as earlier said very new to this. I thought it was a matter of enjoyment and that everyone respected everyone's rules or what ever you call them. I am abit lost now in the fact, that should I get to go into a club, do I break the ice by saying "what are your rules, or wait for the punch on the nose, really confused now.
xx
Thanxs NN, i was wondering if would be better to get a partner first and go. Or to go as a single guy and get the fel of the place, what does anyone sugguest
This series of stories illustrates some of the aspects of swinging. It is a learning and growing process and along the way people will be surprised and react strongly to various things. At the heart of swinging is the will to make a choice and have control of a given situation. Many people find that this is compromised if a partner goes beyond the levels of control.
Argumenst will always occcur. They are just really boring and ghastly to see and hear going on.
Luckily we have one rule
"Just go and enjoy yourself"
Thanks Gooooner 1. Learning more every day
It seems like the majority of contributors to this thread feel it is wrong to have personal rules and limits. Surely this is unreasonable? So everyone has to be all or nothing? That isn't very realistic is it? If we are going to say you can't be a proper swinger unless you adopt an almost total free for all, this seems to be about as nonsensical as sayinig that no-one can be really bi, they have to be either totally straght or gay. Isn't actually insisting on using condoms, or excluding say Anal or WS a "rule"?
We have certain rules etc. for what we are prepared to do with others. I would like to think we wouldn't apply them in as rigid a way as has been described in some of the "horror stories" reported in this thread. Iit seems to me that if minor transgressions of personal rules result in such an extreme reaction from the respective partners then there is probably more to the reaction than the rule breach itself. It may well be that one of the partners is only dong the whole thingto please the other and the reaction is thus about their dislike of the whole experience. It could also be that such reactions arise from situational jealousy by one or other partner.
Perhaps we are being naive in still being relatively new to this, and not having too much experience, but I would like to think that if in playing with others either of us broke the "rules" we have agreed (or someone we were with broke them inadvertantly), we would politely ask the other party not to do that again and if the thrid party did not do that then to extricate ourselves from the situation and then to sensibly and quietly discuss what happened amongst ourselves later. There seems to be a big difference between having such a discussion in private after the event (as the OP descibed they "Overheard"), and having a stand up row in public in the heat of the moment.
I don't think its wrong for anyone to have rules, all i was trying to get over is i cannot understand how you can fully enjoy sex with someone if you cannot just let yourself go with and do what feels good, and also that tho i respect peoples rules that does not mean i have to play with someone, i wouldn't play with someone who had a no kissing rule, simply because i love kissing and i could not have sex and not kiss, so altho i would never break anyones limits i also have the rights to say no if i do not like their rules, when i am having sex i do not want to be thinking in the back of my mind about what i can and can't do and having their partner watching to make sure their rules are not broken (which i find is what happens)
We have two rules and we would expect those who we meet to abide by them.
However, we make sure people are aware of them beforehand and don't expect people to mind read.
Jas
XXX
No one has anything against rules.....all boundaries should be respected even though some of them do sound odd........but if you are not kept in the loop until something happens that is part of their rules and it causes an argument surely you cannot be blamed let alone witness to it!