the lady wasn't your type, we believe in absolute honesty and if that includes being told we are not their type then so be it....
We are all adults and therefore should be able to accept that not everyone will be attracted to us and visa versa.... There should never be any come back just because you have been honest about how you feel...
Personally we would NEVER meet or for that matter even arrange to meet without first having seen facial pics for exactly that one reason..... Sexual attraction.... It has to be there, and our time is far too precious to waste (for the want of a better word) on meeting someone on the off chance we would all be sexually attracted to each other....
My advice??...... move on and keep on doing what you are doing......
And welcome to the forums btw kiss

Shireen
xxx

19 Aug 2004

Shireen, Steve and Molly - Thanks for the advice and reassurance... if you're at the NE Munch beers are on me.. well a beer anyway biggrin

19 Aug 2004

Quote by tc
Shireen, Steve and Molly - Thanks for the advice and reassurance... if you're at the NE Munch beers are on me.. well a beer anyway

Bugger we wont be there...... that means that Steveg will get my share.... sad

Advice is what this forum is best at TC, never be afraid to ask anything.... well almost anything.... :giggle:
kiss

Shireen
xxx

19 Aug 2004

It can be a question of timing. I don't think you were wrong at all. I do what you've done and it's been done to me.
But there are picture-collectors and time-wasters and you will come across them. And if you've had a few recent experiences like that then you will start to suspect everybody for a time, rightly or wrongly. Maybe that had happened to them.
I had a contact who twice arranged meetings with me and a friend of his and both times cried off because someone he was close to was taken ill. I didn't hear from him for ages after each cancellation. So recently I sent a fairly bitter 'what sort of idiot do you take me for' email and he replied about being tied up with two funerals. I will never know which of us was correct as we now no longer speak. If I hadn't experienced serious time-wasters I would never have sent the mail.
Jezzay.

19 Aug 2004

Totaly agree, at least you were polite enough to say no and not just leave them hanging around, weve all been there at some point, Carry on smoggy lol

19 Aug 2004

Quote by shireen-steve
Personally I think you were right to say that the lady wasn't your type, we believe in absolute honesty and if that includes being told we are not their type then so be it....
We are all adults and therefore should be able to accept that not everyone will be attracted to us and visa versa.... There should never be any come back just because you have been honest about how you feel...
Personally we would NEVER meet or for that matter even arrange to meet without first having seen facial pics for exactly that one reason..... Sexual attraction.... It has to be there, and our time is far too precious to waste (for the want of a better word) on meeting someone on the off chance we would all be sexually attracted to each other....
My advice??...... move on and keep on doing what you are doing......
And welcome to the forums btw
Shireen
xxx

Well said Shireen, Mr RSAB2 and myself are of exactly the same opinion. Although people will say you're not looking for new life partners so what does it matter, I think physical attraction is important, but everyone is different. If there's no chemistry between you then its not going to work - and its better to have got out the way before you waste an evening!
Mrs RSAB2 xxx