im not sure wether or not i am able / alowed to write this but theres something happening in my life and i need a outside ive been on here people have really dealt out some good advice.I think it would be better to have oppinions from non-bias people.
as some of you may know mr bailiff has a little boy from a previous realtionship.
me and colin have been together for 4 years and his little boy is nearly 7.
his ex partner keeps asking for money, for example £700 to go on prsonally we have to pay to take him we have to pay for two holidays?????
In all honesty nothing we do is ever good enough!!.....we have him nearly every weekend fri-sun and buy him whatever he needs trainers,shoes,coats,school uniform etc..... he never goes without.
we was even asked to buy him a new bed for him we have already forked out for all his things in his bedroom(at our house).
Personally i think we are being taken for a there anyone who too is in this situation?
surely there are dads out there that do less?
sometimes i really want to erm........go and see her and tell her what for, its such a delecate subject....
when i had my ectopic pregnancy she called me up asking for col when she knew he was at work and said she was sorry to hear about what happened then continued to laugh down the phone.....
anyway i know this is very personal thats why i havnt mentioned names or infered anything out of context.
your views would be much appreciated!!!
:cry:
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suggestions needed-case of the ex
Quote by SXBOY
if colin is paying his fair share..or more than
then shes cannot expect any more
if the csa were involved she would get a set amount per week upto 30% of Colins net wages and thats is it
so if the nipper and her are being treated along those lines tell her to flounce
andy
i understand what u are saying........if you think of the time hes at school we have him for the same amount of hours she has him week days 7-8am and 4-7pm
the csa want nearly £300 a month
Sexpert
If as someone has said earlier your other half is paying a fair whack,taking him on holiday why should he pay for the ex to go away?
I have raised my son on my own since he was 4 (will be 17 in July)and my ex-wife sees him once in a blue moon and I got fed up with trying to get any financial help from her but thankfully he has turned out to be a well spoken law abiding member of I went off the subject a bit there.
But I would say he(and yourself)are giving enough already.
Hope you get it sorted out soon
I have raised my son on my own since he was 4 (will be 17 in July)and my ex-wife sees him once in a blue moon and I got fed up with trying to get any financial help from her but thankfully he has turned out to be a well spoken law abiding member of I went off the subject a bit there.
But I would say he(and yourself)are giving enough already.
Hope you get it sorted out soon
I agree with sxboy, if shes hes already paying his fair share and it seems like that way to me, she shouldnt be asking for anymore...£700 for a holiday, so does that mean col as to pay for her to?
i guess it must be hard for col to say no, but u have to draw the line somwhere, maybe he sholuld have a talk to her, and get somehting down on paper,and come to some agreement of what he should and shouldnt be paying for..
Good luck!!
Lindaxxx
i guess it must be hard for col to say no, but u have to draw the line somwhere, maybe he sholuld have a talk to her, and get somehting down on paper,and come to some agreement of what he should and shouldnt be paying for..
Good luck!!
Lindaxxx
Quote by pb4u
If as someone has said earlier your other half is paying a fair whack,taking him on holiday why should he pay for the ex to go away?
I have raised my son on my own since he was 4 (will be 17 in July)and my ex-wife sees him once in a blue moon and I got fed up with trying to get any financial help from her but thankfully he has turned out to be a well spoken law abiding member of I went off the subject a bit there.
But I would say he(and yourself)are giving enough already.
Hope you get it sorted out soon
well my oppinion here is at the end of the day if me n col were broke it doesnt matter as long as he has routine and is getting the love he needs!!!!!!!
i think people are just interested in money too much!!!!!!!!
it makes me angry!!!!!
Sexpert
Quote by bailiffs
If as someone has said earlier your other half is paying a fair whack,taking him on holiday why should he pay for the ex to go away?
I have raised my son on my own since he was 4 (will be 17 in July)and my ex-wife sees him once in a blue moon and I got fed up with trying to get any financial help from her but thankfully he has turned out to be a well spoken law abiding member of I went off the subject a bit there.
But I would say he(and yourself)are giving enough already.
Hope you get it sorted out soon
well my oppinion here is at the end of the day if me n col were broke it doesnt matter as long as he has routine and is getting the love he needs!!!!!!!
i think people are just interested in money too much!!!!!!!!
it makes me angry!!!!!
It does sound as if she is trying to bleed him dry,but it has a knock on affect you as to hear that you are always thinking of the child though as they are usually always in the middle of any such disputes.
Quote by Lindaxxx
I agree with sxboy, if shes hes already paying his fair share and it seems like that way to me, she shouldnt be asking for anymore...£700 for a holiday, so does that mean col as to pay for her to?
i guess it must be hard for col to say no, but u have to draw the line somwhere, maybe he sholuld have a talk to her, and get somehting down on paper,and come to some agreement of what he should and shouldnt be paying for..
Good luck!!
Lindaxxx
thanks linda well she said that her bf (that has two girls that i beilieve he dont pay a penny 4) had lost his job they didnt want to loose the deposit on the holiday and they really wanted to go on holiday so cud we pay for it!!!!!
Quote by bailiffs
I agree with sxboy, if shes hes already paying his fair share and it seems like that way to me, she shouldnt be asking for anymore...£700 for a holiday, so does that mean col as to pay for her to?
i guess it must be hard for col to say no, but u have to draw the line somwhere, maybe he sholuld have a talk to her, and get somehting down on paper,and come to some agreement of what he should and shouldnt be paying for..
Good luck!!
Lindaxxx
thanks linda well she said that her bf (that has two girls that i beilieve he dont pay a penny 4) had lost his job they didnt want to loose the deposit on the holiday and they really wanted to go on holiday so cud we pay for it!!!!!
Bloody cheek!!!!
Lindaxxx
your situation is the same as we have had. Dont pay out for the ex to take his son on hokiday. If she wants to take him then she must pay for him. Has she taken Collin to the CSA? If she has then Col will not have to pay any more. If not then get tough with her and make her go to the csa as it sounds to me although you are paying more than your fair shair. Dont let the son go without clothes etc but dont pay for any bits for her son to have in her house.
Quote by Lindaxxx
I agree with sxboy, if shes hes already paying his fair share and it seems like that way to me, she shouldnt be asking for anymore...£700 for a holiday, so does that mean col as to pay for her to?
i guess it must be hard for col to say no, but u have to draw the line somwhere, maybe he sholuld have a talk to her, and get somehting down on paper,and come to some agreement of what he should and shouldnt be paying for..
Good luck!!
Lindaxxx
thanks linda well she said that her bf (that has two girls that i beilieve he dont pay a penny 4) had lost his job they didnt want to loose the deposit on the holiday and they really wanted to go on holiday so cud we pay for it!!!!!
oh and the best is when col went to pick him up her fella turned around and said to colin do you wanna buy my old car ive brought a new one!!!!!!!!!!!
Bloody cheek!!!!
Lindaxxx :shock:
Should we have to pay for two holidays?????
Absolutely not! If Ex wants to take him on holiday, fine but you don't have to pay for that.
we have him nearly every weekend fri-sun and buy him whatever he needs trainers,shoes,coats,school uniform etc..... he never goes without.
That's really good and as you say there are some dads who do a lot less.
Personally i think we are being taken for a ride.
Where does the per month go?
Is there anyone who too is in this situation?
No names. A 'friend' of mine has a child whose mother's monthly income is from the CSA (She has other children also), yet she is also asking for extras (she can only go on school trips if Dad pays for it). It has now got to the stage where his daughter (14) is ringing asking for material items because there is no point in asking the mother. He hardly sees her as they moved soon after the split so that they could be nearer her family. The mother does not work.
Mr bailiff and his boy are lucky to see each other so often. You are quite rightly upset about the situation. What does he think?
Absolutely not! If Ex wants to take him on holiday, fine but you don't have to pay for that.
we have him nearly every weekend fri-sun and buy him whatever he needs trainers,shoes,coats,school uniform etc..... he never goes without.
That's really good and as you say there are some dads who do a lot less.
Personally i think we are being taken for a ride.
Where does the per month go?
Is there anyone who too is in this situation?
No names. A 'friend' of mine has a child whose mother's monthly income is from the CSA (She has other children also), yet she is also asking for extras (she can only go on school trips if Dad pays for it). It has now got to the stage where his daughter (14) is ringing asking for material items because there is no point in asking the mother. He hardly sees her as they moved soon after the split so that they could be nearer her family. The mother does not work.
Mr bailiff and his boy are lucky to see each other so often. You are quite rightly upset about the situation. What does he think?
Sex God
I'm not entirely sure this forum is the best place for you to seek guidance on a personal domestic matter.
However, at the end of the day it will be entirely down to Mr Bailiff whether he choses to pay for his ex's holiday or not.
If he feels he is paying more than enough and I have to say it certainly sounds as if he is doing so, then perhaps he should just have said *no* right from the start with this holiday lark.
If he gives in and pays for it this time, the ex will probably expect him to do it every time and he will end up making a rod for his own back
If her bf has lost his job, perhaps she should get a job to make ends meet until he can get another one and pay for their own holiday?
Tracy-Jayne
However, at the end of the day it will be entirely down to Mr Bailiff whether he choses to pay for his ex's holiday or not.
If he feels he is paying more than enough and I have to say it certainly sounds as if he is doing so, then perhaps he should just have said *no* right from the start with this holiday lark.
If he gives in and pays for it this time, the ex will probably expect him to do it every time and he will end up making a rod for his own back
If her bf has lost his job, perhaps she should get a job to make ends meet until he can get another one and pay for their own holiday?
Tracy-Jayne
Quote by NWfunguy
Should we have to pay for two holidays?????
Absolutely not! If Ex wants to take him on holiday, fine but you don't have to pay for that.
we have him nearly every weekend fri-sun and buy him whatever he needs trainers,shoes,coats,school uniform etc..... he never goes without.
That's really good and as you say there are some dads who do a lot less.
Personally i think we are being taken for a ride.
Where does the per month go?
Is there anyone who too is in this situation?
No names. A 'friend' of mine has a child whose mother's monthly income is from the CSA (She has other children also), yet she is also asking for extras (she can only go on school trips if Dad pays for it). It has now got to the stage where his daughter (14) is ringing asking for material items because there is no point in asking the mother. He hardly sees her as they moved soon after the split so that they could be nearer her family. The mother does not work.
Mr bailiff and his boy are lucky to see each other so often. You are quite rightly upset about the situation. What does he think?
colin kinda brushes it off abit and dont let it wind him up but me......well it outrages me the thing i dont agree with ith the csa is how when i get my job they take my wages into concideration!!!!!
my riend has a little lad thats 2 the dad has never seen him or paid a penny i hink that cols x should think herself lucky that she gets nearly every weekend to herself!!!!
does Col pay a set amount each month as well? I can't work out from what has been said if he does or not.
If he does then she has no right to ask for more, if he doesnt then you need to decide whether it is better for you to meet her demands or be taken to the CSA for a set amount each week, which can as be stated be 30% of Col's wage.
If he does then she has no right to ask for more, if he doesnt then you need to decide whether it is better for you to meet her demands or be taken to the CSA for a set amount each week, which can as be stated be 30% of Col's wage.
Quote by Norfolk_couple
does Col pay a set amount each month as well? I can't work out from what has been said if he does or not.
If he does then she has no right to ask for more, if he doesnt then you need to decide whether it is better for you to meet her demands or be taken to the CSA for a set amount each week, which can as be stated be 30% of Col's wage.
i know im being abit phaschious (however u spell it)
but when he comes to our house unwashed with clothes that are age 3 on his back well we carnt send him home like that even if we said u just have ur csa money we still have to send him home in new clothes..
maybe this isnt the right place to discuss it it's such a delicate subject!!!!!
what was i thinking????
i know im being abit phaschious (however u spell it) - FACETIOUS
but when he comes to our house unwashed with clothes that are age 3 on his back well we carnt send him home like that even if we said u just have ur csa money we still have to send him home in new clothes..
maybe this isnt the right place to discuss it it's such a delicate subject!!!!!
what was i thinking????
You are thinking about what is best for the boy. If it's getting to you sit with Col and say everything that you have said here.
A drastic solution would be if you had a child with Col. His payments to her would decrease (please, check this out first!). You would still be buying clothes as you said at the start, but she wouldn't be getting anything else.
Good luck
but when he comes to our house unwashed with clothes that are age 3 on his back well we carnt send him home like that even if we said u just have ur csa money we still have to send him home in new clothes..
maybe this isnt the right place to discuss it it's such a delicate subject!!!!!
what was i thinking????
You are thinking about what is best for the boy. If it's getting to you sit with Col and say everything that you have said here.
A drastic solution would be if you had a child with Col. His payments to her would decrease (please, check this out first!). You would still be buying clothes as you said at the start, but she wouldn't be getting anything else.
Good luck
Quote by NWfunguy
i know im being abit phaschious (however u spell it) - FACETIOUS
but when he comes to our house unwashed with clothes that are age 3 on his back well we carnt send him home like that even if we said u just have ur csa money we still have to send him home in new clothes..
maybe this isnt the right place to discuss it it's such a delicate subject!!!!!
what was i thinking????
You are thinking about what is best for the boy. If it's getting to you sit with Col and say everything that you have said here.
A drastic solution would be if you had a child with Col. His payments to her would decrease (please, check this out first!). You would still be buying clothes as you said at the start, but she wouldn't be getting anything else.
Good luck
im trying to have a child with colin anyay but things are complicated as i only have one fallopeon tube (undergoing naturall folicle tracking now)
but i shouldnt really have to go to those lenghs!!!!!
i have asked her if she wanted us to have him for a year so she cud have a year off as shes always out anyway and he's with babysitters but her pride told her no.
ive considered calling socal services but its so tricky if she finds out its us she cud stop us from seeing him altogether!!!!!
If I was in Colins shoes. I think I'd be paying the required amount suggested by CSA, however if my little girl came to me asking for an item of sorts for HERSELF, I'd buy what ever she wants, within reason.
Now If my ex-partner needed help financially with something then I'd come to a compromise if that situation effected my daughter (say the rent). However when I say compromise I do mean compromise I'd not offer to pay the rent only part of it... After all she has friends and family to ask for help the same as I would....
However if my ex found another partner and was still asking for financial help I'd be asking why he/or she? isn't helping to surrport my ex and her child...
If it was for a holiday for our little one then I'd pay either half or all of it for my child only, depending on the situation.
I respect its a very difficult post to answer as there are to many factors and to much background info to take into consideration that we just dont know about.
I'm also going on the assumption that my partner is work and earns her own income
I seriously think you should sit down with Col and go into this with some depth, I know as a father I'd find it impossible to see my daughter go without regardless of what I felt for her mother
Now If my ex-partner needed help financially with something then I'd come to a compromise if that situation effected my daughter (say the rent). However when I say compromise I do mean compromise I'd not offer to pay the rent only part of it... After all she has friends and family to ask for help the same as I would....
However if my ex found another partner and was still asking for financial help I'd be asking why he/or she? isn't helping to surrport my ex and her child...
If it was for a holiday for our little one then I'd pay either half or all of it for my child only, depending on the situation.
I respect its a very difficult post to answer as there are to many factors and to much background info to take into consideration that we just dont know about.
I'm also going on the assumption that my partner is work and earns her own income
I seriously think you should sit down with Col and go into this with some depth, I know as a father I'd find it impossible to see my daughter go without regardless of what I felt for her mother
It's a tough one Lou - I wish you all the luck in the world with it xxx
My personal opinion - and that's what it is...
Got to be the number one priority
NWfunguy wrote:
You can't do it all on your own - Col has the responsibility in this situation
One thing to remember is that at the heart of this is a child who just needs to know they are loved (even if they are screaming for a PS2 or something like that) - it takes time but when they are older, they'll work it out. You're not letting the child go without, by the sounds of it, so put the brakes on all the extra's you're being asked for.
Good luck with it all - Bev xx
My personal opinion - and that's what it is...
You are thinking about what is best for the boy.
Got to be the number one priority
NWfunguy wrote:
If it's getting to you sit with Col and say everything that you have said here.
You can't do it all on your own - Col has the responsibility in this situation
One thing to remember is that at the heart of this is a child who just needs to know they are loved (even if they are screaming for a PS2 or something like that) - it takes time but when they are older, they'll work it out. You're not letting the child go without, by the sounds of it, so put the brakes on all the extra's you're being asked for.
Good luck with it all - Bev xx
In my case when i left i paid mortgage all bills on standing order had my children 3 days a week including weekends took nothing from the house except clothes and she still wasn't satisfied.
If i gave them money for new clothes when asked she would spend a fraction on them rest on her self. When i bought the items instead she'd return them to the shops for refunds
And she would still run me down
So in short if they are that way inclined your never be free of it
My solution got custody of my children soon shuts them up !!!!!
If i gave them money for new clothes when asked she would spend a fraction on them rest on her self. When i bought the items instead she'd return them to the shops for refunds
And she would still run me down
So in short if they are that way inclined your never be free of it
My solution got custody of my children soon shuts them up !!!!!
