i have to say im surprised at the initial reaction of you lot to the origional post....
its obvious to me that that Buster and Mrs Buster aren't that experienced in these matters..... ho hum... i guess that's the forum for ya...... tho im not sure theyre gonna be (bare)back !!!!
Anyhow id like to give my 2penneth on this "losing the erection" when using condoms thing... ive had this happen... but only when using Durex condoms.... theyre just too tight... i prefer to use Mates instead... i think this is the reason. Its a double edged sword really as people might tend to pick Durex because theyre well known (and therefore potentially ) reliable.. but then turn out to be unuseable.
The funny thing is the fact that some women will insist on a condom for sex.. but not for oral sex... i have to say that this is very id prefer to wear one for both.... but it is a litttle difficult to stop and start once said lady has pinned you down and started without one.
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The etiquett of bareback
Quote by DeeCee
The funny thing is the fact that some women will insist on a condom for sex.. but not for oral sex... i have to say that this is very id prefer to wear one for both.... but it is a litttle difficult to stop and start once said lady has pinned you down and started without one.
It is about levels of risk - do you use oral protection when you tongue your female companions?
IMHO anyone wishing to have sex outside of a LTR should be made to use a condom by law! If you have unprotected sex you're also having sex with everyone they've had unprotected sex with.
Apart from that, what would you do if you ended up with the CSA knocking on your door for the next 18 years
I think I've probably plagerised those points from a past thread but that doesn't make them any less valid.
Apart from that, what would you do if you ended up with the CSA knocking on your door for the next 18 years
I think I've probably plagerised those points from a past thread but that doesn't make them any less valid.
Quote by PoloLady
The funny thing is the fact that some women will insist on a condom for sex.. but not for oral sex... i have to say that this is very id prefer to wear one for both.... but it is a litttle difficult to stop and start once said lady has pinned you down and started without one.
It is about levels of risk - do you use oral protection when you tongue your female companions?
Funny you should ask Polo, I remember a thread a while back (a looong while) where people were berating someone who wanted to use protection for oral sex and saying they would not meet anyone who was so 'hung up'... Does not change the basics of not wanting sex without a condom which I agree is far too risky, I know the risks are lower orally but they are there...
Take a MMF scenario, guy comes in ladies mouth and you get a BJ without are you not risking catching something? Or get a facial and get sperm (or other juices) in your eyes... fast route to the bloodstream which is why dentists wear eyeshields.
There are also people who are allergic to the latex in condoms, or the lubes. There are alternatives out there but some people will always chose not to use them and just like the people who said they would not swing with someone who wanted a condom for oral, there will be couples who wont swing if you want a condom at all...
Last point would like to add I am another male who 'can' lose erections in condoms; which the wife and I sometimes use to avoid mess. Will have to try mates, thanks for the tip DeeCee
Both the wife and I agree that condoms lose some of the moment, but if the atmosphere is right you can get past that. Special note to anyone playing away (male or female) without protection, you are juggling not only with your life but your partners... if that does not make you cover up then you dont deserve a relationship... Sorry but that the real bug bear with me, juggle with your life, heck its yours... just dont risk anyone else in the process.
I was speaking to a female S.H. member on MSN a while back. From what I know of her she has a LOT of partners, often more than one a night and I believe has the odd gangbang too.
We were discussing the recent shag she'd just got back from and she mentioned she was dripping with cum. I asked her if she barebacked with all the guys she meets and while she said not all of them, she said that she does ask the guys she meets when the last time they had sex was. Now assuming they were all being honest I was still shocked about how casual that comment was - particularly in light of how many partners she's had.
Now I'm not a big fan of condoms myself; not because of the 'lack of sensation' myth but mostly because of the interruption of finding it, opening it, checking it's the right way round, putting it on and finding it's not the right way round, finding another... well you get the picture - but I'd much rather wear one than risk catching something while my partner is saying "well it'll probably be okay".
H.
We were discussing the recent shag she'd just got back from and she mentioned she was dripping with cum. I asked her if she barebacked with all the guys she meets and while she said not all of them, she said that she does ask the guys she meets when the last time they had sex was. Now assuming they were all being honest I was still shocked about how casual that comment was - particularly in light of how many partners she's had.
Now I'm not a big fan of condoms myself; not because of the 'lack of sensation' myth but mostly because of the interruption of finding it, opening it, checking it's the right way round, putting it on and finding it's not the right way round, finding another... well you get the picture - but I'd much rather wear one than risk catching something while my partner is saying "well it'll probably be okay".
H.
I ran a post about the effectiveness of condoms within a group sex scenario a while back and am glad to see that this one has not been hijacked by the 'aids is going to kill you if you ever have sex without a rubber' brigade.
Whilst I prefer to use a prophylactic outside my LTR I am not convinced that there is a point to it, especially when there is more than one female involved, as has already been mentioned here. We don't use dental dams, latex gloves, put condoms on dildos or switch protection between partners, usually. I know of some who do the latter, but it's not that common. As soon as you do that then making the guy wear one is pointless. The same is true of the moment an unsheathed dildo is shared between women.
It is not uncommon for women to want bareback, either and I could - if I weren't a gentleman - name a lady who has been VERY vehement in some of these discussions regarding using condoms but was very stroppy when I wanted to use one with her.
It's not really very helpful to make wild threats about guys balls if they so much as suggest wanting to do so, either. No matter what the manufacturers say it doesn't feel the same for us when wearing one, just the same as there are women who don't like the feel of a latex dildo, so it will always be a desirable option to go bareback. Treating someone who wants to with contempt is showing a lack of understanding of others' desires that I find strange on a site dedicated to diversity of sexual practice. (Someone who insists in the face of objections is a different matter.) Again, as mentioned, there are also problems with allergies and getting hold of condoms that are totally hypo-allergenic if required is not always easy.
I guess I'm really saying that there are grey areas - especially in the kind of scenarios in which we find ourselves and we must consider the full implications of STDs and their transmissibility. The penis is not, despite what some would seem to believe, the only carrier of infection. Your fingers, your mouth and your toys are all as likely and unless you're protecting them all and changing the protection between every participant then you're just throwing stones inside the greenhouse when you're contemptuous of someone who wants to go bareback.
Whilst I prefer to use a prophylactic outside my LTR I am not convinced that there is a point to it, especially when there is more than one female involved, as has already been mentioned here. We don't use dental dams, latex gloves, put condoms on dildos or switch protection between partners, usually. I know of some who do the latter, but it's not that common. As soon as you do that then making the guy wear one is pointless. The same is true of the moment an unsheathed dildo is shared between women.
It is not uncommon for women to want bareback, either and I could - if I weren't a gentleman - name a lady who has been VERY vehement in some of these discussions regarding using condoms but was very stroppy when I wanted to use one with her.
It's not really very helpful to make wild threats about guys balls if they so much as suggest wanting to do so, either. No matter what the manufacturers say it doesn't feel the same for us when wearing one, just the same as there are women who don't like the feel of a latex dildo, so it will always be a desirable option to go bareback. Treating someone who wants to with contempt is showing a lack of understanding of others' desires that I find strange on a site dedicated to diversity of sexual practice. (Someone who insists in the face of objections is a different matter.) Again, as mentioned, there are also problems with allergies and getting hold of condoms that are totally hypo-allergenic if required is not always easy.
I guess I'm really saying that there are grey areas - especially in the kind of scenarios in which we find ourselves and we must consider the full implications of STDs and their transmissibility. The penis is not, despite what some would seem to believe, the only carrier of infection. Your fingers, your mouth and your toys are all as likely and unless you're protecting them all and changing the protection between every participant then you're just throwing stones inside the greenhouse when you're contemptuous of someone who wants to go bareback.
Quote by tallnhairy
Special note to anyone playing away (male or female) without protection, you are juggling not only with your life but your partners... if that does not make you cover up then you dont deserve a relationship... Sorry but that the real bug bear with me, juggle with your life, heck its yours... just dont risk anyone else in the process.
Nicely put, my man, nicely put.
Bustermarine, get your act together man. The bottom line about all this is that it only takes things to go wrong ONCE and your life is changed forever. Don't risk fucking it up - for you or anyone else!
And, yes, it really is that simple.
Targaid, you make some valid points but your conclusions are all wrong. There are NO grey areas - all of these are infection risks. Once you are infected, it's not a matter of "grey areas" it suddenly becomes VERY black and white!
No. There is ALWAYS a point to it. Group sex may indeed present issues over and above one-on-one action but the risks are also that much greater: it only takes one infected individual in the group and, potentially, ALL those involved (and their current partners (LTR or not!) or subsequent partners) are at risk. Frankly, that's just IRRESPONSIBLE.
Yes, I agree, there are plenty more vectors for STDs than just penetrative intercourse. All this means is that ALL of the routes you mention are potential sources of infection - but is that a reason to say "Ah, fuck it - if that's the case then it doesn't matter"...?!
This is not, by the way, an HIV diatribe - yes, it's not something you'd want to catch, but it's not the only nasty out there. Hepatitis B virus, for example, is can be equally lethal and is a much more resiliant organism. To simply say "ah, well, I can't use protection in all eventualities 'cos it's too much hassle, therefore I won't bother at all" is tantamount to playing Russian roulette.
Whilst I prefer to use a prophylactic outside my LTR I am not convinced that there is a point to it
No. There is ALWAYS a point to it. Group sex may indeed present issues over and above one-on-one action but the risks are also that much greater: it only takes one infected individual in the group and, potentially, ALL those involved (and their current partners (LTR or not!) or subsequent partners) are at risk. Frankly, that's just IRRESPONSIBLE.
Yes, I agree, there are plenty more vectors for STDs than just penetrative intercourse. All this means is that ALL of the routes you mention are potential sources of infection - but is that a reason to say "Ah, fuck it - if that's the case then it doesn't matter"...?!
This is not, by the way, an HIV diatribe - yes, it's not something you'd want to catch, but it's not the only nasty out there. Hepatitis B virus, for example, is can be equally lethal and is a much more resiliant organism. To simply say "ah, well, I can't use protection in all eventualities 'cos it's too much hassle, therefore I won't bother at all" is tantamount to playing Russian roulette.
Sex God
Quote by essex34m
Can ya tell I can't sleep ... my name is all over the damn threads !!!!
had noticed, i have to be up in less than 6hrs, to get myself sorted, and off to a munch where i really wont know where to look, so many lovely sights
Just look at the bloody shoes, you pervert
(and say hi to the usual freaks for me
have a good one mate) Quote by meat2pleaseu
Can ya tell I can't sleep ... my name is all over the damn threads !!!!
had noticed, i have to be up in less than 6hrs, to get myself sorted, and off to a munch where i really wont know where to look, so many lovely sights
Just look at the bloody shoes, you pervert
(and say hi to the usual freaks for me
have a good one mate)boots actually, shoes is goose's forte
and i will say hi to the usuals, shame you couldnt be there, hope to see you at one soon
I nearly started a thread on this myself. Went to a club a few weeks ago and never saw one condom used. I kept my clothes on, found it was a real turn-off.
It isn't just AIDS I don't want to get, there are lots of other 'nasties' out there to catch.
It does help that I'm not on the pill anymore. I'm mid-40's so can still get pregnant, that usually helps change guys minds. To be honest, I've found that most guys are fine with my request, even the ones that have had the snip.
I give blood regularly too, I would be mortified to think I had risked vulnerable people's lives too.
Always carry condoms with me, got at least one in every bag.... just in case the urge takes me.......
It isn't just AIDS I don't want to get, there are lots of other 'nasties' out there to catch.
It does help that I'm not on the pill anymore. I'm mid-40's so can still get pregnant, that usually helps change guys minds. To be honest, I've found that most guys are fine with my request, even the ones that have had the snip.
I give blood regularly too, I would be mortified to think I had risked vulnerable people's lives too.
Always carry condoms with me, got at least one in every bag.... just in case the urge takes me.......
We value life to much to start playing Russian roulette !
The only people we go bare back with is each other, we always say "is a leg over for a couple of hours really worth your life?"
And we know this may sound daft but if we see someone reply to our adds that even suggests that there happy to go bareback then we wouldn't meet.
Also.. as DeeCee mentioned it, Shaz won't give a guy a blow job unless he has a condom on, more because she don't feel comfortable doing it without, she has never had no complaints and quite a few of the guys have asked her to stop or they would get there to soon!
And no! she don't use a dental dam when giving females oral
We made a post about Sharon wanting the guy to have a condom on before a blow job a longggg while ago and yes, most others didn't agree..
In all the people we have met, couples and singles, they have never had a problem with it, we are all unique and all have our own little ways.. this one is ours, it its not liked then no problem, find someone else lol
Wearing a condom on before a blow job has its good's as well as bads..
Once the condom is on then a blow job can lead straight to sex without need to put one on.. it can go straight back to oral after a bit of penitration to without having to take it of first! so once its on you can forget having to worry about it again ( unless the guys cums of course )
Tony
The only people we go bare back with is each other, we always say "is a leg over for a couple of hours really worth your life?"
And we know this may sound daft but if we see someone reply to our adds that even suggests that there happy to go bareback then we wouldn't meet.
Also.. as DeeCee mentioned it, Shaz won't give a guy a blow job unless he has a condom on, more because she don't feel comfortable doing it without, she has never had no complaints and quite a few of the guys have asked her to stop or they would get there to soon!
And no! she don't use a dental dam when giving females oral
Quote by tallnhairy
Funny you should ask Polo, I remember a thread a while back (a looong while) where people were berating someone who wanted to use protection for oral sex and saying they would not meet anyone who was so 'hung up'.
We made a post about Sharon wanting the guy to have a condom on before a blow job a longggg while ago and yes, most others didn't agree..
In all the people we have met, couples and singles, they have never had a problem with it, we are all unique and all have our own little ways.. this one is ours, it its not liked then no problem, find someone else lol
Wearing a condom on before a blow job has its good's as well as bads..
Once the condom is on then a blow job can lead straight to sex without need to put one on.. it can go straight back to oral after a bit of penitration to without having to take it of first! so once its on you can forget having to worry about it again ( unless the guys cums of course )
Tony
Quote by PoloLady
The funny thing is the fact that some women will insist on a condom for sex.. but not for oral sex... i have to say that this is very id prefer to wear one for both.... but it is a litttle difficult to stop and start once said lady has pinned you down and started without one.
It is about levels of risk - do you use oral protection when you tongue your female companions?
to be honest .... i dont do alot of tongueing (very rare infact) ......loads of kissing , yes... loads...but not oral sex. ive never been keen on doing it.
i much prefer to use my hands .... and im told that i have good hands so id prefer to do what i know im good at......
Quote by targaid
Whilst I prefer to use a prophylactic outside my LTR I am not convinced that there is a point to it, especially when there is more than one female involved, as has already been mentioned here. We don't use dental dams, latex gloves, put condoms on dildos or switch protection between partners, usually. I know of some who do the latter, but it's not that common. As soon as you do that then making the guy wear one is pointless. The same is true of the moment an unsheathed dildo is shared between women.
Even though some people see these threads as a bit of a beating for some poor sod or a 'preach how everyone should live' type thing... they do have there uses once the debate starts.
I picked out one point from above:
I'll put my hand up.... until some point a year or so ago, when I saw a friend of mine sheathing a dildo, I had never thought of it.
When I first started dipping my toe in the scene, I was to some degree ignorant (and if I am totally honest it was not through not knowing anything about STI's and the like - it was through not thinking enough about what I already knew, finding out more and applying it to the new scenarios I was involving myself in). This may seem strange as I have been going for regular MOT checks at the GU since my early 20's - whilst their advice is good they don't often talk about group sex and swinging scenarios as a general rule.
I am glad to say it didn't take long for things to change. I look back and think how fortunate I had been to have met so many people who did think about safety, who talked about safety and quite rightly ask questions of me about what I would do.
We live and learn - if we are fortunate we learn through debate, talking, reading and observing... rather than outcomes.
Quote by PoloLady
Whilst I prefer to use a prophylactic outside my LTR I am not convinced that there is a point to it, especially when there is more than one female involved, as has already been mentioned here. We don't use dental dams, latex gloves, put condoms on dildos or switch protection between partners, usually. I know of some who do the latter, but it's not that common. As soon as you do that then making the guy wear one is pointless. The same is true of the moment an unsheathed dildo is shared between women.
Even though some people see these threads as a bit of a beating for some poor sod or a 'preach how everyone should live' type thing... they do have there uses once the debate starts.
I picked out one point from above:
I'll put my hand up.... until some point a year or so ago, when I saw a friend of mine sheathing a dildo, I had never thought of it.
When I first started dipping my toe in the scene, I was to some degree ignorant (and if I am totally honest it was not through not knowing anything about STI's and the like - it was through not thinking enough about what I already knew, finding out more and applying it to the new scenarios I was involving myself in). This may seem strange as I have been going for regular MOT checks at the GU since my early 20's - whilst their advice is good they don't often talk about group sex and swinging scenarios as a general rule.
I am glad to say it didn't take long for things to change. I look back and think how fortunate I had been to have met so many people who did think about safety, who talked about safety and quite rightly ask questions of me about what I would do.
We live and learn - if we are fortunate we learn through debate, talking, reading and observing... rather than outcomes.
Cracking post Pololady :thumbup:
Cx
I really wonder quite how representative those of us who insist on condoms are, particularly when I read the swingers stories on this site and others....there is hardly ever a mention of a condom, in fact many make a big play of the fact that they are having sex bareback....of course it could all be made up but I suspect not.
Quote by PoloLady
Whilst I prefer to use a prophylactic outside my LTR I am not convinced that there is a point to it, especially when there is more than one female involved, as has already been mentioned here. We don't use dental dams, latex gloves, put condoms on dildos or switch protection between partners, usually. I know of some who do the latter, but it's not that common. As soon as you do that then making the guy wear one is pointless. The same is true of the moment an unsheathed dildo is shared between women.
Even though some people see these threads as a bit of a beating for some poor sod or a 'preach how everyone should live' type thing... they do have there uses once the debate starts.
I picked out one point from above:
I'll put my hand up.... until some point a year or so ago, when I saw a friend of mine sheathing a dildo, I had never thought of it.
I have always used condoms on my 'sex toys' when playing with other people, if I'm not happy going down on a woman without protection, why on earth would I share a dildo with her?
I care about my own health and I also care about the health of my partner. Other people can choose to do what they like, it's their life, but they are not risking mine.
I d like to thank everybody that replied to my post,it has been v your new to this scene like myself and my wife its very difficult to know whats right and whats wrong,sometimes i feel the more experienced players put pressure on us newbies because we dont always know the glad to say that we have never felt under pressure enough where our opinions and our use of condoms have been rejected.
I started the post because a couple that we met on the ads insisted that if we were to go any further then bareback was gonna be the only she was well nice on the eyes ,but not that nice for us to risk our health,so we reponse was that it was our loss because she was a" dirty little cum lovin slut".Charming.
If you play with fire one day you WILL get burnt.
Again thank you everyone.
I started the post because a couple that we met on the ads insisted that if we were to go any further then bareback was gonna be the only she was well nice on the eyes ,but not that nice for us to risk our health,so we reponse was that it was our loss because she was a" dirty little cum lovin slut".Charming.
If you play with fire one day you WILL get burnt.
Again thank you everyone.
Master of Sex
Quote by essex34m
Can ya tell I can't sleep ... my name is all over the damn threads !!!!
had noticed, i have to be up in less than 6hrs, to get myself sorted, and off to a munch where i really wont know where to look, so many lovely sights
Just look at the bloody shoes, you pervert
(and say hi to the usual freaks for me
have a good one mate)boots actually, shoes is goose's forte
It's nice to see that you each have your own niche. :silly:
Quote by DeeCee
..."losing the erection" when using condoms thing... ive had this happen... but only when using Durex condoms.... theyre just too tight... i prefer to use Mates instead...
I have exactly the opposite experience, I dont get on with Mates at all, but have no problems with Durex. I suggest if anyone reading suffers from this issue, shop around a bit until you find a brand that fits rather than giving up and potentially regretting it for the reat of your shortened life.
Quote by Mister_Discreet
Your fingers, your mouth and your toys are all as likely...
This is NOT true. Infection rates vary wildly for different sexual practices. Are we really still in the dark ages of AIDS when people thought you could catch it by shaking hands?
I wouldn't say it's NOT true, but it isn't totally accurate. Your fingers, toys and mouth are likely to transmitt infections, some infections more readily than others. For example it is possible to get an the eye infection trachoma (one of the leading causes of blindness in the world) from Chlamydia trachomatis, Neissaria gonorrhoeae can also cause conjuntivitis as well as a throat infection. Some sexual practices carry a higher risk than others, for instance there is a greater likleyhood of catching HIV via anal with an infected partner than vaginal sex. This is due to the anal walls being thin and prone to small tears with penetration. The risk from oral sex is smaller, but the risk is increased if you have cuts on your gums, which is why sexual health practioners advise that you shouldn't clean your teeth immediatley before proforming oral sex.
Myself and my partner don't use condoms between ourselves - but we both did attend the GUM for a check up at the start of our relationship and before we stopped using condoms. We always use condoms whilst swinging (although admittedly not usually with oral sex - as having extensive knowledge of microbiology I'm happy that providing existing throat infections or other oral problems are not in existence then the risks are relativley small), I would however, always shealth a dildo. Having the clinical knowledge also allows me to make a discreet visual inspection when playing with others, (often subconciously) looking for rashes, warts, unusual discharge and tell-tale odours.
Again I'll give as a good resource on STI's, modes of transmission and UK epidemiological data regarding infection rates.
Les x
