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Swinging experiences - let's talk dirty

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Right you lot :jagsatwork: it's time to talk about sex, this is after a swinging site, so it is about time we had some raunchy, naghty shenanigans mentioned on these here pages.
So let's open the discussion up...
I thought maybe we could start with people's recent swinging experiences, good, bad, indifferent all acceptable. I used to love these type of threads when we were researching the scene, but I also get p***ed off when people on here go all shy and refuse to talk dirty...that is after all what we are all here for ffs rolleyes . I love to hear others' experiences and sure many others do too. :twisted: (Dark, Kiss, Louise, Varca etc sure I can rely on you)
Whilst I appreciate some may not want to post on here for reasons of discretion, just choose an experience that is appropriate to re-tell.
In true SH style here's mine:
We had a meet recently, which nearly got cancelled, because the week leading up to it I had been really busy with family problems and I was frankly knackered. We didn't want to cancel though as we were looking forward to it and I thought I'd perk up. Anyway we hosted and cooked dinner which was interrupted numerous times with important family orinentated phone calls, we eventually got down to playing (I chose all positions where not much effort was required redface )luckily HE knows me quite well and appreciated this was an unusual for me! I almost fall asleep on my partner :shock: I conned him into tickling my hair (which makes me fall asleep) was about to slip into a peaceful haven of sleep, when I was rudely awoken by Blue and his wife making seriously loud noises.
The wine was flowing but I was too tired to carry on drinking so I asked for what I really fancied - a CUP OF TEA coffee , how bad it that??? Cannot believe I sat there, butt naked drinking tea like an old biddy!!!! Ha ha ha...quite funny looking back!
pink x
well we've got a meet this Saturday...let you know on Sunday!
a jolly good tidy-up, and the cleaning out of a kitty-litter tray on arrival :shock:
how dirty do you want it?
lp
Glastonbury looked 'dirty' this year........... wink
Here goes our little story then, not necessarily dirty but funny for us and satisfying in ways i can only ever dream of happening again!!!!
We had a cpl come to ours once, when we were very new to the scene, and the guy was acting like a true male porn star, telling us how great he was and that he could keep an erection for hours and hours..... rolleyes
Anyway, we went out for a drink and a get to know u, bit of flirting etc, the girls got on really well, had a bit of touchy feely stuff under the table :shock: and the guy was still maintaining to me that he was "Studley Goodfuck" giving me tips on how to control myself whilst i sat there keeping a straight face and giving the odd, yeah ok lol
After a few hours out on the lash and listening to this guy's repertoires of how much of a sex god he was and how he was going to "show me the ropes with the ladies" we got a taxi back to ours......
One thing led to another and the fem/fem play started, i was on cloud 9 but the "sex god" seemed somewhat agitated "what's up mate?" i enquired casually looking down at the rather paltry looking limp phallus innocently hanging between his legs, "oh i see".....
This seemed to go down like a lead zeplin and i spent the next 10 - 15 mins with 2 sexy females playing with the only erect man aparatus in the building......mine!!
I, being the typical bloke just laid back and thought of England, whilst Mr sex god sat on the settee furiously trying to jump start his penis, by the time it had regained a little of its fury, we wrere all knackered and had ended the play :lol:
Me and Miss Srne went to bed thoroughly satisfied that night wink
Sometimes its difficult to draw a line between acceptably 'dirty' and legally 'obscene', that's if one can put it into words.
I tend to think that 'dirty' is used more for mental arousal.
Fookin heck Duncan its a chance for you to talk dirty and you get all "intelligent on us" more smut man, more smut lol
My mum has been staying with me the past six weeks & the bearings on old 'revolving doors' has long since cooled down redface
My regular FB somewhat perturbed by her lack of attention booty called me demanding her dues!
I told her this would have to be a quick in & out job as I still had Mums dinner to prepare :giggle:
Anyways... this madam always liked a finger in the back door when she's being stoked from behind.
Upon my arrival I wasn't gonna waste anytime with pleasantries... as her back was turned making the coffee with my erect cock primed for battle I pulled up her wispy dress whipped aside her thong & with a very oily lubed finger her tradesman's entrance was sum what filled with an 'early arrival'
after a few well meaning thrusts fatigue set in & the 'welcomed' digit had to be removed so that a more comfortable angled trajectory could be achevied!
...of course due to the hard bang recoil my black&decker popped out momentarily & the follow up saw me old fella shoot straight up her very well lubed coal hole :shock:
One cup of coffee knocked across the kitchen top smashed drenching the toaster.
She turned round to me & called me every name under the sun!
Suffice to say mummy had dinner on the table a tad early that night! surprisedops:
Quote by varca
... Remind me never to make coffee in your house :lol2:
Who wants you to make coffee? :twisted:
I don't bother with pleasantries anymore! :giggle:
well we've got a meet this Saturday...let you know on Sunday!

well we've got a meet this Saturday...let you know on Sunday!

Blimey Mr P you surely have loads of stories to tell, matey....you're not exactly just starting out rolleyes
Everyone else, it may say dirty in the title but I meant sexy dirty and it can be any stories from funny, weird, silly, great etc
Thanks Varca, knew you'd have one kiss
RPM :shock: :shock: :shock:
pink x
Quote by blueandpink
well we've got a meet this Saturday...let you know on Sunday!

well we've got a meet this Saturday...let you know on Sunday!

Blimey Mr P you surely have loads of stories to tell, matey....you're not exactly just starting out rolleyes
Everyone else, it may say dirty in the title but I meant sexy dirty and it can be any stories from funny, weird, silly, great etc
Thanks Varca, knew you'd have one kiss
RPM :shock: :shock: :shock:
pink x
i'm getting old...my memory isn't what it use to be...this meet Saturday should still be fresh in my mind Sunday! wink
Quote by blueandpink
...Everyone else, it may say dirty in the title but I meant sexy dirty..

dunno what?
I was having some very sexy sex... I only had one slip up :shock:
...then it got dirty redface
I'll get my coat... bolt
Quote by varca
I've just remembered about the time a very helpful receptionist at a hotel
confused hmmmm... some how the name Varca Travel-Lodge doesn't have the same ring as Paris Hilton! :giggle:
ohhhh feck... I was only joking bolt
There was this one time at band camp....... nah me missus would kill me!!! lol
Quote by Lost
There was this one time at band camp....... nah me missus would kill me!!! lol
Awwwww cum on Lost :therethere: you can hole up in my place till the missus cools down :P
Quote by redpantherman
My mum has been staying with me the past six weeks & the bearings on old 'revolving doors' has long since cooled down redface
My regular FB somewhat perturbed by her lack of attention booty called me demanding her dues!
I told her this would have to be a quick in & out job as I still had Mums dinner to prepare :giggle:
Anyways... this madam always liked a finger in the back door when she's being stoked from behind.
Upon my arrival I wasn't gonna waste anytime with pleasantries... as her back was turned making the coffee with my erect cock primed for battle I pulled up her wispy dress whipped aside her thong & with a very oily lubed finger her tradesman's entrance was sum what filled with an 'early arrival'
after a few well meaning thrusts fatigue set in & the 'welcomed' digit had to be removed so that a more comfortable angled trajectory could be achevied!
...of course due to the hard bang recoil my black&decker popped out momentarily & the follow up saw me old fella shoot straight up her very well lubed coal hole :shock:
One cup of coffee knocked across the kitchen top smashed drenching the toaster.
She turned round to me & called me every name under the sun!
Suffice to say mummy had dinner on the table a tad early that night! surprisedops:

Red, you daft bastard! I just spat my coffee everywhere! rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
It could only happen to you!
Quote by redpantherman
My mum has been staying with me the past six weeks & the bearings on old 'revolving doors' has long since cooled down redface
My regular FB somewhat perturbed by her lack of attention booty called me demanding her dues!
I told her this would have to be a quick in & out job as I still had Mums dinner to prepare :giggle:
Anyways... this madam always liked a finger in the back door when she's being stoked from behind.
Upon my arrival I wasn't gonna waste anytime with pleasantries... as her back was turned making the coffee with my erect cock primed for battle I pulled up her wispy dress whipped aside her thong & with a very oily lubed finger her tradesman's entrance was sum what filled with an 'early arrival'
after a few well meaning thrusts fatigue set in & the 'welcomed' digit had to be removed so that a more comfortable angled trajectory could be achevied!
...of course due to the hard bang recoil my black&decker popped out momentarily & the follow up saw me old fella shoot straight up her very well lubed coal hole :shock:
One cup of coffee knocked across the kitchen top smashed drenching the toaster.
She turned round to me & called me every name under the sun!
Suffice to say mummy had dinner on the table a tad early that night! surprisedops:

Black & Decker?
More like a Dremil rolleyes

Thank you for the invitation, dear. I love talking about sex and will gladly share... well, everything basically. Here's our very first swinging experience.
Not that long ago, we finally decided to turn raunchy talk into action and find ourselves a guy. I know I'm supposed to dream about having it with two ladies, but ... anyway. Joined a site, chose a man, exchanged a few e-mails, with every step D. looks more and more like a good find.
Still, it's our first time, Sweet is still a tad nervous, which is fair enough, so we strat exchanging texts. D. comes through, again - he really seems both very nice and very raunchy. And dare I say, I'm starting to sense that he may well be a bit bisexual, too. Wow!
What made it really click was the night when Sweet and I got very raunchy, in the garden, and when in the heat of the texting to D. I decided - why not just talk to him? So I callled, and hurraah! - D. sounds very nice too (voice, very important!). So after a wee while (I'm kinda proud of this) I pass the phone to Sweet and whilst she's allowing herself to be charned by D (we're all pretty turned on by this point) she's also very happily allowing herself to be played with by me. So now Sweet is having to explain to D. what I'm doing and how it feels. (I was doing a lot, and it felt FABBB!!!!)
Damn, I'm getting all excited just typing about it. And this is only the beginning, I'm yet to come to the actual experience (or 'meet' as people seem to call it)....
Er, can I come back in a moment?
Ta, everyone....
Amarcord
PS (I hope this works, it's my first ever posting on this sight.)
Right bluenandpink, may I continue? (No, I didn't go off to play with myself, actually, there was somethinge else I needed to sort out.)
Well, anyway, after the phone-threesome in the garden, we just had to meet D. A date was booked in a very nice Soho bar (London) and we went with only one rule (this is our one and only rule, generally) - at any point in the evening, no matter how early or far we've got to, either of us can say "I want to go home now". That's it, no questions asked, no pressure or excuses. Little did we know that there will be no need, no need whatsoever to press that button. D. was nice, smart, charming and very relaxed. After a few drinks, when he went to the loo, Sweet and I agreed that we've got to take him home.
(This is it, now - the best bit). D. is delighted at the offer and we chat and giggle all the way to the car. Then I offer, as I'm driving, why doesn't Sweet get in the back with D, to keep him company. And sshe does. They were kissing by the time I turned the first corner, they were unbuttoning each other by the time I reched Picadilly, Sweet had D's Mr. Happy in her mouth by Hyde Park Corner, and they were in 69, yes, folks, they were in 69 on the back seats of our car, just as I stopped at one of the many traffic lights on High Sreet Ken. So this is what the words 'feverish excitement' were invented for! Bring it on! And where do I look first - at the rearview mirror or at the couple on the bus in the lane next to me who clearly did see, oh, they so clearly did see my Sweet and D in the back of our car. Fantastic!
And so what if we don't have an automatic, I can send my hand back for a little feel in betwee changing gears.....
Anyway, the rest of the night was just as fabulous. My Sweet with two men! D. was the perfect gentleman and... boy did he have stayig power. I exploded a few times (and was so excited that I managed to get back up pretty swiftly - that's pretty fab, already), but D. just stayed on and on and on.... And guess what, he is bi. In fact, we share the same view - if three people are making love, then let three people make love, what's the point of holding back? A kiss is a kiss, a pair of lips, a pair of lips, a tongue a tongue......
We still remember that night oh-so-very-fondly.... mmmmmmmmm
I was seeing an older couple some years ago. They wanted to 'try some new things' with me. So various videos were put on to suggest what they needed.
OO eer I thought. I can do some anal dildo, but I'm not sure I want to get into brown. Apart from which they didn't look like they were prepared for the kind of things they'd been viewing on video. It looked like they needed industrial equipment to carry off their fantasy.
Anyways I headed off to the bathroom to perform an emergency 'clearance'. I reappeared later ready to perform.
I lay down on a towel on their couch. Wifey was all ready to pounce. Weilding a dildo she approached with a seriously disturbing look on her face. This is where it caused feelings of 'dirty' and 'filthy'. She was focussed mentally on something quite nasty. Which produced a highly erotic atmosphere.
Anyway she had no trouble dildoing me, talking to me in a dirty way, about how she was going to push it right up there and make me feel it etc. The old man turned up very impressed with what was going on. Wifey grinning and both approving of each other.
Just then I crapped myself. A loud farty, smelly mess erupted as she was withdrawing the dildo. A fair bit flew onto her stockings. She was enveloped in a fearsome guff and nearly choked. But she loved it, really found it a thrill. I mean she was all of a tremble.
I heard her and hubby chatting about it and it seemed she'd really got her rocks off all right.
Had my first meet with a lovely woman on here just over a year ago. We were both married and meeting on the QT. We were struggling for a place to go for car sex and I found a remote entrance to a farmers field that seemed suitably out of the way. Drove in and started a 3 point turn so we were facing outwards when there was a loud clunk sound and no matter how much revving I did I just wasn't moving......... we got out to discover I'd reversed into dried out tractor wheel grooves and my car was literally sitting on hard mud at the back with my wheels barely touching the ground. I about shat myself as I thought I'd be busted, having to call the AA etc, being late home, trashing the family car etc. I managed to use the wheel brace to break some of the hard mud next to the wheels and after about 15 mins of digging and revving we escaped with only the loss of of 1 mud guard.....not exactly what I'd call foreplay!
It didn't take long to get back in the mood after our near disaster and we had some really good fun and had my first full (and fantastic) blowjob at aged 39 redface but my out of the way field wasn't so out of the way......2 joggers ran by and got a right eyeful as I was just taking her top off.......and in mid full on action a white van drove by and nearly went in the hedge as they'd obviously been distracted by something surprisedops:
Right bluenandpink, may I continue? (No, I didn't go off to play with myself, actually, there was somethinge else I needed to sort out.)
Well, anyway, after the phone-threesome in the garden, we just had to meet D. A date was booked in a very nice Soho bar (London) and we went with only one rule (this is our one and only rule, generally) - at any point in the evening, no matter how early or far we've got to, either of us can say "I want to go home now". That's it, no questions asked, no pressure or excuses. Little did we know that there will be no need, no need whatsoever to press that button. D. was nice, smart, charming and very relaxed. After a few drinks, when he went to the loo, Sweet and I agreed that we've got to take him home.
(This is it, now - the best bit). D. is delighted at the offer and we chat and giggle all the way to the car. Then I offer, as I'm driving, why doesn't Sweet get in the back with D, to keep him company. And sshe does. They were kissing by the time I turned the first corner, they were unbuttoning each other by the time I reched Picadilly, Sweet had D's Mr. Happy in her mouth by Hyde Park Corner, and they were in 69, yes, folks, they were in 69 on the back seats of our car, just as I stopped at one of the many traffic lights on High Sreet Ken. So this is what the words 'feverish excitement' were invented for! Bring it on! And where do I look first - at the rearview mirror or at the couple on the bus in the lane next to me who clearly did see, oh, they so clearly did see my Sweet and D in the back of our car. Fantastic!
And so what if we don't have an automatic, I can send my hand back for a little feel in betwee changing gears.....
Anyway, the rest of the night was just as fabulous. My Sweet with two men! D. was the perfect gentleman and... boy did he have stayig power. I exploded a few times (and was so excited that I managed to get back up pretty swiftly - that's pretty fab, already), but D. just stayed on and on and on.... And guess what, he is bi. In fact, we share the same view - if three people are making love, then let three people make love, what's the point of holding back? A kiss is a kiss, a pair of lips, a pair of lips, a tongue a tongue......

We still remember that night oh-so-very-fondly.... mmmmmmmmm
Wow and welcome Amarcord! great story, you'll do well here, so take a seat and join in the fun

Anyways I headed off to the bathroom to perform an emergency 'clearance'.

rotflmao
:rotflmao:
:rotflmao:
:rotflmao:
:rotflmao:
:rotflmao:
:rotflmao:
Fanbloodytastic, crying with laughter here Duncan
I was having a raging affair with a guy's wife, and it was full on stuff. In a mad moment I went over to her town and within a few minutes we bumped into each other, no arrangements, just spontaneous lust.
She was impressed and turned on. Hubby and the kids were in her house, so we couldn't go there. We wandered round the back of a block of flats and found it quiet. Also there was a stair block and a small doorway underneath it.
We got in there and she suddenly said. 'Oh I'm just at the end of my period'. Maybe she would have done a blowjob instead, but we were both mad for a fuck. So she just hoisted her skirt up, took her knickers off and removed her tampax and threw it on the ground. A bloody mess!
We had a ferocious fuck under the stairs as she held onto her knickers with one hand and braced herself against the wall with the other. me hammering at her from behind.
We were both shattered. Our legs trembling. She turned around as I withdrew. A lot of spunk dripping out of her fanny. It was all over very quickly, and we both rushed off back to our jobs and families.
we were cany horny 1 night on here in forums a cpl asked us for a dogging meet so off we trot up to a carpark ,sat chatting to the cpl and they wanted some watching each other they were playing and we were getting it on ,when mrs north whispered(hope its ok to whisper in here lol ) "take me over the bonnet NOW" so out we get ,shes dressed in leather mini, hold ups, boots, shes shouting "harder,fuck me harder" when i looked up at the cpl who were EATING fucking sarnies and his mrs was pouring a cup of tea from a flask ffs the mr looked up grin on his face sarnie with lettuce sticking out his bun and,,,gave me the thumbs up sigh :shock: dogging just turned in the teddy bears picnic ffs :lol:
Quote by northeastcoupleuk
we were cany horny 1 night on here in forums a cpl asked us for a dogging meet so off we trot up to a carpark ,sat chatting to the cpl and they wanted some watching each other they were playing and we were getting it on ,when mrs north whispered(hope its ok to whisper in here lol ) "take me over the bonnet NOW" so out we get ,shes dressed in leather mini, hold ups, boots, shes shouting "harder,fuck me harder" when i looked up at the cpl who were EATING fucking sarnies and his mrs was pouring a cup of tea from a flask ffs the mr looked up grin on his face sarnie with lettuce sticking out his bun and,,,gave me the thumbs up sigh :shock: dogging just turned in the teddy bears picnic ffs :lol:

Didn't they have any popcorn ... bloody amateurs rolleyes
DD :giggle:
Quote by northeastcoupleuk
we were cany horny 1 night on here in forums a cpl asked us for a dogging meet so off we trot up to a carpark ,sat chatting to the cpl and they wanted some watching each other they were playing and we were getting it on ,when mrs north whispered(hope its ok to whisper in here lol ) "take me over the bonnet NOW" so out we get ,shes dressed in leather mini, hold ups, boots, shes shouting "harder,fuck me harder" when i looked up at the cpl who were EATING fucking sarnies and his mrs was pouring a cup of tea from a flask ffs the mr looked up grin on his face sarnie with lettuce sticking out his bun and,,,gave me the thumbs up sigh :shock: dogging just turned in the teddy bears picnic ffs :lol:

omg so funny
rotflmao :rotflmao:
:rotflmao:
Quote by devondelight
we were cany horny 1 night on here in forums a cpl asked us for a dogging meet so off we trot up to a carpark ,sat chatting to the cpl and they wanted some watching each other they were playing and we were getting it on ,when mrs north whispered(hope its ok to whisper in here lol ) "take me over the bonnet NOW" so out we get ,shes dressed in leather mini, hold ups, boots, shes shouting "harder,fuck me harder" when i looked up at the cpl who were EATING fucking sarnies and his mrs was pouring a cup of tea from a flask ffs the mr looked up grin on his face sarnie with lettuce sticking out his bun and,,,gave me the thumbs up sigh :shock: dogging just turned in the teddy bears picnic ffs :lol:

Didn't they have any popcorn ... bloody amateurs rolleyes
DD :giggle:wada been the arnie thing that went pop hun :lol:
C'mon you "golden oldies" (as in SH memebership time) we wanna hear yours:
Please step forward:-
Dawnie
Polo
Choon
MikeNorth
Shireen and Mallock
Scandal
Sassy
Earthy
and the rest of you veterans, you lot surely have more to tell then the rest of us....
pink x
lol once in turkey we hired a speedboat so me being clever thought mm lets go cany far,so the further out we went the more dirty thoughts :twisted: and we er started getting a bit frisky :lol: so the mrs gets on top facing the other way, and humping away when out the corner of my eye i saw a big fook off boat and nearly on the old vineger stroke i thought fook it shes moaning and shouting away when just as we had finished she looked up at people clicking away with camras redface and giving it the old"whey hey" :lol: she looks at me and i says big grin on me face "fooking seamen gets every where dont it" rolleyes off we went her fave red and not off the sun biggrin