as earlier said very new to this. I thought it was a matter of enjoyment and that everyone respected everyone's rules or what ever you call them. I am abit lost now in the fact, that should I get to go into a club, do I break the ice by saying "what are your rules, or wait for the punch on the nose, really confused now.
xx
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SWINGER RULES
Quote by The Dukes
as earlier said very new to this. I thought it was a matter of enjoyment and that everyone respected everyone's rules or what ever you call them. I am abit lost now in the fact, that should I get to go into a club, do I break the ice by saying "what are your rules, or wait for the punch on the nose, really confused now.
xx
it can be like that at times, to be honest i do not play with couples anymore because of problems we have had in the past, i find it much easier to play with single guys as they do not have anyone to asnwer to so not much chance of breaking any 'rules', i do and will respect all limits but if i was to play with a couple who gave me a list of what they don't do i'm afraid i would just walk off and look else where, however saying that if its a couple i know and have played with b4 and i know they are a easy going couple then i will pay with them :twisted:
This series of stories illustrates some of the aspects of swinging. It is a learning and growing process and along the way people will be surprised and react strongly to various things. At the heart of swinging is the will to make a choice and have control of a given situation. Many people find that this is compromised if a partner goes beyond the levels of control.
Argumenst will always occcur. They are just really boring and ghastly to see and hear going on.
Argumenst will always occcur. They are just really boring and ghastly to see and hear going on.
Sexlightened
It seems like the majority of contributors to this thread feel it is wrong to have personal rules and limits. Surely this is unreasonable? So everyone has to be all or nothing? That isn't very realistic is it? If we are going to say you can't be a proper swinger unless you adopt an almost total free for all, this seems to be about as nonsensical as sayinig that no-one can be really bi, they have to be either totally straght or gay. Isn't actually insisting on using condoms, or excluding say Anal or WS a "rule"?
We have certain rules etc. for what we are prepared to do with others. I would like to think we wouldn't apply them in as rigid a way as has been described in some of the "horror stories" reported in this thread. Iit seems to me that if minor transgressions of personal rules result in such an extreme reaction from the respective partners then there is probably more to the reaction than the rule breach itself. It may well be that one of the partners is only dong the whole thingto please the other and the reaction is thus about their dislike of the whole experience. It could also be that such reactions arise from situational jealousy by one or other partner.
Perhaps we are being naive in still being relatively new to this, and not having too much experience, but I would like to think that if in playing with others either of us broke the "rules" we have agreed (or someone we were with broke them inadvertantly), we would politely ask the other party not to do that again and if the thrid party did not do that then to extricate ourselves from the situation and then to sensibly and quietly discuss what happened amongst ourselves later. There seems to be a big difference between having such a discussion in private after the event (as the OP descibed they "Overheard"), and having a stand up row in public in the heat of the moment.
We have certain rules etc. for what we are prepared to do with others. I would like to think we wouldn't apply them in as rigid a way as has been described in some of the "horror stories" reported in this thread. Iit seems to me that if minor transgressions of personal rules result in such an extreme reaction from the respective partners then there is probably more to the reaction than the rule breach itself. It may well be that one of the partners is only dong the whole thingto please the other and the reaction is thus about their dislike of the whole experience. It could also be that such reactions arise from situational jealousy by one or other partner.
Perhaps we are being naive in still being relatively new to this, and not having too much experience, but I would like to think that if in playing with others either of us broke the "rules" we have agreed (or someone we were with broke them inadvertantly), we would politely ask the other party not to do that again and if the thrid party did not do that then to extricate ourselves from the situation and then to sensibly and quietly discuss what happened amongst ourselves later. There seems to be a big difference between having such a discussion in private after the event (as the OP descibed they "Overheard"), and having a stand up row in public in the heat of the moment.
Hi Bucksfuncpl 
I think a lot of people are totally respecting a couples rules.. just saying that its a bit awkward to get involved in their argument when one of them has overstepped the mark with the other.
Everyone has different ideas about what they are happy to do...but when its within the same couple, that sounds like a problem, not just for them but for everyone who plays with them.
I think a lot of people are totally respecting a couples rules.. just saying that its a bit awkward to get involved in their argument when one of them has overstepped the mark with the other.
Everyone has different ideas about what they are happy to do...but when its within the same couple, that sounds like a problem, not just for them but for everyone who plays with them.
I don't think its wrong for anyone to have rules, all i was trying to get over is i cannot understand how you can fully enjoy sex with someone if you cannot just let yourself go with and do what feels good, and also that tho i respect peoples rules that does not mean i have to play with someone, i wouldn't play with someone who had a no kissing rule, simply because i love kissing and i could not have sex and not kiss, so altho i would never break anyones limits i also have the rights to say no if i do not like their rules, when i am having sex i do not want to be thinking in the back of my mind about what i can and can't do and having their partner watching to make sure their rules are not broken (which i find is what happens)
Sexlightened
Quote by John & Natalia
when we started shagging others, it came up pretty clear to us that rules about any of it are odd. Cause lets face it, its about having a good time, and to think that any relationship is based upon not hurting oneanother and not trashing each others values is just a bit childish. Lets face it who has the same set of values now as when they ares say 14 years old. Values change so do people, The aim for us is to enjoy the differences and to support each others individual and interdependant growth. I ike this saying
To love someone deeply gives you strength
Being loved by some one deeply gives you courage.
Lao-tzu.
And for me personally I love to see natalia happy and having fun, if that is at the end of a good nine inch cock that can't hold it self back from her sexy puss then all the better.
You hit the nail on the head here though in saying values change. Think it through for relative newbies the idea of having a few simple rules in place just helps people some people (like us) to feel more comfortable. Who is to say that couples wont change or modify their "rules" over time?
Personally we would rather play with people we like and find attractive no matter what rules they care to impose, rather than anyone else just because they had less or no rules. Horses for courses etc.
There is a delicious irony here in that the majority view seems to be that rules (or too many rules) are a bad thing, yet SH appears to be one of the most rulebound (and relative firmly "policed") of the websites dedicated to this topic :P This is not intended to be a criticism just an observation.
Sexlightened
Quote by Jas-Tim
We have two rules and we would expect those who we meet to abide by them.
However, we make sure people are aware of them beforehand and don't expect people to mind read.
Jas
XXX
Us too and we agree entirely, we have not yet been to a club though and would suspect it is harder to be so absolute in such an environment, and we would thus need to be a tad flexible in order to enjoy ourselves.
Quote by bucksfuncpl
It seems like the majority of contributors to this thread feel it is wrong to have personal rules and limits.
I dont think anyone is saying its wrong to have rules, if thats what swings their boat...fine, we all have personal preferences.
I believe that peeps are just expressing their opinions on how they swing, ok most people that have posted so far have few if any rules, but there are lots of others that do have rules.
As with personal preference on how you swing, there is personal preference's on who you swing with.
I would never slight anyone for having rules, doesn't mean that I would want to play with them thou'.
As for having arguments in the middle of a session, well sorry to me thats wrong. Use your signal, get out of there, and deal with it in private. If you can't sort it out, don't swing again......IMHO
Quote by bucksfuncpl
It seems like the majority of contributors to this thread feel it is wrong to have personal rules and limits. Surely this is unreasonable? So everyone has to be all or nothing? That isn't very realistic is it? If we are going to say you can't be a proper swinger unless you adopt an almost total free for all, this seems to be about as nonsensical as sayinig that no-one can be really bi, they have to be either totally straght or gay. Isn't actually insisting on using condoms, or excluding say Anal or WS a "rule"?
We have certain rules etc. for what we are prepared to do with others. I would like to think we wouldn't apply them in as rigid a way as has been described in some of the "horror stories" reported in this thread. Iit seems to me that if minor transgressions of personal rules result in such an extreme reaction from the respective partners then there is probably more to the reaction than the rule breach itself. It may well be that one of the partners is only dong the whole thingto please the other and the reaction is thus about their dislike of the whole experience. It could also be that such reactions arise from situational jealousy by one or other partner.
Perhaps we are being naive in still being relatively new to this, and not having too much experience, but I would like to think that if in playing with others either of us broke the "rules" we have agreed (or someone we were with broke them inadvertantly), we would politely ask the other party not to do that again and if the thrid party did not do that then to extricate ourselves from the situation and then to sensibly and quietly discuss what happened amongst ourselves later. There seems to be a big difference between having such a discussion in private after the event (as the OP descibed they "Overheard"), and having a stand up row in public in the heat of the moment.
Its not the rule's that are the problem.....it's just the bloody mind reading i can't get the hang of!!
Sexlightened
Quote by da69ve
It seems like the majority of contributors to this thread feel it is wrong to have personal rules and limits. Surely this is unreasonable? So everyone has to be all or nothing? That isn't very realistic is it? If we are going to say you can't be a proper swinger unless you adopt an almost total free for all, this seems to be about as nonsensical as sayinig that no-one can be really bi, they have to be either totally straght or gay. Isn't actually insisting on using condoms, or excluding say Anal or WS a "rule"?
We have certain rules etc. for what we are prepared to do with others. I would like to think we wouldn't apply them in as rigid a way as has been described in some of the "horror stories" reported in this thread. Iit seems to me that if minor transgressions of personal rules result in such an extreme reaction from the respective partners then there is probably more to the reaction than the rule breach itself. It may well be that one of the partners is only dong the whole thingto please the other and the reaction is thus about their dislike of the whole experience. It could also be that such reactions arise from situational jealousy by one or other partner.
Perhaps we are being naive in still being relatively new to this, and not having too much experience, but I would like to think that if in playing with others either of us broke the "rules" we have agreed (or someone we were with broke them inadvertantly), we would politely ask the other party not to do that again and if the thrid party did not do that then to extricate ourselves from the situation and then to sensibly and quietly discuss what happened amongst ourselves later. There seems to be a big difference between having such a discussion in private after the event (as the OP descibed they "Overheard"), and having a stand up row in public in the heat of the moment.
Its not the rule's that are the problem.....it's just the bloody mind reading i can't get the hang of!!
Sure this is reasonable, but surely there is a big difference between meeting up with a couple who you have got to know a bit and discussed any rules etc. with and a chance meeting in a club? We havent yet been to a club (must rectify that soon :P) but we would imagine that situations would arise where there wouldnt have been a lot of prior discussion about rules ;) Maybe the girls could adopt a sticker system so a red sticker on their breasts equals no sucking nipples etc. :P
Quote by bucksfuncpl
It seems like the majority of contributors to this thread feel it is wrong to have personal rules and limits. Surely this is unreasonable? So everyone has to be all or nothing? That isn't very realistic is it? If we are going to say you can't be a proper swinger unless you adopt an almost total free for all, this seems to be about as nonsensical as sayinig that no-one can be really bi, they have to be either totally straght or gay. Isn't actually insisting on using condoms, or excluding say Anal or WS a "rule"?
We have certain rules etc. for what we are prepared to do with others. I would like to think we wouldn't apply them in as rigid a way as has been described in some of the "horror stories" reported in this thread. Iit seems to me that if minor transgressions of personal rules result in such an extreme reaction from the respective partners then there is probably more to the reaction than the rule breach itself. It may well be that one of the partners is only dong the whole thingto please the other and the reaction is thus about their dislike of the whole experience. It could also be that such reactions arise from situational jealousy by one or other partner.
Perhaps we are being naive in still being relatively new to this, and not having too much experience, but I would like to think that if in playing with others either of us broke the "rules" we have agreed (or someone we were with broke them inadvertantly), we would politely ask the other party not to do that again and if the thrid party did not do that then to extricate ourselves from the situation and then to sensibly and quietly discuss what happened amongst ourselves later. There seems to be a big difference between having such a discussion in private after the event (as the OP descibed they "Overheard"), and having a stand up row in public in the heat of the moment.
Its not the rule's that are the problem.....it's just the bloody mind reading i can't get the hang of!!
Sure this is reasonable, but surely there is a big difference between meeting up with a couple who you have got to know a bit and discussed any rules etc. with and a chance meeting in a club? We havent yet been to a club (must rectify that soon :P) but we would imagine that situations would arise where there wouldnt have been a lot of prior discussion about rules ;) Maybe the girls could adopt a sticker system so a red sticker on their breasts equals no sucking nipples etc. :P
And what about us that are colour-blind????? I wouldn't know if I were coming or going.
Hang-on.....I would.....cum is white :lol:
Dave_Notts
Quote by bucksfuncpl
It seems like the majority of contributors to this thread feel it is wrong to have personal rules and limits. Surely this is unreasonable? So everyone has to be all or nothing? That isn't very realistic is it? If we are going to say you can't be a proper swinger unless you adopt an almost total free for all, this seems to be about as nonsensical as sayinig that no-one can be really bi, they have to be either totally straght or gay. Isn't actually insisting on using condoms, or excluding say Anal or WS a "rule"?
We have certain rules etc. for what we are prepared to do with others. I would like to think we wouldn't apply them in as rigid a way as has been described in some of the "horror stories" reported in this thread. Iit seems to me that if minor transgressions of personal rules result in such an extreme reaction from the respective partners then there is probably more to the reaction than the rule breach itself. It may well be that one of the partners is only dong the whole thingto please the other and the reaction is thus about their dislike of the whole experience. It could also be that such reactions arise from situational jealousy by one or other partner.
Perhaps we are being naive in still being relatively new to this, and not having too much experience, but I would like to think that if in playing with others either of us broke the "rules" we have agreed (or someone we were with broke them inadvertantly), we would politely ask the other party not to do that again and if the thrid party did not do that then to extricate ourselves from the situation and then to sensibly and quietly discuss what happened amongst ourselves later. There seems to be a big difference between having such a discussion in private after the event (as the OP descibed they "Overheard"), and having a stand up row in public in the heat of the moment.
Its not the rule's that are the problem.....it's just the bloody mind reading i can't get the hang of!!
Sure this is reasonable, but surely there is a big difference between meeting up with a couple who you have got to know a bit and discussed any rules etc. with and a chance meeting in a club? We havent yet been to a club (must rectify that soon :P) but we would imagine that situations would arise where there wouldnt have been a lot of prior discussion about rules ;) Maybe the girls could adopt a sticker system so a red sticker on their breasts equals no sucking nipples etc. :P
You wait to we have to start bringing our lawyers to clubs to draw up contracts before we get down to anything with other couples!! :lol:
Sex God
Quote by Goooner1
as earlier said very new to this. I thought it was a matter of enjoyment and that everyone respected everyone's rules or what ever you call them. I am abit lost now in the fact, that should I get to go into a club, do I break the ice by saying "what are your rules, or wait for the punch on the nose, really confused now.
xx
I'm sure most people would respect each others rules, but I would say it's down to the couple/individual with those rules to make them known, not for everyone else to worry about what they are.
If they make it clear if they are not prepared to cross a certain line, whatever it may be or how silly it may seem to you, it shouldn't be down to you to guess where the line is. If they make it clear what they what they are not prepared to do then it's up to you whether you play with them or not. It'd be a bit like driving down a road at 60mph, with no visible speed limit and getting nicked for speeding because the limit was 30mph, if there's no sign how are you meant to know?
You know I could not have put it better myself, That's a fantastic post!!
I've sat a while reading this thread and to be quite honest I've been suprised at some of the responses :shock:
Regardless of wether or not You think someone's rules are strange or unfulfilling, surely you have a duty to respect them. Lets be honest, on here we all have varying tastes and practices.
If I personally have learned anything in my involvement in Swinging, it's to have tolerance for other peoples beliefs or way of life.
I totally agree that the rules should be laid on the table before you start. That way you can make the decision about wether or not you want to play with them.
Our rules are, as long as we are BOTH having fun, go with it.... but then I can be a bit of a tart at the best of times
Fee???? she's just an Angel
:rotflmao: :twisted: Have fun and if you can't stick to your partners rules, dont dip yer..............
Sexlightened
Quote by da69ve
No one has anything against rules.....all boundaries should be respected even though some of them do sound odd........but if you are not kept in the loop until something happens that is part of their rules and it causes an argument surely you cannot be blamed let alone witness to it!
No argument there. But it isn't always the responsibility of those with rules to spell them out in detail beforehand is it? To put it another way would most guys when early in a new relationship suddenly shove their cock up their girlfriend's arse?
Quote by bucksfuncpl
No one has anything against rules.....all boundaries should be respected even though some of them do sound odd........but if you are not kept in the loop until something happens that is part of their rules and it causes an argument surely you cannot be blamed let alone witness to it!
No argument there. But it isn't always the responsibility of those with rules to spell them out in detail beforehand is it? To put it another way would most guys when early in a new relationship suddenly shove their cock up their girlfriend's arse?
You would ask first......
But it's more about the odd ones like when and where you can cum thats strikes me as weird because if you are already having sex with someone else's partner and all of a sudden she tells you to stop because she cannot cum unless it's her partner doing it.....well i wouldn't want to be in that position in the first place!
Quote by da69ve
No one has anything against rules.....all boundaries should be respected even though some of them do sound odd........but if you are not kept in the loop until something happens that is part of their rules and it causes an argument surely you cannot be blamed let alone witness to it!
No argument there. But it isn't always the responsibility of those with rules to spell them out in detail beforehand is it? To put it another way would most guys when early in a new relationship suddenly shove their cock up their girlfriend's arse?
You would ask first......
But it's more about the odd ones like when and where you can cum thats strikes me as weird because if you are already having sex with someone else's partner and all of a sudden she tells you to stop because she cannot cum unless it's her partner doing it.....well i wouldn't want to be in that position in the first place!
I can't make a woman cum so I would be ok
