Standards

8 Oct 2007

Quote by Freckledbird

Joking apart, posts that can be interpreted negatively frequently are. It is easy to find fault if you look for it.

It's also easy to find fault when posts aren't clear enough, or could be interpreted in different ways. You don't have to be looking for it.
You said yourself, 'But, that is only my interpretation of his post' - were you looking to interpret it in a particular way? I doubt it.
I told you how I interpreted his post. You said that you doubt that I did. That makes me think that you are calling me a liar and I feel that I won't be alone in thinking that.
Eltigre
The other way of looking at it, is to say that you intended to interpret his post how you wanted to. That would be bad.

Everyone interprets everything they read in their own way. confused

Now you are suggesting that my interpretation could have been reached to suit the way this thread was going. That isn't the way I do things.
Eltigre

8 Oct 2007

Quote by Eltigre
Everyone interprets everything they read in their own way.
Now you are suggesting that my interpretation could have been reached to suit the way this thread was going. That isn't they way I do things.
Eltigre

NO, I'm not!
I'm saying that you didn't seek to interpret anything in any particular way! That I doubted you would do that!
Jesus, there's no bloody hope is there when people can't even see when they aren't being knocked back and are in fact being applauded for doing something.
I have NOT said you misinterpreted anything, intentionally or otherwise.
I have NOT said your interpretations were wrong.
The questions I have asked, have been asked in order to clarify what you said.
I have neither said nor implied that you are a liar.
You have misunderstood what I said about interpreting things and come to the conclusion that I called you a liar. Please read carefully through what I have posted and reconsider what you have said.

8 Oct 2007

Quote by flower411
What do you mean by 'after a drink or two did you throw caution to the wind and get on with it.'?

I just popped in for some lunch lol

I immediately thought he meant "Did you get pissed and shag the mingers anyway ? "
But I must be wrong cos I have skimmed the rest of this thread and I think I must have misinterpreted what he meant !!
bolt

Hence my question asking for clarification - I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Well, I thought I did anyway. Might think twice next time. confused

8 Oct 2007

Quote by Freckledbird
What do you mean by 'after a drink or two did you throw caution to the wind and get on with it.'?

I just popped in for some lunch lol

I immediately thought he meant "Did you get pissed and shag the mingers anyway ? "
But I must be wrong cos I have skimmed the rest of this thread and I think I must have misinterpreted what he meant !!
bolt

Hence my question asking for clarification - I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Well, I thought I did anyway. Might think twice next time. confused

No, don't worry, any fool can see you haven't called him a liar. I would just stay out of it now petal, it's a "going nowhere" one now x

8 Oct 2007

Quote by jaymar
No, don't worry, any fool can see you haven't called him a liar. I would just stay out of it now petal, it's a "going nowhere" one now x

Thank you.

8 Oct 2007

>>>>>Puts on headguard & sneaks in to answer the question.
I have. redface

I've shagged people I didn't remotely fancy (although I had complicated underlying reasons.) I've also shagged people just to avoid the embarrasment of saying no. surprised

ops: :oops:
I'm not proud of myself. But I have just admitted it in an open forum. :shock:

8 Oct 2007

Thank you for allowing me the benefit of the doubt. smile

OK enough is enough.....I can't keep this up. I apologise to those here who know me for behaving this way. I’d prefer to be direct unlike others who post veiled comments intended to provoke or belittle.
As a new member I was surprised at the number of times self appointed guardians of the forum took it upon themselves to monitor posts where there is a chance of a confrontation. Anything that could be regarded as worth a verbal punch up is generally highlighted immediately.
Previous posts are investigated and questions posed to the offending poster. I know that I am not the only person that feels that there is a system in place that does not positively encourage new members. I know that precautions have to be taken but I feel a balance should be reached, you can be too defensive.
I have only been here a very short time and in fairness didn't understand the swinging scene or the people involved in it. I have learned enough to know that I will not find what I am looking for here though appreciate the pleasure that this community offers some.
So, I’ll get me coat. Do not condemn the judgement of others because it differs from your own. You might both be wrong.
Eltigre

8 Oct 2007

Quote by Eltigre
Thank you for allowing me the benefit of the doubt.
OK enough is enough.....I can't keep this up. I apologise to those here who know me for behaving this way. I’d prefer to be direct unlike others who post veiled comments intended to provoke or belittle.
As a new member I was surprised at the number of times self appointed guardians of the forum took it upon themselves to monitor posts where there is a chance of a confrontation. Anything that could be regarded as worth a verbal punch up is generally highlighted immediately.
Previous posts are investigated and questions posed to the offending poster. I know that I am not the only person that feels that there is a system in place that does not positively encourage new members. I know that precautions have to be taken but I feel a balance should be reached, you can be too defensive.
I have only been here a very short time and in fairness didn't understand the swinging scene or the people involved in it. I have learned enough to know that I will not find what I am looking for here though appreciate the pleasure that this community offers some.
So, I’ll get me coat. Do not condemn the judgement of others because it differs from your own. You might both be wrong.
Eltigre

well that was bound to happen. You asked a question, it was answered. Clarification was asked for in respect of this thread alone. You misunderstood something. You've accused me of calling you a liar when I did no such thing and you have not issued an apology specific to that accusation. You have received nothing but polite responses/queries to your posts in this thread and others. Show me a veiled comment intended to provoke or belittle you?
Now you've spat the dummy/chucked the teddy and are starting to sound like a victim. No doubt there will be someone along to agree with you and that you are so hard done by. I bet you get some PMs later in agreement too. I know I wasn't being negative and some others can also see that. You can't. I won't lose any sleep.
'Do not condemn the judgement of others' - what's that all about?
wave

8 Oct 2007

Quote by Eltigre
... or after a drink or two did you throw caution to the wind and get on with it.

yes ... but never again. The memory chills. redface

Leaving the site seems a bit premature after just one spat. There are various sectors to this site and you will find varying attitudes so have a good look around before you go.

9 Oct 2007

Quote by Eltigre
As a new member I was surprised at the number of times self appointed guardians of the forum took it upon themselves to monitor posts where there is a chance of a confrontation. Anything that could be regarded as worth a verbal punch up is generally highlighted immediately.
Previous posts are investigated and questions posed to the offending poster. I know that I am not the only person that feels that there is a system in place that does not positively encourage new members. I know that precautions have to be taken but I feel a balance should be reached, you can be too defensive.
I have only been here a very short time and in fairness didn't understand the swinging scene or the people involved in it. I have learned enough to know that I will not find what I am looking for here though appreciate the pleasure that this community offers some.
So, I’ll get me coat. Do not condemn the judgement of others because it differs from your own. You might both be wrong.
Eltigre

I do think he has a point here.
The number of threads I go through that turn a little nasty or confrontational are quite shockingly high.
Its more than just a difference of opinion SOMETIMES, and the times that it is, it is USUALLY the same people doing the dissection of the post.
People have different opinions and that is great, it is what makes us individuals and keeps things interesting, though I do think (IMHO) there are a few people who use that little word "INTERPRETATION" to their own advantage to justify having a "sly dig".
I didn't see anything wrong in his original post really.
Keep posting Eltigre :thumbup:

9 Oct 2007

Quote by Srne
I didn't see anything wrong in his original post really.
Keep posting Eltigre :thumbup:

Quoted this bit so there's no confrontation Srne, and your points not specific to this thread :thumbup:
I didn't see anything wrongin his original post; I asked for clarification of part of it.
And I answered the question as well as I could.
He'll come back - he's just flounced for a bit.

9 Oct 2007

Srne wrote
though I do think (IMHO) there are a few people who use that little word "INTERPRETATION" to their own advantage to justify having a "sly dig".

:thumbup: i couldn't agree with you more Srne
fil

9 Oct 2007

Quote by Freckledbird
What do you mean by 'after a drink or two did you throw caution to the wind and get on with it.'?
We usually meet socially first, so that we can talk afterward about whether we'd want to meet a person/couple again to play. That also gives the other people the opportunity to do the same. We have met and played on the first meet but it's not our 'normal' way of doing things. However, when we have, it's not been because we've had a couple of drinks and just gone for it. If someone falls below our expectations (ie we don't fancy them/like them), we don't play with them.

:thumbup:
completly agree thats what we do
x

9 Oct 2007

I don't think I've ever seen such a fuss about nowt. I really don't.
Some people around here, well ok, FB can be incredibly forthright. Forthright to the point of blunt. And d'ya know what- I've told her so. However, I know it's just being forthright- it's never done to be hurtful.
On this occasion though, she was going out of her way to be clear, concise, and helpful. What happened was a complete misundertanding, and FB being accused of calling Eltigre a liar. She had not. Had he read it through again I believe he would have seen that.
I remember a time when speaking your mind was applauded.

9 Oct 2007

Quote by winchwench
I don't think I've ever seen such a fuss about nowt. I really don't.
Some people around here, well ok, FB can be incredibly forthright. Forthright to the point of blunt. And d'ya know what- I've told her so. However, I know it's just being forthright- it's never done to be hurtful.
On this occasion though, she was going out of her way to be clear, concise, and helpful. What happened was a complete misundertanding, and FB being accused of calling Eltigre a liar. She had not. Had he read it through again I believe he would have seen that.
I remember a time when speaking your mind was applauded.

Speaking your mind is in my opinion the true testament to a person's character.
If you can speak your mind when others don't agree and hold firm under the pressure of losing social acceptance, then your of the highest caliber.
I am fully aware that FB didn't call the original poster a liar, he interpreted (there's that word again) her written words as such.
And I am also aware that FB is as you said, a forum user of very strong opinions, as am I, but in a completely different way, each to their own as long as it isn't malicious.
The difference between myself and FB is that, I, a vast majority of the time, can't be bothered to decipher what people MIGHT be saying/trying to say in their posts, it causes this type of scenario all too often when you get the wrong end of the stick,when FB does and it's her style of posting, when she does she apologises on the forum. If I was relating to anyone directly I would (as I have done in the past) let them know about it. I don't come on the forums to make cyber friends and join the cyber groups, I have friends in the real world too (honest).
When I was backing the original posters point I was highlighting a sub-culture of newbie bashers and band wagon riders who are all too common on the forum.
The more astute amongst us know who these people are as we will look at the "read all posts" bit (sorry Eltigre i do that too) and see that these people's opinions about a particular subject change depending upon who else comments on them, who they agree with and who they don't etc etc.
I have no quarrel with people who dont agree with others, that's a right on here, I just dont like post dissectors and bandwagon riders or those that mercilessly hound out newbies who in reality, make the mistakes we did when we first appeared at SH not really gauging the feel or flow of the site fully!!
I go along with MY interpretation (there it is again)and if it strongly opposes my beliefs or views and I feel it warrants my input or perks my interest then I post my response.
I think too many people on the Forums take it all a little too seriously, it's a place to share ideas,views and ask questions. That's what we do here you know that as well as I do!

9 Oct 2007

has the fluffybird been upsetting people then..... rolleyes

9 Oct 2007

Quote by markz
has the fluffybird been upsetting people then.....

Apparently. Without trying, too! You can sod off with the fluffy bit now!
Srne, you have a (nice) PM - don't think there's any value in continuing on forum.
Winchwench, thank you - I think!
Maybe everyone should just go back to answering Eltigre's questions now?

9 Oct 2007

This thread is a classic illustration of how ones thoughts, so clear within the confines of our skull, become so ambiguous when transferred to the written word.
One of the biggest lessons I have learnt in life is that communication is probably the most important skill we can master(very few do ..and I don't include myself ion that group). It is also where we make our most frequent and most consequential errors.
El tigre you have let your emotions present this text to your intellect as a mirror was in fact batting on your side mate .
However, when it comes to interpreting doubtful preconceived interpretations the outcome could be a lottery with odds of camelot proportions. wink

10 Oct 2007

Quote by niceguysdoexist
FB was in fact batting on your side mate .

Of course she was rolleyes

at what point exactly.
I didn't intend to continue this thread and probably shouldn't as I know that it will do little if any good. It is intended to clarify my feelings and not cause trouble. Though I have cancelled my account here I feel that I should reply.
I have spent some time reading many threads before making this post and as a result feel that some long established members, maybe because of their strong position, personality or posting style regularly exhibit less than constructive tendencies. Looking at posts, dissecting them, asking for clarification then trying to find confrontation from another angle doesn't put people at ease. Some have a following of friends who give their support which I understand and applaud. What I don't like is how they appear to change the direction when the "leader" does.
A full arsenal of sarcastic comments, innuendo, double edged statements poorly disguised as humour and little snide digs are used to great effect. This is tantamount to bullying.
If a mod gives me the "benefit of the doubt" I accept that but without that authority it is not up to anyone else here to do that. I have never been involved with any other forum where an individual or group has taken it upon themselves to question every ambiguity with such vigour. I am pleased to see that I am not alone in this assessment and thank those who have been strong enough to voice their opinions and others who have spoken to me in private.
I wish you all well for the future. Goodbye

10 Oct 2007

Quote by Eltigre
FB was in fact batting on your side mate .

Of course she was rolleyes

at what point exactly.
I didn't intend to continue this thread and probably shouldn't as I know that it will do little if any good. It is intended to clarify my feelings and not cause trouble. Though I have cancelled my account here I feel that I should reply.
I have spent some time reading many threads before making this post and as a result feel that some long established members, maybe because of their strong position, personality or posting style regularly exhibit less than constructive tendencies. Looking at posts, dissecting them, asking for clarification then trying to find confrontation from another angle doesn't put people at ease. Some have a following of friends who give their support which I understand and applaud. What I don't like is how they appear to change the direction when the "leader" does.
A full arsenal of sarcastic comments, innuendo, double edged statements poorly disguised as humour and little snide digs are used to great effect. This is tantamount to bullying.
If a mod gives me the "benefit of the doubt" I accept that but without that authority it is not up to anyone else here to do that. I have never been involved with any other forum where an individual or group has taken it upon themselves to question every ambiguity with such vigour. I am pleased to see that I am not alone in this assessment and thank those who have been strong enough to voice their opinions and others who have spoken to me in private.
I wish you all well for the future. Goodbye
Just replied to this and deleted it because I decided it's not worth it. With respect though, you've made all those comments based on what you know of the site since 25th. September. Nobody's been rude to you after any of your posts. You're over-reacting.
Bye Eltigre. wave

10 Oct 2007

FB's right, there's no need to bow out because of one thread, but if it's a must.
I know you only joined 25th September, but I get this weird feeling I've seen you around before.. confused

: :?
Maybe just me, but take care anyway.

10 Oct 2007

I have read thru this this thread 3 times now... and i still don't see what the problem was????
Not everyone is going share the same opinions as you, if everyone did what a boring place it would be, be strong enough to stand up for what you believe....
you asked a question, people asked for clarication, you gave that, they answered your question.... and because you didn't like the answers you are off?
its your decision to go... I am not going to try and disuade you, but I am disappointed in the decision you made, I mean... what do you achieve if anything by walking away?
I know what I really want to say something... but in the from of the written word, if you misinterpreted what FB said... I have a feeling you would do exactly the same with me, and I don't want to make things worse...
sean

10 Oct 2007

Quote by flower411
Hence my question asking for clarification - I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Well, I thought I did anyway. Might think twice next time.

Yeah right !!!! :shock:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
OK , just to clarify lol

I was laughing at the possibility that FB would think twice before posting !! :lol:
Cheeky bleeder! :lol:
Me - if it's in me head, it's out of me gob (or keyboard). No malice.

10 Oct 2007

Quote by flower411
I have read thru this this thread 3 times now... and i still don't see what the problem was????

I did the same and It`s my opinion that one or two posts were read in haste and misinterpreted in the heat of the moment.
Eltigre was convinced that FB was trying to put him down and therefore interpreted a throw away line as an accusation that he was being dishonest.
:thumbup: Thats the way I saw it too guys.
FB: don't thank me- I just said what I thought!
Srne- you have a PM.

10 Oct 2007

Quote by cukman
... or after a drink or two did you throw caution to the wind and get on with it.

yes ... but never again. The memory chills. redface

.... and before anyone gets an itchy right ear ... it was about 14 years ago lol

10 Oct 2007

Quote by jaymar
FB's right, there's no need to bow out because of one thread, but if it's a must.
I know you only joined 25th September, but I get this weird feeling I've seen you around before.. : :?
Maybe just me, but take care anyway.

Eltigre wrote
why do you find it hard to believe that I am an honest new member? Just because in a short time I have reached this conclusion and have voiced my opinion shouldn't be a reason for yet more suspicion.
You were wrong about what I said about cleanliness and you are wrong now
Stick by your mate.

Ok Eltigre, I think this has gone far enough. I don't doubt you are an honest new member. I didn't accuse you of being an imposter I simply said I had a feeling you'd been round before, perhaps as Eltigre already, I had a touch of dejavu and felt like I recognised your posting style.
There was absolutely no need for that kind of PM (which of course I've edited for your sake).
You are right I did stick up for FB because she was in the right and you were mistakenher intentions. Others have said the same and yet you still fail to believe us when we say this was an innocent misinterpretation of her posts. It amazes me that you are still having a go at everyone who is being kind and supportive?
As for being wrong about the clean/hygiene issue, why didn't you say you thought I was wrong in the thread? You are now doing to me what you have accused others of doing to you, calling me a liar. I wasn't wrong about the cleanliness issue, it was my opinion!
Do me a favour, back track on all your previous postings and see how many people have supported you, from the very first one about Prozac (in which I gave you friendly advice) to these ones.
It would seem to me you are trying to be very clever by attempting to cause bother all round. Ok that's it and no more PM's thank you very much or I shall take it further.
End of.

10 Oct 2007

Especially in the light of Jaymar's post, am I the only one reading this:
Eltigre Wrote
Though I have cancelled my account here I feel that I should reply.
and thinking WTF? dunno

That, by the way is a genuine question- if his account is cancelled, can he still be posting/ Pm'ing?

10 Oct 2007

Quote by Srne

As a new member I was surprised at the number of times self appointed guardians of the forum took it upon themselves to monitor posts where there is a chance of a confrontation. Anything that could be regarded as worth a verbal punch up is generally highlighted immediately.
Previous posts are investigated and questions posed to the offending poster. I know that I am not the only person that feels that there is a system in place that does not positively encourage new members. I know that precautions have to be taken but I feel a balance should be reached, you can be too defensive.
I have only been here a very short time and in fairness didn't understand the swinging scene or the people involved in it. I have learned enough to know that I will not find what I am looking for here though appreciate the pleasure that this community offers some.
So, I’ll get me coat. Do not condemn the judgement of others because it differs from your own. You might both be wrong.
Eltigre

I do think he has a point here.
The number of threads I go through that turn a little nasty or confrontational are quite shockingly high.
Its more than just a difference of opinion SOMETIMES, and the times that it is, it is USUALLY the same people doing the dissection of the post.
People have different opinions and that is great, it is what makes us individuals and keeps things interesting, though I do think (IMHO) there are a few people who use that little word "INTERPRETATION" to their own advantage to justify having a "sly dig".
I didn't see anything wrong in his original post really.
Keep posting Eltigre :thumbup:
I agree with your all your posts here Srne.... :smile:
Eltigre, keep with the programme, it can/does get better :smile:
xanaisx

10 Oct 2007

Quote by flower411
Especially in the light of Jaymar's post, am I the only one reading this:
Eltigre Wrote
Though I have cancelled my account here I feel that I should reply.
and thinking WTF?
That, by the way is a genuine question- if his account is cancelled, can he still be posting/ Pm'ing?

I just assumed it meant that his account would run until the end of a months subscription. But I`m only guessing.
I agree Flower - he's still showing as a member and online 24 minutes ago.
Oh and Winchy - bingo! wink

10 Oct 2007

Quote by flower411
Especially in the light of Jaymar's post, am I the only one reading this:
Eltigre Wrote
Though I have cancelled my account here I feel that I should reply.
and thinking WTF?
That, by the way is a genuine question- if his account is cancelled, can he still be posting/ Pm'ing?

I just assumed it meant that his account would run until the end of a months subscription. But I`m only guessing.
You could be right :thumbup:
Don't let it go to your head rolleyes