Does anyone find that swinging can be subtley addictive? What i'm trying to say is that in itself swinging isn't bad, no definitely not, but when you start actively re-arranging your lives to accomodate your swinging is that right? Sometimes do you ever take stock, reassess and stand back and think "Damn, I/we've neglected other parts of our lives".
Its usual to have a point of view from the OP's experience but on this occasion I dont think I've got one. It just comes from a conversation with some friends who swing a lot and them saying they were going to take a year out, which I reckon could be a hard thing to do when it takes up such a proportion of their lives.
And also just to add to this. Is swinging just a crazy fact finding session for many and once experienced just something to move on from. Or is it more fundamental than that for some and it becomes those most hated of phrases by me a 'lifestyle choice' and a 'part of the scene'?
Very interesting opening post!
This is just what we are thinking about now.
We have just had to cancel a social, as a family thing came up on the same night. We actually tried to put pressure on the family member to change their plans, so we could attend the social, but it was that date or no date, so family arrangments came first.
Its not just the actual meets, its the time spent on sites, and chatting to potiential meets as well.
We feel at times, that we have too much time doing that, and neglected other areas in our lives that really should not take too much of a back seat.
We have only been into all this about 3 years now(how time flies) but even in that period have had to step away several times to concentrate on ageing relatives, and such like.
The last paragraph about, been there done it move on, that is speaking to us as well at the moment, but one month we want to continue, the next we think should we stop.
I was speaking to someone the other day who has moved on, but was pleased they had tried it, enjoyed it, but for them was not needed in their life anymore.
We have decided to go with the flow now, what ever that may be!
at the moment im not 100% sure on how i feel about swinging anymore and what is worse i dont know how to express this into words that will make sense to others, i suppose in a sense i actually hate swinging but in another i love it. i met somebody on here and went into a relationship with them for over 2 years the swinging that was done never seemed to be on my terms or what i wanted to do, it seemed it was what they wanted and i just went along with it suppose i wanted a quiet life and felt well its not something that will happen every night. i seemed to be the one left out that what was done was for the other persons benefit and not mine and it was used i feel as an excuse for him to play with other women when he wanted to at parties or socials.
after 27 months totally out of the blue and god i really didnt expect it i was told i wasnt loved or even cared for and he wasnt swinging anymore and our relationship was over. was i used just for socials and parties to meet others or was it a total change of heart? suppose i will never know and im to angry at the moment to bother to find out. will i stop swinging and think all the men are the same??? honestly i really dont know i love swinging as ive said but feel it has taken over my life and in a sense distroyed it but the addiction of meeting others to me is such a buzz. i think for now i will just see what comes along and go with the flow untill i can decide if i want this life style or not.
To give an honest answer to this topic should require a lot of thought. Perhaps the lack of replies posted so far suggests that people cannot be bothered to examine their reasons for swinging. For me, a mid 50's male the answer is almost certainly 'yes'. Appologies in advance if any opinions seem selfish but they are from the heart after what seems like going through my own hell as well as Maddy going through hers. Married nearly 30 years to a lady whom I absolutely adore there has always been a gap in our sex life. She has a low sex drive (don't think mine's any more than normal)and little imagination or enthusiasm for sex despite trying everything that we could to improve it. We started swinging about 8 years ago, yes, I was enthusiastic but her 'take it or leave it' attitude remained. At the beginning of 2007 our relationship hit an all time low so any thoughts of continuing to swing were forgotten. We talked it out and were getting back on track. In August 2007 she was diagnosed with breast cancer and a mastectomy quickly followed with the chemo and radio-therapy treatment after. This destroyed her remaining interest in sex and knocked her confidence despite my love and assurances that she was still the beautiful woman that I married. I freely admit to being a 'breast man' and have felt emotionally destroyed when I see what the surgeon has done to Maddy and to have lost one of my 'best friends'. It goes without saying that her health takes priority over anything else. I desperately miss the intensely intimate time with other women and couples. The sex was a bonus and to be able to talk freely about things usually in that after-sex glow, that you would not discuss with your best friend is priceless in terms of sexual satisfaction. You may think, 'why not find a partner?' The answer is that swinging is something we have always and will do as a couple. I hope that we can resume swinging but it will depend entirely on Maddy now, we will have to find an extremely understanding couple who will accept us as we are (me with my brush with C as well) and WE really do wonder if such a swinging couple exist. A question for the girls but also the guys. I still feel a great loss every time I see a lady playing with her breasts. Should, God-forbid, you or your partner find yourselves in our position what might be your thoughts on future swinging? Hope I have not bored you but its nice to talk about it as there has not been one offer of help on how the partner should cope with this.
John (John & Maddy)
ive really lost my mojo for swinging recently, and for two pins could give it all up tomorrow.....its only the friends that i have made on the forum (both in person and virtually) that keep me here.
Fantastic thread ! I love a proper question on topic
I definitely go through phases (can be weeks or months at a time) when I'm always in the chat rooms, having meets, most great but a few laughably awful and swinging is definitely, for me, a "lifestyle choice" (yes - hate that phrase too OP) - the sex is wonderful and varied and I can be liberated and unashamed of what a greedy girl I am.
Then again - there are times, like right now, when work is just horribly stressfull and life and circumstances are hard, and then I realise that many people I've got to know (errr - all of them men now I come to think of it) really do just see me as Scarlett the Harlot - they know I've got kids and a job and everything else - but in their minds I'm simply that harloty girl - who's usually up for a shag and always has a smile and a friendly word for people.
Will I be doing it forever? I honestly don't know - there are times when I think I'd love to meet a nice fella and when I separated from ex swore I wouldnt' become one of those cynical divorced people who says, I'll never have a relationship again. But - for me - swinging gives me the chance to have all the very varied and different types of sex I like with lots of different people. How could I ever find all of that in one bloke?
And then, there are the people on SH who say I shouldnt' even be here at the moment, because I'm not meeting new people at the mo so not a proper "swinger" - the fact that I use the chatrooms to keep in touch with swinging mates I've met through socials/munches etc and chat of an evening when I can't get out cos of kids being asleep and can't have anyone round for same reason - apparently makes me a time waster.
I'll get off me soap box now
Talk about jumping into the forums with both feet
Thanks for listening
Scarlett xxxxxxxxxxxxx
This is an interesting thread!
I come and go, it's a hobby for me and like most of my hobbies is all consuming for a while, then forgotten about when the new one comes along (did I mention I have a short attention span...?)
I prefer swinging as a single girl, so tend not to get involved here with I'm with someone. I guess on a simple level, when I'm not with a partner, this is a great way to fufil my sexual needs. That said, I do believe that when/if I do settle down with someone, I would like us to explore swinging together at some stage as I think (mainly from people I've met on here) that it can enhance an already strong relationship.
Things can be a bit up and down.
Sometimes my diary is so full, I'm pulling double duty over the weekend between meets at home, and travelling the next day - have even found myself taking last minute holidays for that meet that has eluded me for months/years; however its usually paid off.
There are however times when I look at myself and think "Dude - no play at a gangbang? At this rate you couldn't get laid in a brothel!" as it seems all I come across is timewaster after timewaster (and as I don't meet guys, I guess it stands to reason that these must be couples and single females).
Its a bit up and down - but hey ho, life is not a bed of roses so I take it all in my stride, till the next meet when I can sit back and REALLY enjoy some!
I would say its a hobby and hobbies can come and go. we really enjoy it at the moment but its not the main thing in our lives.
However its is a mind expanding experience and one that will stay with us till the day we shuffle off!
I have given up, not that I said, 'today is the last day.'
That is not it, I have just stopped, spent months with no one but my wife. I was still posting. Then picked up again. So is it addictive? No. Are there still things I would like to do? Yes, and not all of them include sex.
Why do I swing? The easy answer, is because I can. Deeper than that I do not know. Perhaps I am looking for something? That is true I am. Part of what I am looking for I can identify, but I know their is something more than that. I will know when I find it!
Travis
I came here not feeling there was anything missing in my life except having a couple of experiences with other men as my hubby was the only man I have had sex with as we met when I was 13. So to me to try a couple of new experiences were enough for me.
So I decided about 5 months ago to quit, a lot of people here thought my quitting would not last, as many said when women try this life style they never wanted to quit.
I guess what it proved to me although I have met some great guys and we are still really good friends even though they know my views are I am not there for them to meet, they still would like to remain friends is that I have converted back to thinking nothing was ever missing in my life as I always knew was the case.
So I don’t feel I need to come back to swinging but I don’t have regrets for trying it neither.
I just hang about these days, chatting to people I enjoy chatting to that I have met on my journey through this time in my life.
:swingingchair:
