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Swinging ettiquette
Sex God
And so you shall...
Sex God
How much, bring it on...
Sex God
Quote by Clare_Lincs
I must apologise for wording it wrong.
I wrote that you both must expect to be touched.
If you are with other swingers and having a laugh and most of you are in that situation for sex then you may be touched in a way that you don't wish to.
Some people would find it very difficult to come out and say things like "do you mind if i kiss you" or "would you like to play" for example. Some people would just do it but not forcefully and wait to see the reaction. As you are in that situation, the reaction that they would receive would be either reciprocated or a polite, no thank you.
Very good points well put across
We have been in the situation and it has worked just fine
Quote by dundeecpl
Hope that my wording sounds a bit better now but i am crap with words. I know what i want to say but it doesn't always write down that way.
Thats my problem exactly,on this subject im finding it hard to put across what i mean,it all seems to be coming out all wrong!!
Know what you mean, sonds fine in my head but looks crap written down!
Quote by dundeecpl
As for everyone talking about you.
Steve raised a few points and others were only trying to help him with his questions.
Another good point,but in reading this thread it felt a little that people were talking for me instead of towards me,but they probably meant well,like i do but find it hard to put it across in the right way.
As i said, Steve raised the points.
Quote by dundeecpl
I never thought of it coming across as short until you mentioned it in the last paragraph.
Be as blunt as you like, say it how it is.
G x
Sex God
I dont think so some how....looked far to painful from where I was sitting lol
Chris
Chris
Sex God
Quote by Clare_Lincs
How much, bring it on...
Steve has an excellent whip that could be used for punishment Chris ;)
Good plan,ill whip you if i see you drinking,hows that??? :giggle:
Ermmm NO
Sex God
Quote by Calista
I dont think so some how....looked far to painful from where I was sitting lol
Chris
Chicken
How do you know if you've never tried it?
Marmalaid and LC never complained .. and Steve was telling me to do it harder so you can have some confidence in me ... ;)
Errrrr NO
Sex God
Money maybe physical pain NO
Quote by Calista
(actually I find it difficult to be near people well under the influence in normal life anyway)
ditto
Quote by Calista
Dutch courage is one thing but if you are so drunk your judgement is clouded then really you shouldn't attempt to swing IMHO.
I agree with this but, the thing is, it doesn't take a lot of alcohol to cloud your judgement or, at the very least, lower your inhibitions further than you'd like, i.e., doing anything after having a few drinks which you then regret in the cold light of day.
It's an extraordinarily thin line between dutch courage and clouded judgement.
I've certainly had my judgement impaired enough to do something which I know full well I shouldn't have done, and I was by no means totally wasted at the time.
edit:
The other problem with alcohol in the equation is that no doeasn't always mean no. Or rather you say "no" to someone under the influence and they just disregard you and go and do whatever it is you were telling them not to anyway.
jane my other half went to your party and loved it and she wasn't aware of any incident that may have happened which is good as this may have spoiled the nite she spent with the ppl have had ground rules,set limits from the beggining of our swinging lifestyle and it works for us .it all comes down to if you are happy in the situation that u may find yourself in at a club,party etc the signals u give out in these situations will surely tell the other person or persons if there advances are welcome or not and if not then u can always move there hand etc from your person just to get your point works for us anyway.
shane,jane
shane,jane
There have been some very interesting points put across and weve atken a few on board so i'd like to thank everyone for there input on this.
At least me and Clare have now set our boundaries and are going to stick to and were going tea total too :shock: (not really but were going staedy on the juice next time ).
At least me and Clare have now set our boundaries and are going to stick to and were going tea total too :shock: (not really but were going staedy on the juice next time
). 
Sex God
i left this delibrately alone for a reason......
but i am really glad that you are stronger for what happened and that you will hopefully be more comfortable.....
you are both smashing people........
sean xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
but i am really glad that you are stronger for what happened and that you will hopefully be more comfortable.....
you are both smashing people........
sean xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I have found it interesting to read this thread to see how it has progressed. To those who may be thinking that to be at a party or club must mean that you want to play that's not always the case IMO. There are people who just like to watch and get turned on so that they and their partner can feel more horny together, or they may want to just watch and stimulate themselves. There are also people who are exhibitionists, who just like to be watched and what safer place for them to play than in a club or party? So it's not necessarily the fact that they want to play with others simply by being there.
Sex God
So is it the same spoon at a club as at a private party ??
Quote by MQ
I have found it interesting to read this thread to see how it has progressed. To those who may be thinking that to be at a party or club must mean that you want to play that's not always the case IMO. There are people who just like to watch and get turned on so that they and their partner can feel more horny together, or they may want to just watch and stimulate themselves. There are also people who are exhibitionists, who just like to be watched and what safer place for them to play than in a club or party? So it's not necessarily the fact that they want to play with others simply by being there.
I appreciate this MQ however, I still believe it's down to the people to convey this. If signals are being given off and then someone picks up on them and makes a move to be knocked back it does become a problem.
Quote by Clare_Lincs
Well now everyones finished talking about me,may I speak for myself?
The event that occured has no consequence to anyone else but me and Steve
There is one other person that this may have consequences for, cast your mind back just one and a half months, someone got an email telling him that he was no longer invited to an aftermunch party, I remember him telling of how he was concerned that this would have a great impact on the way others perceived him.
If I suggest the possibility that this guy was not drunk and is generally good at picking up on negative signals, I can quite imagine the guy you are talking of feeling a little hurt now, wondering what impact this thread may have on how people might change their perceptions of him, he may be thinking are people going to uninvite me from parties now or not invite me at all? I I get invited to a party are people going to think that I am a lecherous git that won't take no or an answer?
These were just a few thoughts I had when I remembered your reaction to 'a person' being uninvited from the Notts Munch afterparty.
PS. Just to say that I am quite sure that the person that was uninvited from the Notts Munch afterparty is NOT the same guy under discussion here.
Chris
Hmmmmm this is a good thread - well done Steve for bringing up the issue.
Great points made by all - many of which I agree with eg: soring out your boundaries, using a code and above all, no means no.
I've been in a club situation where I was somewhat .. ummm ... 'active' shall we say? To one guy, who obviously thought it was a free for all, no didn't mean no till I practically screamed it at him. Unfortunately there is that attitude amongst some of the lesser experienced swingers that if the females are playing then they're up for anything.
A member of staff there told me that one time they had to 'rescue' a woman who was shouting for help when pounced on by a load of guys.
Sorry, if I'm scaring people here. These are not regular occurrences, by any means.
Can I ask for some advice also .. a little predicament i'm not sure how to handle. What if you've played with someone before and it's all gone fine and lovely and they are heavily hinting at the prospect of a repeat performance and you don't?
I haven't got a reason for why I don't want to do it again, I just don't - and I think that's my prerogative ... but how do you do the letting-him-down-gently stuff? I do mean, literally word for word, what do you say?
Great points made by all - many of which I agree with eg: soring out your boundaries, using a code and above all, no means no.
I've been in a club situation where I was somewhat .. ummm ... 'active' shall we say? To one guy, who obviously thought it was a free for all, no didn't mean no till I practically screamed it at him. Unfortunately there is that attitude amongst some of the lesser experienced swingers that if the females are playing then they're up for anything.
A member of staff there told me that one time they had to 'rescue' a woman who was shouting for help when pounced on by a load of guys.
Sorry, if I'm scaring people here. These are not regular occurrences, by any means.
Can I ask for some advice also .. a little predicament i'm not sure how to handle. What if you've played with someone before and it's all gone fine and lovely and they are heavily hinting at the prospect of a repeat performance and you don't?
I haven't got a reason for why I don't want to do it again, I just don't - and I think that's my prerogative ... but how do you do the letting-him-down-gently stuff? I do mean, literally word for word, what do you say?
Quote by Marya
I haven't got a reason for why I don't want to do it again, I just don't - and I think that's my prerogative ... but how do you do the letting-him-down-gently stuff? I do mean, literally word for word, what do you say?
Well, I know nothing, but my advice would be to tell the truth. Truth hurts, but lies hurt more. Treat it like a sticking plaster on your leg; pull it off quickly and get it over with. In my experience, letting people down gently is just prolonging the agony.
Sex God
Quote by Marya
Can I ask for some advice also .. a little predicament i'm not sure how to handle. What if you've played with someone before and it's all gone fine and lovely and they are heavily hinting at the prospect of a repeat performance and you don't?
I haven't got a reason for why I don't want to do it again, I just don't - and I think that's my prerogative ... but how do you do the letting-him-down-gently stuff? I do mean, literally word for word, what do you say?
I think u either have to just bite the bullet and say sorry you aren't interested, explain that it's nothing personal and leave it at that, as swinging is respect based he should be ok about it
Hmmm... interesting thread.
SurreyCouple2003 and I have had about 6/7 parties now and in general all of the people invited have been friendly and understanding of a Womans right to say no and this being final. However, we have had an instance where we did ask someone to leave - this was because the gentlemen in question was being overly pushy with some of the ladies at the party, this had been noted, we asked him once to calm himself a little but the second time his advances were unwanted and he failed to comply we asked him to leave. The gentlemen in question had at the last minute changed the woman he was coming with and his 'partner' for the evening was not his partner outside of swinging. His reasoning for being persitent was that 'none of the other men were backwards in coming forward' with his partner for the evening. Now, my thoughts on this are that this is irelevant - personal attraction is very subjective and if she was willing to play with other men, great, but that doesn't oblige the women to play with him. Especially given that they were not a couple in the normal sense of the word, this was very clearly stated before reaching the venue.
That aside, in general all of the people we invite have been great - totally respectful of individual boundaries. I think that one of the reasons we have criteria for our parties (such as an age limit) is to make sure (as much as possible) that everyone feels comfortable and that couples are well matched and will find each other attractive.
SurreyCouple2003 and I have had about 6/7 parties now and in general all of the people invited have been friendly and understanding of a Womans right to say no and this being final. However, we have had an instance where we did ask someone to leave - this was because the gentlemen in question was being overly pushy with some of the ladies at the party, this had been noted, we asked him once to calm himself a little but the second time his advances were unwanted and he failed to comply we asked him to leave. The gentlemen in question had at the last minute changed the woman he was coming with and his 'partner' for the evening was not his partner outside of swinging. His reasoning for being persitent was that 'none of the other men were backwards in coming forward' with his partner for the evening. Now, my thoughts on this are that this is irelevant - personal attraction is very subjective and if she was willing to play with other men, great, but that doesn't oblige the women to play with him. Especially given that they were not a couple in the normal sense of the word, this was very clearly stated before reaching the venue.
That aside, in general all of the people we invite have been great - totally respectful of individual boundaries. I think that one of the reasons we have criteria for our parties (such as an age limit) is to make sure (as much as possible) that everyone feels comfortable and that couples are well matched and will find each other attractive.
Sex God
Quote by marmalaid
If I suggest the possibility that this guy was not drunk and is generally good at picking up on negative signals, I can quite imagine the guy you are talking of feeling a little hurt now, wondering what impact this thread may have on how people might change their perceptions of him, he may be thinking are people going to uninvite me from parties now or not invite me at all? I I get invited to a party are people going to think that I am a lecherous git that won't take no or an answer?
Chris
I have to agree that who ever the guy is must be feeling hurt and worried about his reputation now, but I would hope Clare and Steve have not been telling everyone who he is. Certainly he hasn't been publicly named on this thread.
If as they now say, it was just an accident, then the guy deserves at least some discretion and maybe even a public apology.
I'm in agreement with Calista that innappropriate signals may have been given off by any of the parties involved which lead to this *accident*, although perhaps in that case it was not so much an *accident* as a misunderstanding.
Accidental touches are those which are not intended - perhaps reaching across a table for a drink and *accidentaly* touching someone. Surely offence would not be taken in this scenario?
On the other hand, if signals were given off leading a person to think their advances would be welcome, when in fact they were not, this is a misunderstanding and completely different from the above.
Lessons for us all can be learned from this. For the ladies, don't drink or flirt excessively if you actually do not wish to be touched. For the guys, watch your drinking and simply don't touch unless you are asked to do so.
Tracy-Jayne
Quote by RedHot
Lessons for us all can be learned from this. For the ladies, don't drink or flirt excessively if you actually do not wish to be touched. For the guys, watch your drinking and simply don't touch unless you are asked to do so.
Tracy-Jayne
Extremely wise words there Tracey-Jane and ones that all swingers should be aware.
I think everyone should be aware of the above and understand that occasionally misunderstanding's happen ... the key is how you deal with it, learn from it and move on.
Calista
I think it would be a very big mistake to name people on here. That isnt the point of this thread. I also think Clare has taken a wise step in saying she wont name the person and I can understand that this person may be feeling hurt at the moment.
Maybe this whole thing should be laid to rest now before it gets out of hand??????
Just my opinion.
Maybe this whole thing should be laid to rest now before it gets out of hand??????
Just my opinion.
Sex God
Quote by Calista
I have found it interesting to read this thread to see how it has progressed. To those who may be thinking that to be at a party or club must mean that you want to play that's not always the case IMO. There are people who just like to watch and get turned on so that they and their partner can feel more horny together, or they may want to just watch and stimulate themselves. There are also people who are exhibitionists, who just like to be watched and what safer place for them to play than in a club or party? So it's not necessarily the fact that they want to play with others simply by being there.
I appreciate this MQ however, I still believe it's down to the people to convey this. If signals are being given off and then someone picks up on them and makes a move to be knocked back it does become a with mq here we have been in a situation where we were being watched and not given signals out next thing we have received pms/emails asking will we meet them,the best ones have been at social gatherins,met ppl only had a chance to say hello where you from ,next thing we know pms/emails asking to meet them as though we have already agreed,1st time at a club told everyone what we were into and still one cpl were saying"yes we were like that at first but" or everyone starts like that ect...following us both all over the club till it got to a point where it was "look can you f**K off" and could of ended up being a scene ,remember this was our first time anywhere and these were people who had been swinging for six years ,i hope everyone reading this thinks we are not prudes as we have played with in our boudrys
