Quote by Steve_Lincs
FFS Dambuster read the whole thread,thats old news now,tut
Sorry mate, "Twins" got a grip of me early today so I can't read too well.
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Swinging ettiquette
Sex God
Im not all that sure about swinging ettiquette , especially which spoon to use ?
Sex God
Quote by Calista
I'm going to be the Devil's advocate there ..... if you're going to offended by someone touching your wife ... why go to a sex party????? and why resort to violent behaviour (either physically or verbally).
Surely if someone makes an advance that isn't totally welcome the female can explain politely and say no? If the other person doesn't take no for an answer then that is the time for the partner to take the lead but purely to diffuse the situation.
Agree with Calista on this.
If you are going to a sex party you must expect others to touch you and your wife.
If you do feel strongly about the situation then maybe you should let all party goers know that neither of you are up for fun with others.
We have attended a few sex parties and can honestly say that when we have said to another that we aren't interested, the other party has been fine with this.
People that get invited to sex parties know that no means no. They know to respect other people's wishes.
Violence, be it verbal or physical, is totally unacceptable.
G & D x
Sex God
Quote by dundeecpl
I'm going to be the Devil's advocate there ..... if you're going to offended by someone touching your wife ... why go to a sex party????? and why resort to violent behaviour (either physically or verbally).
Surely if someone makes an advance that isn't totally welcome the female can explain politely and say no? If the other person doesn't take no for an answer then that is the time for the partner to take the lead but purely to diffuse the situation.
Agree with Calista on this.
If you are going to a sex party you must expect others to touch you and your wife.
If you do feel strongly about the situation then maybe you should let all party goers know that neither of you are up for fun with others.
We have attended a few sex parties and can honestly say that when we have said to another that we aren't interested, the other party has been fine with this.
People that get invited to sex parties know that no means no. They know to respect other people's wishes.
Violence, be it verbal or physical, is totally unacceptable.
G & D x
Couldn't agree more with these posts.
We have code words which we have agreed right from the start even before we began swinging, but happily never had to use them.
If Jon got angry every time a guy touched me or kissed me at parties, we might as well not go in the first place
Surely flirting and being flirted with, is one of the major things that go on at such parties? Certainly has been at the ones we've attended anway
We always set out our agreements before we go. It's no good trying to explain halfway through the night that you are not happy about something.
Telling guys "no" firmly and even explaning why has always worked for us. What is more, they have always been polite about it too so certainly no need for violence of any sort. :shock:
You are both fairly new to swinging, so perhaps you still need to iron out a few issues as this is not the first time you have expressed unsure emotions surrounding it.
Once you've done that, you can fully enjoy it for what it is - fun, from harmless flirting through to the whole shebang :twisted:
Tracy-Jayne
You are both fairly new to swinging, so perhaps you still need to iron out a few issues as this is not the first time you have expressed unsure emotions surrounding it.
Once you've done that, you can fully enjoy it for what it is - fun, from harmless flirting through to the whole shebang :twisted:
Tracy-Jayne
Was this last quote intended for me and mr Pinkbubble, because we are not new to swinging at all, Mrpink believes in respect above all else. Hes not concerned about anyone playing with me and I'm not concerned about anyone playing with him. As long as we are both comfortable that is all that matters. Ironing out issues? we havent got any...I think you get us all wrong!
Once you've done that, you can fully enjoy it for what it is - fun, from harmless flirting through to the whole shebang :twisted:
Tracy-Jayne
Was this last quote intended for me and mr Pinkbubble, because we are not new to swinging at all, Mrpink believes in respect above all else. Hes not concerned about anyone playing with me and I'm not concerned about anyone playing with him. As long as we are both comfortable that is all that matters. Ironing out issues? we havent got any...I think you get us all wrong!
Sex God
Quote by pinkbubble(mr&mrs)
Was this last quote intended for me and mr Pinkbubble, because we are not new to swinging at all, Mrpink believes in respect above all else. Hes not concerned about anyone playing with me and I'm not concerned about anyone playing with him. As long as we are both comfortable that is all that matters. Ironing out issues? we havent got any...I think you get us all wrong!
No it wasn't directed at you and Mr Pinkbubble. I was replying to the posts made by Calista and Dundee Couple and which were addressed to Steve_Lincs.
Sorry if I confused you!
T-J
Quote by RedHot
Was this last quote intended for me and mr Pinkbubble, because we are not new to swinging at all, Mrpink believes in respect above all else. Hes not concerned about anyone playing with me and I'm not concerned about anyone playing with him. As long as we are both comfortable that is all that matters. Ironing out issues? we havent got any...I think you get us all wrong!
No it wasn't directed at you and Mr Pinkbubble. I was replying to the posts made by Calista and Dundee Couple and which were addressed to Steve_Lincs.
Sorry if I confused you!
T-J
No worries, Confusing me is easily done. lol
Sex God
Quote by Steve_Lincs
.....should someone ask before laying a hand on Clare or should they just wait for the slap or mouth full of cock fuck you following me or am i talking shite????
Ask who Clare or you? Of course they've got to ask Clare but it could just be that a raise of the eyebrows and a slight nod will do. Ask you (if they can lay a hand on Clare)? Certainly not. You and Clare have got to have sorted all that out before so that Clare and only Clare decides who touches her. If you've got to ask hubby (or brother in Law ???), who might even be out of the room having a slash then it kinda kills the moment.
Steve, I am so sorry that I was flippant in my earlier post. I should have read the thread fully. I saw it earlier and was going to post the same flippant reply then, but got sidetracked :twisted:
I wouldn't dreamof laying my hand (or any other body part) on a lady unless I was absolutelysure my advances would be welcomed. This attitude has has "cost" me the opportunity to play. I still stand by it. I would rather "miss out" than offend; but that's me.
I would say tho' that any guy, single or not; that couldn't see from a look in Clare's (as an example) eyes or expression on the face; that the advances were not welcome, shouldn't really be there. That clearly leads on to the question of one of a couple "wanting" but the other not. That is an entirely different question. Although the answer is the same. (for me) There is enough advice about "involving" and/or "being aware" of the male partner in a couple within SH for me not to go into it.
I think the answer to your original question is different from the main point you raise.
I really do believe it is down to a "couple" to decide beforehand what is acceptable and what is not. The "rules" are of course open to debate - if all are secure enough for that to be the case. It is then, clearly down to anyone wanting to "join in" to respect the slightest sign of reluctance.
People have said that if you go to/ host a "sex party" you should expect your partner to be touched. While I can accept their view, I cannot agree. For the reasons I hope I have given.
Just my thoughts.
N
x
I wouldn't dreamof laying my hand (or any other body part) on a lady unless I was absolutelysure my advances would be welcomed. This attitude has has "cost" me the opportunity to play. I still stand by it. I would rather "miss out" than offend; but that's me.
I would say tho' that any guy, single or not; that couldn't see from a look in Clare's (as an example) eyes or expression on the face; that the advances were not welcome, shouldn't really be there. That clearly leads on to the question of one of a couple "wanting" but the other not. That is an entirely different question. Although the answer is the same. (for me) There is enough advice about "involving" and/or "being aware" of the male partner in a couple within SH for me not to go into it.
I think the answer to your original question is different from the main point you raise.
I really do believe it is down to a "couple" to decide beforehand what is acceptable and what is not. The "rules" are of course open to debate - if all are secure enough for that to be the case. It is then, clearly down to anyone wanting to "join in" to respect the slightest sign of reluctance.
People have said that if you go to/ host a "sex party" you should expect your partner to be touched. While I can accept their view, I cannot agree. For the reasons I hope I have given.
Just my thoughts.
N
x
Sex God
Quote by dambuster
I would say tho' that any guy, single or not; that couldn't see from a look in Clare's (as an example) eyes or expression on the face; that the advances were not welcome, shouldn't really be there. That clearly leads on to the question of one of a couple "wanting" but the other not. That is an entirely different question.
This is fine in principle, but after drinking a few beers perception is not always clear enough to understand body language. You have to make yourself clear verbally.
I really do believe it is down to a "couple" to decide beforehand what is acceptable and what is not. The "rules" are of course open to debate - if all are secure enough for that to be the case. It is then, clearly down to anyone wanting to "join in" to respect the slightest sign of reluctance.
People have said that if you go to/ host a "sex party" you should expect your partner to be touched. While I can accept their view, I cannot agree. For the reasons I hope I have given.
I am rather worried about this whole touching thing though and who was offended by it, both of you or just one?
Whilst I don't entirely agree that one should *expect* to be touched, surely if there is flirting and so forth going on, it is understandable that a guy would try his luck if he thought he was getting the *right* signals? Drink may be a factor in determining signals of course.
Did you agree to *no touching whatsoever* before thet party began? If you did, then maybe at your next party you should make it clear from the outset that there is to be no physical contact with Clare at all.
She can't be expected to run off looking for you to ask permisssion every time someone wants a peck on the cheek or a feel of her arse. It has to be decided beforehand.
If you agreed contact to a certain extent, then it should be up to Clare to make herself clear when that point had been reached. After all, she knows the limit you agreed on and a firm *No* would work with most guys. Especially in a party situation where they face being shown the door with all members looking at them.
This happened at a party we attended and the member has not been asked back again and infact seldom even appears on this site these days because he was ostracised so often.
If you have problems with someone touching Clare, how can you ever expect to become swingers? By it's very nature, swinging has to be relaxed fun for all, not one partner constantly worrying about the other being touched.
You need to be in total agreement about this whole lifestyle or there will always be problems ahead.
Tracy-Jayne
We have set the boundaries that we both agree with,the incident that happened was really an accident that has been sorted out and were both fine about did bring us to think though what everyone elses boundaries were though.
I would have to disagree though that if your at a swinging party you should expect to be touched and played will be people coming to our party that probably don't want to play,some that just want to play with each other and some that might just want to watch.I think that before anyone tries to touch,feel or whatever sexually they should ask doesnt equate to a kiss or a feel of the arse though for us thats a different thing alltogether.
I would have to disagree though that if your at a swinging party you should expect to be touched and played will be people coming to our party that probably don't want to play,some that just want to play with each other and some that might just want to watch.I think that before anyone tries to touch,feel or whatever sexually they should ask doesnt equate to a kiss or a feel of the arse though for us thats a different thing alltogether.
Well now everyones finished talking about me,may I speak for myself?
The event that occured has no consequence to anyone else but me and Steve,it was something where the reasons for the reaction were personal and im not going to talk about why person with whom it happened knew what he was doing and therefore really didnt help the situation at hand.
But this thread wasnt started to talk about what the event we sat down and agreed on a set of "boundaries" which we are very happy with so we know exactly what we want to do and the lines not to cross,which is different to each individual.
The reason for this thread was more a case of curiosity to see how others felt about it,after its been something weve talked about quite a lot recently we were just wondering what others peeps feelings were on the subject.
I'd like to point out that i am well and truely capable of looking out for myself and can tell someone NO if i choose and i dont need to go running to Steve to ask if something is ok to do,thats why we have the boundaries there.
Any more questions directed at me about that night i will answer as best i can,but it was a personal,private reason why things happened as they did and i simply dont want to discuss it on an open forum.
The event that occured has no consequence to anyone else but me and Steve,it was something where the reasons for the reaction were personal and im not going to talk about why person with whom it happened knew what he was doing and therefore really didnt help the situation at hand.
But this thread wasnt started to talk about what the event we sat down and agreed on a set of "boundaries" which we are very happy with so we know exactly what we want to do and the lines not to cross,which is different to each individual.
The reason for this thread was more a case of curiosity to see how others felt about it,after its been something weve talked about quite a lot recently we were just wondering what others peeps feelings were on the subject.
I'd like to point out that i am well and truely capable of looking out for myself and can tell someone NO if i choose and i dont need to go running to Steve to ask if something is ok to do,thats why we have the boundaries there.
Any more questions directed at me about that night i will answer as best i can,but it was a personal,private reason why things happened as they did and i simply dont want to discuss it on an open forum.
An interesting enough debate to drag me out of my sick bed!!
I think some very sensible words have been written down here, and in mostly coherent order too, and I can only agree with the notion of code words, agreements beforehand and so on. My impluse to post has been stimulated by Clare's last post - surely it's you and Steve who have brought this issue to the forum and made it public??? If either of you hadn't then it seems that even people who attended your party were mostly unware of any incident, accident or problem.
Of course, asking advice is what this place is about and I like to think that the majority of members do that really well, are supportive and have many many useful suggestions to make to others. Please don't have a go at them for doing that now.
OK - I'm off again.
I think some very sensible words have been written down here, and in mostly coherent order too, and I can only agree with the notion of code words, agreements beforehand and so on. My impluse to post has been stimulated by Clare's last post - surely it's you and Steve who have brought this issue to the forum and made it public??? If either of you hadn't then it seems that even people who attended your party were mostly unware of any incident, accident or problem.
Of course, asking advice is what this place is about and I like to think that the majority of members do that really well, are supportive and have many many useful suggestions to make to others. Please don't have a go at them for doing that now.
OK - I'm off again.
Quote by Jags
An interesting enough debate to drag me out of my sick bed!!
I think some very sensible words have been written down here, and in mostly coherent order too, and I can only agree with the notion of code words, agreements beforehand and so on. My impluse to post has been stimulated by Clare's last post - surely it's you and Steve who have brought this issue to the forum and made it public??? If either of you hadn't then it seems that even people who attended your party were mostly unware of any incident, accident or problem.
Of course, asking advice is what this place is about and I like to think that the majority of members do that really well, are supportive and have many many useful suggestions to make to others. Please don't have a go at them for doing that now.
OK - I'm off again.
My post obviously didnt come across as intended as i didnt mean to have a go at anyone,advice is very good,and some of the ideas are very helpful.I just wanted to say that what happened was personal thats ive offended anyone then truely im sorry it certainly wansnt intended that way.
Sex God
Quote by Steve_Lincs
Right i will try and explain why i'm asking this our last party there was a bit of trouble and i just wanted to find out from everyone out there what they thought the unwritten guidelines were that no one should step over were.
At the next party for example,we will be mainly playing together but if the situation arises we will happilly play with another problem is should someone ask before laying a hand on Clare or should they just wait for the slap or mouth full of cock fuck you following me or am i talking shite????
This is the first time your name is mentioned. I assumed you had discussed this beforehand and there was consensus to raise the topic.
Quote by Clare_Lincs
Well now everyones finished talking about me,may I speak for myself?
Huh?
Sex God
I must apologise for wording it wrong.
I wrote that you both must expect to be touched.
If you are with other swingers and having a laugh and most of you are in that situation for sex then you may be touched in a way that you don't wish to.
Some people would find it very difficult to come out and say things like "do you mind if i kiss you" or "would you like to play" for example. Some people would just do it but not forcefully and wait to see the reaction. As you are in that situation, the reaction that they would receive would be either reciprocated or a polite, no thank you.
Hope that my wording sounds a bit better now but i am crap with words. I know what i want to say but it doesn't always write down that way.
As for everyone talking about you.
Steve raised a few points and others were only trying to help him with his questions.
Whatever did happen to you "that night" really isn't anyone else's business, you're right. None of us would have been any the wiser had your husband not brought the subject up. It is your personal life and nothing to do with us if you do not wish to discuss it.
What ever it was that happened obviously has bothered Steve so much that he felt he had to let others know, that something that he found unacceptable, did happen.
Gill x
I wrote that you both must expect to be touched.
If you are with other swingers and having a laugh and most of you are in that situation for sex then you may be touched in a way that you don't wish to.
Some people would find it very difficult to come out and say things like "do you mind if i kiss you" or "would you like to play" for example. Some people would just do it but not forcefully and wait to see the reaction. As you are in that situation, the reaction that they would receive would be either reciprocated or a polite, no thank you.
Hope that my wording sounds a bit better now but i am crap with words. I know what i want to say but it doesn't always write down that way.
As for everyone talking about you.
Steve raised a few points and others were only trying to help him with his questions.
Whatever did happen to you "that night" really isn't anyone else's business, you're right. None of us would have been any the wiser had your husband not brought the subject up. It is your personal life and nothing to do with us if you do not wish to discuss it.
What ever it was that happened obviously has bothered Steve so much that he felt he had to let others know, that something that he found unacceptable, did happen.
Gill x
Quote by dundeecpl
I must apologise for wording it wrong.
I wrote that you both must expect to be touched.
If you are with other swingers and having a laugh and most of you are in that situation for sex then you may be touched in a way that you don't wish to.
Some people would find it very difficult to come out and say things like "do you mind if i kiss you" or "would you like to play" for example. Some people would just do it but not forcefully and wait to see the reaction. As you are in that situation, the reaction that they would receive would be either reciprocated or a polite, no thank you.
Very good points well put across
Quote by dundeecpl
Hope that my wording sounds a bit better now but i am crap with words. I know what i want to say but it doesn't always write down that way.
Thats my problem exactly,on this subject im finding it hard to put across what i mean,it all seems to be coming out all wrong!!
Quote by dundeecpl
As for everyone talking about you.
Steve raised a few points and others were only trying to help him with his questions.
Another good point,but in reading this thread it felt a little that people were talking for me instead of towards me,but they probably meant well,like i do but find it hard to put it across in the right way.
Quote by dundeecpl
[Whatever did happen to you "that night" really isn't anyone else's business, you're right. None of us would have been any the wiser had your husband not brought the subject up. It is your personal life and nothing to do with us if you do not wish to discuss it.
What ever it was that happened obviously has bothered Steve so much that he felt he had to let others know, that something that he found unacceptable, did happen.
Gill x
I certainly dont think it was his intention to spark a big debate about wether he wanted it to be talked about or not(is this coming across right?
)I think that he wanted to express why he posted this thread in the first place so there was a bit more of an understanding.I know for a fact that he isnt bothered about what went on now we are sure he can tell you that himself when he gets home from work.Now if this has come across a little short i do appologise,its just that i find it easier to express how im feeling in shall we say a "blunt" way!!
Sex God
Quote by Clare_Lincs
But this thread wasnt started to talk about what the event we sat down and agreed on a set of "boundaries" which we are very happy with so we know exactly what we want to do and the lines not to cross,which is different to each individual.
Perhaps that's where you went wrong. Boundaries should have been set not only before the event itself, but right back at the start of your choice to enter this lifestyle.
However, as you now say, you are both happy with what you have agreed, so hopefully you won't have such an occasion arise again.
T-J
Quote by RedHot
But this thread wasnt started to talk about what the event we sat down and agreed on a set of "boundaries" which we are very happy with so we know exactly what we want to do and the lines not to cross,which is different to each individual.
Perhaps that's where you went wrong. Boundaries should have been set not only before the event itself, but right back at the start of your choice to enter this lifestyle.
However, as you now say, you are both happy with what you have agreed, so hopefully you won't have such an occasion arise again.
T-J
We did have a set of boundaries set out right at the start,but that was based upon a cpl on cpl meet i guess the thoughts of parties etc hadnt really been discussed until it arose.
I guess were both a bit niave and have used this whole thing as a learning yes in the end were happy with it for all your constructive critisism btw
Sex God
I suppose it all comes down to setting the boundries before hand which isnt that easy in my experience as its hard to cover all of the possible scenarios, and then sticking to them which again isnt as easy as it sounds as you often have alcohol in the equation which can blur your judgement.
The whole secret signals and safe words all seems a bit KGB to me but if it works for you fair play, if you want to use a safe phrase may I suggest
"The Rhyne seems red in the pale light of the autumn sky"
Chris
The whole secret signals and safe words all seems a bit KGB to me but if it works for you fair play, if you want to use a safe phrase may I suggest
"The Rhyne seems red in the pale light of the autumn sky"
Chris
Quote by mollyandchris
I suppose it all comes down to setting the boundries before hand which isnt that easy in my experience as its hard to cover all of the possible scenarios, and then sticking to them which again isnt as easy as it sounds as you often have alcohol in the equation which can blur your judgement.
Chris
That raises a whole other debate about alcohol and swinging really ..... is it really acceptable to drink beyond the point of tipseyness if this is on the cards? I personally refuse to swing with anyone who is well under the influence of alcohol (actually I find it difficult to be near people well under the influence in normal life anyway).
Dutch courage is one thing but if you are so drunk your judgement is clouded then really you shouldn't attempt to swing IMHO.
Sex God
Bang go all my chances with you then Callista.
Chris
You must remember though that the liver is evil and must be puncihed...
Chris
You must remember though that the liver is evil and must be puncihed...
Sex God
Quote by Calista
Bang go all my chances with you then Callista.
Chris
You must remember though that the liver is evil and must be puncihed...
:giggle:
:smackbottom: :smackbottom:Whats that for.......what did I do :cry:
Quote by mollyandchris
Bang go all my chances with you then Callista.
Chris
You must remember though that the liver is evil and must be puncihed...
:giggle:
:smackbottom: :smackbottom:Whats that for.......what did I do :cry:
s) don't drink ;) ;)
and b) the liver is not evil LMAOOOOOO just the demon drink
Sex God
Im a changed man I shall become T-Total from this day forward just to slightly improve my chances with you.
Your humble servant
Chris.
Your humble servant
Chris.
Best laugh ive had all day :rotflmao: Sex God
Quote by Clare_Lincs
Im a changed man I shall become T-Total from this day forward just to slightly improve my chances with you.
Your humble servant
Chris.
Its true I shall never let the demon alcohol pass my lips again.
