You really don't hink I'd have let you slink off anyway do ya?
I'm glad you're over "it" can't wait for my snogs etc at the munch :twisted:
Just to say good on you both - you want to explore things,yes,but at the heart of it all is your love for each other.
Steve I'm so glad you posted that. I found something here that I can relate to. So far my posts here have been pretty short unless I copied something from the net to share with everyone but I think this one will be a little longer and all my own work too.
In june last year my wife and I took our first tentative steps into the swinging world. At the time we worked opposite shifts (I work in car sales and my wife was at the time assistant manager of a restaurant) and to relieve the boredom at night whilst she was working I surfed the web looking for anything to keep me entertained and I found a swingers website. I posted a profile just out of curiosity and was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of replies to the ad so I decided to show my wife. Her first response was, "no way you won't catch me doing that", but after a few days her views started to change and we found ourselves in the chatroom, making friends, having a laugh etc.
Then came our first meet..just a friendly social was all we planned but it turned into a threesome and we had a great night. We met the same guy a couple more times but then he declared his love for my wife so we decided to move on and meet some new people. He wouldn't let go and things turned ugly to the point where we almost quit the scene. Then we met another guy and we all got along really well together so our faith was restored except now I was starting to wonder whether my wife was really into swinging and not just using it as an excuse to meet the guys and not the couples. Eventually we met a couple and had a fantastic social evening. We met them again and had another great social evening and finally at the third attempt we swapped with them and it was out of this world. My wife still seemed to prefer threesomes or at least that's how I saw it even though she would tell me she was having a great time and enjoying the whole thing. However, my doubts continued to gnaw away at me inside and I couldn't shake the feeling of insecurity to the point where it affected my confidence. We continued to swing up until january this year when we had a threesome and I just felt like a spare part...it was like I wasn't needed there at all. I felt that, had I not been there, it wouldn't have made any difference to them. I was wrong. At the time I didn't know it but I was so very wrong. I decided that was it for me I just didn't want to know anymore so I told my wife how I was feeling and made her choose...me or the scene...she chose me and things just went on as though we'd never heard of swinging...for a few weeks. Inside we were missing it like crazy until eventually we told each other and decided to make a comeback. Immediately all my insecurities came flooding back, they hit me like a tidal wave and I completely lost the plot. We were with a couple at their house after they had taken us out to see some dogging action (we both crapped it and wouldn't get out the car). After a lot of foreplay my bottle just went and i knew i couldn't go through with it so i faked feeling ill and we came home. This was 2 weeks before our 7th wedding anniversary. 3 days before the anniversary we separated...kind of... I was sleeping on the sofa and she had the bed. Things became hostile and eventually she left to stay at her parents house leaving me to cope alone with our 2 toddlers. At first we would call each other and eventually she asked to come back but we had been here so many times in the past I just wanted to get over the hurt and move on so I refused. She then decided she wanted to be here with the kids. I knew it was a battle I wouldn't win, having been there before in a past relationship and spending 5 years searching for my kids and eventually getting contact. I contacted my parents and they agreed to let me stay there until I found something more permanent. A few weeks later my wife was breaking down, she just couldn't cope and four wall syndrome was really getting to her. I didn't help because I refused to look after the boys while she was out meeting swingers and I had told her she wasn't to have them visiting the house whilst the boys were there(selfish I know but I was a total mess by this time). Eventually it all got too much for her and I came back here and she moved in with a girlfriend, this was in may, less than a year since we started swinging. I'm still here with my boys and not a day has passed where I haven't missed my wife...I loved her then and I love her now more than anything in the world. She says she still loves me but she's really messed up at the moment.
Everything you have read so far concerns our lives as swingers...well pretty much everything anyways...here is the reality of the situation.
I said before that we had been here before...on the verge of separation...we always made up and carried on as normal. This was before we had heard of swinging. The mistake we kept making was carrying on as normal each time it happened. We swept the serious issues under the carpet and just argued about anything and everything...mostly trivial stuff. The reason for this was quite simple...My job is demanding and time consuming...I worked a 7 day week and quality time with my family was rare. My wife worked nights, weekends, and sometimes she would stay over to give her employers a break from the place and a chance for them to stay at their own house instead of on premises. She was also a full time mother. We had money problems...paying off a bank loan..car on finance etc etc so we lived on a shoestring budget. Our social circle just whittled away til there was nothing left. We would both feel guilty if we wanted to go out with our friends. Both of us saw it as a waste of money that would be better spent elsewhere...i.e. paying the loans/overdraft etc. So we stopped socialising completely until we found swinging. Even then we felt bad about spending money on social evenings or travelling costs. My wife was fully aware of our problems but in my paranoid state i blamed swinging. Over the last few months having had time to sit back and analyse everything I now realise why we had problems and also that swinging, if anything, just made the cracks in our relationship more visible and ultimately more difficult to paper over. We both still swing...no crisis of conscience and no big loans left to pay back. We worked out times for her to come see the boys and have them sleep over at her place. We still sleep together from time to time and it's better than it ever was. We both agree that our problems were financial and totally unrelated to anything else we were doing at the time, as evidenced by the fact we had been there before we had been swinging. 2 days ago I asked her to come back....she's thinking about it. I have no clue as to what the outcome will be but I have my fingers crossed. In the meantime we both lead our separate lives. We still play the good parents role at parent/teacher evenings..social functions and so on. Now only time will tell...I hope and pray that my own unfounded paranoia hasn't ruined all hope of us getting back together. I just wish we had been like Steve and Claire and talked about the real issues affecting our everyday and swinging lives and maybe then we would be here as a couple. Please use this as an example of what not to do and how not to do it.
Fuck me I wrote an essay and it still doesn't seem to cover everything...maybe I should of posted this separately. Anyways, thanks to you Steve for being so open about your own problems and giving me the confidence to share mine. I hope you don't see this as a thread hijack and i hope it doesn't put too much strain on SH bandwidth.
Thanks for reading this...I don't want sympathy I just wanted to share in the hope that other people will take the time to look deep inside themselves and so avoid making the same mistakes as me.
O.K. end of essay....phew...I just don't write this way usually.
Hope you both work it out somehow and she and you get back together and find each other again.
Iian i don't see it as a hi-jack and think that its good that other people can talk about theyre insecurities.
Its a shame what happened to you and your wife but it looks like things may be getting better for you,i'm keeping my fingers crossed.
WOW Iain I am totally blown away - if only your wife could read it and see just how much you want her back!
Big hugs to you.
Mrs RSAB2 xxx :angel:
This has been a really great post steve as iam kinda in the same situation as you.
Thats really good news Iain hope everything works out for you both!
) and i'm really looking forward to some major action when we get the fecking chance :lol: .The things from our past are well and truely put to rest after quite sme time and lots of talking and weve turned a corner in our and I are stronger than weve ever been and i'm raring to make up for lost time,so all you lovely ladies (and tarts) out there,BEWARE,because come the munch next weekend theres going to be lots of fun and i'm hoping to be part of it. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: 
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