In my opinion, you did the right thing.
Many singles on here are attached and are just after a bit of extra fun on the side. I would call that cheating.
If their partner knows, agrees and/or plays too, I would call that swinging.
there is some right ones i can tell you stories from so called couples that turn out not to be couples lol anyone pm me for them don,t feel right to pubicise them lol
In this case we happen to agree with your decision not to proceed with the meet - but not neccessarily for the reasons you might think.
We agree because the guy had not been straight with you right from the start.
We do (and have) met guys with wives/GF's and in every case the guy has been upfront about his attachment elsewhere. Our point of view is that such a relationship (and any possible consequences of meeting people from this site, or even just being a member of this site) are 100% entirely and completely the guys problem.
We do not meet guys who have initialy contacted us as single, and then let slip that they are in anyway attached, or vica versa.
This may seem a confusing logic - somehow condoning a deceit on the part of a guy, whilst disapproving of a deceit when it is purported to us. And we suppose it is. But, we are not here as couples counsellers or to give relationship advice to guys, and so we do not judge their relationships outside of their interaction with us. So, provided the guy is (so far as we can tell) honest with us, then we consider anything else very much their problem, and not any of our business.
We do not push this as a criteria for others to follow when choosing a playmate - we are all different in our tastes & judgements, and it would be wrong of us to say that this is the correct way to do things - it's just our way.
i have this rule and i dont break it.
1. when in a relationship i inform her of the websites i have a profile on.
2. i tell her it is her choice, if unhappy i will remove the account or hide the profile whatever she prefers.
3. if the profile has to be deleted upon her request i delete it in front of her or show her its been deleted (which ever is possible).
a relationship to me means you do not cheat and you do not seek sex with others unless is something you both know about (i.e. youve both met through a swinging site or background and both want to do it as a couple).
im honest and upfront about it and won't break my if you honestly care about someone you want it to work and it only takes a moment to break a trust.
and you never get that trust back.
not a case of being a control freak.
im just open and honest with someone about this.
and ive never cheated on someone in my previous relationships or been a control freak because most of the time i was away on duty.
so you do not like what i posted, maybe the way it came across was wrong but dont judge me or stick a label on me that is incorrect.
anyone who has met me will know the kind of person i am.
fuck me!
a guy comes along who for once is open and honest and he is labelled.
im very disappointed you have tried to show me as something im not and humiliate me on this forum.
Cheating, guys or ladies, yes guys are more common but then there are more guys on here than single fems so the % will be higher here, but don't for one minute think it's something exclusive to men.
We will not knowingly play with anyone who is cheating on a partner, and that includes any form of relationship be it married, dating or even if they are in a hospice or care home (yes we have heard this on a number of occasions as being a valid reason)
We have turned down some very attractive couples and single females and single men who we would like to have got to know better but thier profile has made it clear that they are cheating on a partner (yes couples you must have seen the profiles that say "both married but not to each other")
Of course you can only do so many checks to avoid playing with people who are cheating, to help we have a "if in doubt, kick it out" policy which does mean we probably lose the chance of meeting some nice and honest people but better that than be part of a relationship break-up.
For instance, Cannot accommodate on a single guys profile without a reason in the text, ie "live in student/army/police accommodation, single parent and kids at home, live with parents, etc, even "genuinely single but cannot accommodate and will explain why before arranging a meet", it is not much to ask, many couples who cannot accommodate explain why on thier profiles such as "young family so cannot accommodate".
No pictures on profiles, there is no reason why people cannot display but body shape pictures with face and identifying marks deleted, except of course that partners can often recognise thier own partners even with such things deleted.
Those that "travel all accross the UK" could be true but why only seeking meets when they travel ?
There are other things that make people look "dodgy".
We will not play with people who condone cheating and play with people who are cheats because again we don't want to be part of that relationship scenario and we do have our principles.
In a relationship with partners consent to play ....... no problem with this, swinging to us is about people having fun WITH thier partners consent so if a man or woman is happy for thier partner to do it then we have no problem with it, but we would require a phone chat with the partner to confirm this.
So that is how we feel about it, but it is not for us to judge what others do, we don't care if they cheat, we know nothing of thier life, we don't want to know, they have made thier choice as an adult and it is not for us to question it, we just want them to respect our views as we respect thiers and not to ask us to be part of the deception.
Our only annoyance with it is when they try to justify what they do, to us there is NO excuse for cheating on your partner, I don't care if there is no sex life, I don't care if he/she is ill/celebate/nasty/having an affair/on a 2 year sabatical in the Congo ... Till death us do part in sickness and in health. live by the rules of a relationship or get out of the relationship this is not the dark ages you won't be stoned for leaving a partner, don't stay for the kids, kids grow up very well these days in 1 parent families and are often better off than being in families where the relationship has gone tits up.
Swinging is about like minded people doing anything they want to do with each others consent, if one partner is happy for the other to do it then fine, it is swinging, if you want to swing occasionally taking a break now and then, fine, there are no rules covering when and where only those about respect.
The thing I have never been able to get my head round is why those cheating choose to come into the swinging scene to do it, here they can often get rejection and even grief, yet there are just as many websites and groups who call themselves such things as "married and cheating" they actively seek people who are cheating and welcome them into the fold, I even saw one some years ago that banned swingers because swingers were not actually cheating. Why come into swinging and the grief you may get when there are sites that will give you exactly what you want, if I want to find trainspotters I dont seek them on a philately site ?
Now our views aside, we do know that many couples actively seek people who are cheating, some believe there is less likelihood of the 3rd player wanting more than just casual sex, others believe that someone who is cheating on a partner will be more discreet than someone who is not.
Some actually get a kick out of knowing that they are using someone else's partner.
To sum up, if your cheating on someone you are not a swinger but that doesn't mean you won't get to play with swingers.
It is really interesting to read so many different views on this question. We don't want to throw another opinion into the mix. But we will share a more general view about debates like this one.
In general in life, both of us try very hard not to judge other people - everyone has, and is entitled to, their own opinions. Without wishing to get too philosophical, we don't believe in the idea of a universal morality. We believe that everyone has their own unique moral code, which is developed by a combination of factors and experiences, including upbringing, social environment, social conditioning, life experiences, and a raft of other internal and external influences. It is human nature to surround ourselves with people who have similar moral codes to our own, and this inevitably shapes social morality and results in fascinating variations in morality across cultures. However, it is rare even for very close couples to share the exact same views on every moral question. It is impossible therefore to expect everyone to share the same opinion on a question like this.
Our view is that provided you make your decisions based on what you feel is morally acceptable for YOU, whether you are making decisions as a single, a couple or as one part of a couple (with or without the other's knowledge), who cares what anyone else thinks? We cannot live our lives based on what is right for others; we can only strive to do what is right for us.
In short, if you feel comfortable playing with someone who is in a relationship where their partner either doesn't know or does knows but doesn't want to play, then go for it. If not, then don't. Whether or not you consider this to be "swinging" seems pretty irrelevant - what matters is what is right for you. (And now for an opinion...) What is important is that we all try not to judge others based on what is right for us. After all, there are lots of people out there who would judge every single one of us for even being members of a site like this! We like to think that people on this site are pretty broad-minded and that this is the kind of environment where people can have fun without worrying about being judged.
Live and let live, people! :-)
Lilith xx
