). One is quite interesting and it has a short chapter on swinging – woo hoo I thought, let’s read what crap some psychologist is coming out with this time 
. Actually, it wasn’t derogatory at all. The gist of it was that swingers tend to be marginalized by the more “traditional†members of the LGBT community (… you don’t say! ), when in actual fact… and I quote, “In short: these folks are queering it up with the bi and trans behaviour that goes beyond theory and debate. It just Coooooool …. She’s right, isn’t she….? 
...... has this author seen the pics from one of my parties me wonders??? Well, actually no, she used to work for the advertising section of an adult mag so she’s seen it all… I quote from her again, “Most of the advertisements were placed by couples looking for sex with other couples, groups and individuals. Certain sets of behaviours recurred in almost every ad. These included: femme drag, high heels, stockings, corsetry worn by men and women; women fucking other women whilst their husbands watch; strap-ons worn by women and used to fuck submissive men and other women; a substantial contingent of transvestites, wannabe maids, assorted masochists and bitchy WOW! Some mag! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: Anyways, the point of this post is not to tell you about the perks of my job or my night time reading habits :shock:. Rather, it got me thinking and I’ve woken up today in a very introspective mood. (If I’m still like this tomorrow at the munch and I get pissed, run for the hills OK, or I will bend your ears something chronic :silly: ). Aside from thinking that the author of this swinging chapter is spot on, it got me thinking about the way I define myself as a swinger and more widely about my sexual identity. I know we’ve done definitions of swinging before and the threads have run on and on (the search button IS my friend) so I’m not going to go into this concept of “swinging as a lifestyleâ€, “swinging as an attitude†etc etc… oh no, I’m going to be much more self obsessed than that! :confused: Hey when I get introspective, I get INTROSPECTIVE! You thought that Venus was the master of introspective posts, well let me tell you, I can do introspection with the best of ‘em!!! :smug:
Come on Blue, get to the bloody point, I hear you say!
Well, OK…. The thing is, recently… well, last few months really, I’ve been feeling more and more distant from the swinging scene
. I’ve done less meets, been less enamoured about going to clubs, in short it’s all rather jaded. I’m not saying I haven’t had any fun at all, but that…well….. it’s like it doesn’t really mean that much to me any more :sad: . I’ve always been more of a watcher than a player so I wouldn’t say it’s really to do with having less actual sex (though I have had less sex)… actually, it’s not really about sex at all… it’s more to do with feeling more distant from the lifestyle, from the “attitudeâ€â€¦ 
.That’s where it all starts to become a bit hazy. I don’t want to leave the swinging scene…. And NOOOOOOOOOO, I’m CERTAINLY not leaving SH! :uhoh: But what I am doing is questioning what swinging really means to me. Swinging is a bit part of my identity. OK, I don’t sing from the rooftops that I’m a swinger, it is a personal thing, but it does give me a way of defining myself, and gives me a “place to be†in relation to others. Told you this was introspective!
Now…. This is where I need some help… If I am questioning my place in the scene, I am also questioning (part of) who I am… and that DOES make me think :eeek: .See, all this is difficult for me cos I’ve always had problems with identity… not that I wish to label myself in a certain way necessarily, but we all I think have a need at least on some level to know who and what we are. Even at the most basic level I have problems with that
. Some (well one or two) of you might know that I have a slight problem with gender identity. Call me a woman and I think, “Nah, not meâ€. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not slurring women in any way, I’m not trying to be negative toward women by saying I find it hard to identify with them or cos I have problems placing myself in that “boxâ€, it’s simply that I can’t. It’s like calling an Alsatian a canary and expecting him to understand. He won’t. :crazy: Yet call me a man and I’ll question that too. Come on, how many men wear pink ballet shoes to work and don’t feel a tad embarrassed? OK, I’m a tad embarrassed but I still did it today. Why? Cos I wanted to. Why shouldn’t I? I did leave the pink boa at home though . Yes of course I’m being flippant but I think some of you might see where I’m going with this. No? Oh well, I’m talking to myself again hey ho! So…. Well…. Let me try a trans identity instead. “Transsexual†? Yeah, I kinda liked that for a while. But being transsexual is like having the medical establishment telling me what box I should be in and I don’t really like that
. Been down that road and I kinda fell off the track somewhere along the line. But let me tell you, I don’t naturally look like a baby gorilla if I don’t shave for a week, and I’m not naturally so physically strong that I can lift what the average guy can lift :hunk: . Hormones are a wonderful thing. “Transgendered†is a better name, I guess I am transgendered, but as it can mean practically anything to anybody, it isn’t always that easy to say “I’m transgendered†and for people to leave it at that. I look like a girl, so I am a girl. OK, I can live with that…. Maybe. I’ve never been big on identifying myself sexually. A trans identity is not a sexual one, but then again nor are IDs like “gay manâ€, lesbian†and bisexual†really when they are used not just to denote who you prefer to shag :jagsatwork: . These “labels†are political and to many are symbols of their “beingâ€. Yes, I’m bi cos I fancy males and females (and those in between), but that isn’t such a big deal for me, I’m bi cos of who I fancy not cos of any other deeper reason. Someone said to me in PM once that she is just “sexual†and I though that was spot on
. But if I’m not big on identifying myself sexually, why the hell did I choose the label “swinger†– after all, swinging is all about sex, right? WRONG!!!! :huh: I developed my identity as a “swinger†over a long time… I didn’t wake up one morning and think, “I know I’m going to be a swinger todayâ€. I have lived in non-monogamous open relationships practically the whole of my adult life, and to do that you have to be a certain type of person….. here’s where the “attitude†comes in I guess. But I think I chose the term “swinger†to define myself and my lifestyle cos I couldn’t think of any other way to express the type of life I was living or the type of person that I am. Now I am questioning my place in the swinging scene, I realise that I have over-used the term “swinger†to mean more about myself than it perhaps warrants :crazy: . Making sense? No, it isn’t, is it. :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:
I’m just looking for a different perspective I guess, that is why I have submitted this to the scrutiny of you guys :uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh: . I apologise to those who don’t like reading about people’s personal lives in posts – hey but you got to the bottom of the post, didn’t you! :giggle: I’m certainly not looking for sympathy from anyone, and I am trying hard not to sound like I am attention seeking :undecided: . I appreciate that this probably makes little sense, but I haven’t worked it out for myself yet, so writing it down is quite tricky! I know some of you find these introspective posts thought provoking (you sad, sad people
), but others think they are self-obsessed gob shite :sleeping: . So be it. I just got up today and thought that writing stuff down might be better than keeping it in my head. Now I’m not that sure, but hey ho :grin: . Yeah, I know I shouldn't think too much.... or at all....
... but this is written for posterity (or not, eh Scandal ), as they say… :mrgreen: 
and until I met Tim i had never been totally faithful to anyone. However I didn't lie to people about it, and I had never considered asking anyone to come with me if I was going out on the pull. Open relationship or not.
(bit old for that aren't you? :P ).
