Swinging or Casual Sex?

5 Feb 2005

Having been on this Forum for nearly a year now I've come to feel that there are two distinctive categories... and I wondered if others thought I was correct, or not, in my assumption.
My current definition of Swinging would be an attached and committed couple engaging in sexual relationships with A N Other/s. All involved would be swinging... I'd also extend the term to a married couple/partnership who had sex individually as long as their partner/spouse was aware and approved.
Casual sex is sex between two unattached people or partnered, when their partner is unaware of the infidelity.
Does that make sense or am I wibbling? and to be honest does it really matter... ;-)
Wendy (prone to rambling - cos it's *that* 'bee in a bonnet' week... poor GT smile

xx

5 Feb 2005

Quote by manofmuchfun
Then how do we define a single person who wants an does play with a sort of regular partner ?
I meant as attending odd nights ?
maybe single but is that still casual sex ? could define prostitutes as casual sex ?

Currently I'd say yes, that is casual sex unless you considered that regular partner in a loving and romantic light but I am open to persuasive argument though...
With regard to sex workers... that is a profession and, in my opinion, is not part of this discussion. smile

Thanks for the reply. :)

5 Feb 2005

Both please! rolleyes

5 Feb 2005

Ive given up on trying to distinguish and categorise between all that goes on in the "sexually liberated " community , far to many "groups " so i lump em all together in a big sweaty heaving mass of fornicating humans who just love to shag ! biggrin

:D :D .lol

5 Feb 2005

can i join the lump rolleyes

5 Feb 2005

oooh... so where do that leave me???
i am a single guy but i condsider myself to be a swinger.
but i suppose by your terms anyone single is just after casual sex... which i think is grossly unfair and a generalisation...
so if the partner is playing (with permission) with a single person..... by you defination the attached person is "swinging" while the single person is having "casual sex"
do you see the madness in it all.... lol
i only have sex if i like the person i am doing it with... if i have built a friendship over time and it feels like a natural extensidn to whatever we all have........
sean xxxxxxxxxxxx

5 Feb 2005

Quote by manofmuchfun
so if we have 5 males an 5 females in a room some married an some not then whats that definition ?

Then that is swinging because presumably everyone is getting a piece of the action and they all know that some of them are married/partnered... :twisted:

5 Feb 2005

Quote by manofmuchfun
if I met a female off here can I define that as swinging ? in a sense that we have both advertised ?

Sorry I should have responded to this part as well...
The example you give here is, IMO, casual sex... nothing wrong with it... this is not a morality debate... An unattached person advertising and getting hot 'n horny with another unattached person is casual sex... pure and simple... smile

5 Feb 2005

I always thought swinging was between couples before I came to this site and still dont get the fact of single on single being swinging though rolleyes

:roll: :roll: :roll:

5 Feb 2005

Quote by fabio grooverider
oooh... so where do that leave me???
i am a single guy but i condsider myself to be a swinger.
but i suppose by your terms anyone single is just after casual sex... which i think is grossly unfair and a generalisation...

I do sincerely take your point Sean... I used the term casual sex - perhaps a better term would be recreational sex... is that less offensive to you? xx

Quote by fabio grooverider
so if the partner is playing (with permission) with a single person..... by you defination the attached person is "swinging" while the single person is having "casual sex"

I did define my thoughts in an earlier post Sean... I did state that if a single person was engaging in recreational sex with a married/partnered couple then he/she too was swinging...

Quote by fabio grooverider
i only have sex if i like the person i am doing it with... if i have built a friendship over time and it feels like a natural extensidn to whatever we all have........
sean xxxxxxxxxxxx

Of course... I understand that... and if it is friendship with no long term commitment then that surely is recreational sex..? Like I said earlier though... not closed minded on this and I am open to persuasive discussion.
Wendy
xxxxxx

5 Feb 2005

I do like this thread - it makes people think about WHY others are here.
Fabio said it is about a state of mind. I would agree with him. Swinging is sex without the ego, jealousy and bed post notching. It doesn't matter what the combination is really, as long as it is a case of mutual enjoyment of the experience, and not just a shag for a shags sake.
lhk
Kat

5 Feb 2005

Quote by corriefem
I always thought swinging was between couples before I came to this site and still dont get the fact of single on single being swinging though :roll: :roll: :roll:

I've only ever regarded couples to be the true swingers. Singles that get invited to join in are 'involved in swinging' but they can't be swingers in their own right 'cos they don't have a relationship to swing in? dunno

If two singles meet how can they be swinging??? They might both be involved in swinging in some way at other times but not when they're just with each other.
Steve

5 Feb 2005

Quote by KitKat
I do like this thread - it makes people think about WHY others are here.
Fabio said it is about a state of mind. I would agree with him. Swinging is sex without the ego, jealousy and bed post notching. It doesn't matter what the combination is really, as long as it is a case of mutual enjoyment of the experience, and not just a shag for a shags sake.
lhk
Kat

Sincerely thanks for that input Kat... you have done what I hoped would be done and that is give me a definition to Swinging that I could appreciate and embrace. I said I was open to persuasive argument! smile

Thanks guys for this discussion... you've helped me with something I was wrestling with! I feel like doing something effusive in a Dick Emery kind of way and shout ... and I love you all!
Sadly only those born in the sixties and early seventies will get that... *sigh*!

5 Feb 2005

well put kat its excatly what i would say .just to add more to it at the end of the day its shagging be it recreational or whatever terminology you woul like to put to it but surely if u regulary do it with a certain group like from sh for example then you will eventually get to know people and that in my book makes us all swingers married ,attached or otherwise biggrin

5 Feb 2005

Quote by Ice Pie
More bloody labels.
The site info refers to "recreational sex". |That's a good enough description for me. It doesn't say that single people need the permission or approval of the attached.
Those of you who consider yourselves "real" swingers according to your personal definition are welcome to your label, but stop pretending that it makes you superior because it doesn't, OK?

OK but I havent read this a superior - I just know if I have sex with a man from this site then I do not consider my self superior or not - lucky maybe hahahahahahahahaha (and that is a JOKE!!!!!!!!) But come on Ice swinging was set up was it not for couples??????? My head has very simple concepts and I think recreational sex is a term for everyone but swinging to me is couple on couple
Oh and Ice are you up for a non swinging salsa lesson on Monday with me and Bernie and that does not mean ffm lol

:lol: :lol:

5 Feb 2005

Quote by Ice Pie
More bloody labels.
The site info refers to "recreational sex". |That's a good enough description for me. It doesn't say that single people need the permission or approval of the attached.
Those of you who consider yourselves "real" swingers according to your personal definition are welcome to your label, but stop pretending that it makes you superior because it doesn't, OK?

Hiya Arnold... I don't think anyone is taking a superiour position here... and if I personally gave you that impression it was certainly unintended and am sorry...
Or are you just trolling..? xx ;)
After reading Kat's definition it seems to match yours and that is recreational sex with no egos, headboard notching etc...
Sincerely yours,
Myrtle Higginbotham (Spinster of the Parish)

5 Feb 2005

Quote by corriefem
But come on Ice swinging was set up was it not for couples???????

Who by? Who made the rules? SH certainly doesn't make that distinction, and SH wasn't set up for that purpose according to this Terminology info page
This site promotes "Recreational sex between consenting adults". It specifically refutes any claim of exclusivity to couples, and I don't need couples' permission to take part.

5 Feb 2005

Quote by WibblyWobbly
Hiya Arnold... I don't think anyone is taking a superiour position here... and if I personally gave you that impression it was certainly unintended and am sorry...
Or are you just trolling..? xx ;)

Just for once, no I'm not. :P
The comment wasn't directed at you or any other individual. I would just invite you to read through the thread and count the number of people who have implied that it is, or should be, for couples only.

5 Feb 2005

Now after all that praise, I am going to say something very Kat like and obscure!
I was watching a programme many months ago. A documentary made just after world war one (and anyone that suggests I watched at the time it was made is infor a :sparring: ) anyway they were talking about a battle, the Somme I think, and they said "Computers have calculated that 48 generals died in the battle"
Computers? 1920's? WTF? :shock: It turns out that those who compiled statistics were called computers at that time. A sign of how the interpretation of language changes.
Now - on to my point. I honestly think that the concept of swinging is currently undergoing a change. In the past, swinging was seen as 'wife swopping' - couples who exchanged partners.
I think that understanding is changing, and swinging is becoming a term applied to anyone who is able to enjoy sex as an enjoyable physical andemotional exchange without the burden of expectations.
Further, if it is not too pretentious, I would say that Swinging Heaven IS at the forefront of that evolution, it attracts all sorts of people, but keeps those with the healthy and open attitude it takes to be a swinger.
There are some that appear on here whom I am happy to say to: 'you are not a swinger' It is nothing to do with age, sex, sexual orientation or marital status, it is purely based on the attitude they display.
lhk
Kat

5 Feb 2005

Quote by Ice Pie
But come on Ice swinging was set up was it not for couples???????

Who by? Who made the rules? SH certainly doesn't make that distinction, and SH wasn't set up for that purpose according to this Terminology info page
This site promotes "Recreational sex between consenting adults". It specifically refutes any claim of exclusivity to couples, and I don't need couples' permission to take part.
I was talking about my defination NOT SH definition of recreational sex which I agree is promoted here. I am entited to a view which is personal and one which I will hold to.......................

5 Feb 2005

Quote by corriefem
But come on Ice swinging was set up was it not for couples???????

Who by? Who made the rules? SH certainly doesn't make that distinction, and SH wasn't set up for that purpose according to this Terminology info page
This site promotes "Recreational sex between consenting adults". It specifically refutes any claim of exclusivity to couples, and I don't need couples' permission to take part.
I was talking about my defination NOT SH definition of recreational sex which I agree is promoted here. I am entited to a view which is personal and one which I will hold to.......................
That's fair enough - it is after all just a label. What I'm getting at is the people who try to make singles feel like they shouldn't be here.

5 Feb 2005

Quote by KitKat
Computers? 1920's? WTF? :shock: It turns out that those who compiled statistics were called computers at that time. A sign of how the interpretation of language changes.
Now - on to my point. I honestly think that the concept of swinging is currently undergoing a change. In the past, swinging was seen as 'wife swopping' - couples who exchanged partners.
I think that understanding is changing, and swinging is becoming a term applied to anyone who is able to enjoy sex as an enjoyable physical and emotional exchange without the burden of expectations.
Further, if it is not too pretentious, I would say that Swinging Heaven IS at the forefront of that evolution, it attracts all sorts of people, but keeps those with the healthy and open attitude it takes to be a swinger.
There are some that appear on here whom I am happy to say to: 'you are not a swinger' It is nothing to do with age, sex, sexual orientation or marital status, it is purely based on the attitude they display.
lhk
Kat

I completely concur with your thoughts Kat... I was thinking exactly the same - that definitions change over time... Look at the usage of the word 'Gay' for example... Thanks once again for your positive contribution and helping me sort out my thoughts! I hope we meet one day... smile

5 Feb 2005

Quote by Ice Pie
Who by? Who made the rules? SH certainly doesn't make that distinction, and SH wasn't set up for that purpose according to

Swinging was around long before SH Ice. Mark has never claimed to be the defining source of swinging, and he wrote the intro. The rules on SH are just that, the rules Mark wants the site to run by, one mans interpretation (although I am sure Helen had a say wink

) they are NOT the rules for all swingers and should not be seen as that.
To try and
lhk

5 Feb 2005

Quote by KitKat
Who by? Who made the rules? SH certainly doesn't make that distinction, and SH wasn't set up for that purpose according to

Swinging was around long before SH Ice. Mark has never claimed to be the defining source of swinging, and he wrote the intro. The rules on SH are just that, the rules Mark wants the site to run by, one mans interpretation (although I am sure Helen had a say wink

) they are NOT the rules for all swingers and should not be seen as that.
To try and
lhk
Point taken, and I completely agree. What I'm saying is, because this site has the word "Swinging" in the title, there are those who apply their personal definition to that and resent the presence of anyone who doesn't satisfy that definition, and some of those have made themselves apparent in this thread.

5 Feb 2005

I agree with the definition of swinging as recreational sex. I also have always been of the opinion that sex one-to-one cannot be called swinging, and I have never used that term myself for it, but have used it to refer to sex between three or more. However, I must admit I no longer disagree as strongly as I used to when people seem to be including one-to-one sex as swinging. Maybe, as Kit, or was it Kat, says, the general usage of the word is changing, as any language always does.
Mike.

5 Feb 2005

If it was sensible - it must have been Kat :lol:
lhk

5 Feb 2005

The question that crops up in my mind though as a single, am I less welcome at a swinging party? A lot of parties and clubs actively encourage single women to come along and the parties I have been to have had single men there too. Are they less entitled to play because they are not 'true swingers'?
I know in practice that I am welcome at parties and clubs, but do some people hold the attitude that I shouldn't really be there because I am not fortunate enough to have a loving partner?
I don't mean to cause trouble but all this categorisation makes me feel uncomfortable.

5 Feb 2005

Quote by steveg_nw
I've only ever regarded couples to be the true swingers. Singles that get invited to join in are 'involved in swinging' but they can't be swingers in their own right 'cos they don't have a relationship to swing in?
If two singles meet how can they be swinging??? They might both be involved in swinging in some way at other times but not when they're just with each other.
Steve

As a very new "entry" to the world of swinging - I have to say that I agree with Steve. If I met a single person off here for sex I would not class that as swinging. When I meet a couple - then I do class myself as being involved in swinging.
Just my teeny little, newbie, input to an interesting debate.

5 Feb 2005

Question 1:
If a couple invite a single female to their home to enjoy and evening of sexual activity, because the female is single (and therefore cannot be a swinger as she is not a couple - as defined by some people) does that mean the couple are not actually swinging in this situation?
Question 2: This time the single female takes a single male (who is a close sexual friend) along to the couple's house. A frequent amount of switching and swapping takes place during sexual activity. Because the female and male are not legally/socially considered a couple, again does this mean the actual couple are not swinging in this situation?

5 Feb 2005

Quote by MQ
The question that crops up in my mind though as a single, am I less welcome at a swinging party? A lot of parties and clubs actively encourage single women to come along and the parties I have been to have had single men there too. Are they less entitled to play because they are not 'true swingers'?
I know in practice that I am welcome at parties and clubs, but do some people hold the attitude that I shouldn't really be there because I am not fortunate enough to have a loving partner?
I don't mean to cause trouble but all this categorisation makes me feel uncomfortable.

That's pretty much what I've been trying to say, only I said it less calmly than you did. redface

I do feel that there are many couples who regard single people as somehow second class, even morally inferior, and although some of them try to use diplomatic language, they're not very good at hiding that smugness.