The Difference between Man & Woman

23 Mar 2005

ok .. light funky thread .....
Difference between man & woman ..... there's button on the photocopier that neither of us have pressed before .... female leaves well alone (just in case) male presses it and then looks panicked when copier turns off!
rolleyes

:roll:
Dog wants to play in the garden .. female having just pegged out washing realises this isn't a good move and ignores the dog, male kicks football so hard it wraps itself in the washing and then male looks sheepish hoping wife hasn't seen him!
:roll: :roll:
Female thinks she knows exactly what is the lineup on TV for the evening, male gets hold of remote control and female misses all the best programmes!!!!
:roll: :roll:
Any more?
bolt

C x

23 Mar 2005

welll....one of 'ems got a willy!

23 Mar 2005

Male is doing an intricate electrical job on the table with a load of bits laid out in order of re-assembly.
Female sweeps arm across the table creating heap of randomly orientated bits and pieces, and says "Here you are, I've made you a coffee to have whilst you're doing that job!"
Awwwwww, how sweet..... mad

23 Mar 2005

Female provide a laundry basket fot male and siblings to put dirty washing in confused

male and siblings decide to use the floor ( my siblings are male btw) :doh:

23 Mar 2005

Builders install loo.
Female pees in loo.
Male chooses to pee round it.

23 Mar 2005

Female thinks she knows it all
Male knows she is Blond

23 Mar 2005

Female goes onto Tool Hire site for Rotivator for garden landscaping, males sees "flame thrower" and loses all interest in everything else (including bodily control confused

)

23 Mar 2005

Hahahahahaha! I love that Calista! Love it! Flame thrower = FUN!
On a different tack, our local tool hire centre seems to be RUN by tools too, absolutely clueless they are!
Rick! biggrin

23 Mar 2005

A man in a car starts to feel a little cold, he modifies the heating up just a little until he is comfortable.
Woman in a car starts to feel a little cold, she turns the heating up full, she starts to get hot after a while so she turns the heating down to 1/4, gets cold again so she turns it up to 3/4 and so on.

23 Mar 2005

Wo
:P
Jas
XXX

23 Mar 2005

Woman leave / put the toilet seat down
Men leave it up, grrrr

23 Mar 2005

Quote by Sarah1448
Woman leave / put the toilet seat down
Men leave it up, grrrr

Correction Sarah....it's a toilet lid. Nobody gives a damn about seats, but lids need to be replaced! wink

23 Mar 2005

Quote by Sarah1448
Woman leave / put the toilet seat down
Men leave it up, grrrr

In fact, men leave the seat up or the lid down. Women usually do neither, the lid should be down as well as the seat.

23 Mar 2005

Quote by Libra-Love
Woman leave / put the toilet seat down
Men leave it up, grrrr

Correction Sarah....it's a toilet lid. Nobody gives a damn about seats, but lids need to be replaced! wink

Quote by marmalaid
Woman leave / put the toilet seat down
Men leave it up, grrrr

In fact, men leave the seat up or the lid down. Women usually do neither, the lid should be down as well as the seat.
I don't mind being beaten by one so sexy :wink:

23 Mar 2005

Woman feels to warm opens window leaves heating on.
Man feels to warm simply turns heating down.
Woman feels to cold turns heating up more.
Man feels to cold closes windows woman opened
Woman sees man getting beating for mentioning this.
Man thinks it's a good idea to let the subject drop. lol

23 Mar 2005

Men offer to buy ladies a drink / chips / hotdog (Insert food type) to be told lady does not want any.
Ladies than ask for swig of drink / a few chips / bite of hotdog as they would now like a bit. mad

We would be happy to buy you a whole one, and you throw it away rather than nicking ours, thankyou.
My thanks goes to Ben Elton who did a very funny piece on this back in the 80's (Anyone remember them, the 80's that is lol)

23 Mar 2005

Quote by LordZenx
Men offer to buy ladies a drink / chips / hotdog (Insert food type) to be told lady does not want any.
Ladies than ask for swig of drink / a few chips / bite of hotdog as they would now like a bit.
We would be happy to buy you a whole one, and you throw it away rather than nicking ours, thankyou.
My thanks goes to Ben Elton who did a very funny piece on this back in the 80's (Anyone remember them, the 80's that is lol)

Now I can defend the ladies that you mention here as I often do the same, it's just that yours always tastes so much better than one of my own...

23 Mar 2005

Quote by Calista
ok .. light funky thread .....
Difference between man & woman ..... there's button on the photocopier that neither of us have pressed before .... female leaves well alone (just in case) male presses it and then looks panicked when copier turns off!
Male presses all button and discovers you can do colour overlays double sided copying , collation etc.
:roll:
Dog wants to play in the garden .. female having just pegged out washing realises this isn't a good move and ignores the dog, male kicks football so hard it wraps itself in the washing and then male looks sheepish hoping wife hasn't seen him!
Male thinks if it wasn't for all the excercise he gives the dog the dog would be running up vets bills due to it's inactive life style. Male then looks at the dark clouds about to release its contents onto said washing and shakes his head.
:roll: :roll:
Female thinks she knows exactly what is the lineup on TV for the evening, male gets hold of remote control and female misses all the best programmes!!!!
Male has buttons and gets to watch all the interesting bits of every programme thats on that night you just have to keep up with the channel hops
:roll: :roll:
Any more?
Is there one of these emoticons that runs the other way???
C x

23 Mar 2005

Man & woman sit down to watch a film. Fifteen minutes into the film the questions start:
"Who's he?"
"Who's she?"
"Are they married?"
"Why did he do that?"
"Who are they?"
:doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh:
Steve

23 Mar 2005

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Minx xx

23 Mar 2005

Woman cries at film and loves it.
Man cries at film and hates it.

23 Mar 2005

Man has cup of tea....no problem
Woman has cup of tea...the rest of the day gravitates around venues where there is a loo so that the ensuing 5 pisses can take place.....every half hour rolleyes

23 Mar 2005

Man asks 'Do i need to go on a diet?' he means 'Do i need to go on a diet?'
Woman askes 'Do i need to go on a diet?'... she means any answer you give will no doubt get you in trouble and result in a minimum week long sex ban
rolleyes

23 Mar 2005

Man will NOT ask for directions and goes round in circles saying "I know EXACTLY where we are".
Woman asks for directions and reaches her destination - no problem.
Fee
XX

23 Mar 2005

Man understands left to mean left
Woman considers left to be the other left, otherwise known as right!!!!!!!!
Not my views of course.... :twisted:

23 Mar 2005

Quote by BiWelshMinx

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Minx xx

perfect!!! :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

23 Mar 2005

Quote by marmalaid
A man in a car starts to feel a little cold, he modifies the heating up just a little until he is comfortable.
Woman in a car starts to feel a little cold, she turns the heating up full, she starts to get hot after a while so she turns the heating down to 1/4, gets cold again so she turns it up to 3/4 and so on.

That's me!

23 Mar 2005

Quote by luv2lick
Man has cup of tea....no problem
Woman has cup of tea...the rest of the day gravitates around venues where there is a loo so that the ensuing 5 pisses can take place.....every half hour

Definite roll reversal in my relationship on this one. If Tool and I have a day out it has to be planned, with military precision, around cafes with toilets. So he can use the toilet then refill with tea. Usually 72 cafes are just about sufficient.

24 Mar 2005

hmmm and without causing a big row......... but getting all political..........
Most countries are run by men
Most companies are run by men
Countries fight wars and companies pollute the earth
Hmmm if women were in charge I'm surewe would talk about the problem first not start a fight!
And to finish...........
What do Hiltler, Idi Armin, Pol Pot, George Bush, saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Ladin, all have in common........hmmm yep youve got it....they're all men! lol

Runs away to take cover and laugh at repsonses.......... :twisted:

24 Mar 2005

Quote by mistress_sassy
hmmm and without causing a big row......... but getting all political..........
Most countries are run by men
Most companies are run by men
Countries fight wars and companies pollute the earth
Hmmm if women were in charge I'm surewe would talk about the problem first not start a fight!
And to finish...........
What do Hiltler, Idi Armin, Pol Pot, George Bush, saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Ladin, all have in common........hmmm yep youve got it....they're all men!
Runs away to take cover and laugh at repsonses.......... :twisted:

Yep, and they do say behind all successful men is a woman. So does this mean that each of those named are really acting on orders from their other half? :lol: