personally i am against termination for myself but dont knock anyone who feels the need to have one it is a very personal decision but i do agree that men shud have some rights to it in saying that it is the womens body
what ever you decide some one will always think its the wrong decision but the only 2 people who can decide is the parents
risque subject
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Termination?
Fertility is something one should not take for granted. We are encouraged in many ways to avoid conception until 'later'. Jobs, careers, travel, opportunities etc, all seem to prevail and put off reproduction. But all that is just so much stuff.
I regret the three abortions I have been through. At the time I considered it practical and a saviour, But now I think back at what could have been. I have children now, but I wish I had started earlier.
I regret the three abortions I have been through. At the time I considered it practical and a saviour, But now I think back at what could have been. I have children now, but I wish I had started earlier.
The father pays a contribution towards the upkeep of a child (as of course should an absent mother.)
If the child never "came into being," how can you pay for the upkeep of a child who is not there? To compensate a guy for taking away his fatherhood opportunities would mean being able to put a price on that.
Don't get me wrong- I have utter, total sympathy for guy's who are denied a child (which is already in existence) they want. However, money cannot compensate for that anyway.
As far as the mother getting the casting vote goes, what other way is there? Until guy's can carry babies I'm afraid that in a 50/50 decision situation it's quite simply the only rational way.
If the child never "came into being," how can you pay for the upkeep of a child who is not there? To compensate a guy for taking away his fatherhood opportunities would mean being able to put a price on that.
Don't get me wrong- I have utter, total sympathy for guy's who are denied a child (which is already in existence) they want. However, money cannot compensate for that anyway.
As far as the mother getting the casting vote goes, what other way is there? Until guy's can carry babies I'm afraid that in a 50/50 decision situation it's quite simply the only rational way.
Quote by Lost
Does the male half of a couple have any rights in the issue of abortion? I being a man think they do. I understand that it's a womans body but it has effects on the male half as well.
I was 22, married, had two healthy children and had recently had my third. I had spend five weeks in hospital after the birth, gravely ill. My husband and family thought I was going to die, they were told that under no circumstances were I to have children again. Although, my daughter had a dodgy start to life, she was pronounced as fit as a fiddle and allowed home with me. Unfortunately, a week later she died. No cause of death was found. Two other young children under three also died within a mile radius of where I lived the same week, no cause of death found. Because of this, police, coroners etc delayed funerals, just in case of any connection to each other.
Because I hadn’t had a six weeks check up and files had been asked for by the coroner, I got lost in the system and by time they realised it was three months later. It was at the check up where it was found I was pregnant. All the normal signs of pregnancy had been put down to the stress of what had happened during the last 4 months.
It was me that made a decision there and then to have a termination and sterilization. I still didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to have any more children. I cant even remember what I said to my husband when I got home. I made that decision and no-one would move me from it. Looking back, it was probably a form of self punishment and guilt that I *allowed* my daughter to die on her own while I was asleep 4 foot away from her. Not a very rational way of thinking I know!
Because I was so young to have a sterilization at the time and it wasn’t sure that I was in the right state of mind to make either decision, I had to see three different doctors to discuss it. My husband never came with me, I didnt ask him to. None we keen for me to have a sterilization and would only refer me for a termination.
It was by chance that I had to go back for more check ups at the hospital that I came into contact with the doctor that advised I don’t have anymore children . It was on his final recommendation that I could have it.
Although, I had made that decision before other factors came to light which gave more strength to it, I still stick firmly by my decision and have no regrets.
Did I do wrong? Not for me no. Was I wrong in not discussing with my husband and coming to a joint decision, probably. I don’t know for sure though, as I never spoke about it again since that day to him or anyone else. Did it impact on him? Yes, I expect it did… but he was also dealing with *other feelings of loss and grief* the same as I was.
The other impact was we parted 4 years later, research has shown that 4 out of 10 marriages break down when a traumatic death has occurred.
I’m afraid, I have no idea whatsoever how my husband felt, by decisions I made alone, or the death of our daughter……..hopefully, he’s dealt with everything better than I. I have no doubt it not only confused and excluded him terribly at the time but deeply hurt him. I take full responsibility for all that followed after that time period. I have never spoken of it since to anyone, its normally packed away very neatly in a little box somewhere at the back of my mind.
Basically, decisions for terminations are not always clear cut and simple. So many other factors come into it.
Quote by Lost
I also apologise to anyone if I have i opened up any feelings of hurt. Sometimes I do stuff without thiking of the repercussions I guess it appears that its just words sometimes. And i forget how words can hurt.
Lost, yes it still hurts dreadfully but sometimes reminders happen in other more everyday ways, so no apologies are needed. I will always remember that I had another daughter that was loved dearly and isn’t ever forgotten in my mind. Strangely enough, I don’t connect the termination with her, yet its very much connected to her death.
Anais thanks for sharing your experience 
. I think its very easy for people myself included to sit and say I would do this or I would do that, however until you are faced with the situation you don`t really know what you would do. I guess you would just do what you felt was right at the time.
. I think its very easy for people myself included to sit and say I would do this or I would do that, however until you are faced with the situation you don`t really know what you would do. I guess you would just do what you felt was right at the time. i didnt know if my experiences in this would have any bearing on the original post by Lost.
I have been with Mr Bone since I was 14 and he 16, and having sex with him almost as long. We never used precautions (being to immaure to even think about that), but used the 'jump off at hunts cross station (withdrawal) method.
At the age of 17 WE got pregnant......I made the decision, along with my parents that I was not ready to have a baby, and although I discussed with Mr B what I was going to do, he didnt really have a great impact or input as to my decision, that, as I said was made with my parents.
I had the termination six weeks after my 18th birthday at 11 weeks, and was treated abysmally by the staff there, but thats a whole other can of worms)
Mr B always respected my wishes, and in the ensuing 18 years he has never given me cauise to think thathe was in any way angry about his part or lack of in the decision making process.
Yes, i have often wondered what might have been, and cried ver my decision, but really dont think I'd have done things differently. My life would have been so much different had I had that baby, and am grateful for the life I have had (however hard its been) from the giving up of that baby.
(In response to the idea that a baby isnt a baby, I have also been in that situation too, with my 2nd child, in that when i went for my first scan at 14 weeks, the ultrasonographer informed me that my baby had recently died in utero.
I had to wait 24 hours before they could fit me in hospital, only to find out that at 14 weeks i was to far gone for the traditional method of removing the baby, and had to go through a full 14 hour labour to deliver the foetus.
It was delivered, and was fully formed as a baby although we couldnt tell what sex it was. We were allowed to hold the baby for a bit even tho it was only about 6 inches long, but it was very much a baby to us. We later found out it was a little girl, and gave her a name.
It was very hard to be in either situation, to decide to take a life or to have the life taken from you for no reason. But my heart goes out to anyone in eiethr circumstance, and I send them all a great big hug.
Why am I telling a forum full of strangers this.......cos I find it theraputic to do so, and its a part of who I am and i think it does me good to talk and remember about both situations as they have shaped who I am.
I have been with Mr Bone since I was 14 and he 16, and having sex with him almost as long. We never used precautions (being to immaure to even think about that), but used the 'jump off at hunts cross station (withdrawal) method.
At the age of 17 WE got pregnant......I made the decision, along with my parents that I was not ready to have a baby, and although I discussed with Mr B what I was going to do, he didnt really have a great impact or input as to my decision, that, as I said was made with my parents.
I had the termination six weeks after my 18th birthday at 11 weeks, and was treated abysmally by the staff there, but thats a whole other can of worms)
Mr B always respected my wishes, and in the ensuing 18 years he has never given me cauise to think thathe was in any way angry about his part or lack of in the decision making process.
Yes, i have often wondered what might have been, and cried ver my decision, but really dont think I'd have done things differently. My life would have been so much different had I had that baby, and am grateful for the life I have had (however hard its been) from the giving up of that baby.
(In response to the idea that a baby isnt a baby, I have also been in that situation too, with my 2nd child, in that when i went for my first scan at 14 weeks, the ultrasonographer informed me that my baby had recently died in utero.
I had to wait 24 hours before they could fit me in hospital, only to find out that at 14 weeks i was to far gone for the traditional method of removing the baby, and had to go through a full 14 hour labour to deliver the foetus.
It was delivered, and was fully formed as a baby although we couldnt tell what sex it was. We were allowed to hold the baby for a bit even tho it was only about 6 inches long, but it was very much a baby to us. We later found out it was a little girl, and gave her a name.
It was very hard to be in either situation, to decide to take a life or to have the life taken from you for no reason. But my heart goes out to anyone in eiethr circumstance, and I send them all a great big hug.
Why am I telling a forum full of strangers this.......cos I find it theraputic to do so, and its a part of who I am and i think it does me good to talk and remember about both situations as they have shaped who I am.
Sex God
Anais and Mrs Bone
:rose: :therethere: I'm sorry but words could'nt express what I feel for you both.
Love
Fire xx
:rose: :therethere: I'm sorry but words could'nt express what I feel for you both.
Love
Fire xx
Sex God
Forgive me for on this one I sinned : 
Sex God
I am humbled by how honest and open people have been in this thread... especially the ladies who have shared their difficult and traumatic decisions, but also the people who have put forward opinions on what is always a contentious issue.
It is a difficult decision and not one that any of us in that position takes lightly.
I think it's good that it is discussed though, if only so people maybe think again or think differently as a result of what they've read.
Interesting thread and really thoughtful and humbling posts.
Nola xx
It is a difficult decision and not one that any of us in that position takes lightly.
I think it's good that it is discussed though, if only so people maybe think again or think differently as a result of what they've read.
Interesting thread and really thoughtful and humbling posts.
Nola xx
Quote by Lost
Forgive me for on this one I sinned :
I don't think so Lost-it's always going to be an emotive subject and probably one of those subjects that people have an opinion about even if they haven't been close to a situation. It meandered a little away from the original topic but then most threads do. Some very brave people posted some very personal situations (((hugs))) to them as I am sure it wasn't easy for them.
The topic 'touched a nerve' with me, as I am the woman in the scenario I described. I'm 20 wks pregnant and the father isn't interested-he thinks abortion is a valid form of birth control and I disagree. Those of you who know me know I have spent the last year working very hard to get promoted, so while this baby was not planned, it doesn't mean it's now not wanted. Luckily, I am emotionally and financially able to raise this baby by myself. Things at work will just have to slow down for a bit, but I believe everything happens for a reason. ;)
I didn't find any comments on this thread offensive, whatever the opinion of the poster. Some comments may have been posted in haste-but which one of us is not guilty of that at some point ? ;)
Sex God
Minx your one cool lady. Wish you all best of things.
Quote by BiWelshMinx
Forgive me for on this one I sinned :
I don't think so Lost-it's always going to be an emotive subject and probably one of those subjects that people have an opinion about even if they haven't been close to a situation. It meandered a little away from the original topic but then most threads do. Some very brave people posted some very personal situations (((hugs))) to them as I am sure it wasn't easy for them.
The topic 'touched a nerve' with me, as I am the woman in the scenario I described. I'm 20 wks pregnant and the father isn't interested-he thinks abortion is a valid form of birth control and I disagree. Those of you who know me know I have spent the last year working very hard to get promoted, so while this baby was not planned, it doesn't mean it's now not wanted. Luckily, I am emotionally and financially able to raise this baby by myself. Things at work will just have to slow down for a bit, but I believe everything happens for a reason. ;)
I didn't find any comments on this thread offensive, whatever the opinion of the poster. Some comments may have been posted in haste-but which one of us is not guilty of that at some point ? ;)
All the best Minxy...... and congratualions
Quote by BiWelshMinx
Forgive me for on this one I sinned :
I don't think so Lost-it's always going to be an emotive subject and probably one of those subjects that people have an opinion about even if they haven't been close to a situation. It meandered a little away from the original topic but then most threads do. Some very brave people posted some very personal situations (((hugs))) to them as I am sure it wasn't easy for them.
The topic 'touched a nerve' with me, as I am the woman in the scenario I described. I'm 20 wks pregnant and the father isn't interested-he thinks abortion is a valid form of birth control and I disagree. Those of you who know me know I have spent the last year working very hard to get promoted, so while this baby was not planned, it doesn't mean it's now not wanted. Luckily, I am emotionally and financially able to raise this baby by myself. Things at work will just have to slow down for a bit, but I believe everything happens for a reason. ;)
I didn't find any comments on this thread offensive, whatever the opinion of the poster. Some comments may have been posted in haste-but which one of us is not guilty of that at some point ? ;)
i didnt know you was pregnant :shock:
i really need to get out more lol
well if you ever need a baby sitter dont look at me but i can loan you my daughter my child slavery rates are very good
My personal opinion on this subject is i dont really agree with abortions at all, if the mother and child is healthy then i cant see no reason why the child cant be given a chance in life and be adopted out to a loving family who cant have children of their own, of course its not a ideal world and such things will never be stopped, its difficult to say wether the father should have a say i think it depends on the situation, if they are a couple who hav'nt been together long, dont live together and have really just had a couple of fumbles and he wants her to keep the child so he can pop in for a cuppa once a week and see it but shes expected to look after it and bring it up then i would say the choice should be hers, if however they are a couple who have a real relationship, live together etc and he genuinly wants to be a full time part of the childs life then i think he should have some say, tho the chances are if the womans already made her mind up she wont lister anyway lol
Perhaps the laws in this country also give the males the right to opt out of situations. I got pregnant in my late 30's after many years in a relationship. I decided to have the baby against my partners wishes. When I went to the registry office to register the baby I was told that not only could I not give the baby his fathers surname, but also not put his name on the birth certificate without him being there. As I pointed out at the time this presupposes that all married women have their husbands babies. Subsequently we discovered that if I had died before the child reached adulthood then the father had no rights and the child would be put into care because we weren't married even though we were still together and sharing all finances and childcare. I actually had to write a codicil into my will giving my partner guardianship of his own son should I die. That really is stripping men of all their rights
this strikes me as a strange subject to debate on a site such as this, where "morally" speaking this is a site for shall we say consenting adultery??..where sex is the prominent subject...now I know that people like to bat things about but really not this surely!!
I know there are other sites for debating this sensitive subject.
personally I think it is the right of the woman to decide..with full support from their partner whatever the decision
I know there are other sites for debating this sensitive subject.
personally I think it is the right of the woman to decide..with full support from their partner whatever the decision
