Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
thanks
If you are unsure, very jealous, don't understand the culture, believe your fantasies should stay as fantasies, do not have an open enough relationship to discuss with your boyfriend his previous swinging, then you should say a very clear 'NO' to your boyfriend, and get down to enjoying your sex life between just the two of you.
Kat
Kat
Welcome to SH, Linzi! 
It's what you want, not what others' want that matters most. Yes, you may be curious about the scene and have fantasies but you should not be led by others. Take control, it's up to you to go at your own pace and decide if this scene is for you. Whether it is or not no one will judge you here. This site is for those who are considering the scene as much as for those who are experienced in it. You are an individual with your own boundaries and no one should be pushing you into anything you feel uncomfortable about. Respecting others and their limits is one of the most fundamental rules in swinging and all are expected to adhere to that.
Bottom line is only do what feels right for you.
LC
It's what you want, not what others' want that matters most. Yes, you may be curious about the scene and have fantasies but you should not be led by others. Take control, it's up to you to go at your own pace and decide if this scene is for you. Whether it is or not no one will judge you here. This site is for those who are considering the scene as much as for those who are experienced in it. You are an individual with your own boundaries and no one should be pushing you into anything you feel uncomfortable about. Respecting others and their limits is one of the most fundamental rules in swinging and all are expected to adhere to that.
Bottom line is only do what feels right for you.
LC
Orgasminator
Quote by Lovecommando
Welcome to SH, Linzi!
It's what you want, not what others' want that matters most. Yes, you may be curious about the scene and have fantasies but you should not be led by others. Take control, it's up to you to go at your own pace and decide if this scene is for you. Whether it is or not no one will judge you here. This site is for those who are considering the scene as much as for those who are experienced in it. You are an individual with your own boundaries and no one should be pushing you into anything you feel uncomfortable about. Respecting others and their limits is one of the most fundamental rules in swinging and all are expected to adhere to that.
Bottom line is only do what feels right for you.
LC
I agree wholly with the comments made......
Don't let anyone push you into doing anything and don't do it to please someone else. You will be the one who may get hurt in the process if you are not sure of things.
Good luck.
Sex God
Quote by linzihi there.. i have tried logging onto the chat room and cant get on.. and i would like some advice. My boyfreind has introduced me to this scene.. and he said he would like to see me be shagged by someone else .. the thing is .. he used to do this with his ex wife.. and he dosent know that i know he has met people off this site himself after she left and it just make me really uneasy.. i have fantasys ..yes.. but shudnt they be kept as that .. i do feel a total prude by asking a site like this the question but i cant ask any freinds as they would eb totally shocked... i am not a prude but i was manipulated by a much older man in my early teen years and it has made me very jealous and i cant understand the "its only sex culture"... but i want to. i really do ..c an u help??.x
:welcome: linzi
Understanding the culture won't necessarily change your view, and sticking to your view won't necessarily stop you understanding the culture. As others have said, if it's not for you then it's not for you. Try not to feel that you somehow "should" change, because your nature is your nature and your partner needs to respect that. If you can share the fantasy, great, if you can bring the fantasy to life by mutual consent, also great, but if you ever feel under pressure to do anything you're not totally comfortable with, you need to say NO very clearly. Frankly, that may result in the two of you deciding you're not compatible if he feels that strongly about it, but I firmly believe it's not something you should ever consider compromising on.
Perhaps your view will change, and speaking to people on this site may influence that, but whatever happens, don't be swayed by what other people expect of you. Nothing is worth compromising your self respect.
Best wishes,
Ice xxx
Ultimately you should be asking yourself ONE question only:
Do I want to want to have sex with men other than my boyfriend?
If the answer to that question is a resounding NO then swinging is NOT for you.
For you to participate in swinging activities just so that you keep your boyfriend happy then I'm afraid you will be set upon a rocky path that inevitably leads to heartbreak. Maybe your boyfriend hasn't considered this: What if you do become involved and enjoy the scene MORE than HE does, what then?
What if you meet someone in this lifestyle and fall in love with that person?
What if you discover you like girls more than you like guys?
What if you end up hating him for forcing you into this?
Could you watch him having sex with another woman?
OK, I'm playing devil's advocate here but these are all valid questions that have to ne answered before you can even consider being part of the swinging scene. I believe it takes a special breed of person to be able to watch their partner having sex with a third person and not get jealous. There simply is no room for insecurity in this scene. If he can't even discuss his swinging activities with his ex-wife with you does that not demonstrate that he is not open enough to be a fully fledged swinger. If you have ANY doubts at all then you should put your foot down and say no to him.
Do I want to want to have sex with men other than my boyfriend?
If the answer to that question is a resounding NO then swinging is NOT for you.
For you to participate in swinging activities just so that you keep your boyfriend happy then I'm afraid you will be set upon a rocky path that inevitably leads to heartbreak. Maybe your boyfriend hasn't considered this: What if you do become involved and enjoy the scene MORE than HE does, what then?
What if you meet someone in this lifestyle and fall in love with that person?
What if you discover you like girls more than you like guys?
What if you end up hating him for forcing you into this?
Could you watch him having sex with another woman?
OK, I'm playing devil's advocate here but these are all valid questions that have to ne answered before you can even consider being part of the swinging scene. I believe it takes a special breed of person to be able to watch their partner having sex with a third person and not get jealous. There simply is no room for insecurity in this scene. If he can't even discuss his swinging activities with his ex-wife with you does that not demonstrate that he is not open enough to be a fully fledged swinger. If you have ANY doubts at all then you should put your foot down and say no to him.
Quote by linzi
.. i do feel a total prude by asking a site like this the question but i cant ask any freinds as they would eb totally shocked...
Don't for goodness sake feel a prude. It's a brilliant question you ask, sadly no-one can answer it for you, but I bet everyone has had the same thought. I so hope you resolve this, good luck.
Master of Sex
Hi Linzi
First of all... Welcome to Swinging Heaven!
I agree with everything that has been said so far.
The main question i would be asking yourself after reading all these comments is... surely if he has been swinging before he knows the unwriten rules of no means no and if its not something you truely want do do then he will not pressure you.
In reality he shouldnt be pressuring you at all!
If you are meaning after his wife and before he met you.. you really shouldnt take that into consideration, its in his past and we all have parts of our past that we would either like to forget or wouldnt do again or would wait until we found out if our partners wanted to participate.
I completely and totally understand where you are comming from, i was in a similar situation to yourself. To cut a very long story short i was lead to believe that my boyfriend at the time was being totally faithful although he still went to private play parties (there were some ground rules involved) but sadly i found out after 3 years of monogomy on my part that he had been sleeping with pretty much anything, and to top it all off it was people i knew (i found out one night sitting in an AOL chat room).
So i know where you are comming from.
I have been in a relationship now for almost 3 years and i still have moments of not trusting him, not because he has shown me reasons to mistrust but because of the past rearing its ugly head.
That is something you and i will both have to get over (admittedly i am 1000 times better than i was) and its not an easy process.
My best advice would be to stick around the forum and get to know the folk on here, none of them bite, and none of them are pushy.. but they ARE wonderful people full of great opinions and advice and have usually been there and done that.
Take it slowly and see what happens, most of all make sure it is your decision and nobody elses...!
I wish you the very best of luck with this
Nic
x
First of all... Welcome to Swinging Heaven!
I agree with everything that has been said so far.
The main question i would be asking yourself after reading all these comments is... surely if he has been swinging before he knows the unwriten rules of no means no and if its not something you truely want do do then he will not pressure you.
In reality he shouldnt be pressuring you at all!
Quote by linzi
he dosent know that i know he has met people off this site himself after she left and it just make me really uneasy..
If you are meaning after his wife and before he met you.. you really shouldnt take that into consideration, its in his past and we all have parts of our past that we would either like to forget or wouldnt do again or would wait until we found out if our partners wanted to participate.
I completely and totally understand where you are comming from, i was in a similar situation to yourself. To cut a very long story short i was lead to believe that my boyfriend at the time was being totally faithful although he still went to private play parties (there were some ground rules involved) but sadly i found out after 3 years of monogomy on my part that he had been sleeping with pretty much anything, and to top it all off it was people i knew (i found out one night sitting in an AOL chat room).
So i know where you are comming from.
I have been in a relationship now for almost 3 years and i still have moments of not trusting him, not because he has shown me reasons to mistrust but because of the past rearing its ugly head.
That is something you and i will both have to get over (admittedly i am 1000 times better than i was) and its not an easy process.
My best advice would be to stick around the forum and get to know the folk on here, none of them bite, and none of them are pushy.. but they ARE wonderful people full of great opinions and advice and have usually been there and done that.
Take it slowly and see what happens, most of all make sure it is your decision and nobody elses...!
I wish you the very best of luck with this
Nic
x
Well i think everyone just about said everything i would have
To be totally honest you do not sound like the type of women who wants to swing, and its not for everyone so thats fine, swinging is good if its for you but if its just going to cause friction between you then don't do it, its not worth ur relationship, all because his past girlfriend swung with him he must understand that its not for everyone and if he loves you he will just leave well alone and get on with your lifes.
Can i just ask tho do you feel like hes trying 2 talk you into swinging with him? cause reading your post u make him come over as the kind of person who wont be happy with a 'normal' relationship.
To be totally honest you do not sound like the type of women who wants to swing, and its not for everyone so thats fine, swinging is good if its for you but if its just going to cause friction between you then don't do it, its not worth ur relationship, all because his past girlfriend swung with him he must understand that its not for everyone and if he loves you he will just leave well alone and get on with your lifes.
Can i just ask tho do you feel like hes trying 2 talk you into swinging with him? cause reading your post u make him come over as the kind of person who wont be happy with a 'normal' relationship.
Hi Linzi,
I know I am just repeating what everyone else has said but if you dont feel a hundred percent comfortable doing it then dont!! and if he still is trying to persuade you knowing how you feel then he is completely out of order!
I, female half, had an ex that pushed me into it and then went right off on one when he thought I was enjoying too much!!! I had not had sex with anyone else during that relationship and was made to feel worthless and dirty in the worse sense because I went ahead with what he wanted. He had been shagging 5 other women I later found out, and he said he couldnt trust me anymore!!
Thankfully I am now with Float, we have total honesty and respect each others boundaries. WE do nothing that WE arent 100% comfortable with and that trust means that we do go out and play and it has made us closer and stronger as a couple, and that at the end of the day is what is really important.
Good luck with whatever you decide Linzi, I hope things work out well for you.
Delta
I know I am just repeating what everyone else has said but if you dont feel a hundred percent comfortable doing it then dont!! and if he still is trying to persuade you knowing how you feel then he is completely out of order!
I, female half, had an ex that pushed me into it and then went right off on one when he thought I was enjoying too much!!! I had not had sex with anyone else during that relationship and was made to feel worthless and dirty in the worse sense because I went ahead with what he wanted. He had been shagging 5 other women I later found out, and he said he couldnt trust me anymore!!
Thankfully I am now with Float, we have total honesty and respect each others boundaries. WE do nothing that WE arent 100% comfortable with and that trust means that we do go out and play and it has made us closer and stronger as a couple, and that at the end of the day is what is really important.
Good luck with whatever you decide Linzi, I hope things work out well for you.
Delta
Warming the Bed
I agree with all the above, if your not sure then don't do it. If he loves you, HE should understand.
I totally agree with everything that has been said......you need to 100% certain before you go down a route that could change your life.
You have to deal with your jealousy, it's fine to be jealous, it's only natural but you have to decide whether that will get in the way of you both enjoying yourself with other people. I have found myself to be jealous when I have had swinging partners that have gone off with other people (with my full knowledge) but I was honest about it and told them that I was jealous and we dealt with it together......
The best thing is to talk to your other half and explain your feelings and see what boundaries you come up with together......and don't break those boundaries without seriously talking about it first......
I hope that helps some......if you need to ask any more questions please feel free to PM me and I'll see what I can do to help......
Helen.
You have to deal with your jealousy, it's fine to be jealous, it's only natural but you have to decide whether that will get in the way of you both enjoying yourself with other people. I have found myself to be jealous when I have had swinging partners that have gone off with other people (with my full knowledge) but I was honest about it and told them that I was jealous and we dealt with it together......
The best thing is to talk to your other half and explain your feelings and see what boundaries you come up with together......and don't break those boundaries without seriously talking about it first......
I hope that helps some......if you need to ask any more questions please feel free to PM me and I'll see what I can do to help......
Helen.
