The Perfect introductory letter

HI All.

This may seem a foolish post and feel free to ignore it but I have realized that I have a problem and this seems the best place to air it.

As soon as I try to write a message to a couple I have a massive attack of nerves and shyness and end up deleting the thing.

Its not rational or sensible but it happens.

For instance.

I read the advert/profile and they are looking for someone with an Adonis like body ( check ), ability to breath through my ears (check),  elite massage skills ( check ), perfect positioning in the age range (check) ( OK overdoing it there but you get the jist).

I may look at the pictures and go "wow they look like a really good couple to hang out with!"

And then I start to write " hey, I'm me, you look like you are looking for xyz which is me" and then in my head there is a voice shouting " For heavens sake chap, you are asking to Boink another mans wife. What do you think you are doing - can't you see that they are madly in love and you are a pathetic worm and what drivel are you writing"

and I sort of go arrgh and delete the whole thing, and go and bury myself in a book or play some music or something.

I don't get the same feeling when chatting in a chat room and I will chat with anybody. I don't get the same feeling when messaging a lady. In fact no where else in my life do I get this massive attack of shyness.

So how should I send a message to a couple.

If you were a couple wishing invite a man into your boudoir what would you want to see in the introductory missive.

What sort of things would cause you to look favourably at it rather than going " Oh god, not another drivel spouting Muppet!"

I know that if you were another "single" chap on here you may be inclined to say " Hey dude, give up hassling the fairer sex and go back to writing stories so that there are better odds for me" but that is not the sort of answer that I am looking for. ( Oh a cream bun to the first single male who posts that as a reply ).

Anyway If you have read this far well done and I hope that I will be swamped by tons of fantastic advice - and if I'm not then I have a stack of books to read and music to play.

A

Here is a strange thing, in the above posting you say you don't know what to write when contacting a couple, yet in your profile (copied below) you say "The wife is prompting me in what to write and who to contact" so which is it ?

Or is it just a "look at me post"

I am a 28 and a bit ( 19 years is a bit ) year old male, muscular and not yet run to seed with shoulder length blond hair and a generally happy disposition to life. I am married and still after 18yrs madly in love with my wife whom I do not want to hurt in any way. We also have 3 kids who are the light (and frustration) of our lives and so I will not do anything to cause them pain ( The wife is prompting me in what to write and who to contact and enjoys reading your profiles. The kids ( I Hope ) know nothing about this ). I have a huge sense of humour, a moderate intellect, a love of life, wide ranging interests, an adoration of books, admire those who can draw or take great photographs (not in my skillset) , enjoy outdoor pursuits and hate going to the gym.

I would love to be able to chat and flirt with a lady and stimulate the most important erogenous zone of all (the mind in case anyone didn't know).

If we click and get on on line I would love to meet up and see where we get to.

I love the idea of seduction. The first image that I want in my mind is alluring, enticing and intriguing as anything more graphic is for later.

Physically I like sensual, I love massage - a skill that I am still learning, I love to touch and stroke. I love to kiss and taste and tease.

Mutual respect is important to me. I don't do bondage or domination.

Have I lost you yet? No? oh read on then.

If you are a couple I would need to meet both of you and would have to be comfortable with you and have you comfortable with me.

I am not interested in just rocking up somewhere , going hey you sexy thing and jumping straight into bed – I am afraid that it is just not me. Nor am I likely to send you cock pictures as 1, I am rubbish at taking pictures and 2, willies out of context are just funny.

An interesting articulate person with intelligence, amazing smile and the ability to tease and entice would be fantastic to meet. A healthy body a bonus. Lets be honest the right smile can be sexier than a supermodel wearing the most amazing lingerie.

Send me a message and I will reply. Want to send me a message but can't then either comment on my photo or send me a wink or a like and I will message you back.

I am happy to chat with anyone - even if we don't ever meet. 

Also I would love to have the most alluring and interesting profile ever in the world so feel free to tell me what I could do to improve this.

So some house rules as it were.

No cheats. Cheating without your partners permission / consent is a total no no for me. Its a betrayal of trust that I can not be party to. I am happy to chat but not to cheat. ( update - If you have, do or will cheat it is as it were your affair. I do not and will not judge you on this. It just can't be with me )

If we meet with consent then it is not cheating.

Single ladies. - if you are from Sheffield then I cannot meet you – no matter how prefect a match we are. This is one of the promises that I have made my wife.

Couples from Sheffield she has less of a problem with as those who play together are usually going to stay together.

No single men – not my bag. I am not Bi nor Bi curious.

No Dick Pics – they are just wrong

If you have read to this point then I thank you. If you are interested at all then drop me a message or if you only have limited messages send me a wink or a like and I will to get back to you. I can send messages and will reply to all.

I would like facial images but until we start the journey down the rabbit hole I can cope.

HI Geordiecpl. 

You are absolutely correct to point that out. An oversight on my part as I have not really looked at my profile text in a goodly few months. When I first joined the wife was indeed prompting me with what to write as I was predominantly trying to speak to single women. After the first few weeks her involvement  declined to asking more about how it is going though she still occasionally looks at things.

Unfortunately as she has no experience of approaching couples her help has been limited (predominantly to saying be yourself) and doesn't explain the attack of nerves.

When I wrote that post above the other day it really wasn't intended to be a "look at me" post ( except in the I could do with some advise sort of way) but now you have mentioned it I have re-read it and it could really be looked at that way couldn't it.

the first lesson from this is for me to keep my profile more up to date.

the second is that I write too much.

Thanks for having taken the time to read the post and then plow through the profile though and then take me ( quite gently I thought) to task over it. Even though I may have been exposed as a fool I actually really appreciate it.

Now to re-edit the profile

A

Is your wife not interested in playing then ?    We presume you have asked her to play or visit a club with you ?

We have played together which has led to her having her own external interests - which she pursues with my blessing. This is part of why I am allowed to play solo. She has never expressed an interest in going and visiting a club even though we have La Chambre almost on the doorstep. 

The problem you have that this site is full of guys who claim they're part of a couple but have permission to play alone.  It's not that convincing...

Alas this is very true. And while in my case it is true it is also very hard to verify within the first contact or even on my profile. Mind you I would rather be honest and face outright rejection, than create a couple's profile to create a false illusion .

The trouble is that raising the issue of your partner and her 'permission' creates doubts. We don't mind meeting married'attached guys but we do like to be told the truth and I think your biggest problem is that many women/couples here just won't believe you so to that extent your opening message is almost irrelevant.

I'd love to be able to disagree with anything that you have said but I can't. The more profiles that I read that state no single men, no winks etc make me feel that more than a few couples have had issues with men, both single and not so single that I am amazed that I have spoken to anyone. 

Thank you for reading this and for taking the time to reply. I do appreciate it.

Quote by Aiden47
I'd love to be able to disagree with anything that you have said but I can't. The more profiles that I read that state no single men, no winks etc make me feel that more than a few couples have had issues with men, both single and not so single that I am amazed that I have spoken to anyone. 
Thank you for reading this and for taking the time to reply. I do appreciate it.

As I've explained, we're not unique here and are happy to meet single or married/attached guys. All we ask for is honesty and we rely on our judgement to differentiate between that and the BS many guys choose to post. Just be honest about your situation (whatever that is) but be prepared to wait for the right person(s) to come along.   In our experience it's exceptionally rare for a female to give her other half a free pass to sleep around but it's not impossible. Therein lies your problem.

Hi. I cant speak for everyone but I do shy away from from a guy given "permission to play alone" If i did want to meet them id ask to speak to other half first just to confirm it via cam or vid call. Thats why i wouldnt bother as almost too much hassle.

hi I don't suppose there's anybody going on a cruise of the Greek islands with the  Marcella celebration from the 19th Sept for a week 

Quote by 029a
hi I don't suppose there's anybody going on a cruise of the Greek islands with the  Marcella celebration from the 19th Sept for a week 

 Well that’s on topic. 

Quote by Kodos

Quote by 029a
hi I don't suppose there's anybody going on a cruise of the Greek islands with the  Marcella celebration from the 19th Sept for a week 

 Well that’s on topic. 

 Does anyone here grow tomatoes??  

Quote by osemlover

Quote by Aiden47
I'd love to be able to disagree with anything that you have said but I can't. The more profiles that I read that state no single men, no winks etc make me feel that more than a few couples have had issues with men, both single and not so single that I am amazed that I have spoken to anyone. 
Thank you for reading this and for taking the time to reply. I do appreciate it.

As I've explained, we're not unique here and are happy to meet single or married/attached guys. All we ask for is honesty and we rely on our judgement to differentiate between that and the BS many guys choose to post. Just be honest about your situation (whatever that is) but be prepared to wait for the right person(s) to come along.   In our experience it's exceptionally rare for a female to give her other half a free pass to sleep around but it's not impossible. Therein lies your problem.

This is an interesting issue in swinging, we've found couples rarely challenge an attached female playing alone (although we haven't come across any ourselves at all there must be some) but single guys do get challenged alot. Maybe it's because unicorns are so rare, I've seen rather heated posts before suggesting people ignore their own morals to meet a woman which I suppose could be true in some respects. 

My suggestion to the OP would be if your partner plays alone too then make a joint profile get verified as such, and mention on that profile you're allowed to play alone and link to your single profile. That way it'll be a brand new verification of a couples profile so at least people have some idea that your wife knows your on here and asking to play alone? That said 80% of swinging does seem to be the luck associated with finding the right people at the right time and in the right circumstances clubs seem to be best. I wish you the best of luck!

Quote by Snuffles87

Quote by osemlover

Quote by Aiden47
I'd love to be able to disagree with anything that you have said but I can't. The more profiles that I read that state no single men, no winks etc make me feel that more than a few couples have had issues with men, both single and not so single that I am amazed that I have spoken to anyone. 
Thank you for reading this and for taking the time to reply. I do appreciate it.

As I've explained, we're not unique here and are happy to meet single or married/attached guys. All we ask for is honesty and we rely on our judgement to differentiate between that and the BS many guys choose to post. Just be honest about your situation (whatever that is) but be prepared to wait for the right person(s) to come along.   In our experience it's exceptionally rare for a female to give her other half a free pass to sleep around but it's not impossible. Therein lies your problem.

This is an interesting issue in swinging, we've found couples rarely challenge an attached female playing alone (although we haven't come across any ourselves at all there must be some) but single guys do get challenged alot. Maybe it's because unicorns are so rare, I've seen rather heated posts before suggesting people ignore their own morals to meet a woman which I suppose could be true in some respects. 



My suggestion to the OP would be if your partner plays alone too then make a joint profile get verified as such, and mention on that profile you're allowed to play alone and link to your single profile. That way it'll be a brand new verification of a couples profile so at least people have some idea that your wife knows your on here and asking to play alone? That said 80% of swinging does seem to be the luck associated with finding the right people at the right time and in the right circumstances clubs seem to be best. I wish you the best of luck!

Guys get challenged a lot because, there are so many of them and many aren't what they seem.  Sadly that does create issues for the genuine guys here but we've met some so a) we know they're there and b) they can be sure that if they try hard enough there are couples out there who'd like to meet them.

I suppose it's the reverse of dating sites which are flooded with fake female profiles or girls that are indeed girls but are scammers. Maybe guys come here to even out the swinger/dating site misuse balance ?

Quote by Snuffles87
I suppose it's the reverse of dating sites which are flooded with fake female profiles or girls that are indeed girls but are scammers. Maybe guys come here to even out the swinger/dating site misuse balance ?

In our experience there are a lot of married guys here either posing as singles or claiming they have permission from their wives. Of course there's lots of pure and simple randy single guys here wanting to add notches to their bedposts and that's fine if that's what you're looking for.