Maybe it's a midlife crisis type of thing but these days I find myself with a real urge to tell my wife that I'm bisexual.
I was bi before I met her but despite her being a total sex fiend in the early part of our relationship, she's not really into anything kinky. I fear that my bi confession would be too much for her.
Has anyone here been through a similar situation?
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Telling my wife...
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Quote by Roygbiv
she's not really into anything kinky.
Is being Bi really that kinky
Quote by Roygbiv
I fear that my bi confession would be too much for her
Then don't tell her outright. When you are getting down and dirty start talking about fantasies and hint towards you'd like to let a man suck your cock and see what the reaction is :dunno:
Quote by Roygbiv
Has anyone here been through a similar situation?
No, sorry I haven't but I just felt like replying anyway
:lol2: 
Orgasminator
I have no experience of this as I am 100% straight and I dont know your wife, so Like Dawnie I am only replying because I want to!
I suggest you make one of 3 choices:
Dont tell her
Tell her gently :undecided:
Let her find out with the help of BIoke :rascal:
I dont recommend the third option but I know a guy who probably will...........
Infact im surprised his alarm hasn't gone off and he hasnt posted already!
I suggest you make one of 3 choices:
Dont tell her
Tell her gently :undecided:
Let her find out with the help of BIoke :rascal:
Quote by bIoke
I had someone's wife walk in once when I had her husband on his back with my knob up his bum. That wasn't really funny, poor woman... but his response to his wife was:
"It's not what it looks like luv....."
I dont recommend the third option but I know a guy who probably will...........
Infact im surprised his alarm hasn't gone off and he hasnt posted already!
I knew a woman she was married for a few months when she found condoms in her husband’s pocket. She was ok thinking it was another woman. Then she found him in bed with a man.
She got a divorce, she was devastated.
I do not know what your wife will think, and I do not know what you should do or say.
Travis
She got a divorce, she was devastated.
I do not know what your wife will think, and I do not know what you should do or say.
Travis
In response to some of your questions and suggestions (can't be arsed to quote properly because I'm on my phone)...
Many moons ago, when we were still having regular sex, we talked about fantasies and I suggested her fucking me with a strap-on. The subject was quickly changed. Her fantasy was something soppy like making love in a four poster bed.
As for suggesting that I'd like a man to suck me off, it wouldn't really work because she's never given me a BJ, only a few seconds of oral as part of foreplay.
I have thought of the consequences (divorce) and sometimes think it would be worth it - we've had sex once in 18 months and we're in our early 40's.
Many moons ago, when we were still having regular sex, we talked about fantasies and I suggested her fucking me with a strap-on. The subject was quickly changed. Her fantasy was something soppy like making love in a four poster bed.
As for suggesting that I'd like a man to suck me off, it wouldn't really work because she's never given me a BJ, only a few seconds of oral as part of foreplay.
I have thought of the consequences (divorce) and sometimes think it would be worth it - we've had sex once in 18 months and we're in our early 40's.
reason and accountability.
she has no reason to be accountable for this (your desire to spread your sexual wings).
she probably already knows what you are capable of, or thought you never had it in you.
but here it is and you want to do something about it.
so gently does it, she doesn't need to be victimised by your needs.
but you need a sex life. so have a careful talk and just say you need a sex life, and leave it at that. if she has no reason to be accountable she won't ask questions. and you can do what you need without rubbing it in her face.
oddly enough plenty of couples do this without raising a voice or batting an eyelid. and remain together and live through these things.
she has no reason to be accountable for this (your desire to spread your sexual wings).
she probably already knows what you are capable of, or thought you never had it in you.
but here it is and you want to do something about it.
so gently does it, she doesn't need to be victimised by your needs.
but you need a sex life. so have a careful talk and just say you need a sex life, and leave it at that. if she has no reason to be accountable she won't ask questions. and you can do what you need without rubbing it in her face.
oddly enough plenty of couples do this without raising a voice or batting an eyelid. and remain together and live through these things.
Quote by Roygbiv
Maybe it's a midlife crisis type of thing but these days I find myself with a real urge to tell my wife that I'm bisexual.
I was bi before I met her but despite her being a total sex fiend in the early part of our relationship, she's not really into anything kinky. I fear that my bi confession would be too much for her.
Has anyone here been through a similar situation?
to much for her?
is she going to faint or be sick or just plain leeve you?
is it to much for youto keep the secret from her? just tell her and stop living a lie and be honest.
Sexlightened
Quote by Roygbiv
I have thought of the consequences (divorce) and sometimes think it would be worth it - we've had sex once in 18 months and we're in our early 40's.
IMO, this is a lot more important than telling her your Bi tendencies.
Quote by Roygbiv
Many moons ago, when we were still having regular sex, we talked about fantasies and I suggested her fucking me with a strap-on. The subject was quickly changed. Her fantasy was something soppy like making love in a four poster bed.
People do change and I am certain many moons ago I would have freaked out at the thought of being on a swingers site
Quote by Roygbiv
As for suggesting that I'd like a man to suck me off, it wouldn't really work because she's never given me a BJ, only a few seconds of oral as part of foreplay.
Some people don't like to suck cock but doesn't always mean they don't want to watch it
Sexlightened
I feel sorry for your wife. you come on here and saying she all boring and so on. while you on a swinging site.(well if she don't know your bi im sure she don't know about you being here) and now saying you want tell her you bi.
if you had any feelings for would tell her straight away. and should of done before you started putting adds on here to meet dudes.
it's a class of cheating however you see it..
if you had any feelings for would tell her straight away. and should of done before you started putting adds on here to meet dudes.
it's a class of cheating however you see it..
Sex God
We are both very accepting regarding the sexual preferences of others. Lee is 100% straight but doesn't take offence if a guy makes a pass at him, he just says "Sorry mate, that ain't my thing!"
We have lots of friends who are gay, bi, CD, TV, etc but to be honest, if Lee suddenly turned to me and said he was a bit curious I have no idea what I would do. I'm fine with other people doing it in their relationships but I don't really want it in mine.
So I think you need to have a real think about the consequences of your confessions. I mean, we have a very strong relationship, but as I said, I'm not sure how I would handle such a confession from my hubby. However, I am not your wife and many women find 2 men together a massive turn on.
I would say the first thing to do prior to any such confession is to sort out the relationship as it stands at the moment. I think that if your relationship is strong and functioning well, things are easier to handle. You may find that once your relationship is healthy she may be fine with your confession when the time comes.
Have you actually tried talking to her to find out why you're sex life is non existent at the moment? 18 months is a very long time!! It could be something really simple, it could be that you have both just got into the habit of not having sex. I am a strong believer that communication is the most important factor in getting sex right. Once you find out why you're not having sex and get that bit sorted, then you can start being open with each other and talking about what you want from your sexual relationship. Tell her what you want from her sexually as well as what you want to do to her and let her do the same. Once you two are sorted and having lots of great sex together, you can then start talking about 'new things'.
I find that the best time to talk about what you want sexually is just after a hot and steamy sex session!!
You never know, 8 years ago, the thought of him having sex with another woman would have broke my heart, and yet a year later we were at it like rabbits with random strangers!
Talk, talk and talk some more!!
We have lots of friends who are gay, bi, CD, TV, etc but to be honest, if Lee suddenly turned to me and said he was a bit curious I have no idea what I would do. I'm fine with other people doing it in their relationships but I don't really want it in mine.
So I think you need to have a real think about the consequences of your confessions. I mean, we have a very strong relationship, but as I said, I'm not sure how I would handle such a confession from my hubby. However, I am not your wife and many women find 2 men together a massive turn on.
I would say the first thing to do prior to any such confession is to sort out the relationship as it stands at the moment. I think that if your relationship is strong and functioning well, things are easier to handle. You may find that once your relationship is healthy she may be fine with your confession when the time comes.
Have you actually tried talking to her to find out why you're sex life is non existent at the moment? 18 months is a very long time!! It could be something really simple, it could be that you have both just got into the habit of not having sex. I am a strong believer that communication is the most important factor in getting sex right. Once you find out why you're not having sex and get that bit sorted, then you can start being open with each other and talking about what you want from your sexual relationship. Tell her what you want from her sexually as well as what you want to do to her and let her do the same. Once you two are sorted and having lots of great sex together, you can then start talking about 'new things'.
I find that the best time to talk about what you want sexually is just after a hot and steamy sex session!!
You never know, 8 years ago, the thought of him having sex with another woman would have broke my heart, and yet a year later we were at it like rabbits with random strangers!
Talk, talk and talk some more!!
Warming the Bed
Quote by Mr_Lilly
I have thought of the consequences (divorce) and sometimes think it would be worth it - we've had sex once in 18 months and we're in our early 40's.
IMO, this is a lot more important than telling her your Bi tendencies.
Agreed - looking for a way out perhaps?
Sex God
I don't envy your position. People have different desires and strengths of need, neither is wrong. I doubt there is a win-win option here. But making yourself miserable to mainatain someone eles's happiness (is she happy with what you have at the moment?) is the path to depression.
You could ask yourself some questions:
Can you be happy without expressing your bi-side?
Can you indulge your bi-side with no risk of her finding out (I'll answer that one - NO).
Is sex and sexuality a key part of your identity (it isn't for everyone)?
Could you sex life be spiced up without broaching the bi-subject?
Is it worth supressing your sexuality to maintain what you have now?
Getting comments from a (relatively) neutral place as this is one step. Is there someone closer you could talk to?
I had to look very hard at my life some time ago - one thing I did was imagine my life in 20 years time (I was just turning 40 coincidentally) and choose whether I wanted what I could see in the future.
As a result I am much happier - and (I think more importantly) more content than I would ever have imagined possible in my earlier life.
I assume she doesn't know you are a member here? In which case, does that tell you something about your view of your relationship?
You could ask yourself some questions:
Can you be happy without expressing your bi-side?
Can you indulge your bi-side with no risk of her finding out (I'll answer that one - NO).
Is sex and sexuality a key part of your identity (it isn't for everyone)?
Could you sex life be spiced up without broaching the bi-subject?
Is it worth supressing your sexuality to maintain what you have now?
Getting comments from a (relatively) neutral place as this is one step. Is there someone closer you could talk to?
I had to look very hard at my life some time ago - one thing I did was imagine my life in 20 years time (I was just turning 40 coincidentally) and choose whether I wanted what I could see in the future.
As a result I am much happier - and (I think more importantly) more content than I would ever have imagined possible in my earlier life.
I assume she doesn't know you are a member here? In which case, does that tell you something about your view of your relationship?
Orgasminator
Quote by Roygbiv
I have thought of the consequences (divorce) and sometimes think it would be worth it
Sounds like you are not in love with your wife. That may have nothing to do with you being Bi.
What do you mean by worth 'it' - worth what??
Sexpert
I would suggest that the best way to introduce an awkward subject, would be to say something like the following....
"I had the weirdest dream the other night....blah, blah, blah......and something kinda strange happened, I think it kinda turned me on......not sure what that was about...."
...and leave it at that.
If a discussion continues all well and good. If not you've been honest and a seed has been planted.
I would agree with what has been said before. Think about the real reason for bringing it up and the consequences of it too....good luck.
"I had the weirdest dream the other night....blah, blah, blah......and something kinda strange happened, I think it kinda turned me on......not sure what that was about...."
...and leave it at that.
If a discussion continues all well and good. If not you've been honest and a seed has been planted.
I would agree with what has been said before. Think about the real reason for bringing it up and the consequences of it too....good luck.
Quote by duncanlondon
reason and accountability.
she has no reason to be accountable for this (your desire to spread your sexual wings).
she probably already knows what you are capable of, or thought you never had it in you.
but here it is and you want to do something about it.
so gently does it, she doesn't need to be victimised by your needs.
but you need a sex life. so have a careful talk and just say you need a sex life, and leave it at that. if she has no reason to be accountable she won't ask questions. and you can do what you need without rubbing it in her face.
oddly enough plenty of couples do this without raising a voice or batting an eyelid. and remain together and live through these things.
It's odd but true. Its what we do. She has the odd affair. No were near as much extra sex as I do. She does not tell me about them, and does not ask about my encounters. She sends me off every few months, on leave.
What would up set her is someone she knows knowing or telling her. To say we have rules would be over stating it. What we have is an understanding and it works.
Sometimes I say something about us swinging together, but she always shuts the conversation down. So we have an open marrige.
Travis
Orgasminator
Quote by Roygbiv
OK... A few judgmental replies (surprising for a swinging site) and a few good suggestions on how to broche the subject but no advice from anyone who's been through the same thing.
perhaps judgemental but as you say its a swinging site not a cheating site. and perhaps the not many have been in your position as most of us couples have our partners blessing on being here and often joining us on our adventures
Quote by sara2010
OK... A few judgmental replies (surprising for a swinging site) and a few good suggestions on how to broche the subject but no advice from anyone who's been through the same thing.
perhaps judgemental but as you say its a swinging site not a cheating site. and perhaps the not many have been in your position as most of us couples have our partners blessing on being here and often joining us on our adventures
FFS! I'm trying to tell her I'm bi so then it won't be cheating - and you're assuming that I've already cheated on her with a bloke.
Orgasminator
then an easy way out would be to show her this profile on here and this thread.. perhaps leave your pc on set at this page or your profile page
Warming the Bed
OK so this isn't exactly the same as your situation, but similar...
This year, after 9 years of monogamy, I had to have a conversation with my hubby. Basically, we had let our sex life go a little stale, and we both realized it was important enough to us both to not neglect it any more. It was very hard to start the conversation, and I'm sure this is the one common experience to people using this site. I just said that I needed a better sex life, that I love him and that us getting along was the most important thing, as it was obviously putting a strain on the relationship. After that we talked about our fantasies without judging each other, actually it was rather fun and that's where the whole bi thing cropped up. Being in a gay relationship is different obviously, I didnt have to worry about issues like stigma or children, but I think what would be the same is the determination to give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
I hope that gave you some perspective, good luck whatever you do.
This year, after 9 years of monogamy, I had to have a conversation with my hubby. Basically, we had let our sex life go a little stale, and we both realized it was important enough to us both to not neglect it any more. It was very hard to start the conversation, and I'm sure this is the one common experience to people using this site. I just said that I needed a better sex life, that I love him and that us getting along was the most important thing, as it was obviously putting a strain on the relationship. After that we talked about our fantasies without judging each other, actually it was rather fun and that's where the whole bi thing cropped up. Being in a gay relationship is different obviously, I didnt have to worry about issues like stigma or children, but I think what would be the same is the determination to give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
I hope that gave you some perspective, good luck whatever you do.
IMHO honesty is probably the best policy for you both.
Your probably to some degree or another unhappy and women are very perceptive creatures and she can to some extent possibly tell "something" isn't quite right/working out etc?
You only get one life, live it. Sometimes it means hurting someone else, but they can then move on find hapiness elsewhere and you can move on and become happy.
Your wife might surprise you and be tolerant/fine with it?
She might be disgusted and leave you?
Either way living a lie is not fun for either of you.
Just don't make any stipulations on her and things will work out how they are best. Worst case scenario is she believes she is inadequate or not enough to satisfy you without realising bisexual urges are just something you can't help and she doesn't understand and takes it personally.
BUT.....again only you can gauge and judge YOUR situation.
Your probably to some degree or another unhappy and women are very perceptive creatures and she can to some extent possibly tell "something" isn't quite right/working out etc?
You only get one life, live it. Sometimes it means hurting someone else, but they can then move on find hapiness elsewhere and you can move on and become happy.
Your wife might surprise you and be tolerant/fine with it?
She might be disgusted and leave you?
Either way living a lie is not fun for either of you.
Just don't make any stipulations on her and things will work out how they are best. Worst case scenario is she believes she is inadequate or not enough to satisfy you without realising bisexual urges are just something you can't help and she doesn't understand and takes it personally.
BUT.....again only you can gauge and judge YOUR situation.
Quote by Big_Fraser
I dont recommend the third option but I know a guy who probably will...........
Infact im surprised his alarm hasn't gone off and he hasnt posted already!
He's overseas and finding it hard to keep up right now.
Besides, I only have eyes for you after our night in front of the fire and those chocolate covered cherries we shared together dah-link :rascal:
I agree with Mr Srne.. honesty - what's the worst that can happen?
Sex God
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/308405.html
Well if you haven't managed to find a way in the last 12 months then I can't see you finding one now ;-)
Well if you haven't managed to find a way in the last 12 months then I can't see you finding one now ;-)
Orgasminator
Quote by bIoke
Besides, I only have eyes for you after our night in front of the fire and those chocolate covered cherries we shared together dah-link :rascal:
Bad news dude wasnt me - Think my account got hacked - was he Nigerian? :2fingers:
Sex God
Quote by Big_Fraser
Besides, I only have eyes for you after our night in front of the fire and those chocolate covered cherries we shared together dah-link :rascal:
Bad news dude wasnt me - Think my account got hacked - was he Nigerian? :2fingers:
looks like your doing a bit of flirting there fraser
Quote by Roygbiv
Maybe it's a midlife crisis type of thing but these days I find myself with a real urge to tell my wife that I'm bisexual.
I was bi before I met her but despite her being a total sex fiend in the early part of our relationship, she's not really into anything kinky. I fear that my bi confession would be too much for her.
Has anyone here been through a similar situation?
Again, quoting because I want to not because I have experience.
My first thought was why? You say mid-life crisis but why is it important for your wife to know? Why is it important for you to tell her.
You stated that your sex life is stale and unimaginative, and again I ask why? What's changed? have you discussed this with your wife? Are you actually wanting to stay in the relationship regardless if this aspect can be fixed or not? How does she feel about sex?
Before you go dropping a bombshelf into her lap, how about putting her feelings first, if you can work on fixing the sexual aspect of your relationship, then perhaps over time it is something you can approach without it becoming a big issue.
Hanging round a swinging site will only fuel YOUR fantasies and desires, it won't fix what is broken between you. I'm afraid you need to answer some deep questions and make your decision based on that.
Calista
Sexlightened
I have been in that exact situation and I told mine in the middle of having sex (very carefully). I started by talking about her having 2 guys then slowly progressed to me holding his dick and guiding it into her. She enjoyed it so over time (a few sex sessions) the story built up until we were talking about full on bi – action.
It wasn’t that long until we put it to the test.
It wasn’t that long until we put it to the test.
