I've grappled with a vice, almost been mown down by a train whilst in a party frock & stilletos, been stopped by the police...and lost the feeling in the end of one of my fingers.
On the upside, I learned to translate Spanish. "La llama es a quadruped" apparantly. I also managed to get a Pirate and a Blacksmith together in one place.
I then managed to get the rough & ready looking Pirate, and the suited & booted Blacksmith to go into a hotel & ask for directions. Together. To a gay club.
On Sunday I found out by chance that some friends were visiting from Spain, so an overnighter on the ship on the way home for some reminiscing and alcohol was hastily arranged. They had also bought guests along, who were wholly convinced by the end of the evening that I was a committed christian, and would remain chaste until my wedding night. When they're eventually told of my reputation aboard they're gonna feel sooo silly.
This morning saw myself and transporting a fully functional cannon the length of the UK. I've had my life turned upside down, and subsequently semi-righted. I've had radio 2 conspire against me. Honest. And then there's the conversation from hell.
Act 1:
Witchy: "Remember, my +1 is very, very vanilla. Please, please, don't say anything thats going to freak him out. I implore you."
Splendidn't: It's fine- trust me. I'll behave.
Witchy: Ok, if you're sure- but really- I mean vanilla.
Act 2: Outside for a breath of fresh air (with the smokers- go figure) Myself, Vanilla, two extroverted, unshockable gay males- and Splen bursts onto the scene.
Within moments, everyone surrounding knows that:
"Witchy's greedy, she has a husband, and a partner. They have a polyamorous relationship. He comes back from sea, gives witchy her fill, goes off again, and she goes back to her husband"
At this point, Witchy is a very odd shade of green. The subsequent conversation is a blur, until male stage right chips in very, very loudly-
"OOOH! You go girl!"
"And do you have them both together?"
:shock:
I couldn't even look at Mr Nilla. Mortified doesn't even cover it. I was almost carried out on a stretcher.
Five and a half fecking years it's taken me to try to convince the guy that non-mono people aren't something to necessarily be scared of. Two minutes it took Splen to undo all the good work.
But somewhere, in among all that, I was privelidged.
Hugely privelidged. I got to share, and celebrate, something amazing with some stunningly beautiful, intelligent, funny friends.
We- all- would like to wish you guys the happiness you deserve, and a long and happy life together. I'd also like to wish Splen catches crabs, but that's no less than she deserves for instigating that conversation.
I may have lost the tip of a finger, but I gained a warm glow. And I think I've just realised why I'm so fecking tired.
Friends are the family you make for yourself.
